❝ How did everything get so screwed up? ❞
thomas doesn’t even need to think about his answer. he knows how everything got screwed up. he can pinpoint the exact moment that his life changed for the worse -- and though most people would think it was the day his wife died, he disagrees. the turning point was much before then. things began to go downhill even before he lost her.
he remembers vacations when it had just been the two of them. june, a blunt in one hand, flame-bright hair riding the wind as they sped along empty roads with the windows down. their wedding, their honeymoon, when everything had been wonderful, so wonderful--
and then he remembers the cold dread that settled deep inside him the minute june told him that they were expecting. we’re going to be parents, thomas. he remembers wishing that it was some practical joke, and how once she’d said the words, everything had changed. they couldn’t be so carefree anymore, because they had someone else to think about. and now, he and he alone has to think about her. his life is utterly consumed by his worries about autumn and her reckless behaviour, and how much embarrassment she causes him. not for the first time, he catches himself wishing he’d taken the time to put on a goddamn rubber.
and so, thomas takes a sip of his whiskey, chasing it down with a deep breath before he looks over at autumn, sad and disappointed and oh-so-tired.
“you, liebchen. you came along.”