Jun 24, 2025
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Lemme talk a bit about Rob Auton. By a strange chance (also I think Silvia went through a wee heartbreak that evening), we went to see Rob Auton (The Water Show) perform a WIP in 2015. We knew nothing of him, but his show was so good, and we were the only ones laughing. I have never witnessed someone who does alternative comedy so well, and was so willing to fail in his endeavour on stage even after a woman heckled, “I’m not sure this is comedy.” I saw him perform again last year, and his show (The Sleep Show) was even better. He does spoken word, reads poetry. That would’ve reminded people of Tim Key, BUT Rob is so intrinsically himself and unique that he stands out in the field of comedy poetry. His dedication to his work floors me; he draws, crafts, designs props for his performance. AND THIS YEAR--THIS FUCKING YEAR--he’s growing out his hair for his show. AGAIN, dedication to performing art that is so genuine and delightful.
Satsuma Dryer
by Rob Auton
Every now and again, I put my hands under the hand dryer, and I’m compelled to stay there.
“Ah okay, this is one of those occasions then! I’ve been wondering when one of these will come along again. I’m gonna treat myself. I’m gonna go all the way baby. Yes, it will take time, but I am going to dry my hands, until, they are dry.”
Afterwards, my hands are warm, and sometimes, my hands feel even dryer than they were before I wet them. My hands are dry hands, and I feel like I’ve accomplished something. I put the time in, and it’s paid off. Staggering, what you can achieve when you put your mind to it.
Dry your hands properly. Pass your driving test.
I walk out of the toilet, knowing what perseverance can result in.
I seem to take part in this hand drying ritual the exact same amount of times a year that I thoroughly pick all the white webs off a satsuma before eating it, until it is completely clear from the tasteless pollution.
Drying my hands until they are free from all wet, and picking at a satsuma until free from all white, are related. Distant cousins somehow.
I am constantly on the lookout for another member of this family.
A quiet moment with the brilliant Rob Auton @robauton Catch his Time Show @edfringe festival 14:50 every day until 26 Aug. https://www.instagram.com/p/B1gPe5jACFD/?igshid=10m4fmt8v995c
You're the first person I've spoken to today, I've literally not talked to anyone else", he confessed. "It's strange - you need to be around people. Even if it's just a conversation in the supermarket. Spending a vast amount of time in isolation is not great. It's like when you leave a dog on its own all day; when you come back the dog's really wagging its tail and it's just so happy to be around people again. I feel exactly like that. But it's all self-inflicted.
Rob Auton (c)
Sometimes it feels like the world is a pub quiz and I am sat at a table on
my own and I don’t know any of the answers
But I look to the sun and feel the warmth on my face and am certain that
this is something real that humans have always done and always do
no matter how absurd this planet gets
— Rob Auton, ‘Why Yellow?’