On November 1st, your phone receives a notification about a new email. The sender is the account of a man you do not know, and he introduces himself as an employee of Sphere Entertainment. “We saw the recent video cover you posted on YouTube and think you may fit the profile we’re looking for.” He tells you to phone a given number in case you’re interested in a private audition for Sphere Entertainment. In case you search for his name, all the information given seem to check out, and the phone number is the same one as the one listed on Sphere’s official website. “I believe you have the potential to grow in our company.”
Getting a message telling him to check his email is odd. He thinks it’s a scam at first, but there’s no harm in checking his email, right? When he does, his eyes widen. Surely this email is a scam, right? If he opens the email will his phone instantly receive a virus that steals all of his personal information before shutting the entire system down? He’s nervous, but the email says Sphere Entertainment. He can’t help but look.
His hands shake as he reads. Sphere wants him to audition. He knows nothing is guaranteed, but he also knows this means Sphere hasn’t forgotten about him. They’ve been watching him, and they watched the Empty Enigma cover of Teeth. They want him because of that. It took about a month after the MGAs for Daniel to really decide he wanted to become a trainee-- with Woojin’s help and approval. Now, if he passes this audition, he’ll get to train alongside Woojin, too. He’ll be able to make up for leaving him alone after sharing a team with him on the show, and after that haunted him for so long. It still does. Now, there’s no hesitation. There’s no waffling. There’s no other option for him.
Sphere said he might fit the profile they’re looking for after watching an Empty Enigma cover. Part of him wanted NOVA the most, up until exactly now. If a company watched him on bass and wanted him to audition afterwards, there’s nowhere else he’d want to be.
Usually, he’d go talk to the other Empty Enigma boys to decide what to do. Now, however, he doesn’t need to. He calls, and it’s as much for him as it is for his friends (and Woojin, mainly.)
Maybe later, he’ll realize this means leaving Minhyun and Sungwoon alone-- that it’ll be like picking between the two. After that, he’ll remember Woojin’s schedule, and the time it still allows to live his life, and he’ll realize how much he wants this.
He said it the entirety of the MGAs, and it proved truer than he ever anticipated. Now, it returns: nothing is guaranteed.
“Hi,” he says into the receiver regardless. “This is Kang Daniel. I got a message offering me an audition? I was hoping to schedule it.”
( OOC: Congratulations on being scouted for Sphere Entertainment! In case your muse is interested, they may schedule their audition anytime between the 2nd and 8th IC. The person in the call will let them know to prepare their performance showing at least one performance skill. It does not need to be the one you believe is your strongest one, although that is recommended. Please have your 250+ word audition solos up by midnight at the end of Friday, November 8th EST. Please tag your solos with #rkspheremediascout. Good luck! )
97swg did everyone watch the mgas ? did everyone see me ? i was good, right ? ㅋㅋㅋ it wasn’t aired, but i decided to give my fans a cute nickname - su’s sundrops ! it has a nice ring to it, don’t you think ? please tune in later this week to support me, my cute sundrops ~ and if i get eliminated, please distribute your love evenly between #5003 yena, #5006 vernon, #5007 kyungsoo ( my cousin ), #5009 aisha, #5010 minhyun, #5015 eunji, #5017 daniel, #5018 hyunggu ( my rival ), #5023 minkyung ( my pretend daughter ), #5027 yugyeom, #5042 eric, and #5048 taeyang ! everyone, fighting ! #mga5 #이수웅 #5032
☆ MGA5 EPISODE THREE; JULY 11
#5008 HA SUNGWOON ; FT. NA JAEMIN ( duos )
performance: easy by wheein ft. sik-k ( rearranged ) ( 0:07 - 2:07 ) ; line distribution
he’d never precisely forgotten how nerve-wracking waiting for the results of each round of the mgas could be, but sungwoon is still surprised by the sheer depth of his anxiety as they await the judges’ pronouncements. too much is at stake; he’s worrying for four peoples’ survival instead of just two. maybe he’s doomed to feel this twisted up and scared for as long as the rest of his friends are in this competition alongside him, but he’s willing to endure it if it means they can stick together for a while longer.
though idly, sungwoon wonders if it would be easier if he were eliminated and watching the episode air in the comfort of his home. would he feel this nervous, this jittery as the ceos announce names—some of them familiar, some not—of those who won’t continue on in each category? would he feel sick looking at the faces of those who’ll be leaving today, guilt threatening to eat him up because he made it when they didn’t? would that be better?
(his heart says no, he’s meant to be here).
beneath mild disappointment that none of empty enigma placed in the top 3 of their individual skill categories is immense relief that neither were they bad enough to be cut at this stage in the competition. daniel’s survival is the most important of them all. despite his early switch from singing to rapping, sungwoon couldn’t shake the worry that this might be it—but it’s the switch that saved him, in all likelihood. sungwoon commends daniel for realizing he’d have a better chance at making it through doing something he was confident in, as opposed to the very skill that got him eliminated last time.
joohyun’s elimination hurts, even if it’s not entirely unexpected. the stumble was costly, and though sungwoon doesn’t like it, the judges’ assessment is fair. he just hopes she isn’t taking it too badly. it’s sobering to realize that the previous season’s contestants are beginning to drop one by one as well; he wonders if it’s a matter of overall skills not being up to par or just a lack of improvement. or is it simpler still—a lack of star power? sungwoon can’t tell, and that worries him.
but with the announcement of the next episode’s mission, he’s forced to switch gears. duos, he thinks, squaring his shoulders. different from last year, sure, but not bad. he can work with duos. part of him can’t help but hope that he gets paired with one of his friends, but that would be… vastly unfair. woojin and kenta deserve better than his dance skills, but sungwoon thinks he could do something exciting with minhyun or daniel. they’ve worked together enough that sungwoon trusts them.
of course, the universe isn’t that kind. sungwoon gets paired with na jaemin instead. he knows very little about the kid himself—and he is a kid, as if sungwoon wasn’t feeling old enough in this competition already—or what he’s capable of, though he remembers jaemin performing an original song he enjoyed. their introduction is a bit awkward and formal, but they eventually settle on a time and place to meet the next day to plan their performance without much trouble.
sungwoon doesn’t know what to expect out of their partnership, but he hopes at the very least, they’ll pull together a performance to be proud of.
-
the awkwardness persists.
jaemin has a makeshift studio they can practice in, which sungwoon is grateful for. he’d offer the empty enigma practice space were it not for the possibility one of the others might be using it as well. it hits him for the first time that—well, he’s competing against his friends, that whatever he and jaemin put together is a secret only the two of them should be privy to. anyone else discovering what they’re planning to perform could give them a potential edge in the competition—or at the very least, screw sungwoon and jaemin over.
(sungwoon trusts his friends would not resort to sabotage. he does. but he’s also competitive as fuck—there’s no we in a competition).
so he heads to the address jaemin provided after his shift at the pastry shop is over, armed with a box of leftover goodies, also known as whatever they didn’t sell that sungwoon could rescue from his coworkers’ clutches. he’s hoping the food will break the ice somewhat between them. who doesn’t love a good pastry? but he figures out soon enough that expecting a couple of (admittedly delicious) fruit tarts to set the stage for them to work well together is being overly optimistic.
jaemin isn’t rude or arrogant or a dozen other horror stories wrapped up in a deceptively benign package. he’s just a little on the quiet side. sungwoon can manage quiet—he’s lived with woojin for long enough that he knows how to curb his own exuberance to match the energy. however, jaemin also doesn’t fuck around when it comes to music. their first argument (professional disagreement?) happens because of their wildly opposing opinions, and neither jaemin nor sungwoon are willing to back down.
stubbornness runs through sungwoon’s veins in spades, sure. he’s less used to dealing with it in other people. while they eventually compromise and come to an agreement regarding their performance, sungwoon ends up under the impression that jaemin hates him for the first couple of days of the week.
and—truthfully, sungwoon isn’t the easiest person to work with either. he knows from the album prep that he can be a bit much, but it comes from a place of passion. jaemin is the same way; sungwoon can see it in his eyes when they practice together, and in the care he takes while working on the arrangement for their song. it’s admirable, and recognizing that jaemin cares just as much as he does finally bridges the gap between them and puts them on the same page.
jaemin is a good musician in every sense of the word. sungwoon wishes he had even half of his talent. he may not know a lot about rap, but even he can tell jaemin is skilled. and when it comes to rearrangements and remixes of songs, sungwoon can see how much thought and effort he puts into every single one. it’s not mindless playing around for him. the fact that jaemin is just as invested in perfecting their performance as he is gives sungwoon hope for the round.
they keep in close contact until filming, practicing together every single day. jaemin sends him snippets of revisions he’s made to their arrangement constantly, sometimes tiny things sungwoon can only hear after putting all his focus into listening, but every bit of it is important in ensuring they’re prepared for d-day.
by the end of it, sungwoon is, to his surprise, pleased to have been paired with jaemin in the end. the experience may not have been smooth sailing all around, but he feels like he’s learned a lot from his partner in the short time they’ve worked together. they’ve reached a good point, not only in their teamwork but in their performance as well, and he prays their synergy will shine through on stage.
