#rokudaime.

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Kakashi when he hasn't quite taken down his political opposition within the village yet and he has to argue with a bunch of old fucks for seven hours:

@godmist

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@godmist asked:

he doesn't quite push, because kakashi easily walks backwards with each of zabuza's steps, until he's pressed against the edge of zabuza's unreasonably large desk. he boxes kakashi in with each hand gripping the edge of the desk, leans close enough to drag his nose over the line of kakashi's jaw. "i tried the diplomatic thing. it's not really working out for me." they're both still in their kage robes, and there are three more days of meetings ahead of them. zabuza thinks he might actually go insane.

Kakashi tips his head back, inviting a kiss or a bite or the faint press of Zabuza's five o'clock shadow against the tender skin underneath his jaw. The other man is a solid presence in front of him, boxing him in, crowding into his space like a rock for Kakashi to dash himself upon in the sea. His hands reach out to grip the collar of his cloak, and when Kakashi tugs it open he can't help but laugh.

No shirt.

"Easy access, huh?" Kakashi's hands slide around his waist, up the bare skin of his ribs, and then over his shoulders. "You dress like this for all the handsome folk of Kiri, or is this just for me?"

Zabuza snorts and bites him over the mask right where the skin over his carotid is the thinnest. "Too many layers gets... sticky," he mutters, almost chagrined.

"Mmm..." He'd believe it. The humidity in the Land of Water is near enough to drown in, and even without a shirt, Zabuza's skin is just a little bit sticky. Kakashi tangles a hand in the hair at the back of his head and tugs, just enough to drag Zabuza's face out of his neck, just enough to tug his mask down and press his nose to Zabuza's collarbone, scraping his teeth gently over the skin of his pec as he inhales.

Miasmic chakra, so intense he can actually smell it, just the faint tang of petrichor and the sea, Zabuza's own masculine scent, familiar and comforting and... perhaps wilder than he's used to. He thinks it suits him.

"You smell good," he says, nuzzling against his shoulder with his eyes closed, even as Zabuza's hands make their way into his own coat, trailing down his ribs and hips and settling on top of his thighs. "I- I missed you."

The admission makes Zabuza's hands clench, and Kakashi tries not to be offended that he's surprised he managed to say it. It's hard to be offended, when Zabuza's own admission of "I missed you too," is so gentle. Kakashi bites his own lip, and then draws away just enough to cup his jaw in his hands and kiss him. It's a chaste thing, one that turns filthy and wet when Zabuza slips him some tongue, pressing closer and closer until Kakashi is flat on his back on his desk, and Zabuza's weight is bearing down on him, solid and strong on top of him and between his thighs. Kakashi's arms wind around his shoulders like he might somehow be able to drag him closer.

"Can I-" Zabuza pants against his mouth, long after Kakashi started feeling his cock swelling in his pants against his inner thigh. "I want to-"

"Spit it out," Kakashi interrupts him, just to be a shit, and then squirms with a gasp when Zabuza groans and reaches up to pinch his nipple.

"Don't be a shit, Kakashi, we haven't seen each other in three months, I'm trying to figure out how much we can get away with in here without someone doing a welfare check on us."

Kakashi barks out a laugh, letting his wrist fall against his mouth as he lets himself go pliant on the desk. "Nobody's brave enough for that," he replies. "They either think we're killing each other or know that we're fucking in here-"

The other man's expression turns lecherous, and he asks, "Is that what we're doing? We're gonna fuck in here, Kakashi? You want me to fuck you over the Mizukage's desk, like-"

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, Kakashi presses his hand to his mouth, and then loses the battle and allows them to roll when Zabuza licks his palm. "Zabuza, I haven't even touched myself since you left," it's even mostly true, since he'd only tried once in the shower and hadn't been able to maintain interest. He's interested now, even if his voice is flat, unimpressed when he continues: "I need you inside me, Mister Mizukage, I want you to bend me over and fuck me until I can feel you in my throat-"

Zabuza's eyes flash, and he nips at Kakashi's fingers hard enough that he draws them away with a quiet yelp. Kakashi shoves at him, and Zabuza grasps his wrists. They grapple, knocking a bunch of papers and pens off his desk in the process, playfully snapping their teeth at each other, kissing, drawing each other close and shoving each other away.

