Trans Cohorts
CW: internalized transphobia and transphobia
I went to theĀ Sarah and the Safe WordĀ concert last Saturday, and it was amazing, hands down one of the best things I have ever seen on stage, but I need to unpack some feelings about a trans woman comic that had a set while they were setting up for Sarah and the Safe Word. I would like to acknowledge that her reality is her own and any speculation I have could be totally off base and I am publicly sharing my processing and feelings based on hearing her set to talk about a concept more generally.
If I were to quickly summarize her set it was a lot of self harm and instead of punching down, because she was a trans woman, it punching sideways at the concept of transness and trans women in general. She made comments likeĀ āwhen I was manā orĀ āmilitary wants to check your head when you want to cut off your cock and balls.ā She also commented on being a boomer and it being different back then. I could not watch the whole thing because it was making me uncomfortable and slightly dysphoric, so I stepped outĀ but it turns out she was almost done, so I didnāt miss much. It was her comments about boomers that got my gears turning for this diary entry.
I really think that there are trans cohorts, clusters, or multiple groups of thought sharing the same space in our community. To me they are shaped by the level of solidarity of the community and the tone of the cissexism in the critical period of early transition if applicable or at least awareness of a personās transgender feelings albeit that may not be conscious. What I mean by that is I have noticed older trans people that have transitioned 20 plus years ago talk about their transness way differently than I do. In general, I have noticed they are more likely to frame their stories in the terms of our oppressors and that trans people that are younger and are transitioning in a time where we have a stronger community with more solidarity. Part of solidarity comes from sites like this one :) and I am eternally grateful we have these spaces, so young trans (be they literally young or just finding themselves and transitioning in this era of increased solidarity) people can bloom in a space that will support them.
So to get back my example. I have never heard a trans woman under 30 refer to herself as ever being a man. They are more likely to say before I transitioned or when I was perceived as a man etc. It is almost like cishet society pushed these trans women of these earlier cohorts and they have been so slammed down by transphobia that transphobia has become part of theirĀ internal voiceĀ and that is not okay. That isnāt to say that it doesn't happen to everyone but it seems to be a trend.
With all of that said, I have found sometimes there is some tension different cohorts because of internalized transphobia and that was kind of what I was feeling on an individual level while she was doing her set. I am not saying that younger cohorts should just deal with the transphobia regardless of our own self care because older cohorts need help. However, I think we should try our best to extend our support and forgive missteps. We all have to unpack our shit and we should own that and help others unpack their shit. That said everyone is responsible for their own baggage and if a hand is offered it is up to the person if they take it.Ā
I guess what it boils down to is I have been in this spot before. I have been hurt by trans women of older cohorts or those that have taken the values of older cohorts and it sucks. Regardless, I have to continue to reach out to them and if they chose their inner voice over support that is on them, but my own mental health should be my priority.