-
seats are assigned for the day’s filming. sungwoon is both relieved and disappointed; he was hoping to sit with his friends and feels a little lost at the idea of not being able to lean over to whisper his comments into their ears or slip his hand in one of theirs when the nerves get too bad. but—at least he’s away from the distracting presence of those around him in the last round.
minhyun is still near enough that sungwoon throws him a quick smile as he takes his seat next to jaemin and surreptitiously wipes his clammy palms on the underneath his thighs. “nervous?” he asks, attempting to look unconcerned. it comes out as more of a grimace instead, but jaemin seems alright in sungwoon’s eyes.
it’s… odd to think how unused to singing with other people he still is. how unused to sharing the spotlight he is. squall is larger than life by necessity; he eats up the stage by himself. sungwoon is not an explosive, expanding, all consuming star. he wants to be someone who enhances others, who shares his glow rather than devouring everything in sight. but jaemin is a star on his own, and they’ve worked so hard this past week to ensure they work in tandem and not against each other. sungwoon has to believe they’ll perform equally as well today.
the competition is fierce this round. they’re sixth to perform, but the people before them pull off some truly spectacular stages that have sungwoon applauding hard enough to turn his palms red. when it’s finally their turn to get up there, he gives jaemin a double thumbs up and a smile brimming with confidence he doesn’t fully possess. “let’s get it done!” sungwoon chirps. it’s their time to shine.
they’d decided to coordinate their outfits for the performance because appearances matter, and they stand together as a polished duo up on stage. their introduction is similarly polished and cheerful—“we’re your lucky stars, sungwoon and jaemin!” as sungwoon goes on to explain, “jaemin is the brains of our team, which makes me the brawn.” a grin dances on his lips as he lifts one arm and flexes (well, makes an attempt) to punctuate his sentence. “brawn-to-be, i guess.” letting his arm fall back to his side, he continues. “we’ll be performing easy by wheein—but with our own spin, courtesy of jaemin. we hope you enjoy!”
sungwoon emphatically believes in giving credit where it’s due, and jaemin deserves that much even though it’s cumbersome to say. he gives the younger boy and encouraging smile as they take their places and the first notes of their pre-recorded acoustic rearrangement fill the stage.
sungwoon raises the mic to his lips and vocalizes for the first part, letting the vibe of the song flow through him. it’s a little more playful than his usual fare, almost cheeky in its lightheartedness. the words are both meant to be taken seriously and yet not at the same time; he feels like it’s meant to be an admonition, though not a stern one. it’s like when you try to tell someone something important but so so with a smile or a just kidding! at the end, as if naked, frank honesty is terrifying. and it is, most of the time.
넌 다른 생각할 때
그 표정이 너무 뻔해
난 다 알 수가 있어
it’s not an ordinary day
눈치가 빠르지 않더라도
넌 너무 알기 쉽게
보여주니 잔인하네
날 긴장하게 만드는 예민함도
가슴을 찌르는 너의 솔직함도
왜 내게만 해당 돼 it’s too unfair
initially, he was a little unsure about singing a song originally meant for a female vocalist, but sungwoon knows he won’t get anywhere without taking some sort of a risk. but they’ve rearranged it into a male key, though it’s still not entirely easy to sing. sungwoon is confident enough in his abilities that he’s not scared of attempting it by any means. he knows he can pull it off.
i’m not easy 난 그런 거 싫어해
좋게 맞춰준 거지
널 더 좋아한 거지
이미 내 마음도 변해가네
너에게 가둬둔 날 꺼내 벗어날래
he makes eye contact with jaemin as he sings, naturally turning towards him during the chorus, taking the opportunity to ad lib some high notes and dip into his falsetto as the occasion arises. they play well off each other, their synergy coming across in the ease with which sungwoon gives way to jaemin’s rap verse following the chorus—he sings it’s not easy right at the judges, then shifts to let jaemin have his turn in the spotlight.
too late too late
you’re so stupid stupid
no way no way it’s not easy
sungwoon’s head bops along to jaemin’s verse. his delivery is smooth and works well with the song; neither of them overpower the other during their parts. most importantly, in his opinion, they’re having fun performing together. the whole song is a labour of love, from their rocky beginnings to their comfort with each other now. he wants to show that progress, that growth from nothing into the duo they are now. he feels like he and jaemin have been performing together for longer than merely a week; they navigate the stage well together, their energies matching, and their facial expressions on point as they interact with and react to one another up there.
i’m not easy 난 그런 거 싫어해
좋게 맞춰준 거지
널 더 좋아한 거지
이미 내 마음도 변해가네
너에게 가둬둔 날 꺼내 벗어날래
it falls to sungwoon to end the song with a refrain of the chorus. it’s his final chance to demonstrate his skills, so he builds up into a powerful high note before softening his voice, almost trailing off on the last line so his voice fades out along with the notes of the song. in that moment, he hopes more than anything that both he and jaemin survive this round. sungwoon isn’t sure anymore about who deserves to survive and who doesn’t—not after last week—but what he wants is for them move forward. he doesn’t want to be the reason jaemin’s mga dreams come to a premature end.
because it’s sink or swim together—and sungwoon will doggy paddle to the shore with jaemin in tow if he has to.
once they’re off the stage, sungwoon pulls jaemin into a one armed hug. “it’s been great working with you,” he says sincerely, his voice hoarse with the effort of keeping his emotions at bay. “and if we don’t—uh, no. we will pull through.” if he says it out loud enough, maybe he’ll even convince himself of it. "i just wanted to say that you’re my rapper one-pick from now on,” he continues. "and i hope we get the chance to perform again together. let's meet in the finale, yeah?"
sungwoon's still dreaming big, but he takes comfort in the knowledge that jaemin has the skills to make it. and if nothing else, he's glad he got the opportunity to learn that much.
the wait isn't as unbearable as it had once been, the air teeming with idle chatter as staff members called individuals for their regular post-performance interviews, and heejin finds herself the calmest she's ever been since this season started— it's easy to get the hang of things the longer she's there, experience building up higher and higher, cushioning former doubts and curiosity. she sees no point in harboring fears towards something to normal at this point, and more than anything, she's eager to share her thoughts.
they were far enough in by now for her to have more of a proper read on people, personalities easier to decern, inner thoughts inferred based on actions and reactions. by no means did heejin feel she was an expert in people ( if this was any other scenario, she wouldn't give a damn about others thoughts or actions— aside from those she held close to her heart, she was only ever worried about herself ), but she felt she had enough sense to read at least the most basic gestures for what they could mean.
briefly, her eyes wander the room, but when daniel speaks up for the first real time since they'd arrived, heejin finds her attention solely on him, eyes widening slightly, her brows quirking up ever so slightly in prompted question. he's not looking back, but that's ok— he doesn't need to.
i think we’ll be okay.
her gaze grows softer, letting her eyes leave his frame, and instead, looking towards the stage, just as he was. it feels as if he's speaking more for his own sake rather than hers, words so small and far away as if he was still trying to convince himself that they did well. it makes heejin break out into a smile, albeit a small one, but a smile nonetheless.
she holds her tongue, letting him empty his thoughts out to her— she would have her time to speak, and once he's done, she doesn't stop herself from letting her own thoughts free.
