#rkmg(a)

[rkmg]

〈★〉MGAS SEASON 4 - EPISODE NINE - SOLO PERFORMANCE                 ↳ intro : the most beautiful moment in life by bts kim mingyu                      ↳ mga season 4 finale: solo stage; #4049′s last chance                                ↳ click here for the stage inspiration / setup / style

Typically, as time goes on, people grow accustomed to doing things. Once you’re used to something, the nervousness begins to wash away and that unsettled feeling in your stomach packs up and moves on. Perhaps under normal circumstances, that’s exactly what would have happened. However, these weren’t normal circumstances.

With every week, every day, every hour, and even every second that passed by, the nineteen-year-old found himself growing more anxious. The problem was that he didn’t know how much time he had left. He felt like he was living each moment with an expiration date that he wasn’t allowed to know. Part of him kept thinking, when he wasn’t paying full attention to his thoughts, that he would drop dead at any moment. In reality, that was unlikely (not impossible, sure... but... there was a slim chance).

What did it mean? It meant that his mind felt like this was his single chance to finally pull this off. He wanted to achieve his dreams, though he wasn’t sure if this would do it for him. The contestants were shedding like a snake’s old skin and Daisy’s hair every single day of her life, though he wasn’t comforted by that fact. There were less people for him to be compared to, though they still couldn’t all win. The competition was fiercer than ever so there was hardly any time for him to relax. This was a tireless effort to finally prove to everyone that he was worth so much more than they’ve seen. He’s a winner... he could be, at least. But, this wasn’t exactly the time for him to get too caught up in all of that.

Finally, after two months, he was going to get to do a solo performance. Part of him thought he should be happy since his success wouldn’t ride on anyone else. Though, at the same time... it felt a lot scarier at this point. If he failed, he would know that it was his own fault. But, it was better this way. He knew that, really, he did. That didn’t really help to calm him down, however.

Failure wasn’t even something that should be on his mind right now. All he really needed to focus on was what he was going to do for his performance. He needed to intricately plan everything out and make sure that he can show everyone how much talent he actually has. He feels like he’s been overlooked the entire time he’s been on the show. Time after time, other people ranked as better rappers than him when he felt like he had more skill. For some reason, people weren’t taking notice of that. He’s fought to come out of his shell and display more confidence lately. He’s been a lot more talkative and playful and yet no one still seems to notice that he’s even there. He isn’t one of the judges, nor the editors of the show, so perhaps he will never know what he must’ve been doing wrong all of this time. This week, he was going to do everything in his power to show the entire world who he was and what he was capable of.

Something unique was going to be required if he didn’t want to end up having a stage identical to everyone else’s. Of course, the first idea that popped into his mind was to do something of his own creation. He was proud of his lyric-writing abilities so he knew it might be more impressive if he raps something that he took the time to bring into existence. Since he only had a week, he didn’t think it would be wise to start something brand new for his performance. Then, he’d have to write it, figure out how to get the music for it, envision and create his entire stage, and he just wasn’t sure he’d have the time for all of that. After all, he was going to need to do the group performance, too, and that would actually require much practice. That’s why he ended up looking through the journal in which he wrote down all of his lyrics and picked the one that stood out the most to him; he picked one that would do a perfect job of showing everyone who Kim Mingyu was.

The boy spends hours in his room rapping verse after verse, working on his computer to make the backing track. Since this was something that he made, he was going to have to put more work into it than some others would. People doing covers would already have the hardest part done. He was forced to bring his entire idea into fruition and make sure that he still managed to perform it perfectly onstage.

He finds himself in an empty auditorium at one point, a basketball held between long fingers. He’d record himself dribbling it in several specific ways, then he’d also get the sound of him shooting multiple hoops. Occasionally, he’d get carried away and lost in what he was doing, which only proved the lyrics of his rap even more.

For the stage, he didn’t have the intention of doing anything too flashy. He really wanted this to be a time for people to focus on him and what he can do, rather than getting distracted and lost in backup dancers and light shows that demand to be stared at.

When picking out his outfit, he was extremely careful and tried to be thought into it. He wanted to actually show more of his own style and let it speak to the audience. In the end, he ended up going with leather pants, his old high school basketball jersey, and a jacket with a hood over top of it. This was because he planned to incorporate the hood into the performance, so it was rather important for it. Since he isn’t going to have an excessive amount of props and anything else that would take the attention from him, he needed to get every single other detail down perfectly.

The week seemed to go by a lot faster than he hoped. He wanted it to go by slowly so he could feel as if he had enough time to get everything exactly the way that he wanted it to be. Instead, it all felt somewhat rushed. The closer to Sunday that he was, the sadder he ended up feeling. Then, when he was down, he wasn’t entirely able to throw himself into his work. His mind would end up wandering to the way that not all of his friends would be able to win. He also hoped that he would get to keep in contact with everyone that he grew close to during the duration of the show. In a way, he didn’t want it to end. Though, at the same time, he felt relief that all of this would be over. Being judged so harshly was taking a toll him him.

Being number 4049 left him being in the last half of the contestants to perform their stage. Now that so many people have been eliminated, he was right next to Won when it came to their numbers. That would mean that Won’s performance would happen right before his. That kind of made him feel excited since people would get to focus on them at about the same time. But, the only downside to it was that people would get to see Won’s immense amount of talent, only then to be followed up by Mingyu. Instead of thinking he wouldn’t shine as bright, though, he more so felt like they would be shining together.

Time slipped away from him. Before he knew it, his boyfriend was putting on the best performance that’s ever happened on the show and he feels himself being overwhelmed with love and pride. Then, it’s over and it’s his turn. He hopes that the excitement that he felt from watching the love of his life dance would carry over into his performance and help him to remain calm. This was not the time for him to choke. He had to do this perfectly. Failure wasn’t an option.

When he’s onstage alone, he doesn’t feel as anxious as he thought he would. His hood is pulled up and over his head as his back faces the audience. They can’t see him, but as soon as he begins rapping, they can hear him louder than ever.

