#roadtothin

[onlybiginmymind]

Front and side. Now 209.7 after some way ups and now back down. Its been a while since I posted. I have new vigor to continue. The idea of cosplaying is extremely helpful. Also getting out and just getting the exercise done works as well. I am doing my "50". Its 5 sets of 10 jumping jacks, squats, pushups, and crunches. Every other time I do 50 I also lift 15lb dumbbells with workout being bicep curls, tricep extensions, overhead pump, and fly.

[sarah-tries-to-navigate-blog]

FGFL Step 2: Dig a little deeper

What thoughts and beliefs, previous experiences, environmental factor or people might be influencing why you do what you do?

Wanting to be liked. Admired, loved, whatever. That.

Not wanting miss out. Ties in to above.

So many things stem off this,  I don’t want to burden anyone at work. I don’t want to get in the way. I need to stand back and stand out.  drink beer with the boys have sweet things with the girls. Not be a no thank you person. Not cause a stirr with my flatmate and my boyfriend.  Make delicious food. Excercise is by its very definition effort, I don’t like being the worst in the class and the gym - I want to be kicking ass, without starting at the bottom. I’ll be the fat girl at the gym that others take pity on.  The least flexible at yoga. the slow runner on the streets. red faced and puffing. bulging out of her exercise clothes.  Taaking a change of clothes is a lot of effort, you need to be prepared the night before, so what if you finished work to late because you didnt want to disappoint anyone at work. Need to be flexible and adaptable to be loved. Not pretty funny smart enough to attract people to just me. You’ll be sore the next day, you’ll move even slower groan louder. You’ll be tired.  Aren’t you tired enough from work? What else are you good at? Nothing that I can think of. You’ll fuck it up anyway.  You’ll never be your sister.