"we did excellently," she doesn't even try to be modest about it, voice quiet enough for only him to hear, but her tone is just as confident as the glint in her eyes, and she hopes it's enough for him to feel the same. she doesn't pull away as he moves to take her hand, instead, meeting him halfway— as they shake, his own words striking her, she decides daniel is someone special. "i'm....sad we won't be working together anymore, oppa. but, maybe we'll work together again sometime in the future— you know, if you're ever in need of a female vocalist or something."
her words a jokingly said, a grin to match growing. but deep down, regardless of whatever he'd need, she hopes he knows she'd be glad to hang out again no matter the request.
it's not long after that that she hears her name being called by staff, and as she finds herself sat before familiar cameras, her makeup being given quick touch-ups, she can feel her shoulders relax as she settles into her chair and waits for her questions.
they start off as they always did, and heejin finds no difficulty in answering.
❝ JEON HEEJIN, WELCOME BACK FOR ANOTHER WEEK— WE'RE SURE THE RESULTS FROM LAST WEEK LEFT YOU SHOCKED. HOW DID YOU FEEL WHEN PICKED AT THE BEST IN YOUR CATEGORY? ❞
"i was confident that i wasn't going to be grouped in with those who were eliminated, but i wasn't expecting to be picked as the best that day— like, not at all," her words come steadily, a gentle laugh leaving her as she finishes. "even now, just thinking back to it....it was a major shock. i was happy— i am happy— to know that the judges liked me as much as they did, that they were able to see how much i had to give. i can only hope to continue meeting their expectations as we go forward...i'm determined to keep my place at the top as long as i can." her lips form a coy smile, eyes crinkling in her own delight.
❝ FROM WHAT YOU SHOWED TODAY, YOU MAY HAVE A GOOD CHANCE AT DOING JUST THAT— TELL US, WHAT WAS IT LIKE WORKING WITH A PARTNER FOR THIS ROUND? ❞
she takes a second to collect thoughts, wanting to word herself just right. "working with others has never been an issue with me, but i will say i do tend to perform better when i'm able to do exactly what it is i want to do— no one knows your strengths and weakness' as best as you do, so it was a little worrying thinking that we wouldn't be able to properly come up with something that'd suit us both, especially with how different we are." she nods her head along as she speaks, eyes looking off to the side for a brief moment before she's looking back towards the camera. "but...it was fun. DANIEL oppa is a very creative and talented person, and now that we've performed, i'm glad it was him i was paired with. i'm not sure i'd have done as well with anyone else here."
❝ SO, YOU AND DANIEL WERE ABLE TO GET ALONG WELL? ❞
"we were! of course, it was a bit awkward at first— we didn't know one another before this, and i could tell he was a bit intimidated by me, so having to get familiar enough with each other while also trying to collaborate was a little weird," she speaks, brows furrowing slightly. "once we started talking and throwing around ideas, though, it became easy very fast. he was open to hearing my opinions. just as i was open to hearing his, and we were able to come up with something that matched us both— if we ever have the chance, i would be happy to perform together again."
❝ WERE THERE ANY OTHER PERFORMANCES YOU LIKED? ANY DUOS YOU FELT WERE ABLE TO COMPLIMENT EACH OTHER WELL? ❞
"JUNGEUN and EUNJI-ssi performed as well and energetically as i pictured they would— they're both amazing dancers, so i was expecting them to do something along that line, but they also did really well vocally. i think it's good that they were able to pull it off so well, but i think that's in part to them probably being able to work well together, so i liked them a lot— also, can i just say JUNGEUN never told me she was dying her hair darker, so when she first got on stage, i was completely shocked!" heejin adds in that last sentence purely as a way of joking, eyes wide as a hand coming up to cover her mouth as she laughs.
"other duos that i enjoyed watching.....SIA and VERNON-ssi. they seemed very animated while they were are on stage— they played off of each other nicely, so watching them up there together made me feel good. their voices were also nice together, so i think they also did well. i also really liked the version of toy that YUQI-ssi and MINHYUN-ssi performed, maybe because it's something i could see myself performing. YUQI has a very pleasant tone to her voice when rapping, and the acoustics accompanying MINHYUN-sii as he sang were pretty, so overall, i liked them as well. lastly, for now....JINYOUNG and JEONGHAN-sii were a surprising duo, and their performance even more so— but, even though it seemed different for them, at least from what i've seen from them so far, i think they also did well. JINYOUNG has always does well with his performances, in my opinion, and now is no different."
looking up briefly, she gives a gentle hum before bringing her eyes back towards the camera. "i liked others as well, but i don't want to ramble on for too long." she smiles, and her last question is asked.
❝ WHAT ABOUT ANY PERFORMANCES YOU DIDN'T LIKE, OR DUOS YOU FELT WEREN'T THAT GOOD TOGETHER? ❞
her brows furrow gently in thought before she gives a gentle shrug. "honestly, pinpointing performances that were bad or didn't work is getting harder every episode— sure, some aren't really my style or don't catch my attention, but i really don't think there were any today that i can honestly say i disliked or hated." her face is neutral, another shrug given, and as she wraps up her interview, heejin is sure to give a polite bow as thanks.
making her way back to her seat, she feels good— just as she always did.
“I was surprised, actually, to see Yena leave. I thought she was a good singer. Hoseok ended up leaving too and like I’ve mentioned before, I always enjoyed watching him dance.” While he agreed with most of the eliminations, there were a few that stood out. He didn’t question the results because, let’s be honest, he didn’t know enough about music to be overly critical of the judges’ choices.
How was it working with your duo?
“I will admit, I am a pretty shy person,” he smiled a little, even though he knew that was partially a lie. Kyungsoo wasn’t actually shy, he just didn’t enjoy social interactions as much as most other people. “So I was nervous about the fact we were going to work in pairs. The fact I knew Yugyeom made things easier, and he was a really good dance instructor. I am very glad to have his support during my first real dance performance.” The one in high school didn’t count for obvious reasons.
How do you think you did?
He paused for a second, trying to find the right words. “This was the most difficult performance for me to date. I haven’t danced much in the past and it was hard, trying to pick it up from the scratch. If my duo partner wasn’t a dance instructor, I am sure I would have had an even harder time. I am glad that I gave it a shot, though because I think it is important to keep challenging yourself. One does not grow by staying comfortable, and that’s how I’ve always viewed life.” He was young enough to experiment and gain new skills. Even though Kyungsoo experienced a lot of frustration, exhaustion and overall discomfort during this week, he thought it was fairly worth it. "Overall, I am proud of our performance. I think we complemented each other and made up for each other's weak spots."
“I am also grateful for my cousin Suwoong. He came over and helped me with my facial expressions. We were trying to be energetic, happy and boyish this week and when practice first started, I had trouble finding the character. What was it that Suwoong said...” He let his voice trail off, looking down at the table as if attempting to remember. When he raised his head again, Kyungsoo adopted an expression that was very much Suwoong-like. “No, Kyungsoo, not like that. You are trying to be boy with love, not boy with unresolved issues!” He even sounded like Suwoong. As much as they disliked each other, the close relationship between their mothers meant they met up nearly every week. Kyungsoo was great at imitating Suwoong’s voice and his insufferable presence.
“I think I pulled off being...happy pretty well after practice. I think...Smiling is a bit easier now.” He flashed the interviewer noona one on cue, the same bright one he showed on the stage.
Were there any performances you liked?
“Yuri and Hohyeon did well, but that’s no surprise. I’ve already mentioned how much I enjoy Yuri as a singer and Hohyeon as a rapper last week, I think. This duo performance just hits it harder home.” Yeah, they were good, and the song was hype but they both showed exactly what they’ve been showing the entire time. Kyungsoo think they really lucked out because singer plus rapper duos are so easy. Neither had to push themselves out of their comfort zone and risk making a fool out of themselves.
“Yeji and Junhee performed Rewrite the Stars - it was beautiful. Yeji had a lot of confidence when she walked on that stage and I think that helped with her performance. Honest, I think she might win this whole thing.” He nodded seriously. “Most of the MGA winners had been males as far as I can remember, but don’t quote me on this.” His television knowledge was quite limited. “Wouldn’t it be nice to see a beautiful girl win this time?”
“Speaking of girls, I liked Yuqi’s performance with Minhyun. There was a moment during the song where she looked at Minhyun and it was as if they were trying to communicate with their eyes. They had very good...chemistry.” Was he allowed to say that?
“The boys who did Romanticism put on an interesting performance. I thought they interacted well with the audience and really...flirted.” Kyungsoo liked sexier songs, so that one caught his attention. “Jinyoung’s vocals are solid.” And his hip rolls were even better.