오늘따라 림이 멀어보여 코트 위에 한숨이 고여 현실이 두려운 소년 공을 던질 때면 유일하게 맘이 되려 놓여 홀로 던지는 공 림을 향해서 내가 던지는 건

The stage is black and three lights are all that’s used to illuminate him for the crowd. There’s nothing to distract them now. They would be forced to listen to his rap and how passionate he is with it. He would finally be able to get lost in it in a way that he hasn’t had the opportunity to before. This stage was his. This crowd was his. The entire god damn world was his.

수많은 고민과 삶의 걱정거리 세상을 아는 척 하지만 아직 설익은 몸 슛 코트가 나의 놀이터 손짓에 따라서 발 옆엔 작은 공이 튀어 성적은 바닥을 기지만 난 더 오히려 세상에 다 잘 될 거라며 괜시리 소리쳐 하지만 세상은 되려 겁줘 그럴 거면 멈춰 머리를 채운 상념 공 대신 미래를 던져 또 남들이 칠하는 별점과 성공의 기준에 결격 덕에 암처럼 퍼지는 걱정 God damn it

The more he got into it, the more positive he was that he was finally being heard. He made sure to breathe when he had to since he was using up so much of his breath. After exclaiming “God damn it” he had a feeling he was going to be censored and hoped that it didn’t hurt him. Still, he felt like it would be best for him to show himself exactly as he was. He couldn’t cover himself up anymore. This was who he was and this is what he was capable of doing. They had to see that. For some reason, they’ve been blind to it, but he was going to open their eyes.

던져버린 공과 함께 퍼진 웃음 턱까지 차오른 이 숨은 꿈틀대는 꿈들 빨라지는 드리블 행복해지는 마음 이 순간은 영원할 듯 하지만 해지는 밤이 다시 찾아오면 좀먹는 현실 정신을 차리면 또 겁먹은 병신 같은 내 모습에 자꾸만 또 겁이 나 덮쳐오는 현실감 남들은 앞서 달려 가는데 왜 난 아직 여기 있나 숨을 쉬어 숨을 쉬어 아니면 꿈을 꿔 지금 심장박동에 맞춰 다시 노를 저어 남들의 얄팍한 잣대에 갇혀 모른 척 하며 살다간 코트처럼 인생도 노을 져 What am i doin’ with my life?

This was quite possibly the best rap to represent who he actually was. In a way, it was an introduction to himself. That’s why he ended up calling it “Intro”. Although they’ve seen him for over two months, this is the first time it would actually feel like they’re witnessing the truth. Half way through, he finally removed his hood and turned around, rapping to the audience now that they have been able to focus fully on him before. He was in control of his movements and facial expressions, ensuring that he was getting across the message that he intended to.

이 순간은 언제든 다시 찾아오지 않아 다시 나에게 되물어봐 지금 행복한가 그 답은 이미 정해졌어 난 행복하다

Once the last few lyrics were rapped, he harshly breathed into the microphone as the music finished, though it was planned and not just uncontrolled deep breaths. After the music stopped, the stage returned to being pitch black and he made his way offstage. This is what he wanted to show them all along. He hoped that this would be enough for him. He hoped that this would make the world pay attention to him now. He wanted to be heard and to be seen. He didn’t want to fade into the background anymore; he refused to.

[rkmg]

〈★〉MGAS SEASON 4 - EPISODE NINE - TEAM PERFORMANCE             ↳ finalists ( #03, #10, #28, #29, #32, #36, #42, #46, #49, #54 )                    ↳ stand by me by boyz ii men / mga boys - line distribution

The group performance was going to be important. However, it was also going to be extremely emotional. This was going to be the very last time he was going to perform with all of these particular people. It made his heart hurt, in a way. Would he ever get to stand on stage with Yoojung again? With Jinsoul? He didn’t even have to ask himself about Won, however, because he already knew he’d refuse to be onstage when he debuts without him. But, still... this was going to be tough. He needed to make sure that he showed everyone how hard he has worked and how far he has come since the start of this. This was his last chance to prove that he deserved to make it. By the end of the week, they were going to have the results and this period of their life was going to be over. Truthfully, it hardly felt real.

Picking the lines was very difficult. It didn’t really feel fair and he wasn’t sure how this would end up. It seemed a lot crueler than the past weeks, but he knew that he had to do whatever it takes for him to succeed. He hated the idea of stepping on others to get closer to the top, but what other choice did he have? He felt lucky that he was in the team with second place last week, even if he was the lowest ranking on his team. It made him feel nervous that Mark was going to be choosing after him, so he had to put a lot of thought into his move. This was something that was going to take strategy so he could end up with a rapping part anyway. Having around five rappers in the show and only two rapping positions felt kind of messed up. But, that’s the way that it was so he was just... going to have to try his hardest not to think about it and ensure that he gets one for himself.

There were only three empty spots by the time that it got to him. There was rapper two and vocals one and eight. If he puts himself in rapper two, then Mark could end up moving him and then there’d be no available rap for him to go to. He’d be in vocal one or eight, then that’s where he’d be stuck. However, if he moved Haknyeon to vocal eight, then if Mark wanted to move him, he could only be moved to rapper two or vocal one. Junmyeon would obviously want vocal one, so then he’d be moved to rapper two anyway. It was perfect.

That’s what he did, regardless of how guilty he felt moving a rapper to a vocal position. But, he was the same one that had moved someone else away from the spot, so perhaps it was just... what goes around, comes around. He was just happy that he would be able to have lines that he was truly capable of pulling off.

Upon meeting with the other group members to learn the choreography, the first thing that he did was hug Won tightly in his arms. He knew that it would be too telling if he was as intimate and soft as he usually is, so he was very aware of his actions. He had to make sure that it simply looked like two best friends reuniting after a while and not... two boyfriends reuniting after awhile.

Of course, he took advantage of this new opportunity to get help with the choreography from Won, though he isn’t allowed to hog him as much as he’d like. Being the best dancer in the competition, multiple people obviously wanted his help, too. So, Mingyu shared his boyfriend, although it wasn’t actually his choice. He’s lucky that he’s come such a long way with his dancing skills since the beginning, because he doesn’t even require hours and hours of help. He just... sort of wanted it so that he could spend time with Won. However, the MGAs were almost over and then they’d have all of the time in the world.