He manages to get Kakashi turned over, belly pressed to the cool wood of his desk, shivering when Zabuza's body, radiating heat in contrast, drapes over his back. He can feel his cock, insistent even though their pants, against his ass. One of his hands pins him by the nape of the neck, and the other slides down to unbutton his pants and shove them halfway down his thighs. Then his fingers shift, trailing up his thigh and along the crease of his cheek, until they find his slit, valiantly damp.

"Excited, are we?" Zabuza snickers.

"Shut the fuck u-uuhh-" Kakashi cuts himself off when Zabuza licks his fingers and then plunges two of them into him. The stretch is on the satisfying end of too-much, and he reaches back to grasp at Zabuza with a quiet sigh. He doesn't know what he's reaching for, really, maybe his ass, his hair, his wrist, anything to hold onto, to pull him closer.

"Mhmm," he sounds thoughtful, and his strong hand leaves the back of his neck to take first Kakashi's right hand, then his left, placing them deliberately on the edge of the desk and curling his fingers over the lip of it on either side of his hips. "You wanna keep those there for me?"

"Not really," he wiggles his hips, trying to encourage him to move his fingers, and gasping when he presses them down. Those fingers circle, slowly, and Zabuza makes a thoughtful noise. He holds them there. Kakashi breaks. "Fiiine, fine, yes, I'll keep them here, I'll-"

"That's good," Zabuza presses a kiss to the nape of his neck and then slides down, kneeling behind him. Nose, first, then tongue, brushing against his lips, his clit. He buries his face in him, and Kakashi's grip on the desk turns white knuckled, and in between licks and sucks and bites to his ass and the insides of his thighs, curling his fingers into him, he tells him how good he tastes, how sweetly he opens up for him, how much he's thought about doing this exact thing during countless meetings, how much he missed him-

Kakashi presses his cheek against the cool wood of the desk, and wishes it was Gai's hot skin beneath him, that his face was pressed to his collarbone hard enough to leave a mark on both of them. His stomach twists. The thought comes right as he clenches on Zabuza's tongue and fingers, orgasm building and buzzing and then crashing over him in a swirling, overwhelming wave. His right hand releases its grip on the edge of the table, and he reaches back to paw at Zabuza's shoulder.

Zabuza draws away and slides a hand slowly up Kakashi's spine, and he asks, "You good?"

Kakashi nods, trying to figure out how to untie his tongue.

"You feel good?"

Oh, he's checking on him. That's nice. He needs to figure out what to say to keep him from stopping- Kakashi might die if he doesn't get Zabuza's cock buried in him. A simple yes would suffice, probably.

"Peachy," he hisses, hips jerking a little as he tries to find some, any stimulation.

"You want me to keep going?"

"I might kill you if you don't," Kakashi's hand returns to the edge of the desk next to his hip. Zabuza nips at the skin of his clothed shoulder.

"Yeah," he huffs in response, standing behind him and pressing his cock between his thighs. He's slick, now, from the orgasm and from Zabuza sloppily eating him out, and the glide of the head against his opening and his clit on a few lazy thrusts makes him twitch from the stimulation. He chases the feeling, grinding back on him, biting his lip when Zabuza murmurs, "Look at you, baby, so hungry for me to slip it in, so wet for me-"

Kakashi lets his forehead fall against the desk when he presses into him in a slow, slick slide. The ache of him, all in one go, is familiar, and it's good, especially on the tail of an orgasm. Zabuza flexes his hips and Kakashi pushes back against him like there's any more of him to be had.

"So good," Zabuza sounds almost lightheaded, and his palm settles flat on the base of Kakashi's spine, sliding up to the nape of his neck, and then the weight of his body follows until he's draped over Kakashi. His arm slips around the front of his throat and tightens just enough to hold him still, just enough that a slow, languid thrust presses his throat further into his arm. Kakashi squirms beneath him, trying to encourage him to fuck him in earnest, and Zabuza obliges him.

Slow, firm thrusts that feel like they knock the wind out of him. Grinding deep at the apex, with Kakashi trying to fuck back into him like he could take more if Zabuza had any to give.

Zabuza's other hand trails from his hip to the tender skin beneath his navel, and he caresses him there, "Do you feel that?" He asks, breathless. "You take me like you were made for me, Kakashi, like it's the easiest thing in the world. I can- here."

He pulls his hand away, and Kakashi releases one small whine, and Zabuza chuckles at him as he grabs his left wrist and takes his hand in his, sliding both of them down to touch his belly. Faint movement, sure, but he thinks-

He presses his hand up into the muscle until he can actually feel him moving inside of him, and another band of tension in him snaps so abruptly that it surprises even him, and Zabuza fucks him through yet another orgasm. His thrusts start to slow, and then stop altogether, stilling himself inside of him and groaning at the feeling of Kakashi shaking apart around and underneath him. He starts to pull out, but Kakashi makes a noise of protest.

