Title: it's always going to be you
Word count: 1.2k
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Aaron Dingle / Robert Sugden
Warnings: Affair Era 2.0, Established Relationship,
Summary: Aaron has been having an affair with his ex-husband for a while now. Finally, while spending the night away he comes to a decision.
Aaron stares at himself in the mirror and, despite the fact that he’s damp with sweat he got cheating on his husband, he has no problem holding his own gaze. Robert’s in the bed of their hotel room, cum drying on his chest, stretching out on the bed. Aaron’s disposed of the condom and has washed his face. Now, steely blue eyes looking at himself, sweaty and sated, there’s no guilt.
It’s not the first sign that something’s wrong with his marriage.
There have been many signs. John is not the easiest man; he’s grumpy and there are days where Aaron feels he has to walk on egg shells around him, tip toe and dance to avoid an outburst or a passive aggressive comment. Then, there’s the fact that John’s decent in bed but it’s a candle next to Robert’s roaring fire. He kisses Robert and it ignites something in him that can’t be quenched. He kisses John and it’s comfortable but there’s no flame.
Now, looking at himself after he just fucked Robert into the bed, he has to acknowledge what he has known for weeks.
It was never John.
‘Oi,’ Robert says from the next room. ‘You bringing something to clean this up or am I going to have to use your t-shirt?’
It tugs at Aaron’s lips.
‘Just a moment,’ he says, and finds a towel. He wets it and squeezes out the excess before walking in, kneeling on the bed next to Robert.
‘Here.’
‘Ta,’ Robert says, before wiping himself clean. ‘That was…’ he says, trailing off and giving Aaron that grin, the cocky one that brings out the laugh lines around his eyes. Aaron loves that grin.
‘It was,’ he says, trying not to make it obvious that he knows he was great. He had held Robert’s knees up as he fucked into him, made him come without a helping hand, and gotten him half hard again before he found his own release. Robert, blissed out and moaning, always made that desire pool in him, always made him desperate.
‘I’m going to be able to feel that tomorrow,’ Robert says. He tosses the used towel through the door to the bathroom and makes a show of stretching. Aaron lets himself watch as taut muscle moves, as those arms stretch and Robert lets out a small groan.
‘Good,’ Aaron says. ‘Don’t want you forgetting me.’
Robert’s smile fades a little, like it hurts him. ‘I could never, Aaron.’
‘I know,’ Aaron says in lieu of an apology. He shuffles up the bed and leans forward, catching Robert’s mouth in a kiss.
Robert’s quick to deepen it, swipe his tongue against the seam of Aaron’s mouth and curl it behind Aaron’s teeth. It’s that precipice that Aaron’s been so afraid of falling into, right here. This time, Aaron knows he has already fallen in. There was no escaping this, not since Robert showed up at his wedding. He was just too stubborn and angry to see it for what it was.
‘You alright?’ Robert says and Aaron rests his forehead against his.
‘Yeah,’ Aaron says.
‘Good,’ Robert sits up and pulls Aaron closer. ‘We could put on the footie, if you’d like? If you have time…’
It sits between them, the unspoken time limit whenever they do this. Robert’s been kinder than Aaron was, when their roles were reversed. He’s been clear what he wants, who he wants. He’s been clear that he feels for Aaron that immeasurable and burning love that mirrors Aaron’s but that he’s too afraid to say.
For some reason, he’s not as afraid anymore.
Maybe it’s been the months of seeing him around, getting used to Robert’s presence in his life, like a flood after a drought. Maybe it’s the fact that earlier today, Robert gave Aaron the best blow job of his life. Or maybe, it’s the fact that enough time has passed now that the hurt and pain he felt after Robert left, the gaping wound in his chest that he’s been living with for six years, has finally started to heal.
It could also be the way Robert’s smiling up at him, blue-green eyes looking at him like he hung the moon.
‘I’m going to do it,’ Aaron says after a deep breath. ‘I’m going to leave him.’
Robert’s mouth falls open and then he refocuses, watches Aaron carefully. ‘What – are you serious?’
‘I can’t do this anymore,’ Aaron says. ‘I can’t keep pretending –’
‘What?’
Aaron takes another deep breath, slowly exhaling. ‘That I don’t love you.’
He hasn’t said it yet. Not for six years has he said it out loud to Robert, and the admission opens the floodgates.
‘I love you so much,’ he says and Robert lunges forward, kisses him senseless. It sends shivers up Aaron’s spine and makes his chest feel too small for his beating heart, thumping a steady rhythm that Aaron’s been ignoring for too long.
‘I love you,’ Robert says when they break apart. ‘I want you more than anything.’
‘I know,’ Aaron whispers. ‘I’m sorry it took me so long.’
‘You have nothing to apologise for,’ Robert says with a sad smile. ‘It was my fault, I did this.’
‘You did what you thought was right,’ Aaron says, speaking around the lump in his throat. He still hates that it happened, hates that the best thing that ever happened to him was taken away, that he lost Robert for so long… this, this is as close to forgiveness as he can get, right now.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Robert says, and he pulls Aaron in for a hug. ‘I’m never leaving you again.’
‘I know,’ Aaron says, and he feels a tear run down his cheek.
Later, they lie in each other’s arms, Aaron’s head resting on Robert’s chest. He listens to the steady beat of Robert’s heart and feels so grateful he gets to hear it again, that steady beat that dictates so much of his happiness.
‘How do you want to do it?’ Robert asks.
Aaron shrugs as best he can while wrapped around Robert. ‘Don’t know.’
‘We could do it together,’ Robert says and Aaron can’t help but laugh.
‘You just want to see his face when he realises you’ve won.’
Robert can’t hide the grin in his voice. ‘A part of me does, yeah. But,’ he says, pausing so Aaron can look up at him. ‘Mostly to support you.’
Aaron shifts up, presses his lips to Robert’s.
‘I’ll do it, tomorrow.’
Robert clutches him tightly and it doesn’t take long for Aaron to get hard again, pressing against Robert’s hip. They’re both naked, still, and when Robert realises he smooths his palm down Aaron’s side, his hip, his thigh.
‘I still can’t believe I get to do this,’ Robert says against Aaron’s skin. ‘I want you all the time.’
Aaron lifts an eyebrow at him. ‘What’re you waiting for, then?’
This time, as Robert presses into him there’s none of the frantic desperation. It’s deep and intense and their eyes lock on each other as Robert rolls his hips. He’s always been fantastic in bed, but this… knowing they’ve chosen each other, again, it makes Aaron’s heart swell as Robert fucks him.
He forgets about John, and the trouble to come when this is all revealed. All he knows is the feel of Robert’s lips on his, Robert’s hands on him, Robert pressing inside him with a gentleness that makes Aaron’s heart break a little. It’s all he wants… and from tomorrow, he can have it.
