summary: the house is not quite how Morgan thought he’d find it
a classic case of one sibling needing one thing and the other being neglected is what Morgan thought he had walked into, seeing Marley trapped by the couch cushions on the floor, comfortable, unharmed, not even noticing she was left alone because the Despicable Me movie was far more entertaining to her.
Morgan quickly pulled his phone out, thinking he had missed a text from you about your whereabouts as his ears could pick up no other noise aside from the movie. Marley quickly seeing her dad and squealing for him
“hi princess” he greeted tickling her tummy
“daddy no” she says swatting his hand away
“where’s mummy and Myles?” he asks placing a kiss to her chubby cheek
“don know” Marley shrugs
Morgan’s panic begins rising, with knowledge of Myles’ running a fever and being sick, and not a single message of communication he was stumpted on what would have lead to his 2 year old daughter ending up alone in the living room.
Morgan began looking through rooms, carefully opening doors before checking Myles’ room where he let out a sigh of relief at the sight of you asleep on the single bed, Myles clinging to you for dear life in his sleep, his forehead shining with a sheen layer of sweat.
“mummy” Marley yelled in Morgan’s arms
“what?” you ask shooting up in panic looking around
“everything’s fine! relax” Morgan says quickly “Marley’s just being cheeky”
“Marley cuddle” Marley fusses kicking around
“cuddle now, just wait” Morgan stops her gently
“mummy?” Myles’ weak voice calls out
“i’m here baby” you say rubbing his back
“how’s he feeling?” Morgan asks
“better” you sigh “not quite there”
“is that how you got here?” he asks with a laugh
“he asked for a cuddle when i came to give him his meds and he’s my baby, i can’t stand to see him in so much pain Morgan” you say feeling your heart become heavier at the sight of Myles
“hey” Morgan says rubbing your shoulder “it’s not your fault, it happens”
“i know but i’m supposed to protect him” you say your eyes watering
“from what? germs?” he asks
“piss off” you say with a laugh
“no swearing around the baby!” Morgan laughs covering Marley’s ear
“i’m not a baby daddy!” Marley protests pushing his arm away
“you’ll always be daddy’s baby” Morgan tells her kissing her head “even when you’re old and grey”
“we should probably get out before we wake Myles up and Marley catches his fever” you say
Morgan agrees, walking out as you tuck the boy in before following.
“so you left Marley down here” he says cautiously
“i’m a horrible mom” you sigh
“hey hey i was kidding” Morgan says quickly hugging you “you’re a mom taking care of two toddlers and one is sick, she’s not hurt and she didn’t even notice”
“i’m trying—
“you are baby” Morgan assures “and you deserve a shower and early night in”
“but—
“none of that” he says turning you around “i’ll do the rest”
“Morgan it’s 5PM” you say
“doesn’t matter” he shrugs
“you’re not letting me go are you?”
“nope”
“fine”
“i love you” he calls out
“i love you too” you call back
Morgan smiles, turning around to find Marley trying to reach for the can of Redbull you’d left on the counter
Make it to Christmas- Shelby sister
Info: Christmas for the Shelby clan were never special, but this year seems t be the worst as y/n, the youngest, has been diagnosed with the illness that takes many away.
Warnings: Mention of sick child, child loss, grief
For those who can't be here- Halstead sister
Info: Y/n spend her first Christmas without her father, but she tries to remember the good times while making new traditions without her.
Warnings: Grief, loss parent
Stocking Filler- Winchester sister
Info: Living on the road means no Christmas tree, but Dean makes sure his little sister has some of the Christmas Magic.
Merry Christmas everyone- Prince Fredrich x Bridgerton reader
Info: Y/n loves Christmas, even as she grows older, and since her marriage to the prince, she holds a ball to celebrate her favourite time of year.
Christmas always finds me- Jensen Ackles x daughter reader
Info: The younger kids may be the ones who Steal Jensen's attention, but their father can always tell when their sister is having a tough time.
Warnings: Depression, sadness, loneliness
Sparkling lights- Bridgerton sister
Info: Young Y/n Bridgerton loves everything to do with Christmas, especially the lights that line the streets in December.
Singing Carols- Tony Stark x daughter reader
Info: Tony Stark wasn't one for singing while sober, but he finds it hard to say no when his daughter asks him to join her choir.
Make it to Christmas- Matt Casey x Halstead sister
Info: Y/n and Casey both know their relationship would be better off done, but y/n wants them to stick it out till the end of the festivities.
Silent night- Winchester Sister
Y/n Winchester was always fond of Christmas, but Christmas is silent this year as her brothers grieve the loss of their sister.
Warnings: Death, loss, grief
Christmas tears- Anthony Bridgerton x wife reader
Info: Y/n used to love the festive holidays, but this year she loses something special.
Warnings: Child loss, grief
Bring me home for Christmas- Steve Rogers x wife reader
Info: Steve and y/ have been married for many years, having grown up together, and y/n wishes for Christmas is to go back to the olden days.
Little Snowflake- Kelly Severide x wife reader
Info: Chicago is a magical place in the snow, but it becomes more magical for the Severide family.
Overview: You and Chris read your favourite books to each other
A/N.....It’s been 84 years. No seriously it has been a LONG time since I’ve put something on here, but I’ve been taking a break writing imagines and I am beginning to love writing bigger projects. I’ve had lots of inspiration during lockdown however so those should start to come on here at some point. Thank you for continuing to show love to the rest of my imagines and I hope you like this one. If there’s any requests for both scenarios and people keep sending them to me and I’ll make sure to keep wokring through them :)
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Word Count: 2400
“Can we eat this in bed?” You jiggle the bowl of steaming pasta as you deliberately shuffle towards the bedroom. Chris looked up through his eyelashes and raised an eyebrow.
“You want our bed to smell like meatballs?”
“But it will just make all of this perfect.” You pointed to the large windows which were dark and splattered with rain just as a flash of lightning lit up the skyline. Dodger whimpered nervously from his bed and gnawed further into the neck of his lion toy. “Dodger can hang out with us, and we can watch TV in bed and be nice and warm. You’d like that, wouldn’t you Dodger?” You cooed and bent down to rub behind the dog’s ears, holding your food high so he couldn’t eat any of it. Dodger stretched and padded to Chris’ feet. Chris looked at you both and smiled with fake reluctance. “Okay, fine. Come on Bubba,” he picked up his bowl and slowly walked towards the door, making sure not to trip over Dodger’s bounding in delight.
“Let’s just both promise we’re not going to spill anything,” Chris said jokingly, widening his eyes in a telling expression.
You rolled your eyes. “It was one hot chocolate.”
“And now there’s a stain that looks like someone pooed on one of the sheets.” Chris took your bowl and motioned his head for you the get into bed first. You turned on the fairy lights and lamps and dived underneath the puffy white duvet, wrapping it around your legs and hips while shifting it, so it was easy for him to get in too. Dodger sat at the end, his tail thwacking the air out of the duvet, eyes wide and staring at the food with longing. “No Bubba,” Chris warned as he gave you back your meal, “this isn’t for you. I’ve saved you some already.”
“You made extra meatballs for the dog?” You shook your head in disbelief. Chris shrugged as if to to say of course I would and then gently pushed Dodgers sniffling nose away. You ate in silence watching the TV, the storm growing louder outside. As stomach full, you sank into the pillows, feeling so comfortable you never wanted to leave. Chris left only once to take the bowls away and bring in cups of coffee, but apart from that, he seemed to sink beside you.
“Is it alright If we turn off the TV?” You asked a little while later, “I’m in the mood to read.”
“Yea, ‘course.” The TV went off, and you leaned over to your bedside table, shuffling further into the pillows as you got yourself comfortable to read. You had only read a few lines when Chris asked what you were reading.
“A room with a view,” you showed him the cover.
“Didn’t you read that at Christmas?”
“Yea, but I was in the mood to reread it. Is that okay?” You jokingly confronted him, leaning closer to him feign intimidation. Chris copied you and gently pushed you on the forehead, so your head moved back. “I never understood the fun about classics.”
“Because they’re amazing stories.”
