Benevolent Manipulation
The goal of this tutorial should be to broaden one’s own support network and gain more power without stepping on people to get it. After all, you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.
Many of these things are normal things that lots of people do with no ulterior motives whatsoever; but I am breaking down precisely what each action does so that the reader can know in which situations an action can be strategically applied for one’s own gain or defense.
I am writing this because I see shrimp social cues and believe others might find it useful.
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Respond to compliments with a compliment of your own.
Try not to accept a compliment point-blank or talk about yourself at length afterwards unless you already know the person who said it to you well. This may — depending on how you go about it — make you seem arrogant, or like an open book that is easy to read and easy to manipulate (and not in a benevolent way).
But at the same time, never put yourself down and refuse a compliment in front of others because this will make you seem less confident and like more of a target to unsavory people… unless you are in Japan, in which case, this is the socially acceptable thing to do.
The happy medium response would be to respond to a compliment with a “thank you,” followed by one of your own.
A compliment must be two parts so as to not appear shallow. One part should be complimenting a feature of the person’s clothing or work; and the other part should describe that feature in a little depth, or by comparison.
For instance: “I love your dress. The blue tulle is so sparkly.” or “Your painting reminds me of a waterfall. It’s a beautiful piece of abstract art!”
Then let them accept the compliment and talk about themselves or their interest. Then listen to what they say and add those details to your mental profile of that person (always make mental profiles of people before proceeding with them so you know what kind of person they are).
When someone compliments you on your personality or your actions, you should ideally use it as an opportunity to let them know how hard you work, or let them know that you use someone else as an example for what you do.
For example:
A: “You’re so good with the kids.”
B: “I do my best.” [closed mouth smile]
A: “No really! You’re really good.”
B: “Must be because I always watch you guys for pointers.”
Or
“Wow! How do you draw so good?”
“Lots of practice.”
This subtle compliment-reflecting technique serves three functions:
1.) It makes you seem humble, and thereby classy.
2.) It disarms fake flatterers trying to get you to talk about yourself by redirecting the focus back to the original complimenter.
3.) It shows people that others’ words don’t mean as much to you as the standards you hold yourself to, which also disarms fake flatterers.
Maintain or Build Your Halo
There are two main categories in which reputation-building can suit you: trust and intimidation. Let’s focus on trust, since it is the easiest and most useful of the two to attain.
You can build trust by first doing things for other people. They don’t have to be big things. It can be something as small as picking something off the ground for someone, or lending someone a pen without them asking. A bunch of low-effort “helps” can add up to one big “help,” which will draw the attention of others and possibly prompt them to give back to you in time.
Ask someone for help with some minuscule task if you need them to think you trust them for whatever reason, or perhaps if you need to appear more vulnerable.
Snacks in the break room always go over well. Ideally do this when it’s not any holiday, and just make it seem like you’re doing it for no reason at all other than your general affinity for human beings.
Don’t put a note with your name on them — keep them anonymous — but casually mention that you bought or made them the night before to one or two extroverts, so that word of your good deed can spread by mouth like the old legends.
For example:
A: “Did you do anything fun over the weekend?”
B: “I made cookies. The batch made a lot more than I was expecting so I’m going to put them in the break room. Would you like one?”
or
B: “I went to the store to get some groceries. Aldi has really stuff, and their cookies were on sale so I got some for me and some for the break room. I can run and get one for you if you’d like?”
Never make a big deal over things you do for people or draw unnecessary amounts of attention to yourself. This will let people know you’re bragging; and if you humble-brag, that’s even worse. Let others do the bragging for you.
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Anyway that’s all for now because I’m eepy. :)
If you want more let me know.
