1. would jake think 9/11 jokes are okay/if so would he keep this from finn and bmo (yes they all know about it somehow) 2. how would the individual riverdale teens feel about 9/11 memes 3. i was gonna ask you about jimmy's take but i already know so. what would pearl from steven universe say
[rupert giles voice] three excellent questions
(1) jake would find 9/11 jokes funny but if anyone else made a 9/11 joke he would shake his head disappointingly at them and say I can't believe you think 9/11 is funny dude. princess bubblegum made a 9/11 joke once and jake was like I don't care that you're a princess...that's messed up!! bmo thinks 9/11 jokes are funny but finn thinks 9/11 jokes are NOT OKAY BRO so bmo wouldn't tell them while finn is there out of respect but when finn leaves the room jake is like OK bmo give me your best 9/11 jokes and bmo does and jake is like Heh...awesome. finn stumbles upon this one day and is like What the heck jake?! 9/11 jokes are not mathematical!! and jake is like Actually 9/11 is two numbers put together so it IS mathematical and finn is like That doesn't sound right but let's ask princess bubblegum and so they go to princess bubblegum and princess bubblegum says Was zur Hölle jake?!! You think 9/11 jokes are funny after all???? and jake says Haha yeah. and princess bubblegum bans him from the candy kingdom until she forgets about it. and finn's like But princess bubblegum, i still don't understand...are 9/11 jokes mathematical or not?? and princess bubblegum says You're so funny finn. and finn is like Oh :) ok. and decides maybe 9/11 jokes are good after all. The End.
(2) archie would NOT think 9/11 jokes are funny he would be vehemently opposed to them. whenever reggie or another bulldog would tell a 9/11 joke archie would say Hey. That's not funny. People died in 9/11. And real heroes fought to save them. Show some respect. and on 9/11 he always gets really quiet and pensive. a teacher once asked him if he or his father knew anyone who died in 9/11 because he always seemed so affected by it and archie was like ? No. one time he wrote a tribute song to the victims of 9/11 and he tried to get josie and the pussycats to play it with him at a school assembly and josie was like Archie you are such a sweetheart. This song sucks. so he sang it alone. he rhymed "9/11" with "heaven." yeah.
betty would not think 9/11 jokes are funny because one time when she was visiting hal in prison he ominously was like. You believe your mother over me? Betty...don't you know your mother caused 9/11? and betty was like What the fuck dad no she didn't. You're just lying to me. Again. but it always stuck with her and years later she brings it up to her mom and is like Hey mom i know this sounds crazy but you didn't like. Cause 9/11 right. and her mom is like Hal told you?! He promised me he would never tell you....that bastard!!! and betty is like Wait i'm sorry it's true??? What the fuck??? You made me be perfect all my life and the whole time you caused 9/11????? and alice is like That's WHY i made you be perfect! Because i didn't want you to turn out like your father the serial killer or like me who caused 9/11.....and betty is like I can't deal with this right now mom. The yellow bellied three toed skink killer is on the loose. and alice is like Please don't tell polly and betty is like Don't worry mom...she wouldn't believe me anyway. so anytime anyone around betty makes a 9/11 joke she gives them a death stare and is like You know people died in 9/11, right? but she's not actually mad about the people who died. she's mad about how her mom caused 9/11.
jughead would think 9/11 jokes are funny because he is a Hashtag Iconoclast and one year on 9/11 he would write a comedy story about 9/11 and publish it in the blue and gold and the school administration would suspend him on suspicions of having terrorist sympathies both for the story and for his "suspicious looking" hat because juggy's lot in life is to be the world's only white boy to get racially profiled. and jughead would be like You are TRAMPLING on my right to free speech and artistic expression. You know that's what fascist governments do, right? and the principal (weatherbee or honey, either works) would be like Mr jones please get out of my office or i will expel you for good. so jughead would go to archie and be like Archie they're suspending me for writing a story and archie would be like Yeah but jug that story was kind of messed up. 9/11 isn't funny.....and jughead would be like Oh so i can't write stories about topics YOU don't think are funny? Fine. Have fun in your fascist school archie. and then he would go to pop's and talk to tabitha and be like Can you believe they're suspending me for writing a story and tabitha would be like This country has a long history of suppressing artists jughead so of course i can believe it. But also to be honest i read that story and it wasn't good. and jughead would be like Wait how do i know you again (because this is the high school era so he hasn't met her yet) and tabitha would be like You don't. and she would disappear. and jughead would be like Was she.....a ghost? and he would call up betty and say Betty i think i just saw a ghost!! and betty would say Jughead i can't believe you made fun of 9/11. You know people died in 9/11, right? and she would hang up.