On the night of the performance, he was all dressed and ready to go on. He was beginning to feel... some strange type of emotion. He couldn’t even entirely pinpoint what it was, he just knew that he wanted it to go away. It’s really hard for him to believe that he’s managed to make it this far. This is so surreal. No matter what happens tonight, he knows that he made it. He’s already given them all that he had and now it was just time for him to pray that it would pay off.

After introductions, solo performances, and the girl’s group performance, it’s now their turn. He took a deep breath, looked around at everyone (gaze lingering on Won for a moment as a small smile graced his lips), and prepared himself to go out onto the stage again.

The performance is fun and interesting, given where so many people were placed against their will, and it also goes by a lot more effortlessly than he thought.

시간이 남을 때마저 내 머릿속은 바뻐 네 생각을 놓기엔 내가 싫고 그러기엔 일이 안 잡혀 그림자 뒤 가려진 날 꺼낸 시선 어디를 봐도 넌 모든 부분에 있어 다시없을 무대에 너를 언급해 내 말을 이해했다면 칭찬해줄게

Mingyu had the first rap in the song and it was seemingly over far too soon. Still, he felt grateful that he was able to finally put on a performance such as this one. He’s missed dancing and having choreography, so this was making up for his previous weeks. He was finally feeling like an actual idol again. He would have been happy if the ten of them could have debuted together. At least then, he would know that Won would be by his side (still... there were too many rappers, so... maybe that isn’t the entire truth... he would mourn his lines).

L O ve ya (yes)

This was coming too close to an end too fast. It was his first time being able to stand on stage like this with Won and it seemed to be passing by in a blur. He hoped it would seem more like it was passing by in slow motion as he has every opportunity to savor the moment. Instead, he feels like it’s slipping through his fingers like water or sand; even if he clenches his fists even tighter, it would still all be gone in a matter of moments. That isn’t something that he liked when he didn’t know what the night had in store. Would this be the only time they’d be able to be like this? In his heart, he didn’t think so. But, it was impossible not to worry.

난 only you Keep it true We’ve been through Please keep it to yourself (x2)

Each of his lines made him feel on top of the world. He felt lucky and extremely grateful that he had more than some of the other teammates. But, he wasn’t exactly a selfish boy so this made him slightly unhappy for them. He wanted things to be fair, but he also wanted to win. Admittedly, he is more selfish now than he was before the competition. Though, he kind of had to be, right? Wasn’t that, like... sort of part of this? You stay in this or you go home... so he wouldn’t just slack so that someone else could get the upper hand. This was do or die.

L O ve ya (yes)

After the performance, his breathing was hard and his heart was heavy. He briefly wondered if he was going to cry, though he didn’t. He’s still stronger than he gives himself credit for. All that was left now was the group performance with the girls, which he looked forward to because of Jinsoul and Yoojung, and then the eliminations. He felt like his stomach was knotted. But, he had this... The world was still his, right?

Yeah. This was going to work out for him.

[rkmg]

〈★〉MGAS SEASON 4 - EPISODE NINE - MEMORIES                   ↳ contestant #4049, kim mingyu; reminiscing !

If only it felt possible to be calm. Although this was something light and fun that was supposed to take all of their worries away, Mingyu couldn’t stop anxiously bouncing his leg. He’s always been antsy, though he hasn’t really had much of the chance to display that on the show before. It’s not like they ever gathered them all to make them watch something before this point in time. The strange thing was, even though he knew that it wasn’t going to be a movie playing (though that’d be interesting... he just knows that they have reasons for everything that they do and the only reason behind that would be fun... they aren’t that friendly), it still caused him to behave the same exact way.

Admittedly, he loves having the ability to sit next to his boyfriend. There’s a very small comfort that accompanies that little detail, though it’s not as intense as it could be since he isn’t allowed to be as clingy as he’d be if they weren’t being watched. He’s always so afraid that he’s going to do something to slip up which causes him distress.

He forces himself to smile even though he feels his stomach churning like butter and he feels a bit like he might barf... that’d be kind of neat, though, right? At least he’d finally get some attention on this god damn show. He doesn’t entirely know if it would be a good or bad thing, but screen time has never seemed to hurt anyone before. After all, that kid that constantly had those nosebleeds is still hanging around so it’s gotta count for something.

Once the scenes begin playing and he’s watching the memories from the beginning of the season, his discomfort skyrockets. He usually has a fairly decent memory, but at the moment he had no clue what he was like at the beginning. Possibly, this last several weeks had been so stressful that he somehow managed to completely erase it from his mind. Even if he did remember, though, he still never likes seeing himself on camera. If anyone knew him, they’d know that he rarely posts on his instagram because he never looks at himself and thinks ‘wow, I’m looking good, I need to share this with the world’. Instead, he’s like... eh.

All he can deduce is that he likely did something terribly embarrassing. Was it like the relay camera thing where he pretended that he could sing and then proceeded to show a talent that didn’t actually exist? Hopefully not. God knows he doesn’t want to sit here in this auditorium and listen to a) himself singing and, b) everyone else listening to him singing. He’d die. No, not in a joking way. Literally, he thinks he would drop down dead right this second. Won would look over to see him and there’d just be a corpse in the seat. That’d also be kind of funny. Well, if you’re into that kind of humor, anyway. He supposes some people wouldn’t be all too thrilled about that, however. It’s best that he stays alive for now.

All of that aside, some of the clips did make him feel an indescribable amount of happiness. First, he watched Yoojung nervously move around in a way that’s familiar to him, since her hands against her jeans and then clasping and unclasping were all things he could vividly picture himself doing. Then, he watches with a small grin on his face as she explains how long she’s been dancing. Her skill definitely does a fantastic job displaying her experience. Still, he sees a hidden talent of hers that he has never seen before, nor even known that it was something she was so skilled at. His eyes widen slightly and he quietly whispers quiet 'whoa's under his breath as she shows off the different contortion positions.

