Woke Up Early, Still Felt Late
I woke up at 3:40 AM. That was the goal. That was supposed to be the win that would launch a productive morning. I had planned to wash my face, organize a few work files, and prepare some documents. I also intended to create a task list and maybe squeeze in a bit of quiet progress before the day started.
But instead, I watched reaction videos on YouTube. It was a show I enjoy, and my favorite reactor had posted something new. I knew I was slipping into that loop, and while I was enjoying it, I also felt frustrated. It was that familiar moment—when my brain knew it was time to stop, but I couldn't quite pull myself out of the pleasure spiral.
No Ritalin yet. Just me, alone, trying to direct focus with willpower alone. And it didn’t work.
Still, that doesn’t mean the morning was a failure.
I woke up early. That one thing already shifted the rest of the day. If I hadn’t, none of the other intentions would have even been possible. So while I didn’t finish the tasks I set, I did take the first step. It’s just hard to feel good about it right now, especially since life is in “firefighting mode.” Everything feels urgent. Everything feels like it should already be done.
But I’m learning to adjust. I’m trying to give myself grace without losing momentum. And this journaling session helps me reset—every time I reflect like this, I remember that improvement is slow but real. Tomorrow, I’ll try taking Ritalin first thing in the morning instead of at night. I’ll protect the early hours and refocus the late hours on resting and spending time with my boyfriend.
This morning didn’t go according to plan. But I showed up. And sometimes, that is enough.