“You can’t even understand them.”
“Only smart people can.”
“Oh, so are you saying I’m not smart?”
“I don’t see your degree,” you pointed at your framed degree hung proudly by the bookshelf.
“You mean the degree that’s next to my THREE shelves of awards?” Chris smiled cheekily as he pointed at the collection of statues glimmering in the soft light. “I don’t see your shelves there?” He laughed when you smacked him playfully with the book, leaning down to kiss you on the shoulder a couple of times. “We know you’re smarter than me.”
“Thank you.” You moved closer to him, so he stayed propped up near you, breathing steadily as you went back to the story. He kept his head by your shoulder, sighing deliberately, so a gush of breath tickled the loose hairs around your neck. After a few minutes, you instinctively crumpled your ear into your shoulder, whinging at him to stop.
“Sorry, sorry,” but his tone was edged with mirth. You tried to immerse yourself again, although this time Chris was starting to read lines out, intentionally dotting around the page, so your head began to swim.
“…Was she was wrong in this, she asked herself, reviewing her conduct for the past week or two…”
“Chris.”
“…she reflected, feeling rather sinister again, making Minta marry Paul…”
“Please stop.”
“….There was always a woman dying of cancer.” He frowned and shook his head. “This sounds so depressing.” You clapped a hand over his mouth, gritting your teeth as you smiled but muttering threats into his ear as he widened his eyes in phantom shock. “I swear you better shut up I’m trying to read.”
“I love it when you talk dirty,” Chris mumbled behind your hand.
“Are you going to stop?” You frowned. Chris nodded. Slowly, you pulled your hand away. Chris opened his mouth as if he was going to speak, but with a quick “NO,” he closed it again. He halted for a moment, then spoke again.
“What is it about this book that makes you love it so much?”
“The writing is beautiful,” you sighed with content, “you don’t have to fully understand what E.M Forster’s saying because you FEEL what he’s saying through his words. He can perfectly describe a feeling which I’ve never been able to put into words. Like here,” you rapidly thumbed through the pages, stopping and jabbing at a line underlined in smudged pencil. “For that reason, knowing what was before them – love and ambition and being wretched alone on dreary places – she often had the feeling, why must they grow up and lose it all?” You shook the book in delight, expecting Chris to be just as excited. When he didn’t, your jaw slacked. “Isn’t that wonderful?”
‘If you think it’s wonderful, then it must be,’ Chris shrugged. He pointed at the multitude of lines underlined in silver, gently moving underneath your hands to peer at the next few pages. “Why do you underline so much?”
You bit the side of your cheek in an attempt to not sound embarrassed. “It depends. Sometimes it’s lines that are written really well or things that made me laugh; mostly it’s moments which make me love the book in particular. Like first kisses or when two people are reunited. Like here.’ Flipping the page, you read “‘this is not what we want; there is nothing more tedious, puerile, and inhumane than love; yet it is also beautiful and necessary.’ Forster could’ve just said love is excellent, but this means so much more.”
“Uh, huh.” Chris was pretending to doze off on you, but when you retaliated by starting to shuffle away, he held you back. “Stop moving! you know I like how you pick up on those things.” He held his hand out as an invitation for the book, and when you handed it over, he flipped through the pages, reading the lines you’d memorised for so many years. “Is this how you feel? The way he writes?”
“Maybe not exactly. But I knew exactly what Forster meant by that last line because it made me think of you.” You enjoyed the way Chris’ face softened, the usually prominent bone structure hiding as his cheeks filled with a smile.
“Maybe I should read it sometime if it means this much to you,” he mused, nodding slowly. “Even if it is all about ladies dying with cancer.”
“Please do.” You half rolled over, your eyes drying out as you tried to look pleadingly at him. “I would die if you did that for me. I’ll read your favourite book if that persuades you.” You frowned. “I don’t even know what your favourite book is.”
“Easy,” Chris said “Ferdinand the Bull.”
“That’s a children’s book.”
“So?”
“Well, it’s not exactly emotionally challenging.”
“Hey, I cried at Ferdinand when I was a kid. Mom used to read it to us all the time. Didn’t you have Ferdinand in England?”
“Probably, but my parents didn’t read loads to me.”
“Aw man, you gotta read Ferdinand.” Chris swung out of bed, and half walked half skidded out of the room, Dodger tearing after him in excitement. You heard doors opening, lights being flicked on and bound books being dragged against wooden shelves, and then Chris came back down the corridor, turning to pick up the leg of Dodger’s stuffed lion and pulling both toy and dog back through the door. Dodger easily winning the tug of war sat underneath your vanity, chewing on his prize and Chris climbed back into bed, holding a battered picture book in triumph. It was obviously ancient. The red front cover had faded at the spine and at the edges due to sun exposure and a faint green stain which looked like paint coated the bottom. Chris still held it like it was a photo album and as he opened to the first page, he emitted a small gasp in wonder.
“Oh my God, I haven’t read this in so long! Look, there’s my name.” He pointed at a scribble in the corner of the page, barely eligible. You smiled and nodded, not having the heart to tell him that he could’ve written a swear word and you wouldn’t have been able to tell. “It’s exactly how I remembered it,” Chris spoke fondly, and he adjusted the lamp by his head, so it shone brighter on the pages. “I’ve got to read this to Stella next time I see her,” at the mention of his niece he softened even more, and his expression went slightly gooey.
“You can read it to me if you want,” you offered.
“You sure you don’t wanna keep reading your book?”
“Nah, I want to see what all the hype is about.” You gently closed A Room With A View and tapped on Chris’s arm, to which he lifted it up so you could lie between the pillow and his side. He shifted himself up so he could read and pushed your head to rest on his collarbone. “Can you see the pictures?” He spoke in a mocking baby voice but didn’t start until you’d stop shuffling and were comfy. Then he began to read, soft and slow at first but a couple of pages in he seemed to forget you were there. His voice started to rise and fall and get more expressive as he told the story of the bull who loved to smell flowers, and he laughed at the spindly drawings. You felt your eyes becoming droopy, and you shook your head to stay awake as he started to stroke your arm with the back of his hand, propping the book upon his knee so he could keep turning the pages.
“…And for all, I know he is sitting there still, under his favourite cork tree, smelling the flowers just quietly.” Chris nodded once in satisfaction, and the story was over. Putting the book on the floor, Chris shifted you slightly to rest back into him, smiling. “Did you like it?”
“I loved it,” you nodded, my head bobbling slightly as it bumped over his collarbone, “I especially loved your animated voice halfway through.”
“Stella insists on giving each person a different voice, even if none of them actually speak. Apparently, it helps her ‘become friends with them.’”
“That’s going to be fun when you start reading her Harry Potter.”
“Eh, it’s good to practise.”
“For what?”
“When I get to read it to my own kids.” He laughed at your widened eyes and lips which had now pouted out in surprised, “are you getting a little emotional thinking about me with children?”
“No,” you lied.
“Sorry, not my kids, OUR kids,” Chris’ eyes twinkled mischievously. You had to turn away then as a wave of motherly instinct you didn’t know was there filled your stomach, and your breath caught momentarily. “With their little curly hair and Boston accents.”
“I’m going to have to sleep after this.”
“And we can read to them loads and eat spaghetti with them…”
“you’re really mean, you know that,” you scowled, but you couldn’t help but see these children, running around in your mind in that teetering away all toddlers do on their chubby legs.
“You know what will be great too?”
“I swear if what you’re about to say is going to taunt me in my dreams-“
“Disney-world trips.”
“For God’s sake, Chris!”
“They’ll be so cute though!”
“Yeah well, now I’m going to dream about that.” You rolled over as if to try and sleep, but Chris rolled with you so now you were spooning, his knuckles continuing to stroke your skin in half soothing, half taunting way. “Our kids will be adorable,” you mumbled as you smiled into your pillow, “and they’ll love Ferdinand.”