Then, there was Jinsoul (also jokingly known as his platonic soulmate). The younger girl always manages to bring a smile to his face, therefore his grin is growing even wider simply because her face is showing on the screen. Something he’s noticed is that so many of them were visibly nervous at the beginning. He takes note of everyone’s nervous habits and behavior, hoping that if he lets it engrave itself into his mind, he will be able to recognize it if he sees it. Then, you know... he can try to help. He has no idea if that will ever be useful information, but better safe than sorry, probably. He heard all of the ‘um’s that escaped the girl’s lips and heard himself softly chuckle since it reminded himself so much of himself. Her performance is extremely impressive and he is silently hoping to himself that she succeeds from this. She deserves it.

The last (but definitely not the least... he’s actually the most important) person that he cares about seeing is on the screen and he feels as if he’s melted into a puddle on the floor. Suddenly, his entire being feels lighter and he wonders briefly if it’s possible for a 70kg / 186cm boy to float right to the ceiling like a balloon inflated with helium. A very soft and content sigh is breathed out as he feels his shoulders relax, then he glances over at the boy and witnesses his beauty right before his eyes and feels like all of the fondness within his heart was going to cause the poor organ to fail. The small stutter in the younger’s response makes him smile and he has the strong urge to reach out and hold his hand. He doesn’t, though. He just... wishes he could.

Watching him and all of his talent makes Mingyu remember why they’re doing this. They both deserve to achieve their dreams so he didn’t want to give up. If they’ve made it this far, they can make it a bit further, right? He really hopes so. He doesn’t want to walk away from this with nothing. He isn’t sure if he is equipped to return back to his old life and just try to live as if this never happened. This show was going to be such a big part of him now. Failure wasn’t exactly an option... he didn’t want to know what kind of heartache would accompany it. He doesn’t want to face either of their hearts breaking again. He doesn’t want to wipe away any tears.

Once he is finally on screen, he visibly cringes and sinks down lower into his seat. He tries not to stare at the screen so he looks around at others watching him instead. He know sees what it was that he did. His art was something that he was proud of, but he still felt his cheeks turn bright red since he is always trying to make those dumb jokes. He likes to pretend he’s funny but he sees during times such as this one that he isn’t. Still, he laughs aloud and smiles even though he just wants to scrunch his nose is distaste. It couldn’t have possibly went on to the next contestant soon enough. He’s happy that other people don’t seem to view him the way he views himself.

[rkmg]

〈★〉MGAS SEASON 4 - EPISODE EIGHT - TEAM PERFORMANCE                     ↳ team: rising star ( #4003, #4024, #4028, #4037, #4049 )                                ↳ song: “fxxk it” by bigbang bigstar - line distribution

Getting here was hard. He’s sure that statement doesn’t only apply to him, but for every single contestant still remaining on this show. They’ve all had to have worked their asses off, otherwise, they wouldn’t be here today. That’s definitely not insinuating that those that were eliminated didn’t work their asses off, however; some were luckier than others.

He’s forced himself to stop counting his losses. After nearly completely dropping out of the competition (he was a hair away from doing it... so close to quitting that he could practically taste failure on his tongue), he realized that something about his mindset was in dire need of changing. If he didn’t gather his thoughts and stop looking at every single downside instead of what he’s been given, this wasn’t going to work out. After all, he was still here. That’s more than most people that started on this show can say. He’s lucky; he’s grateful for this. He just wished that he wasn’t so insecure. Maybe if he viewed himself with a higher regard, ranking low every week wouldn’t get to him as badly as it did.

If he was truly not talented and not deserving of being here, then he wouldn’t be. Simple.

Let’s rewind back to the event that nearly pushed him to throw in the towel; it was another week where your rank from the previous round determined whether you’d get your pick of song. Before, he’d been lucky. There were few rappers left so he was practically guaranteed to land a spot in the song that he desired most. Now, there were even less rappers since both of his teammates had been eliminated (disregarding the fact that one of them wasn’t even a rapper, he just had very little choice about performing with them). Perhaps it wasn’t his fault, exactly. If it’d been those that had been dropped from the MGAs’ fault that he scored so terribly, then it made little sense to him. It was their fault, but now they’re gone and he has to suffer the consequences? It didn’t seem right. He’d much rather those in charge rank each contestant individually so things like this didn’t happen.

Now, he had the song that he wanted to do in mind, but he had very little hope that he would get it. And then... of course, obviously, he didn’t. MYNAME was one of his absolute ult groups and it would have meant the world to him if he’d had been able to perform it. He’d had the opportunity to learn dancing from Jun.Q when he participated in the NOVA dance classes. Mingyu just imagines how wonderful it would have been to be able to dance onstage to one of his songs, knowing that he was only doing so well because he’d had some help from him— his idol. It would have been an incredible moment, though it wasn’t one he was meant to live out.

Then, later, he found out that Won did manage to secure a place in performing it. After that, all he can imagine is how wonderful it would have been to finally be on stage with him. He’s happy to see his boyfriend doing so well on the show, that’s incredibly clear. He values him way more than he values himself, after all. Still, now he has this feeling in his chest and this voice in his head that is telling him that he would only hold the other back. He wishes he could feel like he was succeeding, too. He doesn’t want to be better than Won; to him, that isn’t even possible. He just desperately wants to feel like he truly deserves to stand next to him and for them to both achieve this dream together.

But, you know, his team wasn’t as bad as he convinced himself they’d be. He was bitter at first and didn’t want to open his eyes and accept his current place, though once he did, he felt rather content. Everyone was friendly enough and they all were able to joke together and bond to an extent. Weirdly enough, despite as long as he’s been on this show, he was meeting new faces every week. Well, they weren’t exactly new since he recognized them well enough, though he’d never actually been given the chance to get to know them up until now.

Mostly, he bonded the best with Taehyung. Very quickly did he warm to the other boy and he stuck to him like glue. He was friendly and bright, which was absolutely something that Mingyu needed to have in his life right now. The two of them even went shopping for coats together, which was a fun experience. Lately, he hasn’t had many chances to be normal and playful like he had been in the past, so it was a breath of fresh air when he was posing in ridiculous and dramatic outfits for pictures snapped by the other boy, laughing cheerfully once he no longer had to hold his position. They were instructed by Soojin to not wear anything that was a fashion crime, though they seemed to have differing opinions about what classified as such.