"Oh?" He sounds smug, and Kakashi thinks about trying to smack him on the arm or something but it sounds... like a lot of effort, and Zabuza still has his arm around his throat and he's starting to squeeze a little as he rolls his hips, grinding into him.

"Zabuza..." His voice trembles, and his hand slides from his belly down to where he's stretched around him. He's almost too sensitive, but the overwhelming sensation of him inside and surrounding him and the hard, bruising press of the desk against his hips grounds him, in a way.

He can't be anywhere else because Zabuza demands that he's here.

"What is it, baby? Anything," Zabuza whispers into the nape of his neck, mouthing at his shoulder and brushing his teeth against his skin in little sharp-pinpricks. His hips continue to roll, brushing so far up inside of him that he feels like he can hardly breathe from it. "Tell me what you want, I'll-"

Kakashi can feel his flush, running from his nose to his cheeks to the tips of his ears. The back of his neck, down his chest, hidden by his shirt that's suddenly too-hot. He reaches back, clawing at Zabuza's lower back, his ass. "Shut- shut up. I want you to keep going, Zabuza, I want you to, um."

He loses track of what he's saying, partially from embarrassment and partially because Zabuza has started up another lazy, even series of strokes. Like they have all the time in the world. Like they don't have a dozen aides waiting for them in the conference room next door, like they don't have a million things to iron out between their villages, like they aren't missing a third of themselves.

Focus. Sensation.

Zabuza's thrusts have picked up speed, and the burn of sensitivity blurs the lines between pleasure and pain. He chases it, that intensity, craves it. Misses it when it's gone, misses that Zabuza is the one doing it to him.

"I want you to..." Kakashi tries again valiantly, "F-finish inside of me." He laughs outright when Zabuza's hips stutter, like they do every time Kakashi asks him for it. "And I want you to kiss m-"

He doesn't even get to finish his sentence before Zabuza is hauling him up by the arm around his throat, pulling him away from the desk and fucking into him, pressing his cheek to his until Kakashi turns into him to seek out his mouth. The kiss is more teeth than lips or tongue, more sharing huffed breaths between them than anything else. Zabuza's brows are pinched, his eyes half lidded, and Kakashi tries to burn the sight of him- a decade older, with crow's feet and new scars and a charming scattering of grey hairs, new since he last saw him- the way the sharingan might have.

"What.." Zabuza pants against his lips, laughing. "What the hell are you staring at?"

"You," Kakashi answers him honestly, his voice warm. "I'm staring at you because I- Ah. Because I love you."

Zabuza moans, and his rhythm stutters and then ceases. His hips roll in lazy, grinding circles that make Kakashi gasp as he finishes, and his hand slips from his hip to the skin under his navel once more. Kakashi shivers, and gently, carefully, Zabuza eases up the grip on his throat. Kakashi crosses his arms over the few remaining papers on his desk and settles a sweaty cheek against them, face half-turned toward Zabuza, a crooked grin settling on his lips. The other man slumps against him until his forehead is pressed between Kakashi's shoulder blades. "I love you too," he murmurs, hands pressing into his ribs possessively. "Fuck. I love you so much. Missed you."

"Sap," Kakashi mutters, shuddering as Zabuza pulls his softening cock out of him and digs a thumb carefully into a knot at the small of his back. "I missed you-" Zabuza's thumb slips inside of him and he jolts. "No, enough, mercy-" They're both laughing, and Zabuza settles his hand back on his sweaty flank.

"What happened?" He asks, his tone nothing but a tease. "Done after a single round?"

Kakashi snorts, pressing his hands to the desk and using the leverage to push both himself and the useless man behind him back to standing. Zabuza hooks a chin over his shoulder, his arms circling around his waist. Kakashi informs him: "What happened? We aren't in our twenties anymore, and we are supposed to be doing... something. I think we have jobs?"

"Ah," Zabuza says, snickering into his shoulder. "Fuck 'em."