“And I hope they see the world like you do,” Chris peppered a couple of kisses behind your ear and down your neck and then turned off the last light, so the room plunged into darkness. Dodger was finally settled and asleep, and there was a moment of creaking as Chris settled back into the spot he was lying in. For a moment, there were only the sounds of breathing, but you were now wide awake. You felt your mind whirring away, and you didn’t know if you wanted to punch the man next to you or kiss him.
“Okay so technically,” you spoke into the dark “we don’t want to have kids for a while.”
“Right.” Chris agreed.
“But there’s nothing wrong with practising.” You felt the arm around you tense suddenly, and his shadow popped up like an excited dog.
“No!” He cleared his throat. “No, there isn’t at all.”
“You said the Disney comment on purpose didn’t you?” You held a finger out as he leaned forward. Chris shrugged unapologetically and grabbed your arm to pull you on top of him, his chest already rising and falling quickly with anticipation.
“I might have done.”
“Ooo, maybe I should go sleep in the spare room then,” you teased and started to wriggle off him, but with a low laugh, Chris’ hand moved from your arm to the back of your legs.
“You’re not going anywhere,” his voice was gravelly as you became lost in each other.
Pairing(s): Steve x reader, Steve x OC!Ana, Reader x OC!Mike
Synopsis: (Y/N) and Steve are paired up as partners for a year. The problem is she hates the golden boy. Quickly she learns that he isn’t as horrid as she once imagined and they become best friends. Will (Y/N) realize before it’s too late that she’s madly and deeply in love with one Steven Grant Rogers?
Word count: 5,100 whoops
Warnings: Some fluff, some angst. Swearing. Mentions of stitches, but now graphic descriptions of gore. A super clueless reader. Bucky is a bitch in this. Jealousy.
A/n: I should have been writing my Stan Uris request (which I’m more than have done with) or my next chapter of can’t fight this feeling (it’s getting there you guys!) but I wrote this bad boy instead. I hope you guys enjoy it and are staying safe and healthy during these crazy times.
Steve was never the man you planned to fall for. Hell, you hated the man for three years. You thought he was pretentious and full of himself when he snootily corrected you on a mistake only he noticed. Everyone praised him, said he was so fantastic; he could do no wrong, he’s America’s golden boy after all.
A few years had passed since the incident where he corrected you on an almost nonexistent mistake in the middle of a mission. You two were suddenly paired up by Fury to be partners on any future missions. Bucky was still recovering from all the pain Hydra caused so he couldn’t be Steve’s partner, but you had been hoping to get either Nat or Tony as yours. But life never works out how you want.
Being partners also meant you two had to train together too, help you bond and become a stronger pair on missions. Blah blah blah. You had a sprained wrist from a mission you had just been on, it was supposed to be a simple in and out until the shield agent helping you made a mistake. The worst part is that you happen to be dating that shield agent, Mike can’t go thirty minutes without apologizing. The more he does it the more it gets on your nerves, so you always try to take hold of the conversation and steer it away from that topic.
So as you're in the gym for your first training session, sitting on a bench board out of your mind watching America’s golden boy workout his already perfect body, you text Mike and complain about being stuck with the blonde soldier. Steve breaks the tense and awkward silence randomly, causing you to put your phone down for the first time since entering the gym.
“Do you know how to work this thing?” his thumb is pointing over his shoulder at one of the many treadmills, he’s giving you a sheepish smile.
“Oh, yeah, of course,” you smile softly, quickly getting up and pressing the buttons, setting it up for him. “There ya go.”
“Thanks,” he lets out a sigh, running a hand through his slightly sweaty blonde locks. “I’m still new to all of this technology stuff.” You don’t respond, not verbally at least. You give him a warm smile and small nod, his grin seems to grow at your first real interaction.
As your time with him in the gym becomes more frequent when you're healed, you notice that he doesn’t actually need your help setting up the machines. He even sets them up for you if he beats you to the gym that day. You realize that it was really just an icebreaker, this way it wouldn’t be as awkward and you would finally talk to him. It turns out he doesn’t even remember correcting you all those years ago, so maybe he isn’t as bad as you’ve always made him out to be.
--
To nobody's surprise, but your own, you and Steve become fast friends. You didn’t think much of it, he’s your partner and you two are supposed to get along. So the friendship was a good thing, right? Steve soon became your confidant, the one you would seek out if the mission was hard or if you and Mike were in yet another fight. Besides that, Steve was just a great person who was fun to be with.
He was surprisingly political for a man that was frozen in ice for seventy years, so he’ll talk your ear off about what’s going on in the world. It’s not too surprising, you suppose, he was political propaganda and has an unwavering moral compass, so it’s to be expected. He keeps you educated and up to date, something that amuses your teammates when they see you guys hang out. You and Steve will have animated conversations about World War II, comparing the political climate and leaders back then to now over lunch. What really amused everyone was how quickly those serious conversations could flip and turn into pop culture talk. If one of you says a reference from a show in your conversation, it immediately switches to that show or ones like it.
You had introduced Steve to friends, and he had come running to you as soon as Ross and Rachel had their we were on a break fight. He was so distraught over the show, he wanted Ross and Rachel to just talk out their problems. You thought his reaction was adorable, and so did Nat who was quietly laughing to herself in a corner.
There were days where you didn’t even have to talk, content with sitting in silence and filling out mission reports. Typically spent listening to songs from the forties, or you trying to get him into modern music. Everyone was shocked, especially Bucky who is now back from Wakanda good as new apparently, that you got Steve to get a cellphone. The super soldier frequently texts you with questions or to complain that he misses you if you’re too injured or sick to make it to training.
--
Very rarely was Steve moody, one reason you were glad when you got him and not Tony, but when he was it was unbearable. He had gotten in a fight with Bucky and ignored you in training. No setting up the machine for you, even though he was already running on his treadmill when you got to the gym. No offering you water after a tough set, or apologizing if he thought he pinned you to the mat too hard, which he always did.
“Stevie, what’s wrong?” you finally broke the silence.
“It’s nothing (Y/N)!” there’s a flash of anger towards you in his icy blue eyes. “I’m done training for the day.”
“But we still have another hour!” you holler at his toned back, white shirt clinging to the sweat, as he walks away from you.
“I don’t really care, I don’t want to talk,” Steve doesn’t turn to face you. His voice drops so low he thinks you won’t hear him, but you do, “I don’t want to be around you right now.”
Your heart squeezes at his words. Was Mike right when he called you too much the other night? Were you so annoying that both your boyfriend and your best friend didn’t want to be around you?
Steve’s blue eyes softened as he apologized for his actions the next morning. He didn’t know you heard his last bit, but you weren’t gonna tell him you did. So you just dealt with the little bit of your self esteem chip away, but that was nothing new.
--
You’re knocking on his door in the middle of the night, instantly regretting it when you see the dark bags under his sparkling blue eyes. His arm flexes as he rubs a hand over his face, gray sweatpants hang low on his waist, and his navy blue shirt is slightly twisted from tossing and turning.
“Sorry,” you sniffle and quickly apologize. You start to walk away but Steve’s thick fingers wrap around your wrist and pull you towards him.
“What's wrong?” the sleep gone from his eyes, replaced with worry at the sight of your tear stained cheeks.
“It’s nothing,” you sigh, running your hands through your hair. “It was stupid.”
“Is it nothing or is it stupid? ‘Cause it can’t be both Doll,” his voice is soft and inviting, it makes you start crying all over again.
“Mike and I got into such a bad fight,” you cry, he immediately pulls you into a hug and into his apartment. He ushers you over to a stool in the kitchen, grabbing you both a beer, claiming that you look like you could really use one. “He threatened to break up with me, he just kept saying that I have too much baggage from before. Telling me that I’m too annoying, too clingy, too much.”
The super soldier stayed up with you all night, letting you cry and vent about your relationship troubles. Again. He even took you out for breakfast when morning rolled around, you two laughing over what seemed like a gallon of coffee. While you had never woken him up before, you two had talked for hours if Mike had done something stupid or hurt you.
Steve and Mike had been sort of friends before this, having worked with each other on missions before your partnership. But the words that Mike had been spewing at you hours earlier made it so that Steve could never look at him the same way again. Who could be that cruel to you on purpose?