Practicing wasn’t as intense as he wanted it to be. This, once again, just made him think about how much he would have enjoyed performing ‘Tell Me’. There wasn’t much choreography in a song such as this one so he wasn’t going to be needing to practice much dancing. Rapping was already easy for him, and he wasn’t even tasked with writing his own lines or anything, so there wasn’t a lot for him to do this week. It was a lot more boring than some of his previous weeks, though he supposed he should enjoy this sort of free time. Especially considering he wouldn’t be given as many opportunities such as this one once he was actually signed to a company.

Relaxing wasn’t entirely easy, though. He had too many things on his mind to feel completely calm and he hated being by himself. He would try to cling to Taehyung during these moments, hoping that he would provide him with company and a proper distraction.

The week went by a lot slower than he hoped it would, so he was very happy once Friday rolled around. He was going to be participating in the hi touch after this performance, which both excited and disappointed him. His disappointment wasn’t intense, however. He was just nervous about waiting so long for the eliminations since he was extremely worried and nervous about the results. Just knowing that it would drag out for a while gave him a bit of anxiety, though he tried to push it away. In the end, meeting people who were excited to see him would be a wonderful experience. He didn’t know it just yet, but it was going to free him of many of his worries.

Once finally on stage, Mingyu introduced himself to the crowd and then braced himself for the performance.

난 씩씩하게 말을 걸어 넌 저기 시시한 여자와는 달리 틱틱 거려 칙칙하던 분위기에 한 줄기 빛 설렘 정도가 지나쳐 마치 사춘기

The lines weren’t too challenging, so he managed to complete his first verse with ease. Honestly, at this point, he was counting his blessings. He was thankful for what he was given. It’s never good to be discontent with your life when things aren’t even bad. He felt glad that he was here, performing on stage with the other survivors of the show. Also, he had a lot more lines than he would have if he was given his original choice. This was a good thing, he now thought. He wasn’t getting to perform with Won, but he had faith that he was going to debut with him. Then, they’d always get to perform together. This was just a small sacrifice for a huge win.

에라 모르겠다 에라 모르겠다

He would dance a little, or at least ensure that he didn’t look like as stiff as a statue onstage as the performance went on. He made sure that he was smiling and appearing carefree and confident. When he was onstage, that kind of thing never felt like a lie. After all, this is still where he felt comfortable. The nineteen-year-old always felt like he was in his element here.

뒤처리를 못해 피눈물 없는 로맨스 장단 없는 game 너는 오락가락하고 멜로디가 다른 알토와 소프라노 어차피 우리는 끊어질 거야 딱 잘라 말할게 타락해버린 꿈에 Eldorado

As he executed his second long verse, he made sure that he did so perfectly and effortlessly. Just looking out at the crowd and examining all of the eyes glued to him felt exhilarating. His heart rate picked up as the adrenaline pumped through his veins, eyes sparkling with determination and awe.

에라 모르겠다

The majority of his lines were over but the stage wasn’t finished just yet. He did his best to hype up the rest of his group as they did their lines, continuing to smile and move about in a way that didn’t make him appear as though he was made of stone, though he also didn’t want to look like his limbs were crafted from noodles (despite what Yerim seems to believe).

에라 모르겠다 I Love y’all 에라 모르겠다 에라 모르겠다

With each week spent on the MGAs, the easier this seemed to become. He briefly found himself wondering if this is what it felt like for idols. Did they get used to this kind of attention and schedule over time? Or, did they only get used to it for a while, before it begins to feel draining and tiring? He wouldn’t know until he was in that position... or until he has the opportunity to ask one for himself, though he doesn’t feel like they would answer truthfully either way.

Girl I wanna get down Girl I wanna get down

He was going back and forth with this line as the song began nearing an end. In just a little while he would be touching hands with those that wanted to meet him, then he would find out where he stood tonight. It was an intimidating and scary thought, but he couldn’t let it distract him until after this was completely finished and he was standing offstage somewhere.

에라 모르겠다 I Love y’all

And then, not long after, the music stopped. He stood there, chest once again rising and falling faster than usual, though also not as harshly as it would have been if he’d been exerting more of his energy into dancing. He felt pleased with their performance, hoping that it would be enough to get him to a rank that was higher than he’d placed before. If it didn’t, though, he wouldn’t let it get to him. As long as he survives tonight, he will feel grateful.

Mingyu really wants to be here; he really wants to succeed. He realizes that now.

[rkmg]

〈★〉MGAS SEASON 4 - EPISODE EIGHT - HI TOUCH                 ↳ contestant #4049, kim mingyu; meeting fans !

It was almost over... almost. Although, that statement had two totally separate meanings regarding Kim Mingyu. Yes, it was true that to competition was drawing near to an end. However, it also meant that things had been headed in the direction of not turning out the way that they currently were. The nineteen-year-old had a strong urge to quit at one point, but he was so close to making it through. The thought of leaving before he was eliminated made him feel like more of a failure than ranking so low every week; he had no desire to be known as a quitter. Still, this show was beginning to take such a toll on him and he wasn’t exactly sure that he can make it another week before having his second mental breakdown within the time frame of just one year. He’s come a long way since then, that’s for sure. However, he was also extremely aware that there was still much progress to be made yet.

Performing was as fun as ever, though he really felt the pressure tonight. Things were starting to get intense and he really knew that his life was on the line. He had yet to find out whether he was going to be eliminated or not and that caused his stomach to churn, though he did his best to ignore it so that he could fully focus on whatever fans would be here to see him. Honestly, he doubted there would be many, but even just one or two would please him. He was popular in high school because of his position on the basketball team, though he never really felt like any of those people genuinely liked him. He didn’t believe that they knew who he was and all that he could do. This was going to be a different story entirely.

The boy felt rather sad that he wasn’t going to get to spend much time with the two-hundred people that were selected to participate in the hi touch. He wanted to know about them, have the ability to hold hands with them and see their smiles as he’d look into their eyes and cause them to blush; he wished time wasn’t so scarce. They’d only have a brief couple of seconds per person and were instructed to just touch hands and then that would be it. The person would then be required to move on and touch hands were the next person, having to get it done quickly and in a timely manner. This just made him hope that one day, once he was a debuted idol and extremely successful, that he’d have lots of chances like this to spend time with those that support him.