"Them too?" Kakashi rolls his eyes. "I don't know if I have it in me. Let me put my pants back on, Zabuza, and when we get back to your place tonight I'm going to-"

Waves crashed all around and near your body / The waves came all over you / And I saw the sky reflected on the ocean / Deadly blue

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@godmist asked:

nerves aren't something zabuza easily shows, but his shoulders are tense as he pushes gai's wheelchair down the road. kakashi walks at his side, and he knows they're both aware of the tension, but they give him enough grace to not comment on it. after another five minutes, the path deviates from the main road, curving down to a beautiful sprawl of land. at the end of the walkway sits a house: newly built, two stories high, larger than it really has any right to be. gai makes his confusion clear, and kakashi turns to look at him with a little tilt of his head. "been working on this for some time now. construction took longer than i'd anticipated, but. it's..." he pauses, tapping his fingers against the handles of gai's chair, "our house. for when you both are here."

Something about the weather in Kiri makes Kakashi drowsy.

Maybe it's the watery light of the sun, never quite free of the clouds, never quite hot and bright and intense the way it is back home - though, he notes with some chagrin, the intensity is still more than enough to turn him lobster-pink during the course of a beach day. Maybe it's the cooler weather, the ever-eminent threat of rain making him think it might be a good day for a nap. It isn't the worst thing, he thinks, to be a little drowsy.

He'd woken up a little bit late this morning, tucked between Zabuza and Gai. Gai had been trailing his fingers over the hard muscle of his flank, Zabuza's arm and thigh thrown over both of their bodies like he was trying to crush both of them to his chest. Gai had kissed him on the shoulder when he'd noticed he was awake, and Kakashi had made a tired noise, rolled over to tuck his nose against his throat, and gone back to sleep. He never goes back to sleep.

He never used to go back to sleep, anyway. It seems like it's getting more common these days, when he cracks an eye open at five or six in the morning, discovers how much effort he'll have to expend to crawl out from under the heavy arms of his husbands, out from the warmth of the duvet and into the cool air. Sometimes the effort seems monumental. The morning after arriving late and reuniting with their lover is a fine morning to sleep in, isn't it?

All that to say, when Zabuza finally cracked an eye open around nine, he'd laughed to find Kakashi still dozing, and laughed even harder when Kakashi had whined and shoved at his face when he'd tried to greet him with a shower of kisses. Gai, who had decided to read, had accepted his own bounty with much more grace and enthusiasm, and they'd kissed over Kakashi's back until he'd griped that they were crushing him. This had started the three of them jostling playfully until Zabuza had managed to shove Kakashi halfway out of the bed, stood up, and with an uncharacteristic nervousness he'd declared: "Get dressed while I make breakfast. I have to show you something," before fleeing the room so swiftly Kakashi had barely had time to pinch his bare asscheek as he left.

Kakashi and Gai had stared at each other for a moment.

"Do you think he's finally going to murder-suicide us?" Kakashi asked absently, loud enough that Zabuza could definitely hear him in the kitchen through the open doorway.

Gai gasped and declared, "My Love, that is an unkind speculation to make about a man we lo-"

"You're right, sorry," Kakashi waved him off, slipping out of the bed and blearily hunting for a pair of pants- he did not care who those pants belonged to, it just seemed prudent to find some if they were going to be in public. "He definitely found us a sex dungeon or something, right?"

The walk is pretty long for a sex dungeon. Through it all, that content sort of drowsiness remains. He matches Zabuza's pace with his hands stuffed in his pockets, watching the beach grass wave hello and stubborn salty scrub brush cling to jagged rock outcroppings despite the wind. There are some flowers he's never seen before blooming in the chilly spring air, and their scent mingles pleasantly with the salt of the sea, the sand and kelp and things living and dead and not quite either. He considers acting like his legs are tired and finding a seat in Gai's lap to cut some of the tension, because though Gai's efforts of asking questions about the plants, the birds, the weather patterns, the local customs this time of year, and Zabuza's characteristically sarcastic or playful or enthusiastic answers, he can still feel the nervousness radiating off of him.

He doesn't get the chance, because the house comes into view. Pristine new construction. Kakashi tilts his head and then turns to stare at Zabuza with his good eye, waiting for an explanation.

"been working on this for some time now. construction took longer than i'd anticipated, but. it's..." he pauses, tapping his fingers against the handles of gai's chair, "our house. for when you both are here."

Gai's laugh is delighted: "Our house! Momo-san, your skills remain a delightful surprise- look, Kakashi, a house that is sturdy and new, with such fine roof work--"

Kakashi hums absently, his feet feeling stuck to the path, gaze locked on the house. It rises up out of the sand and the beach rock and the scrub grass like a living thing, resting above the ground on thick pillars, with a ramp that leads up to the front deck. It's huge. The doors are open, and behind the house is a pebbly beach on a little bay, with gentle waves rolling against the shoreline. It's well-constructed, to be sure, and much too large for just the three of them, which means Zabuza thought about them staying for a while, staying long enough that their hurricane-force former genin teams, friends, their little cobbled-together families might come visit too, need their own space. He understands why it took Zabuza longer than expected.