--
The Avengers were going to a local hospital to surprise the sick children in the cancer ward. You’re paired up with Bucky much to your disappointment, everyone wanted Captain America and Black Widow together, they were well known. You don’t dislike the ex assassin, but he’s practically Steve’s brother which makes you infinitely more nervous around him.
As you're waiting for the all clear from one of the oncologists you get a text from Tony with an updated schedule, one child was able to go home a day early so they were no longer there so a new room with a new kid was added. You briefly smile down at your lock screen, a picture of you and Steve making stupid faces in your uniforms- he even let you hold his shield.
“Is that you and Steve?” Bucky’s long strands of hair hit the side of your face as he leans down to get a better look of the picture.
“Uh- yeah,” you turn to look at his face, a small frown of confusion graces your features. His gaze goes from curious to a large frown, confusing you to no end.
“Why did you guys take it?” he asks, crossing his thick arms across his chest, making sure to flex them.
“Uh, we had just gotten back from a long mission and we needed to decompress,” you smile fondly at the memory of the bleach blonde man making you laugh when you didn’t think you could even smile. He somehow managed to take your stress away, he always knew how to make it better; you’re convinced it was a power that came with the serum. “We were just goofing around and having fun, Steve suggested we take a picture to remember it.”
“You’re so annoying,” he rolls his eyes and shakes his head, brown locks creating a curtain around his face. Your jaw momentarily drops open in shock, but you quickly close it as the oncologist comes back to the two of you. You put on your well practiced mask, cheering up the kids was far more important than your measly little feelings.
For some unknown reason Bucky told Steve about the interaction. Steve immediately apologized the next day for Bucky’s actions, but it meant next to nothing coming from him and not the man with the vibranium arm. Steve just kept going on about how Bucky’s brain still wasn’t back to hundred percent yet, but you knew Bucky had meant what he said.
--
“Are you sleeping with him?” Mike storms into your apartment that Tony gave you in Avengers tower, perks of the job.
“What?” your eyebrows furrow, you aren’t a cheater. “Who?”
“Steve,” his name comes out of Mike’s mouth like it burned him, but you can see the sadness in his eyes.
“Of course not!” anger starts to fuel you, how dare he make these accusations about you and your friend!
“Sharon came up to me at work today and said she wouldn’t be surprised if you two were sleeping with each other behind my back!” he defends. Of course it was Sharon, you restrain yourself from aggressively rolling your eyes at the annoying woman's antics.
“Steve and I would never do that! And you know that. You also know that Sharon is obsessively in love with Steve and is most likely jealous of my friendship with him.”
The conversation ended there that night, but you knew it wasn’t over yet. Mike left shortly after to go to his apartment twenty minutes away from the tower, and you were left to wonder why the hell Sharon would ever suggest a thing. Steve was just a friend! Right?
The next day during training you were complaining to him about Sharon and Mike as you were punching one of the many bags filled with sand. Knuckles bruising and bleeding, but you don’t notice. Far too occupied with everyone sticking their noses where they don’t belong, just looking to start drama within the Avengers.
--
You and Mike had gotten into yet another fight about Steve a month later. This time you didn’t want to go to the man at the center of your problems, so you went to two of your friends Marie and Trisha. They’re both Shield agents that work with Mike, so they know the both of you enough to give you good advice.
“He just keeps getting so mad at me for being friends with Steve!” you complain to the two girls, who roll their eyes at the words they’ve heard come from your mouth a thousand times before.
“So break up with him,” Marie shrugs like it’s no big deal, checking her nails.
“But I love him,” you blanch.
“Do you though?” Trisha asks with a judgmental eyebrow raised.
“Of course I do! We’ve been together for two years, I see a future with him,” you furrow your brows at how rude they seem. “But do you think he’s right? Do you think Steve likes me?”
“Not even close!” Trisha laughs. “(Y/N), he would never go for someone like you, he could have any woman- or man- that he wants.”
“Dump Mike and forget Steve, they aren’t worth your time,” Marie looks up from her nails to give you an annoyed look.
So much for friends, huh. But Trisha was right about one thing, Steve would never go for someone like me. I’m not special, I’m not beautiful; I’m just annoying and I carry too much emotional baggage for anyone to deal with. You walked out of shield headquarters that day feeling worse than you did when you came, and no closer to solving this whole Steve Mike business.
--
Steve was reading the briefing for your next mission when you entered the common room in the tower. You plopped down right next to him, swinging your legs over his lap and resting your head on his shoulder to read it too. He threw the arm that you’re leaning on across your shoulders to make it more comfortable for the two of you. You and Steve would sit like this all the time; during movies, reading up on missions, while talking about anything and everything.
It made Mike uncomfortable, and maybe you were naive because you never understood why. Steve was your friend, and friends cuddle. Plus it was extremely comfortable and some days you just needed it. The first time you did it you did as a joke, trying to make Steve uncomfortable, it was a game you two play. But you both quickly found how much you both liked it and you do it without giving it a second thought now. Plus, it’s a nice added bonus when Sharon sees it and gets upset.
--
Before you and Steve knew it a whole year of partnership passed, and Fury decided to change partners around. Steve obviously got Bucky and you got Nat. While she was your original first choice, now all you wanted was for Steve to have your six. There wouldn’t be anymore inside jokes, long talks, or silly photos to take. You would miss the way his nose crinkled when he would laugh at one of your stupid jokes, or how his face would scrunch up and the tip of his tongue would peak out from between his lips when would sketch you during your free time.
If losing him as your partner weren’t enough, he was moving out of the tower. He found a cute little brownstone to move into, him and Bucky were going to be roommates. You believed Steve when he told you he would come visit you all the time, but it was just an empty promise. You felt like you were losing a piece of your heart and soul. Steve had become your best friend and you weren’t sure when you would be able to see him again. He left the tower one night, never telling you goodbye first.
If anything good came out of Steve’s move, it was that you and Mike weren’t as rocky as you once were. You were crushed that you didn’t have Steve by your side anymore, but you would never tell Mike that. He’d never understand how you missed the super soldier as a friend. He and I would still text occasionally, or talk briefly if we ran into each other in the halls, but it was never the same. And it never would be.
The next time you saw Sharon she was smug, as if she were gloating because you weren’t close to him anymore either. But that all changed when Steve entered the tower with a shorter woman with long black hair on his arm named Ana. She was a nurse for shield, apparently they had met when she insisted he get a cut stitched after a bad mission, even if he would be healed within a few hours. You used to make Steve get checked out after every mission, made sure he took care of himself, but you were useless now.
“She’s cheated on every guy she’s been with,” Sharon whispered to you as Ana swung her own legs over Steve’s lap and curled into his side. The smile on his face was so wide and loving, it was honestly revolting. Nat, Tony, and Sam all turned to watch your face at the interaction, you masked any possible emotion. But Tony saw the hurt in your eyes, you had officially lost Steve. But he was never yours to lose.
You pushed off Sharon’s words, why would she tell you the truth when she hated you so much. But when Trisha and Marie texted you out of nowhere freaking out about her being a cheater you knew it was the ugly truth. Steven Grant Rogers, the love of your life as you always jokingly called him, was going to get his pure heart broken by someone who would never love as much as he loved her.
--
Mike caught you one night, when he came over to surprise you with dinner, looking at the drawings of you that Steve had done while swiping through the pictures you had taken with the blonde. Mike, seeing that you were grieving the loss of such an important friendship didn’t say anything about it. Instead you guys ate your food and talked about your future together. He kept repeating that he wanted to marry you one day soon.
While the prospect of spending the rest of your life with Mike was exciting and inviting; it was a nice safe choice. You couldn’t help but wonder, would Steve go to your wedding? Would he be your man of honor like you two joked he would be? Or did he not care about you now that you weren’t partners anymore? Because your life would be gray without him in it.
--
Tony threw his yearly charity gala. You were dressed in an ombre blue dress that made you feel like Cinderella. Mike had surprised you and paid for you to go all out and get your hair and nails done. What you didn’t know was that Mike was trying to spoil you so you would be happy again and maybe fix your crumbling relationship. While your relationship was fine, better even, when Steve had moved, it was falling apart now as you wallowed in self pity over the fact that you lost your best friend.
