#relationship success

[cutebutstillsingle]

Some people lack the maturity and awareness to realize that actions speak louder than words in a romantic relationship

unknown

[soulmates-twinflames]

Communication is key. Two people can be in the same relationship but see it two different ways.

www.relationshipsreality.com

Art: Nityam Singha Roy

[massistocchifontana]

Fluffy Pyjamas: Turn on or Turn off

Fluffy Pyjamas: Turn on or Turn off

I love hosting a men's group. In many ways I wish I had started this process years ago, not only because it is such a healing space for the men involved, but for me too. I've come to truly understand the importance of being in a masculine space with men who are evolving, holding each-other accountable and trying to be as authentic as we can be regardless of how painful the disclosure can be.

 My speciality being relationships, sexuality and couples always raises some interesting questions and reflections. One of which was the topic of fluffy pyjamas. I giggle because the visual for men and women is something important and the association we make with our partner wearing fluffy pyjamas is not necessarily one that brings with it a heightened level of sexuality or one where it is aimed at enticing us to engage sexually.

 While listening and reflecting on myself, I have to admit that I have always been curious with the naked form so being naked is a real love of mine. The embracing of ones nudity is really a reflection of my belief that we are all naked behind our clothes and we are always meeting someone else's sex before anything, so what difference do clothes have on stimulating ones sexual appetite.

 The visuals we desire in our partner fall into the fetish space, where fetish is seen as "a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc". This is where many of us loose ourselves in being too focused on the gratification we crave from the arousal that is triggered in us when we take in our fetish. So if we haven't been triggered or stimulated by that particular fetish then we detach ourselves from the eroticisation of our partner and numb out.

 What if I said to you that you could be in a constant state of arousal if you wanted to?

 This probably wouldn’t make a lot of sense to many people especially when you bring in concepts like crygasms. What I mean here is that the individual completely breaks down into tears after having had an orgasm. The initial response of most is I don’t want my partner to be crying during their orgasm, because we associate crying with pain rather than joy.

 This once scenario could literally trigger an emotional shutting down in the other when this is experienced. But lets say that every single time you have sex with your partner you are met with the same crygasms. Can you eroticise this experience to such an extent that it actually arouses you more during the experience so crying is not seen as a numbing out process but instead one of eroticism?

 There are so many examples of how we can condition ourselves into a state of arousal but this does take a bit of work. When you're thinking about your partner in fluffy pyjamas, are you now seeing just the fluffy pyjamas or are you seeing the naked person behind the fluffy pyjamas?

 The eroticisation of the individual is where the sweet spot is. The essence of the person needs to be the driving force behind stimulating your arousal and one step even before this is that we need to be in charge of our arousal and ensure that this is not so cemented into one means of arousal. We need to learn how to be sexually fluid in how we are aroused.

 I always steer my clients to read erotic literature. We constantly condition the visual, but yet we fail at conditioning the auditory and kinaesthetic components to our receptivity in the world. It seems that the visual leads to the kinaesthetic, rather than shutting our eyes and experiencing the kinaesthetic on its own, this is why we can become so dependant on physical sensation to arouse us. When we read erotic literature, yes you're reading, but read it out loud and stimulate the auditory in the same way your auditory would be stimulated if you were having a naughty conversation over the phone.

 It was an amazing time growing up without mobile phones, where we had to get creative and have phone sex, or find other means of experiencing arousal. In many respects imagination was probably one of the most important methodologies in sparking arousal because we had to fantasise and dream about the other person and how we were going to actually experience intimacy. So in other words imagination is central in evoking an arousal response of which we can direct and apply to our partner or simply use the beautiful energy that comes from arousal to steer it into a creative space. This chargedness is readily abundant but we need to learn how to harness this as part of our skillset.

 So my challenge to everyone is this: truly observe where you place yourself in the categories of visual, auditory or kinaesthetic. Understand that an over familiarity with one will potentially lead to a deficit in the other, whereby we should be aiming for more of a healthy balance between all three positions, or refining it such an extent that all three have equal value in our arousal process.

 Not only does this help in creating sexual experiences when for many fluffy pyjamas would just be a deterrent, but instead being able to look past the exterior and be truly aroused by our partner so that the place for fluffy pyjamas is on the floor while you're enjoying the lusciousness of the nakedness of your partner dancing in the most beautiful act.

[cutebutstillsingle]

This has been a mistake I’ve definitely made, and which my ex made. This misguided, cut-throat, perfect-or-else mentality may put people at risk to throw away perfectly wonderful relationships.  

You *must* develop a tolerance for a certain level of imperfection, challenges, problems, disagreement, and less-than-ideal situations when you date.  Because every healthy, normal, long-lasting relationship is full of them.  There is no such thing as a long-term anything that doesn’t include imperfect situations, compromising, or problems. You just shouldn’t be *harming* each other.  That’s the difference. No one ever said relationships were easy to be in. They should ideally be more good than bad, and they should not involve undue harm.  But yes. Yes, they’ll involve a lot of imperfection and problems the two of you have to learn to figure out.  From girlfriend to the end.  So it’s best to go into it understanding that’s how it works. 

