"She's Got A Boyfriend Anyway" (Bf Version)
Hudson Williams x Reader
What does the relationship between a budding actor and a messy rockstar look like? Inspiration goes to @fallencrystalgirl
Pairs with "She's Got A Boyfried Anyway" can be read as a pt2, pt1, or standalone! There is a link inside the fic so you can read this, stop and read the other one, and then come back and finish this!
"God, I'm actually invested"
Real Life--
"And I wake up in the middle of the night," i strummed the chord progression, adding space for the unwritten lyrics, "'cause youre not here."
The time on my phone read 2:43 am and the recording ran below; I should be asleep, but the memory of him kept me awake.
The cool night brushed past my cheeks. It was a typical warm night in Canada, even warmer inside the bar. My friends and I found a table on the back patio, tucked under thick greenery and fairlights that glimmered like the stars above. As the night ticked by, our table got quieter and quieter as everyone slowly left; somone had a flight to catch, a partner waiting on them, an early morning audition, ect., ect. until I was left alone. It wouldve made sense to turn in and get some sleep, but I couldnt tear myself away from the scenery.
My glasses was half empty when a voice cut through my thoughts, "anyone sitting here?"
I looked up to see a guy who seemed to fit the tall, dark, and handsome stereotype with perfectly styles black hair and a soft smile, "its all yours."
"I'm Hudson," he reached a hand out and I took it happily. I liked the sparkle in his eye.
I sign and end the recording, it helped put some more pieces into place but I was still missing a bridge, still not accepting all of the thougths swirling in my head. In my head...
It's my first night back in NYC since my canadian aventure, but it all feels different. The traffic noise and bright lights seem quiter, brighter. I picture my own trip home, and suddenly a soft smile from the bar creeps in...
I scribble down the lyrics quickly while softly singing them to the tune I worked out, "in my head / you're in the car and / you get to my door." The jump start was all I needed; suddenly memories washed over me. I pictured our quick banter across that quiet bar table, him walking me back to the hotel, the exchaging of numbers, and every dark haired guy I hoped was him for the rest of our trip. On that random page in my journal, a whole song took shape and I scribbled "Risk" is messy letters on the top.
Instagram--
ynln posted a story!
caption: always making magic with these two @/finneas @/billieelish
replies:
billieelish
😝😝😝
user1
yes Yes YES
user2
1 2 3 release it
iMessage--
Real Life--
Hudson sat across from me, surrounded by dark red brick and illuminated by the sunlight from the front windows. What nether of us notice is we've been sitting across from one another for almost 3 hours without a care. This is nice, he is nice. And genuine. And funny. And interesting. And cute. And-
"Whatcha thinking about," he asks. We lock eyes and I feel a warmth was over me, bringing an honest answer out.
"Does this count as a good first date?"
Without hesitation he says, "yeah it does."
"Why?" Ismile.
"Because I forgot I was trying to impress you." We hold eachothers gave from across the table, not rushing to do or say anything. Just being present as Y/N and Hudson.
"Privacy sign on the door / And on my page and on the whole world"
Real Life--
Somewhere deep inside Taylor Swift's home I curled into a vintage couch, It was a chilly nights after smaller charity event. Big names have floated in and out of the room all nights, checking in, bringing drinks, taking a break from the booming speakers; but myself, Jack Antonoff, and Pheobe Bridgers took permanent residency in the quiet.
"I'm telling you, that albums a breakup record," Pheobe argued. I tear my eyes away from the friged pillow I zoned out on, realizing I had no clue what album they were even arguing over. That seemed to be my theme for tonight: desperatly try and act like my normal self while pathetically drowning in love. Husdon and I haven't been in the same city in far too long and it started to weight on me. It was riddiculous, I'm a musician who goes on tours and private writing trips, its never bothered me to be away from a partner before. Until now. And I'm terrified.
"It's all branding," jack responded. All the albums spoken about tonight flipped throughout my head, "Y/N back me up." Shit.
"I think..." I paused no album had been notably a break up record, "people hear what they need to."