You had begged Mike for hours to go dance with you, but he wouldn’t. He just told you he didn’t want to and sat at your table sipping his drink. Steve and Ana were spinning around the dance floor, they looked so happy it hurt. You couldn’t help but stare, that could have been you. What did you have to sell to get Mike to seem like he cared about you and to dance with you? A kidney? An arm or a leg? Your soul? Because you would do it.
Nat and Wanda saw how depressed you looked, so they pulled you onto the floor with them. And for a few minutes everything felt right in the world, you were finally happy. But that ended as soon as it began when Ana bumped into you while she was dancing, you would have fallen if it weren’t for Wanda and her powers. She giggled out a fake sorry before pulling Steve in the opposite direction.
When you sat back down next to Mike again you couldn’t tear your eyes off of Steve. Who had he become? He was so enraptured by Ana that he didn’t even try to talk to you like he always did at big events like this. What you didn’t know was that while you were holding back tears Mike was trying to talk himself into breaking up with you. He knew you weren’t happy anymore, that you would much rather be with Steve. Even if you didn’t know that yet.
--
After a long talk with Fury it was decided that it would be better for everyone if you went back to being a normal shield agent instead of a part of the Avengers. While it stung a little and felt like a downgrade, it was what you wanted as well. To make things even better, you were now paired up with Sharon. Your long hours together proved she wasn’t as horrible as you once thought, but she was definitely not your favorite person.
Mike started working in a new sector where he was partnered up with a new agent named Jana. He spent more time with her than with, you so you started hanging out with Trisha and Marie regularly again. The two girls tried to get you to shit talk Ana with them, but you wouldn’t. Steve was happy and that’s all that mattered to you.
Mike broke up with you. He sent you a text at three in the morning telling you it wasn’t working. You wholeheartedly agreed, nothing felt right anymore, but you would have preferred the break up in person. That was the decent thing to do.he started dating Jana, and you were happy for him too. Just like Steve, you wanted him happy.
--
Months passed after the break up and you were still friends with Mike. He was your partner and your friend before the relationship, so you were sure as hell going to be his friend after the end of your three year relationship. Your break up wasn’t a secret, it seemed like everyone at shield knew the details of it.
Mike, Jana, Maria Hill, and you were all eating lunch together when a familiar blonde haired blue eyed man walked through the cafeteria. Your heart started to pound, you hadn’t talked to Steve in almost a year and hadn’t seen him in even longer. Mike gave your arm a quick squeeze as Maria was getting ready to go talk to him. But Ana locked eyes with you as soon as Steve waved at you, and pulled him away from you. Mike pulled you into his side and Jana gently rubbed your hand that was sitting on the tabletop.
Maria runs away from you and Sharon and up to talk to Steve when she sees him in the hall later that day. You and Sharon share an unsure glance before following Fury's right hand woman. Steve has a long talk with Maria about an upcoming mission she is accompanying him and Bucky on. He even talks with Sharon about a new technique Nat taught her when the redhead visited a few weeks prior.
“Hey Rogers,” you give him a small smile when his eyes finally land on you.
He opens his mouth, ready to speak to you for the first time in ages. But before he could get any words out Ana let out an annoyed sound, sent Steve a look, and stormed off. Steve gave you an apologetic smile before running after his girlfriend.
Your mouth opens as you let out what would have a mix between a sob and a scoff if it hadn’t come out silent. It felt like something was wrapping around your heart, giving it a painful squeeze. That feeling snaked up and constricted your throat, momentarily causing you to forget to breathe. Maria is looking at you with soft confused eyes while Sharon is glaring at Steve’s back as he runs after Ana.
Ironically, you ran crying to Mike. It was a sick twist of fate, after a year of running to Steve when things went wrong with Mike, he was now the one helping you when it came to the hurt America’s golden boy caused. He took you out for dinner that night and spent hours comforting you. Because after all this time you finally realized it. You’re in love with Steve, you have been for years. But now you’ve lost him for good.
--
“Are Steve and Ana still together?” Wanda asks when you visit her and Nat at the tower.
“I think, why?” you glance between the two redheads confused why they would be asking you this and not Steve.
“Well her and this other shield agent came with us on a mission,” Nat admits. “And the entire quinjet ride she was hanging all over him.”
“We had to spend the night there,” Wanda says slowly, like the next words out of her mouth could change everything. And they do. “I caught her sneaking into his room.”
The world around you seems to slow and your fragile heart seems to crack even more. You knew it. You knew that bitch would hurt your Stevie.
After leaving the tower for the night you immediately message both Marie and Trisha because they were right. At the office the next day you join in on the shit talking for the first time. Nobody hurts your Stevie.
--
Tony invited you to the charity gala again, he kept whining that he missed your annoying ass. So you're put on a gorgeous deep red dress with a slightly bedazzled bodice. You're at the bar with Tony, Nat, and Wanda when Sharon comes running over; her dress, Trisha, and Marie trailing behind her.
“Is Steve still with Ana?” Sharon asks, slightly out of breath.
“Why do people keep asking me this?” not only are you confused, but you're angry that it keeps coming up. “How am I supposed to know? Steve and I don’t talk anymore.”
“Ana came with the guy who’s room she snuck into,” Marie eyes you nervously as she speaks.
“That's her ex,” Jana adds as her and Mike join the group forming at the bar.
“Check their socials!” Trisha hollers unhelpfully. But you do anyway, and what you see breaks your heart.
You check Ana first, but after typing her name into the search bar nothing comes up. Mike quickly looks her up and shows that she still pops up on his phone, she obviously blocked you. Ana and Steve were still her profile picture, but you weren’t satisfied with that.
Your fingers fly as you type in Steve’s name. He pops up, but you suddenly aren’t friends with him anymore and the option to send a friend request isn’t there. Your cracked heart shatters. Everyone around you seems to fade and all you hear is white noise, you never meant anything to him. You don’t realize you're crying until your tears hit the picture of him and Ana laughing which is his new profile picture.
Tony makes you another rum and coke, which you chug. Screw Ana. Screw Steve Rogers. And fuck feelings. You spend the night dancing with Nat and Wanda when they aren’t with Clint and Vision. Mike, who refused to dance with you a year ago, even took you for a spin around the dance floor.
--
You eventually cut Trisha and Marie out of your life, they were nothing but trouble. They were bad influences, trying to get you to be a meaner person than you were. And it worked for a while, you had let them manipulate your hurt into anger since that was an easier emotion to process. Shortly after the gala you got transferred to a shield base in Sokovia, Wanda and Pietro excitedly showed you around their home. Sharon texted you a year after you left that Steve had apparently broken up with Ana.
It has been almost three years since the day of that gala and about two since Steve and Ana had broken up. Mike is still your best friend, he’s planning on proposing to Jana soon. He’ll occasionally see Steve and tell you how he is. Recently you decided to look him up on Facebook again to see how he was doing; he looks good, happy. You had the option to send him a friend request again, so you did. And within ten minutes he said yes.
It has been about a month since that happened, you haven’t messaged him and he hasn’t messaged you. You’ll react to some of the old photos from the forties that he’ll post, or the memes he posts about Stranger Things, another show you had gotten him into. Facebook friends doesn’t seem like too much, but for you when it comes to Steve it means the world.
While you don’t have that connection you had with Steve once, him accepting is like he’s accepting your apology for how poorly you acted when it came to Ana. You finally got your closure.
And with that you put down your pen and close your composition notebook. The one you're shield appointed therapist, you had to talk to her for your yearly eval, had suggested. She thought it might make you feel better to have all of the words written down, all of the truths and emotions out in the open. You realized far too late how you really felt, and the notebook was the only way to fully process everything that had happened these past four years.
“Ok boys, that’s it for me.” You groaned as you stretched on the couch, throwing your game control onto the table in front of you. Tony, Peter, and you had spent the better part of the day playing video games as you waited for Steve to come back from his mission. You stood up and cracked your back as Tony and Peter followed. Looking out the window, it was already dark outside and you had a few messages from Steve himself asking where you were. “How long were we playing for?” You said as you packet up your purse, throwing your phone into it and grabbing your keys.