He isn't sure what he feels when he looks at that house. It's strange, he thinks, to see a place that isn't haunted by his own ghosts- he won't turn a corner in these halls and expect to see his father, or his grandmother, or his aunt, and he won't step off the stairs expecting the granny in unit 201b knocking on his door to ask for his help moving her couch so she can vacuum underneath it. He'll never have woken up in the middle of the night on the kitchen floor here and discovered he'd burst his stitches open. The house is an empty place waiting to be filled with newer, kinder memories.

As many as he can make, anyway, he thinks. If the damned hat doesn't kill him off too soon.

Gai has started warbling, his pleasure no longer able to be contained by enthusiastic professions of adoration, declarations of Zabuza's virtues, and the like. They're on Kakashi's blind side, but he can feel the air shift when Zabuza bends down to accept a kiss, two, three, from the man, and in between each kiss there is another stream of proud praise, and Kakashi remains still and silent and sleepy next to the pair of them while he thinks.

He wonders if this house is a fresh start for Zabuza, the way it is for him.

Kakashi returns to himself with a start when Zabuza touches his elbow, and turns his face to look at him head on.

"Do you want to see the inside?" He doesn't seem quite so nervous anymore, but there's still something unsettled jumping behind his eyes. Kakashi cups his jaw and leans over to kiss him too, laughing into it as Gai rolls himself down the gentle slope with a cheer.

"I already love it," Kakashi tells him, "But if you don't show me at least three places where you smashed your thumb with a hammer, I'm not going to believe you built it yourself. C'mon."

"Asshole," Zabuza grumbles without heat, unable to keep the smile from his face when Kakashi laces their fingers together.

"Yeah," he agrees easily. "Stop making me want to retire, you'll never get rid of me."

when the water on the window let the sunlight through / and I got a good look at you / standing above me bright and tall / there are no words for it

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@lvyeshou asked:

Dear Kakashi, As of two weeks ago, I have finally mastered the seventh gate. You already know this, as I bumped into you this morning and told you about it. I wanted to tell you more, but you left all too quickly. You must have been in a rush. The seventh gate opens a level of power and pain beyond my wildest imagination. I do not know how to describe it to you, but I will try. It feels like every nerve is alive, and I am aware of everything all at once. The flow of chakra through my body, uninhibited, is exhilarating beyond compare. At the speed I can move, it feels like I am flickering through the forest, perceiving the events around me like a quick succession of snapshots. And yet, the whole time, I feel that I see everything, I hear everything, and I feel everything. Every brush of wind. Every murmur of movement. There is nothing like it. It comes at a great cost. I was lucky to have only broken a few bones with its use, though the way it shredded my muscle fibers had left me immobile for nearly a full day, and it took me a week to recuperate to sufficient mobility. Of course, this temporary suffering is nothing compared to the cost I will pay when I open the eighth gate. Now that the eighth gate is availed to me, I find myself pondering my eventual death. I wonder if Dad had any regrets when he died. If there were words he’d left unsaid, or things he’d left undone. You weren’t there, of course, when Dad died. I wasn’t, either. I should probably get to the point. I know how you dislike my long-windedness. If you are reading this letter, I am probably dead. Writing that sentence was harder than I’d imagined. I only hope that what I’d given up my life for was worthy, and truly precious. To be quite frank, I can only imagine a handful of things people who would be worth such a cost. You are one of them. And if I’ve given up my life for you, I hope you know that you are worth it. At the point that I’m writing this letter, I’ve not had the opportunity to say the following words to you, yet. But I wonder if, by the time you read this, I have. I hope that I got to say it to you many times. That is: I love you. I have loved you for a very long time. I want you to know that. Even if I’m dead. Even if you do not reciprocate my affections. Even if you find it hard to believe. I love you so dearly that it hurts to see you hurting. I love you so dearly that I will wait decades for you if I have to. And I love you so dearly that I would die for you, and maybe I have. I didn’t want to leave that unsaid, just in case, so it’s why I’m writing this letter. You know what to do with my remains, and with mum and dad’s grave. Thank you for setting them free with me. Take care of yourself, or I shall be quite unable to move on from this life. With love, Your eternal rival. Your man of destiny. Your best friend, I’d like to think. Yours. Maito Gai