Once it was finally time for it to begin, a bright, toothy grin formed on his face and refused to ever leave (or dull, for that matter) as he was far too excited to have the chance to partake in something like this. A vast majority of his insecurities dissipated as he stood there, watching as person after person touched hands with those contestants before him, eventually making their way to press their palms against his. Some of their incredibly happy and excited faces caused his heart to soar, then it would fall just a little as people here and there skipped by him completely. It wasn’t a big deal, of course. Everyone had their own preferences and opinions; not everyone was a fan of everyone. That was something that he knew, and he tried not to let it get to his head. Any minor disappointment that he’d feel would be erased from his memory the moment another person was standing there, reaching out to touch his hands.

Overall, it was an extremely rewarding and enjoyable experience. It made him look forward to his future even more than he already had been. He just hopes that there are happy times awaiting him instead of sad ones. He really needs some positivity and good feedback to lift his spirits after all of the previous weeks on the show.

[rkmg]

〈★〉MGAS SEASON 4 - EPISODE SEVEN - TEAM PERFORMANCE                     ↳ spitfire ( #4008, #4014, #4049 ) - click for line distribution                                   ↳ song: “who you” by hyuna, mingyu, & donghyun

Last place. Honestly, Mingyu was more shocked than he had been in a while. He just can’t seem to comprehend why he keeps doing so terribly week after week. Never was he in first place. As a matter of fact, he’s never even come close. The single time that he didn’t have any team members eliminated, he barely made the cut. They were the last safe team, the ones right after them being in the bottom. With as hard as he works every single week, he just doesn’t understand it. The competition is coming close to an end and he has no idea what victory even tastes like. Truthfully speaking, he’s mostly lost hope that he ever will. If he hasn’t done well up to this point, chances are that isn’t going to change now. If no one has taken notice of him thus far, they likely aren’t going to. Everyone has had every chance possible to notice his talent and to root for him, though apparently he isn’t as appealing as he thought. Bitterness plagued him, though so did a certain sadness. 

He didn’t want to feel like this entire thing was already over, but he had difficulty telling himself anything different. He wasn’t going to stop trying hard, since giving up wasn’t in his nature, though he was going to feel some annoyance as he continues to work his ass off. He already knows that it probably won’t be for anything, but he’s too stubborn to throw in the towel. Coming into this competition, so many of these people he felt a strong sense of admiration for, but it was slowly starting to become replaced by resentment.

The next week’s challenge made him feel even more upset that he’s constantly ranking so incredibly low. They were to pick the performance that they wanted to take part in, though they could only do so one at a time in the order that they ranked. That meant... he was going to go last. Well, apart from the wild cards, at least. For a short amount of time, he worried that he was going to have to do something insane like sing even though he felt the most comfortable rapping. But, he was soon at ease when he realized that nearly every person on the show was gunning for a singing position. In the end, the choices and spots available left him feeling unusually excited.

                  SINGING:                         DANCING:                         RAPPING:               Amazing Kiss (0)                 Instruction (0)                     Born Hater (1)              Love In The Ice (0)                Handclap (3)                      Who you (2)                                                               Stay (0)

Thankfully, he was still in a position to land a spot in his top choice of a performance. So, he informed them that he would be one of the three doing “Who You” and felt a newfound burst of confidence the day he entered the TRC building once again. The teen felt a mix of anticipation and intimidation when he discovered that Hyuna was going to be on his team. She was a very well known rapper and he didn’t have much faith that he would be chosen over her. Then, their third teammate, Donghyun, informed the two that he wasn’t even a rapper. Since he was one of the wild cards brought back onto the show, he was forced to pick his song after everyone that had never been eliminated. Truthfully, Mingyu felt some anxiety for the younger boy, though he vowed to do everything that he could to help him put on a good show. After all, it would really be horrible to be booted off the moment that you get a second chance.

They were tasked with writing their own lyrics, which wasn’t going to be a struggle for Mingyu. He’s spent so much of his time in the past writing raps that he already had some ideas. He spent a lot of his time creating his verses, perfecting his pronunciation, and trying to help ensure that Donghyun doesn’t have too much of a hard time. He offered his assistance with helping him write his lines and get a good flow, as well as make sure that he wasn’t stumbling over his words. Not being very creative and not having spent a lot of time rapping was not very good for this round... well, not in this particular team, anyway. He felt sort of bad for the younger boy, though he still felt like they could manage to pull this off. They would make the best from what they were given and hopefully trick everyone into believing that the youngest team member had been a rapper all of this time. It was going to be difficult and probably scary, too. But... none of them were giving up just yet. They were going to give this all that they had and just hope that it’s enough to save all of them. Since this week was different and certain entire teams weren’t going to be safe, he felt even more pressure to make sure that he did his very best and didn’t rely on the other members of his team to carry him whatsoever.

It’s not as necessary to spend excessive amounts of time at the training room this time around. There wasn’t much particular choreography that he was going to need to learn, he mostly just needed to create his parts and make sure that he can execute his performance without a hitch. Since it’s where he’s had the most luck finding inspiration and writing lyrics that he’s proud of, he spends many hours this week within the four walls of his own bedroom, sitting at his desk with his notebook on the surface in front of him. Different lines come to him out of order and he quietly murmurs a lot of the words to himself. This song isn’t going to be just about this week, but all of the time that he’s spent on the MGAs. He was going to tell a story to the audience and let them in on some of what he’s been forced to go through, as well as his mindset throughout.

‘I spill sweat until 4 am in the practice room, turn on the instrumental and hold the mic in my left hand.’

The page begins to be scrawled on with dark ink, forming the words that his mind held. It’s true that he has spent so many nights training, hours and hours passing by without him even realizing that he needs rest. He would work hard until the sun was rising, nap for a short amount of time, and soon begin to work once again. Mingyu would close his eyes and let the music play, listening to the beat and trying to come up with a good flow that would match it. He’d grip the microphone in his dominant hand and deeply inhale, letting himself get lost in the moment before parting his lips to spit fire. That’s what their team ended up being called... it seemed fitting, really.