veronica would be kind of over 9/11 jokes because as it turns out 9/11/01 was veronica's birthday. so when people find that out they either are like Oh i'm so sorry :( which she finds patronizing or they make a 9/11 joke and she's like How clever and original of you. when she was growing up she felt really weird about it being her birthday but hiram was always like Mija you must never let anyone make you feel bad about the day you were born. You must make them feel bad instead. so veronica has a few 9/11 jokes of her own on standby that she weaponizes to defend herself but she feels kinda weird about it. when cheryl found out 9/11 was veronica's birthday she was like So that's what happened to the towers and veronica was like Actually i hear they saw your outfit and killed themselves and cheryl was like I was one year old you mafia monster i didn't choose my own outfit. veronica was also the only one who actually liked jughead's story and thought it had artistic merit. archie was like I can't believe jughead wrote that and veronica was like I don't know i thought it had a certain lynchian sensibility. and archie was like Ronnie it's about 9/11 the worst day in american history and veronica was like I'm sorry you think the day i was born is the worst day in american history? You know archiekins more people died in the battle of antietam on september seventeenth in 1862. and then she went to la bonne nuit and sang american idiot.
cheryl would be against 9/11 jokes because her first cousin once removed beauregard blossom died in 9/11. he was working on the 70th floor doing maple syrup trading. so whenever anyone makes fun of 9/11 she's like How dare you disrespect the memory of my dear cousin beauregard. additionally she knows that jughead likes 9/11 jokes and she is ideologically opposed to all things jughead so that makes her dislike 9/11 jokes even more. however she will absolutely tell 9/11 jokes herself to be mean to people and she will think they are hilarious. in this way she is like jake the dog. however deep down cheryl fears that cousin beauregard fell victim to the blossom curse and that therefore the blossom curse caused 9/11 and killed all those people and that therefore in some twisted retroactive way 9/11 was her fault. then betty lets slip one day that her mom was the one who caused 9/11 and cheryl is like Dearest cousin you have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that. You have freed me from my burden at last. and betty is like ????? What the fuck does that mean cheryl. but cheryl doesn't answer. she just goes back to thornhill and says Nana rose i've just received the most delightsome news. I didn't cause 9/11. and nana rose says Well obviously not you were a baby. But the blossom curse is still very real. and cheryl says Shut up you old hag. Now let us adjourn to the maple syrup mines...we have work to do.
(3) it's unclear if 9/11 even happened in steven universe land but let's say for the sake of argument that it did and that somehow the gems know about it (maybe greg told them). either way however steven does not know about it. so one day connie would be like yeah this kid got detention at school today for making a 9/11 joke and steven wouldn't want to seem out of touch so he'd be like 9/11 joke uh huh yep got it. Seems like a reasonable punishment. Tsk tsk! Can't believe that kid made a 9/11 joke. and later he would go to pearl and be like Pearl what's 9/11 and pearl would be like Well steven sometimes when bad things happen to humans they mythologize it and manufacture arbitrary in-group/out-group dynamics to give themselves a scapegoat to fight so they can make themselves feel better :) and steven would be like *frowns* So.....are 9/11 jokes okay?? and pearl would be like 9/11 "jokes"? Well i suppose you COULD tell a joke about 9/11...hm...and she would get lost in thought and steven would be like Ok well i'm gonna go play video games with amethyst now and pearl would be like Yes yes that's fine...hm...9/11 jokes...and steven would go play video games with amethyst and partway through he'd say Hey amethyst do you think 9/11 jokes are okay and amethyst would say Steven. I'm gonna level with you. They're hilarious. and then later steven would be hanging out with garnet and he'd say Garnet do you think 9/11 jokes are okay and garnet would say No. and not expound further. and then later steven would be playing guitar with his dad and he'd say Hey dad i was wondering and then pearl would burst through the door and say STEVEN! I've crafted the perfect 9/11 joke! and greg would be like Uhhh and steven would be like All right what is it and pearl would tell her 9/11 joke. and it would be bad. The End.