Kakashi has not forgotten the things Gai had asked for in his will. How could he? He can pull a perfect-imperfect snapshot of the pages up in his mind and read the words again and again, but without the sharingan left in his head he doesn't know if he can be certain, absolutely certain that should Gai not survive, should he waste away to nothing in his hospital bed, Kakashi needs to do right by him. He knows he needs to cremate him, exhume is parents and- and-

Well, he'd had a bit of a freak out when he remembered that his copy of Gai's will had been destroyed when Kakashi's apartment had been turned to rubble in the Pein attack. What if he wasn't right after all, or what if his students disagreed, or there was some problem with exhuming his mother's body, or... any number of things can go wrong, you see, in trying to fulfill the wishes of the dead or the not-yet-dead, so Kakashi decides to do the rational thing and break into Gai's apartment (he's had a key for years) and rifle through his unsubtly named "Important Documents" file in his bedroom. It's in a manila folder and everything. Kakashi supposes he ought to appreciate how easy Gai tried to make all of this on him.

Ha. Like either of them expected to come home.

Kakashi finds his will, and he finds a letter in a crisp white envelope, clearly old. It is addressed, "For Kakashi" in a more teenaged Gai's hand, and he lifts it to his nose and smells it more for something to do than any curiosity. Old glue, old paper, dust. He tucks it, unopened, into his vest next to Gai's will, not brave enough to read it quite yet.

Later, he lets himself into Gai's room after visiting hours are over, once he's kicked everyone out of his office with an order to first get as drunk as they can at a local bar before going home and sleeping. Gai doesn't look peaceful, laying there in the bed, burned and bandaged and broken. He doesn't look like Gai. He doesn't look like anything at all- not pained, not pleased with himself, not like he's asleep or dead or pretending to be asleep, just there. The machine breathing for him whirrs at Kakashi as he sits on the bed next to Gai's elbow, fusses with the way the sheets lay against his chest, and he stares hard at his face.

"You wrote me a letter," he sounds accusatory, like if he starts an argument Gai might wake up to defend himself from Kakashi's uncharitable slander. "That's my move, Gai. You talk, that's what you're really good at. And I listen, and pretend I don't. And I'm the coward that writes letters, because the things I want to tell you are-"

Too big. Too small. Too stupid. He's doing it even now, censoring himself even though there isn't an audience to be had other than Gai's nothing and his machines.

He sighs out his nose and pulls the envelope from his vest, tears the top open neatly, and with great care and steady hands, he unfolds the letter.

Ah. Understanding moves in swiftly. After the seventh gate, so... they may have still been teenagers. He remembers, the day Gai had told him. He remembers being abruptly sick with what exactly that meant- the image of Gai's pale, stricken face as they had dug up his mother's grave together, opened the casket, and placed the remains of his father in there with her had flashed in his mind, abrupt and shocking, and the listless way Gai had slept at his apartment that night, Pakkun held tightly in his arms, and he'd- why had he fled?

He knew well at the time that the function of a shinobi was to die for the village. What was the difference between dying and killing oneself, really? And why was it different when it was Gai?

His gaze rests again on Gai. Can he even articulate it now? He turns back to reading.

It comes at a great cost.

Kakashi's hands clench without his permission, wrinkling the old paper. He hisses, and then carefully smooths it out once more.

I should probably get to the point. I know how you dislike my long-windedness.

Kakashi finds himself smiling, and then wishing Gai would continue rambling. He finishes the letter, heart in his throat, and then tilts his head back to stare at the ceiling until his eyes are dry again. He is careful, to keep his hands loose, to not further wrinkle the paper or god forbid tear it.

This might be the last thing Gai ever says to him, after all. The doctors don't know if he will pull through, or what his... condition might be if it does.

"Look at us," he drawls, his voice wavering in the dead air between them. "What a bunch of fucking- f-fucking morons."

Carefully, he folds the letter once more and slides it into the envelope, and tucks it back into his vest. He stares down at Gai, and then carefully arranges himself on his side, one hand resting on Gai's diaphragm to feel the machine breaths, his unnatural stillness and cold.

"You've said you love me at least a thousand times since you wrote me this letter, you know," he tries to sound conversational, but his voice shivers like he's going to do something embarrassing, like cry. "I just wish- I just. I wish."

He sighs, presses his lips to the thin gown over Gai's bandaged shoulders.

