#retarded hellsing fans

[allmyconfessionsandthensome-blog]

"But seriously, anyone wanna clue me in on what this hellaids person did to rustle the jimmies of the Hellsing fandom?"

Gladly. Here, I shall enlighten you:

Calling Twinenigma a smartass on livejournal.

Calling atpinball a faggot.

Strongly implying that the reason Twinenigma is a bitter cunt was because of her fat thighs and overall ugly cosplay.

Being accused of tracing fanart, reported for it, but not banned or suspended or anything remotely reprimanded for it because.... LE GASP..... I DIDN'T TRACE IT.

Not shipping AxI. (this is important)

Being mean to Goblincreations for being retarded.

Laughing at Iheartexploding's shitty AxI fanart.

Actually reading Dracula and informing people who make comparisons between Dracula and Hellsing that all of their information and "evidence" for supporting AxI as a parallel to Dracula/Mina was false, since Dracula and Mina had no romantic relationship whatsoever.

Calling ViciousKwEeN every horrible name in the book after she made several offensive comments about rape and pedophilia all in the hopes of defending her OTP Freddy/Nancy from the Nightmare on Elm Street remake. This ranged form saying that rape was NOT a form of sexual assault to raping a child is not worse than raping an adult. AND WAS BEING SERIOUS. (no really, this actually had nothing to do with AxI whatsoever, but because she's an Integra cosplayer and an AxI shipper, the Hellsing fans got their panties in a huge fucking bunch over it)

Referring to Integra as "masculine."

Making fun of Artema after she flipped the fuck out for me referring to Integra as masculine.

Calling Saintedsin a mediocre cosplayer and subsequently mocking her for the shitfest of hers that followed afterwards.

Mocking Saintedsin further by creating stamps that parodied her ridiculously butthurt AxI ones.

Proving that HellsingThess was indeed LYING that 伯爵 (hakushaku) and　卿 (kyo) were gender neutral terms and meant "Count/Countess" or "Lord/Lady" when in reality they were always male terms, therefore Alucard was calling Integra "Count" and NOT "Countess" for the entire time (and actually backing up this discovery with a Japanese college professor's confirmation).

Pretty much proving Thess wrong on just about every account as she is fucking retarded.

Dressing up as a maid Integra specifically to piss off retarded Hellsing fans AND SUCCEEDING.

Having OCs. No really. Not even remotely horrible ones (or if they were, they progressed over time). Just having them in general and putting them into the Hellsing storylines.

Not being nice to retarded Hellsing fans on tumblr.

Calling out Hellsing fans on their double standards and hypocrisies when they want to play the "HOMG YOU TELL PEOPLE TO GO AND KILL THEMSELVES AND THAT IS UNFORGIVABLE AND SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS" while completely ignoring the fact that several other Hellsing fans have done terrible things to people that they don't like that personally affected their lives. But because those people are big name fans and great cosplayers and ship AxI, their actions are perfectly justified.

Telling people to go kill themselves on tumblr and then repeating that phrase over and over again when I realize how much it bothers them.

Having an Anti-AxI club on deviantart.

Acknowledging that Romancia did not make Alucard/Integra canon nor did it put them on the equal terms, since they're right back to being Master and Servant yet again.

Also for making fun of the AxI fans who blew this scene all out of proportion before the scans were even released strictly because of how unromantic it was.

Being mean to friends of people I don't even know despite the fact that more often than not, their friends are the ones coming to my pages to try and start shit and can't handle the response they get. I don't think I'd have a problem with half of the people I have problems with if they weren't friends with fucktards.

Possibly being unimpressed with Icequeenserenity's Seras cosplay, but considering there were a good handful of people who agreed with my opinion on the matter, I'm not sure. But I'm sure someone would find a reason to get pissed about it.