“Ryujin and Sakura were both cute. They did a lighter rap performance and were clearly having fun with it. I appreciated the change from regular hard rap songs.“ But who knows if the judges will like the playfulness of it.
Which duo do you think complemented each other the most?
“ I think Suwoong and Xuxi had great energy together.” Yes, he put the emphasis on the word together. They spent most of the song sitting, but that didn’t mean it was a boring performance. “I’ll admit, when I was watching, I really thought they looked like a couple.” He knew Suwoong was the go hard or go home type of guy but didn’t know that Xuxi could match up to that level of...boldness.
✞ ED SHEERAN (+ ORIGINAL RAP) * ANTISOCIAL
( you know that i'll be back, terminator of the 8-track )
he tells woojin first.
his hands shake when he texts him and he's afraid, even though he knows woojin won't be mad about this (he won't, will he? why would he be mad?)
he knows woojin won't be mad about this. he talked to woojin-- finally told him some of what plagued his mind ever since he and kenta received their contracts on that stage in front of a live audience, and ever since daniel bawled his eyes out in front of a live audience. he told him how bad he felt for leaving him and kenta alone after getting them into the mgas in the first place, how he wished he could've been better so he could've joined them. ironically, woojin essentially told daniel his own motto: nothing was guaranteed, even if they did win. still, daniel vowed to work hard to follow he and kenta into their new world, and after some hesitance and skepticism, woojin told him to do it.
so he has been, with woojin's permission, and now he has an audition to make it into the company he might've had their team won-- had all of them gotten contracts like trc's team did when they won (aside from minho, of course.)
he finally wants it. he wants it so badly that he's even been working on his dancing, just a little. he is so tired of his life as it is. he doesn't want to make coffee and study economics every day, bass guitar and lyrics in the memo app on his phone the only thing to save him. even with practicing his dancing, however, he wondered how much of himself he needed to sacrifice for a company to want him, and if it would be worth it. he wondered if they would scoff at his guitar like the public did, and force him into a group that dances like they did on the mgas. he wondered if there was any chance at all that a company might want him for what he will always want in the end: a band.
he came to terms with the fact that the answer to his last question would always be no; he decided it was worth it anyway. he could be anyone they wanted him to be, as he said in his very first interview for the mgas, before he discovered who he really was as a musician (as a person) over the course of the show, even if they didn't want him to. he had to be anyone they wanted him to be, and he could do it if it meant being with kenta and woojin again. (he tried not to think about how that essentially meant leaving minhyun and sungwoon behind. he tried not to think about the fact that they didn't want to become trainees, and that regardless of his dreams, they would never reunite on a stage again. he tried not to still have hope.)
and then comes the empty enigma halloween cover, uploaded to daniel's youtube channel what he thought was under the radar in case kenta and woojin got in trouble for performing with the rest of the band in any way. then comes the call. then comes the we saw the recent video cover you posted on youtube and think you may fit the profile we’re looking for. then comes the audition.
he scheduled the audition, all ecstatic and giddy. all he did in their cover was play bass and harmonize, as he always did in empty enigma. sphere wanted him because of something he did with empty enigma. maybe sphere wanted him for who he actually was, if that was what made them think he fit what they were looking for.
but then comes you knew who i was on the mgas. why did you try to erase empty enigma and then do this? why did you make me think none of you could ever want me unless i was someone different?
he tells woojin first. he tells jinwook second.
truthfully, the potential of working on songs with jinwook is a dream. just being able to see him regularly feels something like a blessing, or it would be, since he hasn't succeeded yet. he feels lucky enough that he has the number of a convex member, let alone jinwook's, and that he actually wants to talk to him, but texting him isn't the same as talking to him in person, and the reliable and comforting presence he provided during the turbulence of the mgas.
woojin and jinwook are more than enough reason to want to join a company, as is what he knows of sphere's schedule from his coaches. he was always torn between sphere and nova, and for as grateful he is, there's a little disappointment, too. maybe there will always be a part of him that wants to prove himself to hyun bin. maybe there will always be a part of him that wants to join kenta and haknyeon, his two very best friends, in their company.
he tries not to think about it, and instead, focuses on preparing for his sphere audition-- but first, he has to tell kenta, sungwoon and minhyun.
his feet trace the familiar way from his apartment to theirs around the time that kenta and woojin's schedules end, more because he wants to wish woojin a happy birthday in person and maybe give him an awkward hug than to share the news about his audition. he told woojin he wouldn't tell the others until tomorrow. daniel's ability to act and lie went significantly downhill now that he doesn't need to hide everything about himself, and woojin-- who didn't even really bother to lie about empty enigma in the first place --is even worse. naturally, they catch on to something being out of the ordinary, and it's minhyun that asks: "what's wrong?"
"nothing!" daniel chirps, and he grins, but minhyun doesn't buy it, of course. "nothing is wrong," and his smile stays in place, this time sincere. he looks over at woojin, as if for approval, and woojin just stares back at him, offering no help whatsoever, so daniel inhales deeply before he says, words tumbling out quickly, one after another, "sphere gave me an audition because of the teeth cover."
they're happy for him, kenta especially, but they all share his sentiments: why now? sungwoon seems the angriest on his behalf, even though he tries to hide it, and daniel isn't so stupid to think that's all there is to it. for now, he doesn't mention it. they all encourage him to go, no matter how they may really feel, and daniel smiles. suddenly, tears come to his eyes when he does, entirely out of the blue, entirely unexplained.
maybe it's because if he makes it, it'll be the end of another chapter. maybe it's because he's afraid minhyun and sungwoon feel the same way daniel felt standing as the only empty enigma member on that finale stage without a contract. maybe's it's because it's only in this moment that he realizes he doesn't know why sphere picked him and not them. it's like they're back to daniel and his band, even as the frontman carrying their vocals, and minhyun with his voice good enough to be a lead singer himself. (maybe it's because a company wanting him again after a year just means that much.)
he gets started on selecting a song right away, knowing how long it took him to settle on one for his nova audition this time last year, and how much he ended up regretting the one he selected for the next year. he knows he has to choose wisely, and there are several options he comes up with quickly.
the easiest-- and perhaps wisest --route is to choose something already uploaded to his youtube channel or soundcloud. it would be something he already practiced, and he could pick the one he received the best feedback on, hoping whoever judged his audition would feel the same way. but is daniel one to take the easiest route? likely not.
there is a certain song: one he intended to perform at the green ribbon festival before he and songhee decided to do a collaboration for it instead. it's a song he held back thus far, not posting anywhere because he felt self-conscious of it. it isn't because he thinks it's bad, but because the lyrical content and meaning behind it embarrasses him. it's the first song he wrote that's akin to a love song. he wrote it while sungwoon was in japan following the mgas; he played the guitar part for kenta, and minhyun likely heard enough of it when daniel hung out at their apartment, working on it, just so minhyun wouldn't be alone. in the end, he is proud of it, and it might be time for it to finally reach the ears of a real audience. maybe.
another that might be appropriate: youngblood by five seconds of summer. it's the song daniel almost performed a year ago for his nova audition, practiced alongside the way i am by charlie puth until daniel eventually decided on the latter. it seems fitting now, after getting noticed for performing another five seconds of summer song, and maybe this way, he can put one what if to rest. maybe.
those are the safe options-- the logical, rational options. of course, daniel still seeks out more. he could sing a worship song and throw it back to his first ever audition, and give god some more glory like he said he would in his prayer before the finale of the mgas. there are a few of those he's been wanting to cover (and one he already has.)
he's been wanting to cover some of ed sheeran's collaboration album too, wanting to round up some mga friends to join him in the songs, but he hasn't gotten around to it between midterms and mild to moderate social anxiety. he could turn one of those into a solo song and maybe show off some of the range to his talents.
god, he doesn't even really know if he wants to sing or rap yet.
what matters most is what he wants to convey through this audition. who does he want to be?
on sunday, follow church service, he prays, and he asks god that question and more.
hi god. the past few days have been kind of crazy. thank you for the audition, first of all, even if i'm still confused about it, and what you really want for me. i guess that's not really mine to know, is it? i guess i'll find out.
i think that's all i want to pray about today. you know i have a ton else going on that i need your help on, but i want to make sure i really focus on this and make sure i’m with you on it since it’s so important. this could really change my entire life.