“A little over 10 hours. Rogers finally back?” Tony asked as he got a few waters out of the fridge tossing one to you and handing one to Peter.
You nodded, taking a sip of the water, “Yeah, got back a few hours ago.” You let a smile appear as you thought about seeing Steve. He’s been gone for almost a week and you weren’t able to text him much and it was killing you.
“Have fun with lover boy!” Tony shouted as you strode into the elevator, rolling your eyes at his joke and flipping him off behind your back.
“Don’t wait up!” Tony could hear the smirk in your voice as you turned around, winking when the door closed.
You got back to Steve’s place in record time, waking up to his apartment with joy in your step and you were about to knock on the door before you realized it was already ajar. You pushed it the rest of the way open, looking through the apartment with worry before your eyes landed in the kitchen.
Steve was home.
But so was Sharon.
And she was kissing your boyfriend.
Your purse hit the floor almost as soon as Steve pushed Sharon away from him. His crystal blue eyes were wide when he looked away from Sharon and to where you ran out of the room, the only evidence you had been there being your forgotten purse and the door slamming shut.
“Y/N!” Steve shouted as he left the blonde in the kitchen, chasing after you. You didn’t make it far from his apartment, running down the street since you put your keys in your bag. You could hear Steve’s footsteps echoing behind you as you sped up, trying to out run him but it was no use. He put a hand on his shoulder and you spun around, landing your fist right on his nose.
“FUCK!!” You yelled as you cradled your wrist against your body and let yourself fall in sobs. Curse the damn serum in him.
“Oh my god, Y/N!” Steve knelt down, pulling you into him but you pushed him away, paining your wrist even more. You let him scoop you up into his arms and carry you to the hospital.
You broke your hand punching Steve’s face and Steve kept trying to get into the room you sat in but you wouldn’t let him. In fact you didn’t even want to see him right now. The moment you walked out into the lobby and laid eyes on Steve all you wanted to do was punch him again, despite the cast on your hand. “I can explain.”
“I don’t want to hear it.” You told him and walked right by him and out of the hospital. Steve followed, begging for you to listen to him all the way to your apartment.
“Y/N I didn’t kiss her!” He finally yelled as you stopped walking and faced him.
“Really? Cause that not what it looked like when I walked in on you two sucking face!” You exclaimed with intense hand gestures as Steve let his head drop.
“That wasn’t me! I didn’t kiss her, she just kissed me. I pushed away the moment I realized what was happening. I swear I only want to kiss you.” He put his hands on your waist and you crossed your arms, still putting distance between the two of you as Steve sighed. “She was upset, I let her in because she was crying and then I went to get her something to drink and when I turned around... she kissed me. But I didn’t kiss back. In fact I pushed her away and that’s what you saw, that’s all that happened.”
You could feel the tears in your eyes start to build as you leaned up, cupping his cheek with your good hand and capturing his lips with yours. His grip on your waist tightened as he leaned into the kiss.
“I believe you.” You gasped out as you pulled away, catching your breath with a smile. Steve was relieved as you wrapped you into a hug, kissing the top of your head.
The next day you and Steve walked hand in hand into the tower, talking more about his mission as you heard a gasp.
“What the hell happened to you?” Tony said from his spot on the couch, staring at your cast Steve spent all night drawing on.
“You know...” you glanced up to Steve, who was avoiding your eye contact with a smirk, “punched a wall.” You lied with a shrug as Tony nodded, looking between the two of you. You chuckled as you pulled Steve to the couch, falling into his lap as he bear hugged you.
“So I’m a wall now?” He asked when Tony finally left the room sick of all the little giggles coming from you two.
“Easier than saying I broke my hand when I punched my super soldier boyfriend in the face when I caught him kissing his neighbor in his kitchen.” You told him as he gulped, nodding his head fast and giving you a peck on the lips.
Send me a quote with a character and I’ll write a one shot/drabble.
1. “Don’t you say that… not you”
2. “I know it’s 3 in the morning, but I can’t find my cat”
3. “Make me”
4. “Is that my shirt?”
5. “If you walk out that door… don’t you ever come back”
6. “Don’t you die on me”
7. “Please… just leave me alone”
8. “I can’t keep fighting like this”
9. “I need you”
10. “Where were you when I needed you?”
11. “Will you just shut up for a minute and let me think?!”
12. “I just want you to be happy”
13. “It’s time to say goodbye”
14. “Please…stay…”
15. “I don’t want to hurt you”
16. “Just shut up and kiss me”
17. “Ignore me, I didn’t see anything”
18. “I wish I could stop loving you”
19. “I’m scared”
20. “I’ll protect you no matter what… even if it kills me”
21. “You knocked on my door at 1 in the morning, to cuddle?”
22. “I can’t do this without you”
23. “Love is stupid”
24. “I trusted you”
25. “No, please don’t!”
26. “I’m not gonna let you get yourself killed!”
27. “I’m with you okay? Always”
28. “I thought you loved me”
29. “I told you this would happen”
30. “What? You think you’re the only one suffering?”
31. “You’re alive?!”
32. “Don’t you try and pin this on me!”
33. “Why are you like this?”
34. “If you really love me, you’ll let me go”
35. “Why are you looking at me like that”
36. “I hate you”
37. “Because I love you god damn it!”
38. “Oh well good for you”
39. “I’m not gonna keep having this conversation”
40. “I could hold you forever”
41. “Every time I see you, I fall in love with you all over again”
42. “This is hard for me too”
43. “Squeeze my hand if you can hear me”
44. “Close your eyes”
45. “Will you marry me?”
46. “I’m in love…shit”
47. “Go on, I dare you”
48. “Kiss me.”
49. “I’d rather die”
50. “Please… I need you”
Summary: You couldn’t imagine believing in anyone more than you believed in Steve Rogers. You had followed him into the battle of New York; and you had followed him further into bringing down Hydra-Shield; furthermore, you had fought Ultron and won, and you knew whatever it was- he’d do the same for you. Along the way, you had fallen madly in love with him, and he with you. So when the accords were laid in front of you in black and white, videos of what you’d all done in defense of the people, you knew the decision would be an easy one. Til he looked up at you with bright blue eyes, defiance swimming in them and your heart broke.
Or, the one where Captain America refuses to sign the accords and the ink of your signature was practically already drying on the page.
Pairing: Steve/Reader (female pronouns)
A/N: Alright guys, here’s the next part! This was more of a filler, seeing kind of her reasoning behind signing a little - or should i say your? Eh. Anyway, hope you all enjoy and I do tag people in my pics under the read more. I accept fic tags and all works tags, and do not put my stories under read mores because Tumblr doesn’t like me doing that lol enjoy the chapter and thanks for reading!
(Part 1)
How were you supposed to tell him? When? Oh hey Steve, I know you’re mourning and everything right now but I’m going to sign the papers you so obviously aren’t and I don’t know what will happen because Ross is actually a shit stain who wants us all arrested? Yeah, that seemed like a wonderful idea.
You didn’t get the chance to say anything because as soon as the ceremony was over, the place cleared out and Natasha met you at the front. She didn’t have to say anything before Steve was opening up to the both of you.
“When I came out of the ice, I thought everyone I had known was gone. Then I found out that she was alive. I was just lucky to have her.” your heart clenched. You couldn’t tell him, not now when he was hurting so much and needed someone.
“She had you back too.” It was silent for a long moment, Natasha looking dead into his eyes. She wanted him to ask, to bring it up so she didn’t have to.
“Who else signed?”
“Tony, Rhodey, Vision.”
“Clint?”
“Says he’s retired.”
“Wanda?”
“TBD. I’m off to Vienna for the signing of the accords.” She made eye contact with both of you in turn. “There’s plenty of room on the jet.” Steve sighed. “Staying together is more important then how we stay together.”