"Such a songwriter answer," jack scoffed but smiled. He saw both sides of the bussiness, sometimes I'd argue thats a curse.
Pheobe studied me, "you're somewhere else."
"Am I that obvious?"
"Only to the people who know you," thank God for Pheobe Bridgers. I opened my mouth with an attempt to explain, but my phone interuppted. Thrown on the coffee table, the ringer cut through the quiet and a photo of Hudson illuminated the screen. I felt my mouth curl into an involuntary smile.
Jack and Pheobe shared a look before he started, "don't tell me thats him."
I was already standing, pulling the jacket tighter over my shoulders, "I'll be right back." I didn't hear their chuckled as I made a beeline for the grand glass doors at the back of the room. Outside, the still air felt suffocating.
That was until a soft, "Hey rockstar," cut through it.
"Hey babe! What's up?"
"Press is done! I'm offically free!!"
I giggle at the pure excitment and relief in his voice, "freedom looks good on you."
"So do you," oh! Someones bold tonight.
A laugh bubbled from my chest; a real laugh, not the rehersed ones I've been giving all night, "I miss you."
"Yea, me too," we settle into a comfortable silence. I hear the barely there music from inside, some people laughing around the front of the house, and Hudson's slow breathing. God he's so close, but so far. All of the sudden, the door next to me opens and Jack and Margret Qualey wave goodbye as they exit. In the few seconds it took the door to close, a loud laugh rang through the night, "where are you?"
"After party at Taylor's," I answer with a sigh.
"Taylor as in Swift?! I don't know if I'll ever get used to your friends literally being stars," we both giggle, "you having fun?"
"Not really."
"You wanna come here?"
In a moment of bravery I answer "yes."
Silence fills the call, "you're serious."
"I can be on a flight tonight," I pause, worried I went too far.
"I can be at the airport to pick you up," I smile to hard my cheeks hurt.
The rest of the night turns into a blur of goodbyes, Detla bookings, and getting shot a knowing look from Pheobe behind the group of people who now surround her.
Instagram--
ynln posted a story!
caption: taylor ily
replies:
hudsonwilliams
I can't wait to see you!
Me either!!
user1
you are on a plane and still working on music?? Diva
hudsonwilliams
liked by connorstorrie, rachelreid, user54, and 928,083 others
hudsonwilliams babe wake up another episode of Heated Rivalry dropped!! Hope y'all had fun watch parties too :)
tagged: connorstorrie, heatedrivarly_offical
heatedrivarly_offical ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
connorstorrie room for one more??
hudsonwilliams practiced my arch just for you 😉
user1 omg hudson is soft launching???
user2 this was NOT what I was expecting today
user3 and theyre watching HR?? Whoever he is with is more secure than me bc wdym our romantic night ends with me watching you get cracked by a russian hockey player??
user4 not them cooking dinner together thats adorable
user5 God its me again 🙏🙏
load more
Real Life--
"You're a bear?" I question holding up a small stuffed bear, wearing a custome made Shane Hollander jersey. It was sicking out of a half open bag he left sitting by the door.
"It was a gift from a fan," he smiles, "the show has picked up quite a following."
I turned the bear in my hands, "they're very talented." He nodded to my statment and went back to setting up the couch for our watch night. I took the time to walk into the makeshift office he had set up in his apartment. Lots of the space was taken up by a place for self tapes, but I noticed he had a couple of shelfs with various decor pieces: photos from his prevous works, old scripts, and a fake plant. My eyes stopped when I came across a pristine baseball cap with my signature stiched across the front. It is one of my favorite merch pieces I've ever sold and he owned it. I tuck the Hollander bear right next to it.
"You ready?" Hudson calls from the other room. I give the scene one last smile before heading back to the living room.
~~
"Falling asleep on me are we?" Hudson softly chuckled. We'd finished the newest episode of Heated Rivarly and some new movie, my eyes were getting heavier and the walk to his room seemed impossible.
"Yup," I joke, snuggling closer to his chest, "night bear."