there’s a part of me that’s still scared. i don’t think i really like change at all, even when it’s good for me, and there’s been so much in the past year. it’s kind of crazy to think about. most of it has been good, and i’ve liked it, but…i don’t know about empty enigma breaking up. that might be a change that i never understand. i think kenta is happy as a trainee, but i don’t know if woojin is, and i don’t know what you’re doing with all of that sadness. i think i prayed, before the mga finale, like the only two options were me becoming a trainee and empty enigma breaking up or none of us getting contracts so we could all go back to the band. i think, even though i didn’t want to accept it, that i might understand why you did it. i think you still wanted me to be able to write and perform my own music, but didn’t want me to be cameo anymore. cameo wasn’t really the personification of jesus that i’m supposed to be, was he? i still don’t know if i’m doing such a good job of that as daniel. i understand why you did it, but i still don’t like it yet, so i guess i pray that…you would get me there.
this audition might be a way of doing that, i think. it kind of feels like it, but you know…nothing is guaranteed. i think i keep saying that because i need to believe it more than anyone. i’m too optimistic and always get my hopes up, but at the same time, i always doubt and am always anxious about everything. how can i be both of those things at once? how can i feel like i might be good enough to get a contract this time, and be afraid everything will be ruined at the same time?
i think i got off topic. honestly, i don’t really know what to ask anymore, after all of this. i think just for help. there’s a lot i don’t understand about why you’ve given me this now, and why you did in the way you did. if i thought it was cruel for sphere to give me an audition because of an empty enigma cover after breaking us as a band, then i must think you’re cruel for giving it to me too. i’m grateful, but…i’m also confused. it’s a little painful, too, but it’s nice to know baek jiyoung wanted me, and it’s nice that it’s sphere. i’ll trust you on why it’s sphere and not nova, and believe that if i get in, that’s just where you want me to be.
if i don’t get in, it’ll mean you want me somewhere else, right? that’s easy enough now, but i think if i fail again i’ll be really upset, so i’ll pray that you make me okay with whatever result i get, and that i accept whatever your will is for me in this.
i do pray that your will would be to let me get a contract from this…i think. i always feel stupid praying and asking to change your will, but that can happen, right? maybe? i know you’re supposed to listen to us, but…okay, right, i won’t get into that. focus.
i really want to become a trainee for kenta and woojin, especially after i told woojin i would do my best to. at the same time, there’s part of me that doesn’t want to, because i’ll miss my friends. it’s not just sungwoon and minhyun i’d be leaving behind, but songhee and jungmo too, and all of the friends i made on the mgas that didn’t get signed, and everyone in between. then again, that seems kind of dramatic. it’s not like i’m moving to another country or anything, i’m just going to get really busy if i become a trainee. i’ll get off at a regular time for a job on the weekends, and i’ll still be able to hang out with everyone, even if it’s not as much. now that i’ve thought about it like that, i think it’s okay to want this. i think i want to become a trainee for me too.
so yeah, i pray that i would, and that if you don’t want me to be now, or i’m still not ready, that…i would fail, i guess? i know whatever happens will be for the best in the end, even if it really sucks, so i’ll just trust that in the end.
yeah, with all of that out the way, please help me prepare for this audition. i don’t really know what to perform and since i actually care about the result of this, i’m nervous. i want to pick the right song, both to show off my abilities so they like me, and to represent who i really am, and to be something i like. please help me do all of that, and i also pray that i would do well, and that this wouldn’t haunt me like my nova audition did, no matter what happens.
i think that’s it? yeah, thank you for listening. i pray all of this in jesus’s name. amen.
he waffles on song choices a while more, but finally settles on one on monday, which is much later than he wanted, but it’s fine! in the end, he chooses antisocial by ed sheeran. he wanted to show off an original song, and then he wanted to show off his rapping, and then—
he decides he’ll write another original rap for the second verse where travis scott originally rap-sings (what do you classify that as, anyway?) this time, he does it in english, and it comes just as quickly as it did during the skill round of the mgas when he did the same. it was his favorite round of the mgas across the whole show. this is the way to show off his singing, his rapping, and his creativity. hopefully, it’ll show how his confidence has grown, too, since the song has a little spunk. he won’t be apologizing to the judges before he begins this time.
as the days pass, and the audition comes nearer and nearer, he gets the slightest hint of cold feet. he keeps thinking about how much this feels like choosing, kenta and woojin vs sungwoon and minhyun, and the fact that he’s choosing the side he is makes him feel sick. he already owes sungwoon so much better than he’s given him until now. he owes sungwoon better than not even being able to call him his boyfriend, and still getting flustered when anyone calls what are obviously dates by that name. he definitely owes him better than taking away from their relationship, and how desperately he wants to figure it out.
“if i get in, i’ll still come over every weekend,” he says, holding both of sungwoon’s hands in his own as they sit on the sofa—the sofa where daniel told him he loved him the first time and sungwoon didn’t get it, very important to note –and daniel kisses him. when he pulls away, he smiles. “i’ll come see you even when i’m tired.”
in the end, it doesn’t come down to kenta or woojin, or sungwoon or minhyun, but to daniel, and what he needs. for the first time in his life, he stops sacrificing himself for everyone else.
he steps into the audition room with a smile on his face, and immediately starts to tune his trusty guitar. he introduces himself easily, and they soon tell him to begin, so he does. (now, he’s only a little nervous.)
Friday night and I'm ridin' solo
When I touch down, keep it on the low-low
I don't mess with your energy
No photos
So antisocial, but I don't care
You’re lucky I’m not gonna smoke here
Got a bottle in my hand, bring more though
Got my hat low, don't talk to me
he gets a little in touch with his cameo roots. despite his hair still being a certain (different) shade of silver, he hasn’t in a while. it’s confidence an old daniel never had, and that the current daniel only has because he realized he was cameo too, and that as much as he wanted cameo, he didn’t really need him anymore. god wouldn’t have taken away cameo’s medium if he did. cameo and past daniel were two very different people, but none of them were really daniel. it was the daniel made in the image of his parents, and the daniel that needed to rebel against that. now, he’s a very different person, too: a combination of both with a little something extra.
really, that’s what this song is about for daniel.
he changes the original line don’t give a damn i’m gonna smoke here so he doesn’t swear, if that matters, and so those judging him don’t worry that he smokes. he didn’t change any of the lines about drinking, though…hmm…it’s okay, he changed the entire second verse, which was worse.
his guitar arrangement shifts, a little softer, but more difficult too, a build up as he sings:
I've been down, give me some space
You don't know what's in my brain
Music loud, easin' my pain
this is pure daniel, cameo shelved, even though cameo was the medium in which music eased daniel’s pain. that’s what empty enigma was for daniel in the year and a half he was part of the band, but these lines are true for him now, too. he’s been down since the end of the mgas, but he’s put every free second and all of his heart into music since. he’s written and arranged so many songs, he’s sweat in dance studios, he’s worked on new instruments all for this.
his guitar builds up, then explodes into the chorus, and daniel smiles as he sings it and strums. maybe he should be playing a tougher character, but he doesn’t really want to. he’s sure sphere will make him who they want to be once he’s in their company. before then, he wants them to want him for who he really is.
Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me
I came to vibe, yeah
On something, on something, on something
I wanna riot
Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me
I came to vibe, yeah
Won't let nothing come in between me and the night
it’s still confident, and a promise that he’s a different daniel than he was during the mgas. truthfully, maybe he wasn’t ready back then. the daniel of the mgas didn’t know what he wanted, and even though he put everything he had into his performances, it was just to perform—without any end goal in mind. he didn’t really want a contract then. he only started that journey to garner attention for his band and show off the talents of his bandmates, so maybe it was only fitting that the mgas tore the band apart as they did. band’s talents: shown off, karma: delivered. now, he gets to show off his own talents again, this time, as a daniel that knows exactly what he wants.
that’s how he can sing the chorus with the feeling that he can. it’s not fake fake confidence, at least not right now. he came here to perform and show what he can do—to enjoy himself, and to prove himself. if they don’t want him here, he won’t give up. by offering him an audition, they already proved to him he had reason to hope in this.
the next talent he gets to show comes up, and it’s his original rap. he still plays his guitar as he begins (which is pretty hard, mind you. he spent the most time this week making sure he could do both simultaneously.)
