The way I genuinely wish I was a better person for y'all sooner... My life is fucky and I'm just so tired. I cannot handle anymore grief and yet here I am, considering being the next cause of it for the very few people who I know will not be able to accept me not existing. I cannot put into words how very much exhausted I am and how tired I am of existing. I am currently safe, I do not have the energy to attempt. But my mind is making my life, my relationship, a struggle and I would like to be out of pain, both physically and mentally. I don't know if I'll ever be good enough for my wife. My memory is a lot worse than I thought it could be and I'm only 28. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't put into words how much the past 2ish months have been the worst, even with my wife here. I haven't been able to see anything good happening. I feel the absolute worst and it's majority of it my own fault.
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I'll probably edit this and add more on once I can think somewhat easier but I honestly don't deserve y'all at all.