I felt him stir below me, so I lifted my head. He was staring down at me with sparkling eyes and a tired smile, "did you just call me bear?"
"Maybe."
"It that a thing now?"
"If you want it to be," I offered suddenly getting shy. I tried to lay my head back down and avoid his gaze, but Hudson gently turned my face back to his and sat up.
"Yes," he smiled, "I want it to be." Then he kissed me in a way that rivaled whatever him and Connor had come up with.
Instagram--
ynln
liked by jackanotoff, user83, pheobebridgers, and 829,290 others
ynln cheap wine, make believe its champagne 🥂🧸
tagged: no one
pheobebridgers 👀
jackantonoff ‼️
user1 guys wtf
user6 ugh gorgous
user2 WHO? WHAT? WHERE? WHEN?
user3 does ANYONE know who tf is in vancouver that Y/N would be seeing ??
user4 how did no one notice this??
user8 was she not just in NY for that charity event?!?!
user5 the bear emoji???
user7 we have a lot of catching up to do
load more
"I hate to look at your face and know that we're feeling different"
Real Life--
It's too hot in my bedroom, too still. I'm lying on my back, listening to Hudson scroll through TikTok; I open my own app and hope for the distraction. It's been a solid 30 minutes of opening and closing numerous apps to fight off the ugly, black insecurity swirling in my head.
Turns out, that was a futile effort. Two videos in and I see an edit of Hudson and Sophie Nelisse; clip after clip of them looking like the picture perfect couple. Classy, elegent, polished. I can't be mad, we both agreed to keep this private so its no surprise fans would shamelesly pair him with female costars. Yet, I blurt out, "people really like you with her."
"Who?" Hudson asks, rolling onto his side so he is closer to me. A small part of me felt better, he's right here with you. I turned my screen towards him and let the edit play. Hudson frowns, "oh... that's not..."
"I know," I cut in quickly, "I promise I know."
I stare ahead, praying for him to come closer. I should've planned that better, hell plan that at all. I should've just asked him to move closer, should've just scrolled passed the edit and the others shipping him with Connor. I should look at him now rather than staring ahead. I choose wrong and do nothing.
Hudson keeps his gaze locked onto the side of my face for a few long moments. I can tell he's unsure whether to lean into me further or give me some space. He chooses wrong and does nothing.
~~
It is suffocatingly dim in this bathroom. I look at the deep yellow lights around me and feel a yearning for the loudness outside of these doors. I'm currently dressed head to toe in the most put together gown I've ever seen. Gracie Abrams insisted I come to the Golden Globes with her and Paul, so she wouldn't be "out of place and alone." The couple managed to find someone Paul was friendly enough with to get them to bring me in as a date, poor guy I should really remember his name.
Hudson is here too, in an elegent white top, matching blazer, and black pants. He fit in so well and looked like he always belonged. Me? I was a mess. Not literally, I can see that clearly. Look back at me in the mirror now is my face, with perfect eyeliner and a face that was airbrushed on. I missed my smudged look. My dress was perfect too, a white satin like material with small black detailing. I matched Hudson enough to make us both giddy.
I start to cry when the door swings open, "Hey- are you ok?"
I whip my head to see Gracie, picture perfect and fitting in perfect all night. I wish I could hate her, "you are perfect."
"What?" She questions. She's now made her way over to me and is gently cradling my head, careful not to mess up the ballerina bun styled there.
"You are just so perfect, in here, out there, hell everywhere. I'll be lucky if I can ever pretend to feel normal."
"Aww baby," she coos, "you are perfect out there. You fit into the scene like a glove."
"Maybe," I contemplate, "but I feel like a poorly made puppet who jokes too loud."
"Maybe we've gotten some looks, but I promise the tables around us just have a stick up their ass," she jokes. I can't help but giggle.
"I guess."
"Don't guess, know!" She exclaimed turning to walk into a stall, "take a minute, because when we're done we're showing all those stuck up actors how musicans do award shows!"
I laugh and agree, but deep down the feeling never goes away. I'm loud, I don't do stuffy award shows, and I definitely don't look like I belong.