if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all
my mama used to tell me; just stayed quiet by default
it’s true. he’s surprised it took him as little time as it did to start speaking his own mind. at the same time, he’s still trying to tell his own thoughts apart from hers. he’s still trying to develop his own opinions, and his own habits, and to embrace that she wasn’t always right—that he didn’t have to be who she wanted him to be, or the person he thought might make her happy. it didn’t stop him from trying. he knows now that he could never be that; she would never truly be happy with anyone. she would keep poking and prodding and criticizing no matter what he did.
he still loves her. he just can’t live for anymore, and that’s exactly what he used to do. she tried to raise him in the lord—to bring him up according to only the oppressive, rigid teachings of the bible –and yet he only knows now that the only person he can safely live for, and the only one that he should live for, is jesus. he’s learned so much more with a little distance.
he sings now, a reference to the beginning of the song, even if it’s not in the original:
so antisocial and i'm not prepared
with a personality that's not theirs
to his dad’s credit, he’s been better now that daniel is no longer under the reign of his mother. his dad actually helped him get furniture for his apartment, likely without his mother’s knowledge. given that daniel’s grandmother is his favorite member of the family (well, maybe tied with mina), and she’s the other of his father, it makes sense.
even if he doesn’t mind having part of his mother’s personality, the fact that he still doesn’t know exactly who he is is true. he goes back to rapping.
i'm trying to be honest for the first time in my life
so i see the finale every time i close my eyes
he spent so much of his life concealing and deceiving. he would never admit to doing anything wrong to his mother, only telling the truth when he thought she might expose his lie. he remembers lying about what he did with his friends, even at an early age—studying, he would say, despite them actually playing video games.
his grandest lie, however, was empty enigma. keeping the band a secret was his grandest lie, going so far as to concoct a twin brother as an excuse for why empty enigma’s bassist resembled him so much when anyone asked.
in a way, his personality for most of his life was a lie, too. since getting out of his mother’s clutches, he’s been trying to be more sincere, so it’s only fair that he is here too, and he confesses how much the finale has haunted him to the very people he represented during it. he wonders if they’re disappointed, even now, that sphere’s team finished fourth instead of finishing first. even now, with this new opportunity, daniel thinks he still is.
he’s here, however, and he does have this new opportunity. it’s kicked up his determination anew, so that’s not the note he ends the rap on. he smiles again, a little cheeky.
and if you cut me now because you think that i still lack
you know that i'll be back, terminator of the 8-track
he hopes they don’t cut him again, but it’s a resolve to both them and himself that he won’t give up. he’ll be back knocking on sphere’s door, eager for retribution, just like he wants to at nova’s for turning him down a year ago. (it’s also a fun reference to the terminator movies, and his strength, and yes, to mark’s rap in jopping.)
his guitar built up once again, to the repeat of the chorus, and the final part of his audition song.
Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me
I came to vibe, yeah
On something, on something, on something
I wanna riot
Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me
I came to vibe, yeah
Won't let nothing come in between me and the night
he smiles again after he ends, and does his best to bow to the panel even with a guitar slung across his shoulders. “thank you!”
nothing is guaranteed. he knows that, and he likes to think no matter what happens, he’ll be okay. nothing is guaranteed, but more than that, he wants to think he’s finally done enough.
released may 4th, 2019 alongside music video for lead single “immortal”, “between fear and faith” is a metalcore album, and the band’s first since beginning in 2015. cameo was brought on as bassist for the group in 2017, replacing their former member, and joining vocalist squall, lead guitarist alpha, and drummer brand. rhythm guitarist reign is their most recent addition, making his debut in the band on this album. all members of the band feature on at least one song on the album, joining squall as vocalists. investigation into the bands’ true identities has proved fruitless thus far. for now they remain mysterious, with only a select few knowing the truth (unknown at the time of release: they would all reveal their identities on the fifth season of the mgas)
𝗑 𝗌𝗊𝗎𝖺𝗅𝗅 (𝗌𝗎𝗇𝗀𝗐𝗈𝗈𝗇) 𝖻𝗋𝖺𝗇𝖽 (𝗐𝗈𝗈𝗃𝗂𝗇) 𝖺𝗅𝗉𝗁𝖺 (𝗄𝖾𝗇𝗍𝖺)
𝖼𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗈 (𝖽𝖺𝗇𝗂𝖾𝗅) 𝗋𝖾𝗂𝗀𝗇 (𝗆𝗂𝗇𝗁𝗒𝗎𝗇) ( all songs co-produced by heunjeok )
╬═ 1. immortal (lead single)
written by: squall, cameo, alpha, brand, reign & heunjeok
lead vocals: squall
drums: brand
bass guitar: cameo
lead guitar: alpha
rhythm guitar: reign
╬═ 2. ways to disappear
written by: cameo, alpha & heunjeok
lead vocals: squall
drums: brand
bass guitar: cameo
lead guitar: alpha
rhythm guitar: reign
╬═ 3. find yourself
written by: squall, cameo, brand, apha & heunjeok
lead vocals: squall
drums: brand
bass guitar: cameo
lead guitar: alpha
rhythm guitar: reign
keyboard: squall
╬═ 4. deadly conversations
written by: squall & heunjeok
lead vocals: squall
drums: brand
bass guitar: cameo
lead guitar: alpha
rhythm guitar: reign
piano: squall
╬═ 5. sleepless in phoenix
written by: squall, cameo, brand & heunjeok
lead vocals: squall
drums: brand
bass guitar: cameo
lead guitar: alpha
rhythm guitar: reign
keyboard: squall
╬═ 6. the realest
written by: cameo, alpha & heunjeok
lead vocals: squall
rough vocals: cameo
drums: brand
bass guitar: cameo
lead guitar: alpha
rhythm guitar: reign
keyboard: squall
╬═ 7. this light i hold
written by: alpha, reign, cameo, brand & heunjeok
lead vocals: squall
rough vocals: alpha
drums: brand
bass guitar: cameo
lead guitar: alpha
rhythm guitar: reign
keyboard: squall
written by: squall, brand, alpha & heunjeok
lead vocals: squall
vocals: reign & brand
drums: brand
bass guitar: cameo
lead guitar: alpha
rhythm guitar: reign
keyboard: squall
╬═ 10. the bomb dot com v2
written by: cameo, brand, alpha & heunjeok
lead vocals: squall
drums: brand
bass guitar: cameo
lead guitar: alpha
rhythm guitar: reign
╬═ 11. stay still
written by: alpha, reign & heunjeok
lead vocals: squall
drums: brand
bass guitar: cameo
lead guitar: alpha
rhythm guitar: reign
piano: squall
╬═ 12. dancing with demons
written by: squall, brand, alpha & heunjeok
lead vocals: squall
drums: brand
bass guitar: cameo
lead guitar: alpha
rhythm guitar: reign
keyboard: squall
╬═ 13. condition // comatose
written by: alpha, reigh & heunjeok
lead vocals: squall
drums: brand
bass guitar: cameo
lead guitar: alpha
rhythm guitar: reign
keyboard: squall
╬═ 14. sakura blues
written by: cameo, alpha & heunjeok
lead vocals: squall
drums: brand
bass guitar: cameo
lead guitar: alpha
rhythm guitar: reign
keyboard: squall
╬═ 15. starving for friends
written by: cameo & heunjeok
lead vocals: squall
vocals: cameo
drums: brand
bass guitar: cameo
lead guitar: alpha
rhythm guitar: reign
╬═ winter everywhere (hidden track on starving for friends)
written by: squall, reign, alpha & heunjeok
lead vocals: squall
vocals: reign
drums: brand
bass guitar: cameo
acoustic guitar: reign
electric guitar: alpha
THANKS TO
SQUALL
it’s been a long time coming.
empty enigma started as a dream—with a different group of people. if you’ve been with us since the beginning, you probably remember. frankly, we sucked back then; we were just were just a bunch of guys who thought we could do whatever the fuck we wanted without knowing shit about what it was that we wanted to do. we fought, we failed, and eventually most of us just left after that, because fuck tenacity, right?
i don’t think about the old empty enigma much anymore. i don’t even know if i can call that—whatever it was—empty enigma. so much of this band is what our current members have made it. alpha, the first addition to the group, who impressed me from the beginning with his sick guitar skills and continues to impress me every day with how amazing of a person and performer he is. brand, who i could almost be convinced to share the spotlight with (kidding, it’s mine) and who i know i can always trust to have my back whether musically or otherwise. cameo, who was supposed to be a temporary fix and ended up sticking around—well, you know how i feel about you already, right? you’re the reason for and the inspiration behind one-third of the album. take that however you will. i do know none of this would’ve been possible without you, so i’m glad you’re permanently ours. our newest member, reign, who stepped up to help us out of a tight spot, who i sometimes unfairly butt heads with because i’m not used to sharing—i’ll work on it. all of you are empty enigma, and without you, i’d be nothing. all this? would be nothing. i owe you guys a lot, maybe more than i’ll ever admit, but for right now i just want to thank you for coming on this journey with me. here’s to many more albums.
i also want to thank my grandparents for raising me, and my little sister for being a pillar of support. and my best friend, heunjeok, who produced all the good parts of this album (well, aside from me)—love and miss you, buddy. thank you to all our fans as well, whether you stuck with us through thick or thin or are new here. if all works out we’ll have plenty of chances to perform for you again. if it doesn’t, it’s been a wild ride. kidding, you can’t get rid of me that easily. i’ll be squall till the end, so let’s meet again!
