Pick any passage of 500 characters or less from any fanfic I’ve written, and stick that selection in my ask box! I will then give you the equivalent of a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it in the first place, what’s going on in the character’s heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in the context of the rest of the fic, and anything else that you’d expect to find on a DVD commentary track.
@renwritesstuff my folks got me a water flosser and I was able to get a hamster for Christmas. I'm so close to being our otp adopted child. It's awesome!
As I promised (threatened) I’m going to ramble a bit about your fic. Unfortunately what I have to say will never fit into a message, or two, or three, but I hope this post will do as well.
I’m going to start with my criticism to get that over with before I can talk about a few things that I really appreciate.
My main concern is Shepard or Sam’s relationship with her, to be precise. I think you do a wonderful job unraveling Shepard’s layers and I do feel empathy for her. She’s an authentic character, no doubt. But reading chapter after chapter (I pretty much inhaled your fic within one day..... that was an intense Sunday) I started to not want Sam and Shepard to be together. For the past couple of days I tried to find out why exactly that is, and I think what it comes down to is that I don’t believe that Shepard has anything to give Sam... anything to contribute to a sane, healthy relationship.
Shepard tells us that Sam is the only one who asks about her. And Sam does invest a lot of time and emotional energy into getting to know Shepard, into understanding Shepard--sometimes to the point where your protagonist becomes a mere catalyst to make the reader get to know Shepard. But does Shepard ever ask about Sam? It’s not even that I don’t think she cares, but what does she invest that is not part of her job? Mostly it’s Sam telling us about herself, sometimes she tells Shepard about herself. I see Diana investing in Sam. I even see Liara investing in Sam. I saw Garrus notice that Sam put her life in danger for Shepard. Shepard, though, does little more than being broody and punching walls (aggression is red flag to me, btw) and leeching off others’ emotional energy.
I am aware that at least some of this you did on purpose. It’s just that this is your main pairing of the story and I’m sad that I cannot bring myself to root for them. I’m sorry for Liara, another person Shepard claims to care about but fails to communicate with. I’m sorry for the times when Sam becomes a prop in Shepard’s story. And it makes me feel resentment towards Shepard. It makes me want to tell Sam to run, run far, run fast. Go on adventures with Liara or Ashley or Tali or EDI or all of them. Find someone whose last name is not also their occupation and who has the emotional capacity to give a shit.
As I said, I do understand where Shep’s coming from. But just because you understand someone doesn’t mean they’re good relationship material.
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There’s a lot that I love about your story, and especially your characterization of Sam. I think I could read five hundred chapters of Sam being trapped in crossfire while wheezing like an ‘honorary volus’.
I love that you make it a point to address ....errr.... ‘flaws’ (read: massive writing fails) of the canon story. I love that you point out canon misogyny. I was so annoyed with how ME3 made it a point to confront me with sexism at every turn possible. Specifically Vega, Joker, and Kenneth stand out as negative examples and true disappointments. You addressed that appropriately, which is rare.
I loved Sam’s pang of disappointment when she thought Shepard might be into guys. That’s a very common emotion lesbians have and weirdly enough I haven’t seen that addressed in fanfiction before. Maybe part of that stems from a feeling of guilt for these kind of emotions? Unfortunately it’s not always okay for a woman to voice attraction to another woman. Many internalize that to a point where we even censor our thoughts.
EDI’s sense of humor is on point. I didn’t think someone could write jokes for her that would fit into canon but here you are and you did it. Love it.
I really appreciate what you did with Diana. I never really felt one way or another about her but she makes a fun companion for your fic. Like she’s a real character or something, lol
I love how much effort you put into getting all the details right, and I truly believe your story benefits a great deal from that. I was never in doubt that this is, in fact, the exact same universe the games take place in.
What sucked me into your story was the completely new perspective I got through Sam’s eyes. Playing as Shepard it’s so easy to forget that not everybody on board feels like part of a family. Through Sam Shepard and Liara in particular grew to almost superhuman (-alien) entities.... the way you’d look up to your childhood heroes if you met them in real life. And then ever so slowly they reshape themselves into real people as Sam gets to know them better. Still heroes, still figures of authority, but also friends. That is something I have never experienced while reading any story, fanfiction or published novel.
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I think I mentioned I have a wish for future chapters. I would really love to see Liara move on eventually to a new girlfriend. I think ME3 did her grave injustice in her “romance” arc. She deserves better. Can be any woman you see fit. Tali, Ashley, that cute background character who has only two lines and will never make another appearance--I’m not picky. Only the girl-part would be important, because I’m a manhating lesbian who’s tired of bioware putting all bi-romance options into het relationships.
Obviously it’s your story and you can put into it whatever you want. Maybe you didn’t even think about partnering Liara up with anybody at all. And that’s okay. I’m just putting this out there as a suggestion and you can do with that whatever you want.
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Anyway, thank you for the intense journey you’re putting your readers on.