"I wish it had been different," is what he settles on, finally. It doesn't cover half of what he wishes, but he thinks it's some kind of start. "I wish... I had been different. I was an unkind teenager and I've been an even worse man. I- I never should have made you beg or. Or any of that."

"And don't think you're blameless in this, either," he grumbles. "Don't expect an apology out of me for any of it. You're... infuriating. Hypocritical. You fucking hypocrite, spending all that time trying to make me want to live, like it had anything to do with you at all, and then doing your damndest to leave me behind now. I ought to shake you and see if any brain rattles around in your ears."

Silent tears leak from the corner of his eye, and he tucks his face between Gai's arm and the bed.

He lays there, next to him on the bed, for a long time. Matches his breathing to the machine, allows his eyes to leak, and ignores the smell of hospital and death that makes him feel like he might shake apart.

"... I love you too," he adds, sometime later, muffled into the sheets. After, he lifts his head again, sitting up on his elbow so he can wipe his face with the back of his sleeve, sniffle, and sigh. "And I've said it almost as often as you, at this point. I love you. Let me make up that deficit, let me... Give me a chance. I want the chance to catch up."

It's not fair of you to die on me.

Every fuss got the same old end / I don't believe the good Lord meant for a man to win / You better keep it on your mind

[copycaat]

@godmist asked:

"stay another week," zabuza drawls, stretched out across the bed in their kirigakure home as kakashi packs for his trip back to konoha. "mizukage's orders. shikaku will understand."

Two weeks ago Sakura had watched him as he'd struggled to think of a single thing to say. He'd asked her how he was supposed to react, and quietly she'd told him there's no right or wrong way, there just is. She'd told him he was high risk, that it wasn't terribly likely he could carry a healthy baby to term, that his ravaged body and his bad, half-rotted heart might give up on him halfway through. She'd said the little cluster of cells growing quietly in his belly seemed healthy, and that he had a while to decide. She said that most miscarriages happen before the twelfth week, and that if he could carry it that far, it was likely that the baby would survive. He'd asked her when he'd have to decide if he wanted to keep it, and she'd told him the same: twelve weeks, no judgement on her face. No small amount of concern, too, but she hadn't pressed him too hard, just insisted that if anything 'felt weird', he should get her immediately.

Kakashi had nodded, gone back to his empty apartment, and prepared for his little bi-monthly vacation to Kiri, resolving himself not to tell Zabuza one way or another until week ten, and if he'd decided he was alright with keeping it in the first place, he'd let Zabuza decide whether or not he wants to be a father too.

The week with him had gone by too fast; a new celebration each night, the locals delighted to see the pair of them together, with interesting foods and strange masses shifting in the distance through the mist, with Zabuza always touching him, like he might make up for lost time with a hand in his or his chin on his shoulder, bumping their elbows together or putting a hand on top of his head to turn his gaze somewhere that he wanted his attention. Kakashi spent most of the week smiling with his eyes and forcing himself to ignore swells of nausea ("morning" sickness was kind of an all day ordeal, nobody told him that) curling around in his guts until he couldn't anymore, at which point he'd sneak off to be sick alone. He'd refused all offers of alcohol, and perhaps most concerning of all to Zabuza: he'd turned down two friendly spars, and no more had been offered after that.

He doesn't know if Zabuza would want to be a father, to raise children with him. He doesn't want to get the other man's hopes up, if Kakashi can't follow through, and-- part of Kakashi recognizes that he's kicking the can down the road, borrowing joy and warmth from the future to gorge himself on it now like a starving animal. But he wants one more week of Zabuza's gentle love, and then in another month when Zabuza comes to Konoha to fart around and spar with the kids and pick at Shikaku's brain and eat all of Kakashi's food, he will tell him then. Maybe he'll be excited, maybe he'll touch Kakashi's face and kiss him gently and smile and tell him of course, of course he wants him to keep it, of course he wants to be a father with him. Maybe he'll be practical, shake his head, tell him: Now isn't a good time for us, we're already on borrowed time pushing for these reforms, neither of us can afford to-- or maybe he'll offer no explanation at all, just shake his head and sigh. At the very least, Kakashi knows that Zabuza won't ever lie to him about what he wants. He won't tell him one thing, and mean another. Zabuza will speak plainly. It's what Kakashi needs from him most.

