#robi rambles

[robitherat]

hey if i told you i wrote a leon/luis hurtcomfort fic would you still love me i mean would you read it. question.

[rr0b1n]

1 thing i would so desperately want if those 10 unused scripts were to get released or if the show was ever to come back is for ilana to get her own dedicated backstory episode like lance did

[robitherat]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Hello inotan nation have my humble offering of my first ever kny fic ever please be niceys

[robitherat]

Thinking about the fact that most of Tims character arch is based around him actually dealing with the things from his past

Like a major part of tims character is his denial of the things that happened to him-- his repression of memories, chalking things up to hallucinations, suffering in silence, brushing off any concern from those around him ("Tim what's that?" "Just some medicine I need to take" "Are you sick, do you need to go home?" "No I'm fine.") The fact that he never mentioned his medical history or his time at the hospital to Jay until he was basically forced to.

And what was it that finally made him tell Jay about the hospital? The operator directly attacking him and making him relive scenes from his past. It wasn't until he was forced to realize what was at stake, forced to essentially confront the danger he was in by bottling up his past, that he willingly (at least somewhat) shared that information with someone. I do like to think that maybe Tim opened up to Brian in college, but as far as cannon evidence, we only really see Tim willingly talking to Jay about it. Brian knew, sure, but it's just as easy to assume he found that after the fact-- that he caught Tim in the lie, rather than Tim telling him outright.

And Tim really isn't a great liar, either. Like I know we talk about Jay being a little bit of an idiot (rightfully so) but Tim's main course of lying is. The most obvious deflection in the world. When Jay mentions the tape in his house, Tim's response is to immediately deflect ("I'm a little more worried about my house right now.") which would be a smaller thing if Tim wasn't intimately aware of how important it was to find and watch any tapes they possibly could. Tim's only method to coping with things that happen to him and the people around him is through denial, even in times when it would be infinitely more beneficial to acknowledge the issue at hand.

What's even more interesting to me is that Tim is seemingly the only character that makes any genuine progress in fighting against the operator. But that comes with the caveat that Tim is only able to do so when he actually confronts the operator, and by association, the issues of his past.

The only way he and Jay are able to make amends and move on is by Tim telling Jay about the hospital, which was only spurred on by Tim being forced to relive his trauma. Right after Tim tells Jay to stay out his life, he (by force of tta) has a relapse and ends up paired with Jay anyways. The only way he's able to get Jay and himself away from Alex's house in one piece is by literally physically standing up to the operator. In the fight against Alex, the whole time he's being ported around, he is monologuing about his past-- he's finally acknowledging the things that happened to him, that they weren't his fault, that they affect other people, and that violence isn't the answer to dealing with them-- that isolating yourself and denying the truth of what's happening isn't the answer.

And of course this is all tied back to the metaphor of mental illness: the fact that you cannot deny the things that have happened to you if you have any hope of moving on from them. you can't lash out or harm others because of your trauma if you have any hope of moving past it. The reason Jay, Brian, and ultimately Alex all died is because they were incapable of facing their issues head on; they all turned to anger, isolation, violence, and otherwise feeding into what the operator wanted, or alternatively, feeding into the misery spiral of their mental illness, rather than finding healthy coping mechanisms to heal from and move on from it.

God I need to write a full analysis essay about him OKAY I'm ending it here these aren't all my thoughts this doesn't make sense but I'm ending it here thank you for watching goodbye

[robitherat]

happy lesbian visibility week to jessica locke, sarah reed, and taylor marblehornets

[robitherat]

What also gets me abt the chic in that last post is like. Looking at her blog all of her posts are written in a way that just sounds so young and naïve to me. Like her only comebacks for people talking abt how makeup is fine are things like "impractical nails" and "come talk to me when you see your bank account drain every time you buy foundation" and. Idk to me as someone who is a feminist and is incredibly critical of the beauty/makeup industry the idea that the most damaging aspect of it are plainly individual experiences of impracticality or cost. From the standpoint of a feminist those are minor in comparison to the widespread damage that the beauty industry has on women en masse for both wearing makeup and not wearing makeup it just seems like such a trivial thing to point out, at least in the way shes wording her posts.

Ohviously shes completely wrong in her understanding of misogyny anyways on the basis of being a TERF alone, but honestly ive even seen instances of TERFs understanding the harm of the beauty industry better than this. Like i genuinely find it hard to believe that this person is beyond her teens, maybe early 20s just based on how she talks and understands things.

[robitherat]

In my beautiful mind Jay never realized he loved Tim but Tim always knew he loved Jay.

[robitherat]

Still always and forever thinking about how angry Jay was. Like his first instinct to everything was anger. He was unwaveringly defensive, impulsive, wanting the last word at all times-- he saw himself as inimitable, practically untouchable. Did you know it's a war crime to harm a journalist? Maybe that's how he saw himself. Safe as a passive observer, as if he wasn't the instigator half the time at least. But God was he angry. We can laugh all we want at how brash he was, how little he thought things through, how overly-confident and naive he was, but what was he supposed to do? He went into this with some care and fear and, sure, morbid curiosity, for what happened to the guy he kind of knew in college, only to be swept up in an absolute clusterfuck and finding out that that guy killed people -- innocent people, their friends, in order to feed or appease or get protection from or fight against some unimaginable monster. What was he supposed to do? All he had at that point was anger.