~~
The bright sun is slightly dimmed as it shined through the tinted windows. I was dropping Hudson off at the airport; he landed a brand new role but would be relocating to Japan for an extended time. I was beyond proud of him, but that dark, cruel feeling inside spread.
"I hate that I feel like this," I sigh, "I'm happy for you, promise. But I just feel..."
"Like what?"
"Like I'm competing with something I can't see," I admit. People always describe getting something off your chest as a relief, but I feel like crying, "your job. Your life. My job. My fans. Expectations."
My voice cracks as I pull into a parking spot. Hudson unbuckles and leans over to hold me. Its awkward and honestly makes me feel worse. I stop struggling and go quiet for a moment, "And?"
"And the version of me that doesn't exist."
"You're not competing," he whispers into my hair. I know he means it.
"I know, that's the worst part," I yank out the bun I carefully styled. It looked like those classy actress papparazzi photos, but who am I kidding. We sit there while I calm down. Neither of us know how to fix this, so we sit until its time for him to go, then we walk inside hand in hand.
~~
The venue smells like beer, sweat, and dust. I can already feel it sinking into my clothes, I love it. It's a much smaller venue than I expected DJO to still be playing at, but I can't say I'm mad. I scan the room, Finneas and I are standing in a makshift VIP section DJO's team hooked us up with, and take notice of all his fans packed into the small space.
The lights dimming breaks up my train of thought, all praises I have for his fans are replaced with the opening chords of "Awake." It hits like a pulse deep in my chest. This is home; a dark room, loud music, sweaty fans, and no expectations to feel anything other than electrified. "Basic Being Basic," "Gap Tooth Smile," "Fly," and many more songs blur by. I try in vain to keep up with all of the loyal DJO fans, but they make it impossible. By the time he starts "End of Beggining," my shoulders are loose and my head is waving wildly in the air.
"Another version of me, I was in it / I wave goodbye to the end of beginning," DJO sings out.
You don't feel like this in his world.
Woah.
I feel the pit in my stomach open up, I didnt mean to let that thought slip in. It's not cruel, or dramatic, but I don't want it. But then again, when I imagine Hudson's award shows, and fancy quiet dinners I can't help but agree.
Around me the song crescendos and all I can focus on is, "you take the man out of the city, not the city out the man."
Our break up won't be panic, it'll be relief.
That scares me even more.
~~
The night passed in a blur, and I know it's my own selfishness that drove me to end up here, in some NYC resturant, with Joe Keery. Part of me is desperatly trying to see how he handles the two worlds, but some deep part of me wants to live in the loudness he just created on stage.
"You survived," Joe comments.
"Barely, you were so loud."
"I try," he looks down before continuing, "you disappear into shows like that."
"Only place I can get my brain to shut up."
"You belong in rooms like that, by the way. Rooms where it's too loud to pretend to be anyone but yourself."
I look down and start playing with my ring, "no one pretends at concerts."
"What?"
"No one pretends at concerts," I say louder, "no one has energy. Musicans are too lost in their craft to worry about a front that doesn't fit, and the fans they're too into the show they're waited months for to waste a second with an act."
"You have a tour soon, right? It seems like its time to get back in the saddle," Joe says, moving around th booth to get closer to me.
"Be careful, you'll give me ideas," I whisper to him.
"I'm very good at that."
I notice how much closer he's gotten to me and clear my throat, "this isn't weird, right?"
"Nah, its just dinner," he sits back into the booth, "unless you want it to be something else.
I can feel the storm inside me rumbling, my "old" life that feels like it happened 10 years ago is rushing back quickly, "I don't know what I want yet."
"Then we won't name it," he barely locks his eyes with mine, "it's so stuffy in here. Wanna leave?" A small smile breaks out on my face.
We split the check and walk out together. My head is spinning while we explore the city that never sleeps.