‘I beat myself up on purpose until I lose control.’

It was true. He needed that kind of push to keep going and continuing to give this all that he had. He had no choice to be out of control, working hard constantly, going crazy with the need to carry on and survive. It was dire and this... this was do or die.

‘They say live every moment like it’s life or death, so I practice like my life’s on the line.’

In a way, it is. His life that falls in line with his dreams, anyway. His life of living out what he wants to do and making it all a reality. He either remains in this show and continues to live and thrive, or he’s eliminated and a part of him, the hopeful part, dies and withers away. This is what he’s working so hard to achieve, he must carry on and practice until he can’t possibly practice anymore. Fighting was his only option as he wasn’t ready to bury his dreams just yet.

Since he has to be sure that he is behind the cameras enough to have plenty of screen time (as if), he spends his time practicing his written lyrics in the training room. He smiles at the cameras every once in a while, getting close to the lens and occasionally making comments like “I feel good about the performance I will be doing this week. I get to show my creativity again which I think is one of my advantages. Please pay attention to me this week! I think you will be surprised.”

Then, he’d go right back to standing in front of the mirrors, carefully watching himself as he’d begin mid rap into the microphone, “Why you say mic check one, two.” He would focus on his movements and making sure that he looked as confident and charismatic as he sounded. He was filled with a lot of good energy and really looked forward to showing everyone once Friday rolled around. He wasn’t entirely sure what any of the other contestants were going to be doing this week, but he had high hopes for himself. Then again, he always does and it seems to be for nothing. Still, he can’t stop believing just yet. The second he lets all of his negative thoughts control him, the second this is probably genuinely over for him. High hopes had to remain within his system regardless of what the situation was looking like for him.

The whole week flew by a lot quicker than he expected. It was almost like each day ended as soon as it had begun. Now, he was left preparing to finally put on a performance, trying to chase away any nervousness and jitters that managed to creep into his body. He didn’t talk a lot while he waited for the night to progress, watching act after act go on before him. His team would be the very last of the night, which he kind of hoped would be an advantage. That would mean that his would be the freshest in everyone’s minds, right? It would be effortless for them to recall the performance and pinpoint what they liked the best about it. All of those that went on before them offered up impressive performances, however, and it was extremely evident that everyone realized how important tonight was. They were all fighting for their lives on this show, doing their best to showcase their talent and display how much they have improved as the weeks have gone on. They all worked hard to do something creative and high quality, so he could only hope that his team would continue the streak of good performances and end the night on a high note.

Once they walked out and all eyes were on them, Mingyu started grinning and soon spoke up to introduce himself. “I’m spitfire’s hopeful Kim Mingyu. Please listen to me closely!” After they all three had managed to finish the short introduction, the song was soon beginning and it was time for them all to kick it into gear. Hyuna started off their performance and Mingyu soon chimed in with an ‘ay’ at the beginning of her second verse. ‘So far, so good’, he thought to himself as she finished up and Donghyun’s turn began. He hoped that it wouldn’t be too complicated for the youngest to pull this off since he wasn’t given more lines that he could handle (hopefully... Mingyu had faith in him).

He made sure to move around on the stage, hyping up the other members, occasionally bouncing with a big grin on his face, mouthing the others’ lyrics as they sang them. In Donghyun’s first verse, Mingyu joined him in his '되뇌었네' and '때내 어깨애' lines, and then again for two ‘ay’s and a ‘yeah, yeah’ in his second.

Then, the metaphorical baton was passed back to Hyuna and she continued on with her second part in their song. Mingyu was definitely growing more excited for his turn, which showed in his enthusiasm when he chimed in on her rap with ‘표딱지는’, ‘봤지’, and ‘위로’. Mere seconds passed as she finished up and he was facing the spotlight of his own, now fully prepared to begin rapping the lyrics that he spent so much time concocting.

새벽 네시까지 거울 방에서 땀방울을 흘려 Instrumental 켜고 왼손에 MIC 쥐고 미쳐버린 개처럼 불러 자신을 때려 일부러 정신 놓쳐버릴 때까지 매 순간에 목숨 걸으란 말에 연습 때도 목숨걸어 ho

He was confident with the way that he presented himself and delivered his lines. He would occasionally find himself crouching a bit or closing his eyes and slightly tilting his head as he really got into the lyrics, losing himself in the song. He made sure that he was breathing when he needed to and allowed himself to do whatever came naturally to him, since that’s always the way that he’s managed to succeed before. Thinking too much, as he’s learned, is usually what used to cause him to slip up the most. Now he feels as if he’s a seasoned performer and knows the tricks to perfecting his lines without making such a huge mistake that he’d be the laughing stock of the MGAs. He really hoped that he was doing well to prove himself. He just wanted to shine just as the other rappers that always receive so much attention. This felt like one of his last shots to actually catch people’s eyes and become a talked about contestant for once.

Why you say MIC check one two 난 다르게 check MIC want you 남들은 박자를 맘대로 탄다고 말하고 흔한 대로 그럼 난 반대로 흔한 대로 탄다고 말하고 그냥 내 맘대로 가는 대로 타보려고 집중해 너 잘 들어 타블로가 놀랄 거야 잘 들어

First verse down and second one to go, though he still wasn’t even beginning to lose any of his momentum. He wasn’t faltering or becoming tired, he didn’t think, if anything, he felt he was more energized than he’d even been before. He felt like he had adrenaline pumping through his veins and helping him to spit his lines with as much power as he could manage. He really didn’t want to be overlooked again. Knowing that he wrote these lyrics himself and listening to the way that he was able to present them really should pay off. He came onto this show feeling very good about his rapping ability and his creativity skills, so this was the perfect way for him to showcase them both. Finally, he was able to shine the way that he always knew he was meant to. Being in his element gave him so much hope and he felt like this chance was more promising than the others. 