ALPHA
thank you to the breakfast sandwich i had this morning, it was really tasty. oh and also to the lunch reign bought for us on the day we recorded most of these songs... this album was brought to you by FULL ENIGMA and reign's FAT wallet!
...i'm being glared at and i guess that means i should actually write something nice about the members so here: hi empty enigma, you're sexy cameo, brand, squall, reign and heunjeok, your alpha is proud of you!! this album is literally the coolest thing ever created and i know each of us is going places. (specifically, out to dinner hopefully? i made myself hungry...)
and lastly, thank you to burger king; you made me who i am today. i'm sorry that all of my sad songs are about you - i'll write you a pretty song one day too, i promise! あなたのことは決して忘れない. i miss you.
BRAND
thanks--you know i mean it.
CAMEO
first of all, i need to thank god for working everything out so we would all end up here, which feels like at least some kind of miracle. it’s a miracle that we’re still together at the very least-- i’m just kidding, i would stay with this band forever if i could.
thank you to squall, brand, alpha and reign for being not only the best band in the world, but the best friends. thank you to heunjeok for his hard work and all of his help ironing out our messy tracks, and to my old friends who taught me bass, and alpha for teaching me guitar (and being the first person in this band i ever met, and one of the best people i’ve ever met) because without that i would’ve never been a part of this. thank you to everyone for letting me join the band, and for the fans that accepted me as a member, whether that was from the start along the way, and thank you for waiting for us through our hiatus. thank you to reign for killing it on this album without being with us for long, and for taking care of everyone so well, and to brand for making my songs better, and for always putting up with me. i’m glad squall didn’t give up on this thing and saw it through in all of its iterations, and i need to thank him for making the stage feel like home for me even when i wasn’t sure i had a place in the band or on stage at all. i'm grateful for all of the help everyone gave me on this album: writing lyrics with me and listening to my ideas and building on them-- for brand and alpha’s knack for composition, and for being willing to help me get the hang of it too. also thankful that i’m a quick learner, but that’s not as important as the rest.
thank you to my parents for raising me well and not supporting me doing music so i would know how much this really meant to me, and so i could take the fire that lit in me and put it into this album. thank you to everyone these songs are about, and proving that every experience can be good for something in the end. i’m really proud of how this album turned out, and it feels good to finally share it with everyone. i hope you enjoy it.
REIGN
honour. n. [COUNTABLE] something you do that you are proud of.
i believe the word about sums up my feelings on the whole project, the heavy feeling in my chest i can only describe as a sense of pride. i have not been with the band for long, not really in the retrospect of things, but empty enigma in its entirety represents something wholesome to me.
it is home.
the appreciation i carry is one i can’t begin to phrase; for the process, for the support, and especially for the other members, who welcomed me with open arms. the journey as reign has been a relatively new one, but it’s one i will hold dear for the rest of my life.
individual acknowledgements to everyone involved – to alpha, who has been by my side since the beginning, always there to help even if i struggle asking for it. to brand, my number one till the very end, you’ll always be my favourite of the bunch. to cameo, who does everything with his whole heart on the line, always inspiring me. to heunjeok, who once proposed a perplexing question i never got around to answering – you asked what music is to me. perhaps the answer is you. to squall, who has challenged me to do more every day since we first met, i’m better for it. to the fans, nothing would be possible without you.
* all songs written in korean ic; songs in playlist used only as reference
** high & low will be released as a follow-up single alongside its music video after mga season 5 ends
it’s a proper celebration, and a reminder why he’s his best friend. on the phone with him, he can forget about the difficult side of this news. he can forget about all of the people he’ll effectively be leaving behind, and just focus on the fact that finally, he got what he wanted: for one of the entertainment companies that turned him down twice on live television to finally want him.
in the past, he would’ve waffled. he would’ve held that contract in his hands and wondered if it was worth the sacrifice. but my band, but my friends, but my parents. now, all that remains is the second, and they’re all people he knows will understand the decision he already knows he’ll make. even daniel in all of his usual optimism can’t deny this will be painful, though: the loss of time with the people he loves and the hours of dance practice he’s set himself up for.
somehow, it seems like it’ll be worth it, and next, he texts the reason he believes it’s so, because woojin doesn’t seem like the type for phone calls, and daniel isn’t the type for phonecalls with woojin. he doesn’t know what to say, but with woojin, he knows he doesn’t need any padding or beating around the bush. it’s why he settles on a simple “hey, i got in.” there’s one more important detail he needs to add, though: “ i’m not signing until i release all of my music that i want to, though.”
that’s the plan. if there’s anything he learned from the aftermath of the mgas, it’s that companies don’t want you uploading anything that suggests you have a mind of your own, and daniel’s music is too important to him to keep locked in a vault, never to see the light of day. he’ll write more in sphere, certainly, but it'll be different, and he knows. he has so much ready now that just hasn't made it to his soundcloud or youtube. that changes today, and maybe tomorrow if he needs it, and maybe the day after that--
next, he calls songhee. he breaks the news to her, and he knows her well enough to detect her forced happiness. he doesn't blame her, and there's no use in him acknowledging it or dwelling on it. she tries to be happy for him, and he's grateful for that much. "hey, so...do you have time to record our song?
⊰ ✞ CACTUS IN THE VALLEY ; written, composed and sang by daniel & songhee
☇ if my yesterday is a disgrace, tell me that you still recall my name ⊱
here's an original song, and the first of a few you'll see over the course of the weekend! thank you to songhee for writing and singing this with me, and playing it with me the past few weeks, and to sophie for helping learn the cello.
this song grew really close to my heart while we recorded it, and i hope you like it even if it's a little different from what you're used to.
matthew 18:12
before the end of the mgas, he prayed. he prayed for everything to happen as it should, but somehow, only had two options in mind: empty enigma stays together, or he gets a contract. of course, neither of those things happened in the end. after all the pain, daniel can understand why. daniel's job as a christian is supposed to be to reflect jesus, and cameo didn't really do that, aside from one song that made it on their album. this way, he didn't have to worry about how to glorify him as a trainee, because he wasn't one.
now, he's still not really sure how god's plan or mission or what have you will benefit from him signing to sphere, but there's not that possibility of turning down a contract anymore. as always, god knew what he was doing.
in that prayer before the finale, he said that he would write a ton of songs about him, regardless of what happened. he hasn't done as good of a job at that as he should've, but at least there's this.
daniel and songhee wrote cactus in the valley together after the green ribbon festival. they decided after their performance there that they made a pretty good duo, and decided to make it official-- or semi-official. if they lasted longer, maybe they would've come up with a name. they got so far as writing a song together and playing shows every weekend, and it sated something in daniel's soul-- an unaddressed unrest dwelling there following the mgas and empty enigma's demise. they wrote it as an acoustic arrangement, with songhee on the piano, and daniel on the cello-- a relatively new instrument for him, basics learned thanks to sophie and polished now for the sake of an original version that would never make it to the stage because daniel's cello skills weren't that good.
on stage, it's different-- songhee with a guitar and daniel on bass, mainly because it would be hard for daniel to sing while on cello, aside from the fact that he plays instruments he still isn't entirely comfortable with better with several takes. live, he doesn't have that luxury. in the recording studio, however, it's different, and he hopes people won't be disappointed by the song in its original form.