“What are we giving up to do it? I’m sorry Nat. We just can’t do it.” Steve put his arm around your shoulders and you mentally cursed because the full body flinch away from him turned all the attention to you. Shit, fuckity fuck fuckery. You'd given yourself away. Natasha eyed you, expression compassionate as she realized but you played it off as being cold. Steve, innocent and kind Steve, believed you enough to pull off his own jacket and drape it over your shoulders.
How could you do this to him? Sure, the accords made all the sense in the world to you. You all seemed to be doing more damage then good at this point and you’d lost a lot of friends along the way. Perhaps you could keep doing what you were born to do in a safe way, keep yourselves as safe as you kept others. All you were doing was talking yourself more into signing the longer you thought about it, but that nagging feeling in the back of your head and the tugging of your heart strings begged you not to leave Steve.
“I know.” Natasha drew his attention away again, thankfully not ratting you out. She just smiled sadly in your direction.
“Then what are you doing here?”
“I didn’t want you guys to be alone.”
-
You were more than comfortable splayed out on the couch in your suite, dress rumpled as you sipped expensive wine being billed back to Tony as you watched the news and forgot all about your problems for the moment. You were a responsible adult in a loving relationship that could totally handle this. You just had to figure out how because neither you nor stubborn ass Steve were going to change your mind.
Sharon and Steve were reminiscing on Mrs. Carter as you and Sam half payed attention to the TV, continuing to chat quietly between each other. That was til an explosion onscreen stole your attention. You sat up abruptly, turning up the volume as you watched the UN building blow up over and over again.
“Steve!” You yelled, drawing him in at a dead sprint from the other room as he mentally checked you over for injuries. “Look.” Sharon pulled out her phone, calling her resources as you dialed Natasha because you’re sister-equivalent was in that building. Silence surrounded the room as you saw the man you’d been looking for, for over a year appear on the screen being named responsible.
“I have to go.” Sharon mumbled. You all let her leave, nothing but silence surrounding you as you all decided to pull out all the stops to find Bucky before someone else got to him first.
Key: (E/C) is your eye color, and as always, (Y/N) is your name.
Author’s Note: Hopefully I managed to get out all the typos this time. I spent a lot of time editing and patching up this one, and I’m really happy with it! Hope you enjoy!
Part 1
Dream: Part 2
And all these sorrows I have seen / They lead me to believe / That everything’s a mess
You crashed onto the floor in a daze and hastily grabbed the black trash can next to you, just barely getting to it in time as the few parcels of food you’d eaten that day were gone. Every part of you was trembling, from your clammy fingertips to your unreliable feet, and tears were flowing faster than you ever would’ve thought possible. Sobs tore through your throat and exploded from your lips as you remained on the floor on all fours. This couldn’t be happening. Your eyes seemed to have taken a mental picture of the screen, making the horrific photos the only thing you could see.
“Took one for the team.” That’s all they had to say? Those gruesome pictures of Steve, lying helplessly on a metal table while covered in blood, bruises, open wounds, and protruding bones; it all deserved so much more than those five apathetic words. Dry heaves interrupted your crying as you squeezed your eyes shut. You shook your head, trying to clear the screen out of your mind like an etch-a-sketch. Anger was slowly rising from your chest, mingling with the nausea and pain. Captain America: the fucking Super Soldier. Steven Grant Rogers. Your Steve; and all they had the nerve to say was “took one for the team.” This couldn’t be happening.
You had to look at the report. You had to make it through to the bottom of that file. You needed to see the update. There had to be one, otherwise the file wouldn’t have been left open for editing. It took a few moments to talk yourself into it, but after a long mental battle, you managed to do it.
Finally, while you were still trembling, still sobbing, still sick to your stomach, you threw an arm over your chair. Even with hours upon hours of training, all you strength had seemed to be drained from your body in the past few minutes. You were determined to know what happened. It was the only thing keeping you even conscious. So, you got up into your chair and placed your shaking hand back on the computer mouse.
You scrolled through every last picture, becoming increasingly dizzy to the point of almost passing out. Each picture revealed new horrors that completely shocked your system. Each picture was like a punch to your head, chest, and gut. Your head spun and ached, the wind was knocked out of you, and your stomach was seemingly doing a gymnastics routine. It was too much. This just couldn’t be happening.
You scrolled to the bottom and furiously wiped away the tears at your eyes, trying to read the text. Each paragraph went into every detail possible for each team member.
“… thrown against the wall… blast through her shoulder… high blood loss… severe burns… All are stable.”
Each word was a stab to your heart, and you felt like the life was being ripped out of you. The only relief you were offered was mild, and didn’t come until the word “stable” crossed your line of sight. Everyone else was okay. But what about Steve? Why was he last?
Your heart seemed to pound out of your chest as you reached the third to last paragraph, its header bearing Steve’s name.
“Most severe injuries of the group… direct blast to the back… Heart stopped on operation table twice…”
Your breath hitched in your throat as every muscle in your body tensed. You weren’t sure what the end of this overly-detail, heart-wrenching report would bring.
“... stable.”
The relief that washed over you took its time to sink into your system. They were all alive, and stable. Everyone, every single person, were okay. You were completely exhausted, hardly having the strength the sit upright. Your weak frame managed a slow sigh, and within moments, the gentle release of knowing and assurance tore you from consciousness.
But I wanna dream / I wanna dream / Leave me to dream
You woke up a few hours later, the moon sitting high in the dark sky. You slowly lifted your head and winced; you were extremely sore all over your body. From going much too long without eating to the emotional nightmare the past two weeks had been, your body was on the brink of destruction. Will power, at this point, was the only thing keeping you awake and motivated.
You lifted your head to see your computer in sleep mode, and wiggled the mouse to turn the screen on. 8:53 pm. Most people would be leaving soon. You sent an email to one of the staff members down the hall, telling them that your office should probably be cleaned, and that they shouldn’t look inside, just send a custodian. After taking a deep breath, you slowly got to your feet, walking out into the hall. With your hand against a wall for support, you slowly made your way to med bay, heading for the information desk.
Ooh / Oh, I know all your reasons / To keep me from seeing / Everything is actually a mess
The walk was painfully slow, but you couldn’t have cared less. It didn’t matter to you how fast you were going, as long as you didn’t stop. After what seemed like an eternity, you made it to Med Bay. As soon as you made it to the door, you b-lined it across the room to the nurse at the desk, refusing to waste any more time.
“I need to see Steven Grant Rogers.” You managed in a scratchy voice, swallowing hard to try and comfort your sore throat.
“Ma’am, I’m afraid I can’t let you do that without-“ A small nurse replied, trying to hide her fear. You felt strength returning to your limbs as anger and adrenaline fueled your movements.
“I have a fucking level 8 clearance, you’ve got to-“
“I have direct orders from Fury-“ She argued, looking down at her monitor.
“If you don’t tell me where the hell he is, I swear to god I will tear this place apart and remove you from our staff before you can even blink, miss-“ You glanced at the white name tag on the girl’s shirt, rage dancing in your puffy (E/C) eyes. “Miss Reann Brovien.” You leaned forward and towered over the young woman. You must’ve been at least 5 years her senior, and knew that with your kind of position, she had to listen at some point. Fear was an easy advantage over the younger staff members.
“But Fur-“
“I don’t give a flying fuck about Fury at this point. I won’t say a word if you don’t. Now hurry up and do your damn job!” You spat, wincing at the burning pain in your throat. She jumped at your words, nodding quickly and jotting the room number down on a pink post-it note. Her shaking hand lightly held it out, and you breathed a sigh of relief.
“Thank you.” You mumbled, managing a small, tired smile before making your way to the room. The nurse was left at the desk, speechless from the jarring interaction.
You walked into room 1491 to see the whole team in heavy discussion. Everyone was there. Everyone, except for Fury and Coulson, was patched up and sore, obviously pretty far on in the healing process. Every ounce of confidence suddenly fled as soon as Clint locked eyes with you. He already knew at this would go. His eyes widened, and he was about to clear his throat as a signal, but everyone in the team had already noticed. All eyes slowly drifted to yours, and you had never felt so small. You managed to catch a glance at Steve, who slowly sat up from his laying position as to match everyone else in the room. His face showed his mixed emotions, from worry to joy and everything in between. No one seemed to have any words for you, most likely due to the worn state you were in.