[massistocchifontana]

What can I do for you that I don’t do now?

What can I do for you that I don’t do now?

I love the beauty of linguistics. The more we master our own language the more able we become in expressing artistically our inner world for the outer world to hear, see and understand. This is a process that takes many years to master and I urge everyone to try enhance their linguistic ability even if solely for the purposes of aiding others in hearing you. 

The problem with language is that we get caught up in our own dialectical and although we are consistently trying to relate the dialectic to the other person in communication with us, there is always the chance that we are being misunderstood. The reason for this is that we really speak in dialects because we are constantly in the process of interpreting what a word means for us from a largely subjective point of view. 

 This creates dilemmas at various points when we try and communicate and relate with another person. The reality is that the other is trying to understand your dialectical through their experience, their perception and through their mastery of their own language. In reality it is a recipe for complete misunderstanding.

 The beauty of relationships is that they are often founded on emotions around care and love and compassion and empathy. These emotions all aid in our stickability through the process of trying to hear the other person. These emotions also aid in interpreting their language with a kind eye, ear and heart. This is a position that should always be aimed at being maintained. 

 I often speak about how expectations is a topic that is seldom spoken about in a relationship, because the tone of expectation as a word is quite forceful in sound but very necessary. To dampen the harshness of the word if we come at it with a feeling of hope, the other person on the receiving end of expectation will see it as you being hopeful that you can discuss each other’s expectations.

 In addition to this unless prompted we more than likely have never asked our partner “what can I do for you that I don’t do now?”

 I believe this to be such an important question to ask, not only once in a relationship but at various points throughout the relationship. It is a reflective question not only for our partner but equally for ourselves. It is a check-in type question where we can really ask if how I am being for my partner is enough or are there things that I am overlooking.

 There are always a number of signs that point to misunderstanding and as a baseline within any relationship there needs to be the acknowledgment that if we are arguing it is because something has been misunderstood by one or both parties and there is a equal responsibility for both parties to hold the space for the other until some form of resolution has been experienced. if no resolution has been achieved, then the conversation needs to be revisited again without the common ego response of “not this again” or being dismissive towards the other for needing to bring the topic up again for discussion.

 This goes back to my initial statement that we all speak in dialects and this needs to be respected over the lifetime of the relationship. You are both in a state of constant learning and the moment you acknowledge “I know my partner”, is the moment you are leaning towards stopping the learning.

 Two people in a relationship are always in a state of flux. They are growing continuously but usually at varied speeds. This too has to be respected. Ultimately, if you are getting into a relationship or you find yourself in a relationship you need to accept a very harsh reality and that is relationships take work. They take constant work and it is a continual process of working on yourself in relation to the relationship and working on the relationship in relation to you. 

 So if you have the opportunity of asking these questions do it, because the more engaged and explorative you become with your relationship the more layers of your armour can be peeled back and so goes with your partner too.

 Via Con Dios

     ¿Qué puedo hacer por ti que no hago ahora?

  Me encanta la belleza de la lingüística. Cuanto más dominamos nuestro propio idioma, más capaces de que nos hagamos expresando artísticamente nuestro mundo interno para que el mundo externo escuche, vea y entienda. Este es un proceso que lleva muchos años para dominar y insto a todos a intentar mejorar su capacidad lingüística, incluso si solo para los fines de ayudar a otros al escucharlo.

 El problema con el lenguaje es que nos atrapamos en nuestra propia dialéctica y, aunque estamos tratando de relacionar la dialéctica a la otra persona en comunicación con nosotros, siempre existe la posibilidad de que estemos siendo mal entendidos. La razón de esto es que realmente hablamos en dialectos porque estamos constantemente en el proceso de interpretación de lo que significa una palabra para nosotros desde un punto de vista en gran parte subjetivo.

 Esto crea dilemas en varios puntos cuando intentamos y nos relacionamos y nos relacionamos con otra persona. La realidad es que la otra está tratando de entender su dialéctica a través de su experiencia, su percepción y a través de su dominio de su propio idioma. En realidad es una receta para un completo malentendido.

 La belleza de las relaciones es que a menudo se basan en emociones sobre el cuidado y el amor y la compasión y la empatía. Todas estas emociones ayudan en nuestra admiración a través del proceso de tratar de escuchar a la otra persona. Estas emociones también ayudan a interpretar su lenguaje con un buen ojo, oído y corazón. Esta es una posición que siempre debe estar dirigida a ser mantenida.

 A menudo, hago sobre cómo las expectativas son un tema que rara vez se habla en una relación, porque el tono de expectativa como una palabra es bastante contundente en sonido pero muy necesario. Para humedecer la dureza de la Palabra si llegamos a ello con una sensación de esperanza, la otra persona en el final de la expectativa que recibe, lo verá a medida que tenga la esperanza de que pueda discutir las expectativas de cada uno.

 Además de esto, a menos que nos impondremos más de lo que probablemente nunca le hagamos a nuestro compañero "¿Qué puedo hacer por usted que no hago ahora?"