(he thinks both the cello and piano are beautiful, and he's glad he took the challenge of writing a song for them. he wants to get better.)
songhee sings the second verse, and one of his favorite lines of the song, and one he can only aspire to: if this whole world goes up in arms all i do is can stand, and i won't fight for anyone until you move my hand.
ultimately, it's a song about god. it's about all of daniel's struggles to stand and all of his drifting-- all of his attempts to survive on his own and his world crashing down. it's all of the change, and the fact that that's not god, and there is a consistency that he never realized before, or never relied on. there's a love he'll always have and that he too often takes for granted, and the least he can do is write this song and release it to anyone that will listen. it's up to them how to interpret it, but for daniel, it is a i'm sorry you always need to remind me how much you love me, but thank you. i know i'll never deserve it, but i get it anyway.
⊰ ✞ AUTOMATIC ; lyrics by yuzu, composed and sung by daniel
☇ i'm lost, out of place, i'm hooked on every single word you say ⊱
these lyrics were written by choi yena! i had a demo of this instrumental not so long after the mgas, and she had lyrics already written that ended up matching to it well. a little bit of rehashing the instrumental (or a lot) and here it is! enjoy ^_^
automatic is a little experimental for him. it's a step out of his comfort zone of band-oriented or acoustic sound, with a little more touch of pop and edm. of course, he wrote in a heavy bass line too, and it drives the entire song. it's what he wrote it all around, too.
he hasn't uploaded the song yet because he sang it, then mastered it, and hated how it turned out. he didn't even bother to share it with yuzu, and instead, left it to rot to eventually return to with a refreshed mind and different perspective. it was neglected in favor of other unfinished songs that his fans may never hear, so he dusts automatic off because it's near finished, and he'd be doing yuzu a disservice to not release the song they wrote together.
he goes back to the studio, and plays more with the instrumental, stripping it down to just the bass line again, seeing what it'll sound like if he starts over.
he thinks the lyrics are something most people can relate to. it's the attraction to a person when the relationship may be ending, or when it's already over-- the lack of direction without them, and why they still want to follow them. daniel didn't ask yuzu what she wrote the song about. he could assume enough, and for daniel, the meanings behind songs were always personal. when he wrote lyrics for his songs on his own, he didn't even share the meanings of some of them with empty enigma, and they were (still are) his closest friends.
plus, these lyrics are pretty straightforward.
he overhauls the instrumental, and feels a little guilty because it'll sound so different from what yuzu heard from him before. it's probably better like this though: an instrumental built around the lyrics instead of two separate pieces coming together. he likes it better.
"finally have automatic mastered. check it out and see what you think. it ended up pretty different '^^" he sends in a message, song file attached.
yuzu shares her liking of it with great enthusiasm, and daniel is relieved. he uploads it with satisfaction in finally having a finished product.
⊰ ✞ SUSPENSION ; written, composed and sung by daniel
☇ this sky feeling i get when you're near, i'd give up gravity to feel ⊱
here's another original, and this one's all mine. i wrote it a while ago, actually, but i think now is the perfect time for it to find its way to you.
suspension still feels too personal to upload, but that's precisely why he needs to. it's an important song to him-- too much so to keep to himself.
he wrote suspension in the week following empty enigma's final show, when sungwoon ran off to japan. it was what he did instead of getting mad, and to cope with the ridiculous feeling of how much he missed him, and wished he was with him. it was what he did while waiting for him to come home so he could tell him how much he loved him (and in the end, he still couldn't wait until then.)
he's held back from posting it anywhere because he's embarrassed. sometimes, it's still hard to admit he even has these feelings, and he thinks it would be for anyone. he's only been writing songs for a year and a half, and he never wrote a song for someone before. then again, suspension isn't for sungwoon-- it's about him, but it's for daniel. it's not the first song he wrote about sungwoon either, but this one feels different. maybe it's because it's the first song he wrote about sungwoon knowing he loves him.
he hasn't even played it for anyone else, he's so self-conscious of it. it's not because he thinks the lyrics or melody are bad, just because...it's a part of his heart that he hasn't shared with anyone. it's a look into him that he doesn't show. kenta knows the guitar part; he played it for him when he got home from training one day to daniel camped out on their sofa, playing through chords. minhyun probably caught a lot of it from daniel singing over the lyrics absently.
soon, everyone will know it. he tries to steel himself in advance, but he knows he'll always be a little nervous.
it's just him and his acoustic guitar in the studio for this one, recording it for the first time despite the months it's been completed, and there's something cathartic about finally doing it.
now, knowing he'll become a trainee and feel so distant from his previous life, it hits a little closer to home. daniel didn't know it was possible.
there is so much more he wants to do. there's a panic-- a preemptive mourning of all the songs no one will ever hear. surely there's more he can finish up and upload without taking too long. there comes a point where he'll feel like he's taking advantage of baek jiyoung's grace in offering him a contract for his own self-serving reasons.
he can't help but think of all of those empty enigma songs that didn't make between fear and faith-- the other 30 he wrote in preparation for it. they talked of polishing them and including some on their next album, and some of them he doesn't like anymore, but others...losing empty enigma was painful enough, but so was losing all of their unreleased songs to the void of their main composers becoming trainees with contracts that forbade the release of original music.
there's one song in particular: daniel's favorite song he wrote in the build up to between fear and faith, actually. it's the one he had his mind set on to perform if the mga finale had solo rounds. how can he not share it on his youtube and soundcloud if he was willing to perform it in front of a live audience, on live television?
the only problem: kenta and woojin helped him compose this song.
⊰ ✞ NO ORDINARY LOVE ; written, composed and sung by daniel
☇ come back to me love, i forgive you, oh how i've missed you ⊱
i originally wrote this to be on the between fear and faith album, but we ultimately decided other songs fit better. it's still one of my favorites i've ever written, and since you won't get to hear it on an album, why not hear it like this? it's different than it would be played by an awesome band, but i did my best. this is a cameo only zone.
he does the natural thing, and pulls a vanilla ice, slightly altering the song's composition just enough that it isn't quite the same song anymore, but could be accused of plagiarism. he would say it wouldn't matter, he could just upload it even though kenta and woojin took part in writing it, but he now knows sphere watches his youtube channel, and he doesn't want to risk it.
so he reigns things in, changes the screaming originally written in for a rap, and without woojin to record a drum part, it's already essentially a different song. daniel can barely play the drums at all, let alone to woojin's level, so he doesn't even bother, and leaves that to his trusty drum machine to do the best work of its life. the rest, however, daniel can do: bass part, two guitar parts, vocals. squall who?
more than an empty enigma song, it's another song about god. he wrote this one significantly earlier than cactus in the valley, of course-- not so long after he moved out of his mom's house and into his own apartment, when he started growing into his own skin and his own person for the first time. away from her, he could finally disassociate church from her iron fist and constant criticisms. until then, he thought god saw him the same way: as someone that always fell short, disappointing, worthy of endless rebuke, impatient and unforgiving.
he learned better, and it was an eye-opening and...emotional process for him. he wrote no ordinary love about that process, and what he discovered: god waited for him to come to him, and greeted him with love and mercy even though it took him so long to, and to mean it. he didn't deserve it, but he got it anyway.
this feels like the perfect ending to daniel the singer-songwriter online. it's a callback to empty enigma, and a song for god after he told him he would write more about him. he started on one and he'll end on one, and maybe it's this song that is the truest reflection of his heart.
it's then, putting the final finishing touches up on the recording, that he realizes this is the real end of cameo. he doubts sphere will want him to return, and it's bittersweet, because with this, he realizes, like he did in his sphere audition, that he doesn't need him anymore. he doesn't have to create a cooler alter ego-- doesn't need to create a separate identity to enjoy music or be able to perform. he doesn't need to pretend to be someone he isn't to be liked; he doesn't need him to be brave and to be bold. maybe daniel has learned to take all of those qualities for himself without hanging onto a mask.
it's still hard to let go. when he finishes, and starts the upload, his chest feels tight and his heart is in his throat. empty enigma was over before, but somehow, knowing he's about to sign a sphere contract makes it realer than ever.
with the song he's releasing, a moment like this calls for prayer, however quick it may be. thank you. i wouldn't be me without them, and without cameo, and i finally like who that is. because of them, and because of you, i'm finally ready to face whatever comes next.
NOTES:
* all songs in korean; reference songs are only references
** songs are all uploaded to both youtube and soundcloud (un: kameo), sometimes with a live version on youtube and studio version on soundcloud, and that’s how everything he uploads goes
