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i feel so much fucking guilt for being romance repulsed. I dont feel shame in being aromantic but i feel guilty for how it makes me feel.......not normal. at least compared to other lgbt people

#ren.vent #i dont feel like i fucking belong in this community

there's something about the statement "dont let things from your past bother you now" that really bugs me. it really is a watered down version of those 'well dont be anxious anymore' or 'just dont be depressed' statements

#ren.vent #hey bud i would LOVE to not be affected by my trauma #but guess what? even w/ therapy i still havent gotten over it #so fuck youuuu! for thinking im LETTING myself be upset #lmao even my triggers. like i dont WANT em but guess i'll die anyways

I feel like crap can i get validation or questions abt my art/ocs please? I feel,,,,,so incredibly inferior right now and it's making me lose resolve on working on my visual novel rewrite

#ren.vent #okay to respond #my art blog is amarenth-arts......#hhnn #i know fanart gets more traction than original work #which is also another reason why i feel sad #because just of how things work it feels like nobody cares abt my own separate efforts #and even then my fanart posts dont fucking get any traction

im having to deal with this shitty dispute with two of my friends never respecting me, my feelings, and my interests but on top of that

The main caretaker from my childhood is dying!

#ren.vent #dont rb #my grandmother who lived with me and took care of me is going to die in a few days or so #i just. dont have the fucking capacity to deal with crash and robbie #those two fucking idiots

I love my parents denying my mental health issues and invalidating me whenever i try to tell them to help me get help

#ren.vent #DONT RB #i swear to fuck dont rb my vent posts

listening to songs from two months ago that i listened to while i was still dating my...........ex girlfriend. still hurts.

#ren.vent #im fine w/ her deciding her gender is female #but like. to say that 'oh im a lesbian now btw this has nothing to do with you'#WHILE WE'RE STILL DATING #was kinda fucked up!#when we started dating she said she was another trans mlm #so idk if its justified but i feel fucking betrayed #also her saying she was a lesbian made me question my validity as a man #and yall. ive been out as a trans guy for over 5 years

I WANT TO KILL MY OLD FUCKING BULLIES. FUCK THEM FOR MAKING ME CRY ABOUT EVENTS THAT HAPPENED IN FIFTH FUCKING GRADE. IM A GODDAMN COLLEGE STUDENT NOW BUT IM CRYING IN FUCKING BED AT NEARLY 5 IN THE MORNING BECAUSE I WAS MOCKED AND TOLD TO SHUT UP ABOUT MY SPECIAL INTERESTS NEARLY EVERY FUCKING DAY. ANY TIME I OPENED MY FUCKING MOUTH ABOUT THE THINGS I LIKED AT THE TIME I WAS CONSTANTLY TOLD HOW FUCKING ANNOYING AND STUPID I WAS. NOW LOOK AT ME. I CANT EVEN TALK ABOUT MY SPECIAL INTERESTS WITHOUT BEING PARANOID THAT MY FRIENDS WILL DO THE SAME THING TO ME. PEOPLE I KNOW I TRUST AND LOVE. FUCK MY BULLIES. FUCK THEM FOR MAKING ME SO ANXIOUS ABOUT BEING BULLIED AGAIN

#ren.vent #I DONT WANT TO CRY ANYMORE #BECAUSE ITS NOT MY FUCKING FAULT THAT IM OVERENTHUSIASTIC #I WAS JUST A GODDAMN KID WHO LIKED GAMES #it didnt fucking help that im afab and at the time part of the reason i was bullied was bc i was a girl #makes me fucking sick #i hate that im STILL being affected by my FUCKING TRAUMA FROM FUCKING ELEMENTARY

there's so much goddamn frustration in my life right now

#ren.vent #like shit im frustrated none of my friends share my interests #because it feels like they've stopped caring or listening to me #meanwhile all of them have similar interests and are having fun together #and im just kinda left in the background with nobody to talk to #THEN theres the added stuff of gender and sexuality #so many of my fucking friends are nb lesbians #good for them. but i dont have someone to talk about being gay for MEN with #i dont have an aro friend to talk about my experiences with #i cant talk about liking girls i just cant fucking RELATE to any of my friends at the moment #IT FEELS LIKE IM FUCKING ALONE!#AND IM PISSED AND FRUSTRATED AND I JUST WANT TO CONNECT

#ren.vent

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