Instagram--
ynln posted two stories!
caption: (1) sending bear off :( have a great shoot 🇯🇵 (2)a little night out
replies:
mayahawke
hope you enjoy the show 😉
so far so good !!
user1
bf reveal when??
user2
omg thats DJO!! I saw you there!!
Real Life--
The strings of Finneas's guitar sing as he tunes the instrument; I decided his current song needed an acoustic guitar in the background. He doesn't even look up when he says, "You've been staring at the wall for a while."
"I like the wall," I reply, too deep in my own mind to come up with something better.
"You hate the wall. Always say the color is to sterile for a studio."
I sign and lean back into my chair, "I think I'm ruining something good."
The plucking stops and I see his head raise, "ok. Start there."
"I love him, with my whole heart. But lately, it feels like I'm always catching up," I rub my face with my hands, "I'm desperatly trying to catch up to his life, his world. I can't even fathom introducing him into mine when I'm such an outsider in his."
Finneas nods and ponders my words for a moment. Eventually he says, "That's not nothing, but..."
"I know," I finish, "I hate that I'm insecure. I hate comparing myself to the headlines and the fans and the versions of him that aren't real. And I hate that I can't click with his world; with the audtions, and filming, and press. It's so far from me."
"You're allowed to feel weird about dating someone in a different career. And you're allowed to be thrown off about dating someone the internet thinks that they own," he speaks slowly.
"I don't wanna be the reason things get heavy."
"You are not a burden for having feelings and insecurites; but Hudson needs to know. Always playing catchup is not love, its endurance."
"I don't want to lose him," I confess, barely above a whisper.
"And you won't, but you need to be honest. Y/N, you deserve so much and forcing all this inside prevents that. I've known you as long as you've been in this industry and I've seen you shrink yourself to fit into other's lives more comfortably. Let this be the relationship that fixes that, be yourself now."
~~
The phone rings exactly three times before I hear the line connect.
"Hey! You caught me between things," Hudson chips.
"Yeah," I looked at my watch, it's noon in Japan right now. "I figured."
There's a long pause, then, "What's going on?"
"I don't belong in your world," I say with an exhale. Theres a stretch of silence where Hudson is trying to process my words, "Everything around you is so finished, so polished. Every story is already decided."
"That's the job," he says confused, "but you don't need to be like me."
"Hud, I'm loud, I'm messy," I struggle to hold back a sob, "I show up to places with chipped nail polish and lyrics written on stolen napkins."
"That's what I love about you and Y/N I'm not asking for you to change."
"I know," I snap. I take a deep breath before continuing," but someone will. I see the rooms you exist in and I'm too much. Too loud, too unfiltered..."
There's an immposisble stretch of silence. I hear shuffling on the other end of the line and then a door quietly click close. Below me, late night NYC traffic continues its noisy musical, "I wish you'd told me."
"I didn't want to sound ungrateful."
"For what?"
"For not feeling like your love is enough."
Hudson lets a shakey breath slip, "so what are you saying? Are you breaking up with me?"
"I have no choice."
"What about us?"
The words get stuck in my throat and my tears freely fall now. Come on L/N, "I love you. We love each other. That doesn't fix incompatible lives. I need to get back to me."
"I need you," he chokes through sobs. I don't move to say anything, I don't even know what to say. Hudson starts again, "so this is it?"
"For now at least," I offer.
"Goodbye."
"Bye."
~~
It's been hours since our phone call ended. Half an hour ago I got a text from Hudson, just a small "you still have your drawer." It broke my heart to see him still care, still want me. It broke my heart even more to know I still cared too.
As the night ticked by into early morning, a page of my notebook filled up:
"...And dow the road, you will love me until you resent me... what if I'm not worth the time and breat I know you're saving... I hate to look at your face and know that we're feeling different... and part of me wants you back, but I know it won't work like that..."
