Fucking 12 year old me was sobbing in the middle of the night begging and praying to u to not be gay if it was wrong why didn't u fucking fix her??????

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Fucking 12 year old me was sobbing in the middle of the night begging and praying to u to not be gay if it was wrong why didn't u fucking fix her??????
I can't even vent about this to anyone no one wants to fucking hear me ramble about whether or not god really hates me unless they're a fucking pastor and they'd probably say yes
I swear to fuck the only reason I'm still Christian is because without that there's nothing stopping me from caring about life at all :/
I love them I love them so much what's wrong with that what's fucking wrong with that please just let me love them ;;
Why why why does god fucking hate me for loving my s.o w h y ;;
My mom telling my bro abt bibles stories cuz :p : so the first born of every family is gonna die-
My brain: lol what if that happens again -w-
Me the oldest sibling: >3>;;;;;
Brain: so god is punishing the world rn
Me: no stop >:/
Brain: and Easter is coming up
Me: istg-
Brain: which means the rapture's coming
Me: sTOP-