Making fun of e-mails exchanged between Artema and Seraphim-Sephiroth which resulted in the latter being pissed off that she was being fronted off to the people she was making fun of. Because that's what neutral parties do when there's a confrontation: make fun of one party to another in secret.

Acknowledging the fact that saying "Integra is not a sexual character" is NOT "slut shaming" and labeling the people who think so as fucking morons.

I usually tend to upset the boyfriend/girlfriend/sockpuppet account of a Hellsing fan. Then I upset them further by continuously annoying their significant other/original account.

Bringing it to the attention of the AxI fanbase that Alucard was not groping Integra at all in that picture, as his hand is near her stomach and far away from her boobs.

So yeah. I think that just about covers it. I'm sure there are plenty things I'm leaving out but I'll be sure to add to the list when they occur to me.

But seriously, it's not TERRIBLY HARD to get Hellsing fans to shit their pants in anger, so I don't know why you bothered to ask how or why they were doing so this time around.

[allmyconfessionsandthensome-blog]

Telling complete strangers online "go kill yourself" is an 'unforgivable bitch move' but drawing them sucking dick in the hopes of humiliating them is 'just messing around.' Yes, Hellsing fans DO think this way. Yes, they are still this stupid.

But this surprises nobody.

[hellaids-blog]

HEY YOU GUYS

Now that I've got your attention, we're going to talk about a little story called Dracula. I won't summarize the book to you entirely, but I will bring up some key points that everybody just seems to ignore. I've noticed plenty of stupid Hellsing fans seem to intentionally forget this shit when they decide to draw parallels between Hellsing and Dracula.

IN THE NOVEL, DRACULA BY BRAM STOKER:

Dracula was NEVER going to England to find his wife's reincarnation.

His wife is never brought up at all.

His brides were also considered his daughters, and it's pretty heavily implied that he still screwed them.

Mina Murray is NOT his wife's reincarnation.

Lucy Westenra had three suitors asking for her not because she was a promiscuous, slutty redhead who talked about wild stallions between her thighs. She had three suitors because she was a INNOCENT AND SWEET girl who happened to be gorgeous.

Lucy is found in the park by Mina in the middle of the night because she sleepwalks and was subsequently attacked by a vampire. By attack, I mean actually bitten by the vampire, NOT RAPED IN THE PARK BY A FUCKING MONKEY.

Lucy's only becomes seductive and sensual AFTER she becomes a vampire.

Mina Murray MARRIES Jonathan Harker, becomes MINA HARKER, and throughout the entire novel demonstrates how much of an ideal wife she is because of how devoted and faithful she is to her husband while also being chaste despite marrying him.

Dracula and Mina NEVER meet each other until he starts attacking her and drinking her blood. Their ONLY conversation (which is completely one-sided) is when he drinks from her, then forces her to drink his blood. SHE IS HORRIFIED BY THIS, IT WAS NOT DONE WILLINGLY, IF ANYTHING IT WAS A VERY STRONG METAPHOR FOR RAPE.

Van Helsing was Dutch. He was also a Catholic.

VAN HELSING ALSO NEVER KILLED DRACULA. THAT WAS QUINCY MORRIS AND JONATHAN HARKER.

Dracula was more or less a propaganda piece warning the people of Victorian England about the dangers of these foreign men from places like Hungary and Romania invading into England and influencing their good, prim, ladlylike English ladies into being incestuous and lustful whores. That's why the biting of the neck is the equivalent of losing virginity, the attacks on Mina Harker and Lucy are a metaphor for rape, and Dracula sleeping with his brides (women he sired) is considered slightly incestuous.

So for all of you who want to argue tooth and nail about how TRUE TO THE BOOK Francis Ford Coppola's stupid movie was, I can only assume you've never fucking read the book in your entire life. At least not all the way through. And because this movie had gore and rape and nudity and all this SERIOUS GROWN UP R-RATED SHIT, you just took the director's word for it that this is what went down in the book.

tl;dr version:

READ THE FUCKING BOOK.