andrew rannells kevin: absolute bastard man. says fuck 25/8. eats beans straight out of the can. will hit you if you beat him in uno. has killed a man.
nic rouleau kevin: an actual genuinely nice person. will do your homework for you. has never said a curse word ever. will eat spaghetti like the belligerent florida man i heard about on the news if provoked. has the power to kill but absolutely wont.
ryan bondy kevin: probably a skater boy. girls say see you later, boy. refuses to shave, says it “makes him look manly”. will break rules and act like a rebel but secretly feels bad about it. aggressively bisexual. wants nothing to do with the other kevins. allergic to texas.
dave thomas brown kevin: the stereotypical high school jock you would see in movies. has not grown out of that stage. can and will push you into a locker if given the chance. was probably a frat boy in college. eats nothing but meat. has fucked in disneyworld before. he IS the belligerent florida man. his wrath is inevitable.
kevin clay kevin: also a v nice guy. was an epic fortnite gamer as a teen, and is not a sore loser like andrew rannells kevin. hes a very pretty boy, but will not mock you for being less attractive like dave thomas brown kevin. collected nerf guns when he was a child. is the general manager at sears, and has thrown hands with a karen before. no lady with a bob cut can win against general manager kevin clay kevin price.
gavin creel kevin: doesnt exist because gavin creel got the tony award in 2017 instead of andrew rannells. hes been erased.
robert colvin kevin: the cowboy man. addicted to saying yeehaw. has the power to become a country star and absolutely will. he lives on a ranch somewhere in montana. his favourite line of his favourite country song that he wrote is “gonna make my pants cream.” pretends hes in the wild west 24/7. has a country accent. can choke you with his lasso.
