remain, always
Dearest,
-- everything is different now. they expect more of me, now, and ask what my plans are when the king dies. i did not think this far ahead. you know that i am never one for the games in court. these are not just cards with coins on the table for the taking. i prefer the games played between men wanting nothing but money. they are simple folk, and much more direct. to tell the truth, as i always have with you, the eyes around me do not aid in my sleep. she-who-must-not-be-named does not help. she asks of my dreams, and i cannot bear to tell her that i barely have any. the few i have are of you.
i am always uneasy without you, my darling, my love. those who have lost their arms and legs in war call it a phantom sensation. every parting feels like a cutting. is there a word for this? i apologise again for my writing skills. i am getting better, though, aren’t i?
your book helped me greatly. i read it when i can, though i can tell you all the words and all the poems with my eyes closed. your words, however, will always be my favourite. write back soon; or, rather, visit, if it suits you. would it be fitting for a man such as myself to ask this of you? i do not know anything in this world, which so resembles yours. if i can understand it, then perhaps we will be closer to the freedom we both desire.
i cannot wait to be entirely yours even under god. this is not a sin. love cannot be sin. and, for all that’s worth: i love you. never forget it.
Loving you always, - M