' is this helping? '
therapy / post-trauma starters [ x ] Accepting ! // @relieity
He couldn’t tell if his draining mental health from the breakdown was what’s begging him to sleep, or the tiredness was coming from his partner messing with his hair while the apprentice decided to use Kokichi’s legs as a pillow and rest his head there. For a brief moment he wondered if he should offer to move, but kept silent instead, thinking that if Kokichi was uncomfortable he would say so and ask him to move himself. A part of him hopes he doesn’t, and the other part of him is calling him a burden for it. He felt safe in this position, feeling Kokichi so close by kept him from falling into another emotional mess.
His eyes stung, but if it was from the crying from earlier or from him pushing his hands against his face with so much force out of an attempt to hide himself away, he wasn’t sure. He knew there was no reason to hide anymore, but old habits die hard. Fear still stuck with him, despite it being easier to let himself open up.
He knows he’s getting better, but certain things haven’t completely gone away. Voices were telling him to fall back into another routine of punishing himself. Saying that he deserved it, that doing it will make him feel a lot better. He’s doing his best to ignore them, and thankfully getting up from this comfortable spot was the last thing he wanted. Even if he had the strength to get up he didn’t have it in it to do it in front of him.
And like a switch the voices died down once he heard one that actually wanted to help him. Eyes involuntary flick up to the source of it, and he takes a moment to process what he had said. His surroundings were still a blur to him but he didn’t want to ignore what he said.
“Y…Yeah, its helping.” He couldn’t bring himself to speak up any louder, but he hoped he was able to hear him. It wasn’t as if he was lying. He had no reason to. “Its just.. I’m still not used to this sort of thing. Having someone close by looking after me.” He pauses to attempt to swallow another lump in his throat. “I’m so used to being alone. Just… dealing with my own problems by myself. I never really had anyone to talk about my problems to. I always thought I’d be bothering people if I did, so I figured I was better off on my own. I thought I was fine with it.” Even when I was punishing myself in the process. Urges start to rise up once more but he forces him back down, his hand moves and nearly grips on one of the other’s arms but stops himself short.
“That’s a little edgy of me to say, isn’t it? Huh.” He attempts to laugh it off, but it comes out airy. There was more he wanted to say, but exhaustion was already taking its toll on him. You won’t leave, right? He asks in his head as if he thought he could read his mind. He didn’t want to be alone anymore, the miracle of the other still sticking by helped, and he wanted to ask if that was still something he would do even after so many months of him whining and having these explosions of emotions. But his eyes had already closed and his body has slightly curled up as he slowly drifted off into a comforted sleep.
