#roadtoa

[rakkochan22]

LEVEL UP

Check this out! Listen now on @Spotify.

1/13 Travis Japan ★ LEVEL UP 🎮

◆Spotify Charts

“Daily Viral Songs Japan”

January 12, 2024 バイラル📈

12/19初登場

9→10→7→7→6→5→4→

20→19→22→23→27→30→29→

43→47→50→59→59→58→52→

56→64→55→57→62位✨

🎮 56→64→55→57→62⬅️

👌13→15→16→18→18

🔖 87→47→27→20→圏外

2曲チャートイン

まだまだ行けるぞ-=≡Σ((( つ•̀ω•́)ﾗﾝｸup

目指せ❗️LEVEL UP TOP50返り咲き！

[eyrinuy-blog]

10-15-15

Graveyard shift.

After my precious 2hours “nap”, I decided to scrub the desks while listenin’ to my same old-same oldplaylist. I joyfully scrubed as if the desk was something I could magically turn into something more beautiful. Cleaning up and sorting things out was something I knew I was good at. But things… are things. People. Feelings. Time. Now, that’s a different story.

I raped the next button as if I was looking for some ‘relevant’ songs. Or perhaps just a particular song to make my scrubbing sesh feel more…. Emo. *Hahaha

As I stopped harassing the next button, the song that played was very familiar, and ohhh it still gave me a different feeling.

“I count the ways I let you down … ”

Beautiful Goodbye.

. . . This was the last song the last person that I loved “sang” to me. Ohhhhh *sniff sniff

Is there such thing? Is there a beautiful goodbye? Has it ever occured that letting people go, is more painful than it is beautiful? I have had not much time to find the beauty of that goodbye. But… I know I’ll find my way.

So yea…

My own questions hit me like a cannon ball, a powerful load of assumptions, expectations, untoward questions and other more dramas rolled into one huge ball just waiting for the perfect moments to enter my enormous walls of thoughts. I have seen how destructive I could get just because of overthinking, and I refuse to go back to that awful stage of shame.

Its 3am. I’m all alone at the station scrubbing every desk that I could see. Listenin’ to this painful song. And… asking questions. More and more questions. See what cleaning does to me?

***** So when’s the perfect time to let someone go? When is it right to do something wrong? When is the perfect time for a beautiful goodbye?

Hmm.

Is it when you’ve had too much fights and that fighting is all that you do? Is it when you feel you are no longer needed? Is it when you have reached your temporary goals and that your partner’s still out in the open still unsure of where s/he’s headed? Is it when you’ve fallen out of love? Is it when you’ve fallen in love with another person? Is it when you no longer need him/her? Is it when … . . .

Well.. I could go on and on and on.. perhaps until the next graveyard shift, but that would be crazy, right? Because then, I would end up feeding myself with a bunch of senseless questions and perhaps a few relevant ones, BUT ALL with no answers.

And so I am writing this, to remind myself of all the bull that I managed to go through and all the questions that has left me with nothing but just pain and tears. This time as a rule to myself. My happily cleaning self. I must. MUST. Find my own way of letting all this out. Of answering myself. And of finally sending the very last letter that I promised. I am choosing happiness. I have to. And I know I can. It has been a long time since I last felt this much joy in writing my thoughts. I’m happy to be back.

Hello Tumblr. We meet again.

With love and happiness,

A.