What’s it called when you’ve been terminally single for so long that you don’t even really want a relationship anymore, and you just kinda go through life assuming that it would be nice but that it’s not for you

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What’s it called when you’ve been terminally single for so long that you don’t even really want a relationship anymore, and you just kinda go through life assuming that it would be nice but that it’s not for you
I think I’m making friends with someone new. He’s kinda the exact opposite of me, but I dunno. He’s chill I guess
I miss him. Maybe if I keep missing him I won’t break again. But also. Come back?
You love him. Don’t forget.
I need to tear him apart I need to kiss him this is hate this is hate I hate him fuck
I need him oh my god oh no
I wish I could handcuff myself to him
I only want to kiss him bc it would piss him off