#rickhosroughnecks

[rickhosroughnecks]

Soooooo for the first time in forever, i had the overwhelming urge to write some poetry last night. And tbh its  the first time i’ve been called to write about anything while in a good mood. Most of the times its during when i’m meh and write about lost moments and loves that never happened.

but last night, i wrote about my gf, and idk, i really liked how it turned out.

so here, i am sharing it with this world, under a read more haha

Moment So Clear 

By Rickho B.

In a moment so clear,

I thought of you.

With the sound of rain,

Echoing in my brain.

The feeling of love soaking into my clothes,

Permeating my skin and warming my bones.

 I have visions of us in the rain,

Side by side.

Hands linked at the pinkies,

Walking slowly,

Dancing between the streetlights.

Your house just around the corner.

Silly faces and shy smiles trailing a step behind.

A moment, a glance, a loving expression.

 I’ve dreamt of you, you’ve been in my dreams a lot.

I dream of my future more now than over.

Of dinners, of movies, and countless car rides.

Of you and me.

Of time endless yet so short.

Of a warm embrace and loving gaze,

I see us in a moment so clear.

----------------------------

and thats it. hope whoever read this liked it.

[rickhosroughnecks]

took a sick day today, but the gf asked to keep me company while i slept, so we napped together again. and it was so nice, and she is so nice, and it was just really so fucking nice.

i’m falling so in love with her.

[rickhosroughnecks]

I KISSED MY GIRLFRIEND FOR THE FIRST TIME TONIGHT. AND I TOLD HER I WAS FALLING IN LOVE WITH HER AND SHE SAID IT BACK. EXCUSE ME WHILE I FREAK OUT AND SMILE MYSELF TO DEATH!!!!! ;ASDFH;ASIDHG;AISDHGIUSDHFOUGHS

[rickhosroughnecks]

one of those days.

fuck everything.

[rickhosroughnecks]

i’m kinda spiraling tonight. and for no reason.

outside of the excess amount of caffeine i’ve drank today.

-----

Edit:

nope i know whats happening, outside of the caffeine being a catalyst, i know why i’m spiraling. i don't post here often anymore, but as an update, i’m dating someone.

and i’ve never had a relationship before. so my expectations vs reality moment is occurring. i expected movie magic romance. a struggle, then an a-ha moment, and then falling deeply madly in love. and the curtains close and everything ends happily ever after.

and i’m realizing now that, real relationships aren't like that. its a struggle of understanding the other, of trying to define the relationship without coming off as aloof or overbearing.

and i guess i wasn't expecting that. as a friend of mine says, i’m a romantic at heart. i can make the big sweeping gestures, i can plan the big date and make it as good as possible. but i don't know how to do the day to day things. i don't know how to tell if she's in a good mood or a bad mood yet. i don't know if i should be near by, or if she wants space.

we’ve defined the relationship. we’re dating. but i have no idea what that entails. we started just like she wanted, hanging out and being friends turning into dating. and i love that, its been fantastic.

but i’m continuously afraid. i’m afraid that i’ll mess this up, that i won't be attentive enough, or that i’m coming on too strong.

i’d like to say that i’m slowing falling in love with her. but to be honest, i don't know anything outside of familial love. how am i supposed to measure this, whats my metric? i like her a lot, and i appreciate her a lot too.

i really like her, a lot. but i honestly don't know what to do. 

i should talk to her, tell her my fears and my worries.

but i again don't want to come on too strong.

what the fuck am i doing...

i just have the far flung hope of a mutual friend somehow sharing this with her, so i can wuss out and not have to say this to her in person.

but it shouldn't happen that way. so mutual friend, don't share this with anyone.

i know how romance is supposed to go on TVs and movies. but how does romance and relationships work in the real world?

am i literally supposed to just sit her down, and have this discussion?

Help.

[rickhosroughnecks]

When you'd like to ask your church crew for their thoughts and prayers cause your kinda going through a tough night, but don't want to disturb them or have them think you're having a major issue. So you go post on a site you don't use much often and ask for thoughts and prayers from virtual strangers if they happen to click the read more.

[rickhosroughnecks]

fuck. 

[rickhosroughnecks]

So, my weekend so far...

Friday, messaged and set up at date with a girl from OKCupid, and then after work got spectacularly buzzed by myself. Was rather relaxing.

Saturday, went to lunch with a good friend that I haven’t been able to see in a while. and then went on to my OKC date later that night. It was cool, we ended up talking for like 2 hours and split paths for now.

Sunday, choir was back!!! woot woot!! my allergies have been killing me this past week but i still stuck it out and sang! and then proceeded to chill at the park with some buddies. and now its just a lazy afternoon/evening.

This weekend was a good weekend.