 Creo que esto es una pregunta tan importante que hacer, no solo una vez en una relación, sino en varios puntos a lo largo de la relación. Es una pregunta reflexiva no solo para nuestro socio sino también por nosotros mismos. Es una pregunta de tipo de check-in en la que realmente podemos preguntarnos si lo que estoy siendo para mi pareja es suficiente o hay cosas que estoy pasando por alto.

 Siempre hay una serie de señales que apuntan a malentendidos y como una línea de base dentro de cualquier relación, debe ser el reconocimiento de que si estamos argumentando, es porque algo ha sido mal entendido por una o ambas partes y existe una responsabilidad igual de ambas partes para mantener el espacio para el otro hasta que se haya experimentado alguna forma de resolución. Si no se ha logrado ninguna resolución, entonces la conversación debe ser revisada nuevamente sin la respuesta común del ego de "no esta otra vez" o destitando a la otra para la necesidad de obtener el tema nuevamente para su discusión.

 Esto se remonta a mi declaración inicial de que todos hablamos en dialectos y esto debe respetarse durante la vida útil de la relación. Ambos están en un estado de aprendizaje constante y en el momento en que usted reconoce "conozco a mi pareja", es el momento en que se está inclinando hacia la detener el aprendizaje.

 Dos personas en una relación están siempre en un estado de flujo. Están creciendo continuamente, pero generalmente en velocidades variadas. Esto también tiene que ser respetado. En última instancia, si se está metiendo en una relación o se encuentra en una relación, debe aceptar una realidad muy dura y que las relaciones tomen el trabajo. Toman trabajo constante y es un proceso continuo de trabajar en relación con la relación y trabajar en la relación en relación con usted.

 Entonces, si tiene la oportunidad de hacer estas preguntas, porque cuanto más comprometido y explorativo se convierte en su relación, las más capas de su armadura se pueden pelar y así también va con su pareja.

 Vía con dios

[massistocchifontana]

Communicating to your partner in their values.

Communicating to your partner in their values.

 Communication breakdown is bound to happen when there is complacency within the two people involved in the relationship. We find ourselves at the beginning stages full of desire to want to connect on a deep and emotional level but we fail to remember that maintaining depth in a relationship takes time, presence, patience and a lot of love.

 Our initial disappointments in a relationship are overlooked and forgiven because we are still full of abundance and this compartmentalisation of these moments of disappointment build and build until it eventually leads us into resentment. 

 If I had it my way, I’d suggest to every new couple and existing couple to go and see a couples therapist from the perspective that we all more than likely haven’t spoken about our expectations and the love that is keeping us together can be strengthened 10 fold if we use this opportunity to grow towards our potentiality.

 We meet someone and see the potential in that person to become a mother or father or husband or wife, but once we have achieved these moments in life it seems that we stop our growth towards our potentiality. We may have common goals and do all the right things which help us tick along in the relationship but do we ever stop and actually question… Am I consciously actualising with my partner or am I going blindly through life maintaining the unconscious stance that most of the population take?

 We fail to forget that in our progression through life we are perfect the way we are. This perfection is progressive in that every environment we encounter will facilitate the growth that we need to constantly move towards a position of reaching our potentiality and actualising. The same can be said about relationships. You have two people in a relationship at exactly the perfect point in their potential. The relationship in of itself will be the container to facilitate the further progression of the relationship and the people in it.

 What happens mostly is that because we stop communicating in the others value system, we become ego centric and instead of making conscious decisions to expand and grow and step towards our potentiality, we stop and look backwards. We stop and look at all the flaws of where I have come from and this in itself triggers the change in the environment. The environment no longer is facilitating growth it may seem on the surface but if we go back to the principle that we are all perfectly actualised in any given moment we can also identify that even in “darker” more troublesome moments we too are in our potentiality and growing. The question is whether we fixate on where we have come from or whether we fixate on recalibrating the relationship and our view of the world.

 It was Schopenhauer who said “"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. 

 The same can be said in relationships where the truth is not only your own but it is enmeshed within two perspectives trying to find a common truth. In the beginning there is an immediate common truth and both parties are subscribed to this truth, but over time both parties begin to separate themselves from this truth a so adjusts the flow of the relationship.

 What will usually occur is that the new truths to which we call problems begin to start changing the shape of the container for both people and this is like a new garden that we have transplanted a flower into. If the PH of the soil is not good enough or its too acidic there will be a direct influence on the potentiality of the plant to grow and flower and give fruit. The same can be said for couples. If there is no consciousness attached to the flow that comes from the various environments we place ourselves into, we cannot expect that the desired results are going to be aligned with what we are after.

 This is where we hold so much power in being able to change the script and narrative in how we navigate relationships. It is here that we need to move away from a cause and affect type relationship but one where we recognise that we are at the perfect point all the time. It is a matter of progression and development and growth. The question is whether you both want to facilitate each others growth or use past experiences to block you from moving forward with your partner you decided to choose to accompany on this journey through life.

 I have a questioning stance on marriage as an institution, but the principle of two people going to war with each other is a immensely powerful position to be in. the problem is we are too quick to go to war against one another and we lose sight of the potentiality we all have. 

[fariahrasha]

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