You straightened up a bit, leaning against the doorway so you don’t fall over. You took a deep, shaking breath as you desperately tried not to cry, but it was so overwhelming to see everyone okay. However, you were also more than furious, but your physical state denied you the ability to portray that. Your voice would have to do your emotions justice.
“You never told me.” You mumbled in a raspy voice, staring at Fury blankly. Your words sounded empty, and your face matched your tone. There was a cold, sharp edge to it, despite the small volume. Your rage didn’t have to show in a loud tone, a harsh glare and a frozen tone could do enough. “Y-you could’ve told me.” You whispered, sliding down the doorway until you were sitting on the ground, your back leaning against the door frame. You clenched your fists at your side, trying not to let more tears trail down your flushed face as you maintained eye contact.
“And you could’ve told me. What you did was downright stupid, (Y/N). You’re hardly acting like an agent.” Fury lectured, seeming to tower over you even if he was a few feet away. His voice didn’t have even the slightest hint of anger in it, yet his solemn tone was just enough to push you over the edge.
“I am a goddamn agent, so why the hell didn’t you treat me like one?! You could’ve fucking told me that they were alive! That he was okay!” You screamed, finally breaking your stare and averting your eyes to the floor. You didn’t need to specify who he was, everyone already knew. So now, here you were, in front of your boss and your friends, a shaking, sobbing mess on the cold tile of med bay. Fury just shook his head, kneeling beside you. You knew your statement would bring out another lecture, so you continued to stare at the floor as tears continued to splash onto the tile below.
“Your emotions are controlling you, (Y/N). You need to work on that. Then, we can treat you like a real agent.” As soon as he finished, he just... got up and left. You couldn’t blame him, it’s not like there was much else to say, and he wasn’t one for comfort. So, you just remained in our position, fighting to regain composure.
Tony got up from the couch in the corner of the massive room, kneeling in front of you. “I’m sorry I talked you into doing that, (Y/N). You’re still a perfectly fine agent, and a wonderful member of our team. We still need you here. None of this was your fault.” He assured you, brushing some hair out of your face as a signal to look at him. You almost laughed, looking up at him with red, puffy eyes.
“Yes it is, Tony. Can’t you see that? If I hadn’t even agreed in the first place, you’d all be fine. No one would’ve gotten hurt. Fury’s right, my fucking emotions finally got the best of me. I don’t know why I even try to be here anymore.” You wiped away your tears and finally stood up, for once managing leaving Tony speechless. You took a moment to gain your balance, leaning against the door frame, and quickly turned around. You couldn’t bare to look at anyone.
“(Y/N), doll, wait, plea-“ Steve got up and began walking towards you, extending a hand.
“Not now, Steve.” You interrupted, your heart shattering as you looked up to see the pain and worry that took over his face as he lowered his hand to his side. You could feel the wide eyes of the team resting on you, waiting for your next move. You gently rested a hand on a bandage on his chest, wishing you could tear your eyes from his. “I…” You spit out, stopping as Steve’s warm hand rested on top of yours, holding it tighter to his chest. “I’m sorry I did this to you.” You whispered before pulling your hand from between his chest and hand, walking away.
And he cried.
But now I am leaving / All of us were only dreaming / Everything is actually a mess
You stormed into you room in the tower, grabbing your suitcases and packing them as quickly as you could. You started with your clothes, leaving your suit to hang alone in your closet. You efficiently made your way through your room until you got to the picture sitting on your nightstand. You stopped in your tracks as the negative emotions seemed to drain. Picking it up, you sat on your bed, recalling the wonderful moment.
It was your birthday, last year. The team threw a huge party, full of gifts, amazing food, dumb games, and cheesy jokes that would last for a lifetime. The best moment, however, was captured on Steve’s old Polaroid camera.
Earlier that day, Tony fixed it up, and decided to take pictures throughout the party, including the one you held in your hand. You were absolutely beaming, and Steve’s face was flushed an adorable shade of rosy pink as he leaned over and kissed you on the cheek. In the end, you’d never been so happy to play a game of truth-or-dare, and it finally sparked something between you two that had been progressing at a painfully slow pace.
You let your hand lay beside you, still holding the photo, and lied down on your bed with your eyes closed, replaying the event over and over in your head until you drifted off to sleep.
We all are living in a dream, / But life ain’t what it seems / Oh everything’s a mess
You woke up to a shift in your bed and a gentle hand on your shoulder.
“I remember that night. It’s definitely one for the records.” His soft, raspy voice was like music to your years. You never realized how much you missed it until it pierced the painful silence you were basking in.
You slowly sat up and gazed at the Polaroid in your hand, avoiding eye contact with Steve, who was tracing circles on the bed with his middle finger.
“I miss nights like that.” You finally mumbled, running your thumb along the frame.
“Maybe we should plan on more. Just you and me.” Steve said in an unsure tone. You two talked a lot, sure, and maybe you would hug from time to time, but neither of you were brave enough to make bold strides before. A smile tugged at the corners of your lips. You let your eyes trail to his, working from his soft hands up. You couldn’t help but notice the fresh tear remaining on his cheek, and you carefully moved to wipe it away before resting your hand on his shoulder.
“Are you okay?” You asked, shifting closer to him. He avoided your eyes, staying transfixed on the half-packed luggage. You knew that you shouldn’t be the one asking that question, but you couldn’t care less about yourself in that moment.
“You’re not going to leave, are you?” He asked, another tear escaping his blue, puffy eyes.
“I… I’m not sure.” You admitted, refusing to take your eyes away from his. He lowered his head and dragged a hand down his face, wiping away the tears that continued to fall. “I just… I feel horrible, Steve. I did something I shouldn’t have, and I didn’t help you guys after you were caught. I…” You took a deep breath, not wanted to ramble on in a moment like this. “I did this to you.” You whispered, dragging your hand along his short sleeve to the bandage on his upper arm. He winced slightly at the sudden warmth, but quickly adjusted, and seemed to almost lean into your touch.
“We made it, just like we always do.” He managed, finally meeting your gaze. His emotions seemed to dance in his eyes, flowing from assurance, to grief, to worry, and back again.
“Y-You took one for the team. That’s what the file said.” You took a shaky breath, trying to get your thought out verbally. “I… Steve, I thought I lost you. I thought that... You died.” You choked out, bringing your hand up to your mouth to try and hold back any more tears. They freely flowed despite your efforts.
“But I’m here, aren’t I?” He said, wrapping his arms around your shaking frame. You simply nodded in response. “(Y/N), please… Don’t go.”
And all these sorrows I have seen / They lead me to believe / That everything’s a mess
He pulled you into a warm hug, letting your head rest on his shoulder as tears finally stopped falling between the two of you.
“What if I mess up again? I still can’t control my emotions or feelings.” You mumbled into the crook of his neck. Your hot breath sent shivers down his spine, and he took a moment to weigh his response. He knew what he wanted to say, but-
“Then don’t. Life’s too short. Let them out.” Steve said quietly, slightly surprised that he finally spoke his mind. Holding his breath, he waited for your response. You slowly pulled away and looked at Steve with mild confusion.
“But how could I-“ He rolled his eyes, and before you could get another word out, he pressed his lips against yours.
It didn’t take any time at all for you to naturally react, reciprocating the kiss. In moments, you two were in a whirlwind of emotion. Your heartbeats danced to the rhythm of the pain you felt, and the strong relief from the longing broke through as most prominent mutual feeling. The one thing you two thought you’d never do had finally happened. You both felt like you were free. Indestructible. Glowing. Flying. Loving. Dreaming. For just a moment, the world around you faded, and your biggest dreams had come true.
But I wanna dream / I wanna dream / Leave me to dream
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
(( I think I’m gonna end the series here, but if I get requests for another part, I’ll definitely continue on! I put a lot of time into this one, so hopefully you enjoyed! Don’t forget to give me some feedback, it keeps me going. Love ya dolls ~ C ))
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