Mostly finished with his lines, he allowed himself to calm down and catch his breath as Hyuna continued with her next lines. Once again, he joined her with ‘나를 ‘ and then was silent until they came to their shared parts, in which they kept repeating the same line over and over again.

니가 알던 내가 아냐 니가 알던 내가 아냐 니가 알던 내가 아냐 니가 알던 내가 아냐

They continued their lines, each one having an individual part after the repetitive line this time, soon ending the song together with one final phrase.

니가 알던 내가 아냐 니가 알던 내가 아냐 메타몽 정체 모를 놈 니가 알던 내가 아냐 소리 질러

After it was all said and done, Mingyu stared out at the audience, his eyes gleaming as his chest quickly continued to rise and fall. A big smile formed, toothy and cheerful, and he gave a bow before following the others off the stage. Now was their time to find out where they would stand. He found himself dreading the results, though he didn’t feel like it was his time to leave just yet. He felt like he put on a performance worthy of remaining in this competition, but the boy wouldn’t know for sure until the verdict was out. He could only hope and pray at this point.

[rkmg]

〈★〉MGAS SEASON 4 - EPISODE SEVEN - INTERVIEW          ↳ chosen favorites of contestant #4049, kim mingyu !

After the surprise camera relay from last week, Mingyu isn’t entirely taken off guard when he’s being guided out of his regular practice room and into a separate one that’s been set up in a special way, apparently for some type of interview. His eyes scan over the white background and the table with multiple pictures on them, feeling slightly unsure about this entire situation. He starts putting together the pieces and has a fairly good idea of what’s going to be asked of him, which isn’t something he hoped he’d have to answer. But, he’s always known that this show was only a short stretch beyond that of a popularity contest. 

As the weeks have gone on, he’s found himself increasingly more comfortable in front of a camera. Back in December when he filmed for the star bright casting, he remembers that he had a somewhat awkward presence. Now, he feels at ease. Being in the spotlight isn’t anywhere near as crippling as it was once upon a time for him. For that, he’s grateful. Still, he feels a hint of bitterness at the mere thought of partaking in this particular activity.

He’s used to giving people what they want, however, and he can pretend that he’s perfectly happy about it. They don’t have to see his internal struggles. As a matter of fact, it’s best that they be left in the dark. His heart is far bigger than perhaps most of the other individuals on the show and he doesn’t want that to be something that holds him back. It’s a good trait, mostly, but not everyone can entirely respect it. So, he puts on a smile as he sits down and waits for it to be his turn to speak. Surely they’re going to explain to him what it is that he’s doing here, even if he was already smart enough to figure that out on his own.

“Out of the remaining contestants left on the show, who do you think is the most talented singer?”

Mingyu holds the card close to his chest for a moment. His answer was easy, given that he surely needed to have a different and appropriate response for each category. He already knew for a fact who his favorite dancer was going to be, so this one only seemed obvious to him. A bright smile formed on his face as he took a deep breath, soon flipping the picture around so that everyone could see. “Jinsoul is my favorite singer! She has a really pretty voice, right? I’m lucky to have been on her team twice already. I’m sad we never did as well as we thought we should have, but it definitely wasn’t her fault! I think that her voice should have led us to victory. She’s very talented, I hope to perform with her a lot more in the future!” He wishes he could add more... he’d love to include Sungwoon and even Won, but he’s afraid that the more he adds, the less inclusive it becomes. It’s a weird way of viewing it considering more people would be mentioned, but then he thinks the ones that aren’t would feel even worse. He’s better off giving them what they want and leaving it at that, even if he doesn’t agree with it.

“What about your favorite dancer?”

“Ah...” His smile turns incredibly soft and his expression shifts into one of pure fondness. A very soft chuckle slips past his lips as he stares down at his chosen picture for a moment, soon turning it around to reveal it to the cameras. “Won is by far my favorite dancer! Not only is he my favorite, but I think he’s the most talented, too! I’ve been friends with him for a very long time and I have always admired his dancing abilities. I’ve learned a lot from him, actually! Everyone can thank him for the fact that I’m not just flailing around on stage. He works really hard and I think he deserves a lot of recognition for his amazing talents! Won, fighting!”

“Who is your favorite rapper in the competition?”

A gentle hum resonates from within him as he thinks for a moment, slightly tilting his head to the side. “Well, I’m most certainly not my favorite.” He begins chuckling at his comment for several seconds, then gets quieter as he holds two cards in his hands. “One of them is actually more of a dancer, but I really love her a lot. Both of my choices are extremely talented and really great people! My favorites are...” He does a playful “drum roll” with his feet against the floor before revealing his pictures with a laugh. “Taehyung and Yoojung! I love listening to both of them a lot. I think they are going to be very successful in the future!”

“And who do you think is going to win it all?”

“I know who I wish was going to win it all.” More laughter escaped him as he happily grinned, taking in another breath as he really tried to think through this answer. “Well, I think the obvious guess would be...” He pauses for dramatic effect, eventually flipping over his card for everyone to see his answer. “Kim Hyuna. She has a lot of talent and experience, plus so many people know her and root for her. I would really be surprised if she didn’t win. Though, I think there are others capable of taking home the title of winner, too... But, I’m just going to leave it at that.”

[rkmg]

give a little love.

rkmga4summer starter for @rkdoyexn !

Once again, Mingyu was beyond pleased with his team this week. He was lucky to be with two girls that he’s already performed and bonded with, though he felt much more comfortable around even the ones he’d never interacted with before during this particular round. Wanting to make sure that they all remained healthy and happy (because he’s soft... Kim Mingyu, the gentle giant), he entered the practice room with a bag in hand.

Approaching the tallest girl in the team, the only one out of the three that he hasn’t actually gotten to know yet, he pulled out a sandwich and offered it to her. “I brought some food in case anyone gets hungry... There’s other snacks and stuff in here, too. Oh, and this.” Reaching in for a second time, he pulled out a cold bottle of water and held it in the girl’s direction. “I know you probably hear this from everyone you meet, but your visuals are no joke. Our team might win this round from looks alone.” Gentle, playful laughter fell from his lips before he softly smiled, hoping he was getting better at interacting with others. Perhaps the MGAs was doing more for him than he originally anticipated.