It's all a mess that kind of resembles a song, if you really squint. I fill in a few in betweens, but it all feels empty without a bridge. I sigh and lean against the side of my bed. Around the room, I can see him. His shirt draped over my chair, a chunk of my closet filled with clothes that aren't mine, and what hurts the most are 2 pairs of matching sneakers. His larger ones propped up against mine. I think back to Hudson's place, I'm pretty sure I left even more. Hundreds of more ways to trace back to me. My guitar and my heart grow into one, and suddenly I've bleed out:
"I'll open up / I'm thinking everything you wish I wasn't / The call was tough / But you're better off, I'm being honest / So you won't stop / Holding out for me when I don't want it?/ Just brush me off / Cause I'm your ghost right now, your house is haunted"
Off to the side of thr page I scribble, "u know it won't work", before crawling into bed and crying until the sun rises.
"I was thinking I could fly to your hotel tonight"
(wanna read the time skip? Click here!)
Instagram--
yn_spotted
liked by user4, user93, user3, and 629,920 others
yn_spotted after their messy arugment last week, our favorite situationship is back! I'm pretty hopefull it will stick this time and maybe we'll even see them attatch a label!
tagged: ynln, djotime
user1 and not even half an hour after this was posted new papp photos released of them fighting again and on the phone crying to someone
user2 we can never have nice things can we??
user3 can we please bring back the bear era of soft posts, happy Y/N, and sappy love songs
user4 girl gtfo with that boring ass energy
user5 lmao i love how the fandom is so divided on this issue
user6 no fr like half wants stable Y/N back and the other half wants to watch her burn every bridge ever
load more
IRL--
The hotel lobby is all polished stone and glass, it all feels too clean, too relfective. All of the sudden, my worn converse and wrinkled clothes feel out of place. A ding from room catched my attention and out of the elevator walks Hudson, his hair has grown out and he looks broader.
He looks up and we hold eachother's gaze, and just like our first date we became just Y/N and Hudson. I almost chuckle at the absudity of it all, he made me feel less out of place with just a look.
"Hey," he whispers stepping forward. Hudson stops abruptly, not assuming acess and that restrait almost breaks me, "you're really here."
"I am," the lobby around us hums. Mummurs of English, Japanese, and other languages float around us, the instramental music plays from the speakers, and luggages wheels scrap against the floor.
"You ready to," Hudson gestures back to the elevator, I nod and allow him to lead me to his room. When we get there, he holds the door open for me, just like he always did.
And in just a few minutes, its over. Our first moment is over and I don't feel fireworks but a calm sense of hope.
~~
Several hours and a delicous dinner later, Hudson and I are walking along the glowing streets of Kyoto, it was the perfect night. We were able to catch up, filling the space between us with stories about tour and his project.
"As much as I hoped, part of me thought I'd never see you like this again," he confesses.
"I didn't either, but I finally stopped running."
"From me?"
"From me," i take a deep breath in, "I didn't immedatly click with your world. So instead, I decided I needed to change myself, and when that didn't work I let my insecruties get the better of me and bailed. Hudson, I'm so sorry."
"You never had to do that," that understnading hurts worse than if he'd just yell at me.
"I messed up after we broke up."
Hudson chuckles, "I know. You're not subtle."
My cheeks warmed up and I looked down in embarrassment, "I thought what I wanted was unpolished, but I really just wanted something that I didn't need to try for."
"And now?"
"I want something real. Something hard. Something that involves you."
Hudson instictivly reaches for my hand but stops halfway. My hand shoots out to grab his, "I'll meet you wherever you are."
Instagram--
ynln
liked by ashe, user54, jackatanoff, and 938,029 others
ynln do you got plans tn 🧸
tagged: hudsonwilliams
hudsonwilliams glad to be back baby 🤍
ynln glad to be taken back 🤍
jackatanoff all is right in the world?
ynln all is right 🙂↕️
user1 BEAR IS HUDSON FREAKING WILLIAMS?!?!?!
user2 LIKE THE STAR OF HEATED RIVALRY?? Y/N why have you kept him hidden for so long??
user3 my bisexual ass has been simping over thier relationship without realizing it for months
user4 goodbye messy Y/N
user5 it was fun to while you lasted
user6 what i wouldnt pay to be a fly on the wall...
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iMessages--
Photo creds: Pinterest