Maybe all of this stress won't matter at all. Maybe that little cluster of cells will wither and die, or Kakashi will decide he doesn't want to follow through, that he isn't and never will be ready, and when Zabuza comes to visit they will spar and drink sake and eat greasy foods that will no longer make Kakashi's stomach turn, and Zabuza will be reassured that this little blip was nothing more than a stomach bug, or exhaustion, or stress. He doesn't know. He won't know for another month. That, too, makes him sick.

He does know this:

The watery morning light from the window paints the room, cool and calm and soft and dream-like. Five years of moments stolen away like this one have culminated, and when Kakashi sits up in the futon to get ready to leave for Konoha, go back to work, to the office and the decisions and the weight of it all, Zabuza curls up around his hips like a half-moon, slips a hot hand over the tender skin of his lower belly, and Kakashi feels sick with grief all over again.

Zabuza asks him to stay, like he always does. He's romantic like that. He loves him. Usually, Kakashi would turn to him and kiss him and try to get one more quick round in for the road, a quick round that means his ship has to wait for him, a quick round that makes him walk a little funny if he's not paying attention, but he just. Sits, for a second, puts his hand on top of Zabuza's head and brushes the palm of his right hand over his hair, and covers the fingers of Zabuza's hot hand with his left, twining their fingers. There is something hollow inside of him, something hungry. Is he selfish, to want this simplicity to last forever?

Undoubtedly, yes. But something in him wonders if that selfishness is so wrong. Don't they both deserve to be happy?

Tears well, unbidden. Kakashi is relieved that Zabuza can't see his face from down there, and he tilts his head back and blinks heavily at the ceiling until they disappear, leaning back against his ribs with a soft sigh.

"The world refuses to wait around for us," Kakashi observes, aiming for thoughtful but knowing well he's landing firmly in 'moping' territory. Zabuza's immediate concern is palpable, and he shifts like he's going to sit up, but Kakashi doesn't move his hand from where it's carefully pinning Zabuza's head to the bed. If Zabuza looks at him in that moment, he is convinced something awful will happen.

Zabuza sounds distinctly unhappy when his voice floats up from the sheets: "What's the matter with you, Kakashi?" He doesn't have to elaborate, because they both know he's been acting strangely. Kakashi gently scratches at his scalp, and swallows another lump in his throat when he can feel the regard for him pressed into a kiss against a hip that seems to soften by the day.

"Maa, nothing," he lies, airy and unconcerned but still not quite able to look away from the ceiling. Kakashi clears his throat, like that will make his voice more steady. "I think I'm just tired of... this." Zabuza's hand twitches beneath his own, and Kakashi elaborates: "Being Hokage, I mean. Maybe I'll retire, and come live here with you. I've been thinking about it a lot."

And he has. Even if he doesn't end up having a baby, he is going to hand over the hat within the next six months. He's done.

"You hate it here," Zabuza frumps at him, and then corrects himself when Kakashi inhales sharply: "Fine, you don't hate it here, but you don't like being away from Konoha because you miss your kids and your friends, and you worry about them. I'd never... keep you here, you know that right?"

Kakashi feels the knife in his gut twist even harder, because though the circumstances were significantly different, Kakashi would have been perfectly content to keep Zabuza in Konoha forever, safe and sequestered among Kakashi's people like an object to be kept instead of a man with dreams, and hopes, and a clear vision for the future.

He plucks at Zabuza's ear. "You keep me wherever you are," is all he says for a moment, his voice starting to waver again. His stupid, stupid eyes won't stop randomly watering. "But I miss you. I think I miss you more than... I care about doing the 'right' thing. I'm serious about retiring, Zabuza. I think I'm done. When I get back, I'm going to start setting up the transfer of power."

Zabuza has gone utterly still. Kakashi sighs softly, and bends down to kiss him, uses his grip on his hair to angle his head so his lips brush his cheek, his nose, down to the corner of Zabuza's mouth.

"Next time," he murmurs into that corner, because he can only be brave, can only make a promise with his gaze averted. "Next time I come, I'll stay here for two weeks. I'll stay for two months. I'll stay forever, if that's what you want. But I have to go home now. I love you, you know that, right?"

Sunset on Snohomish. / Burn the tree line down. / Hold my hopes underwater, / Stand there and watch them drown.

[copycaat]

@kkmui asked:

💋 foooor obito if that's okay? :ooo - send for a kiss from kakashi (2/5)

"The Uchiha has no right to be here after--"

Kakashi interrupts Hitihiro Misuki's sneer in that placid tone that makes all of the combat shinobi around him start to tense: "Uchiha Obito has paid his debt to society and wishes to continue to serve in whatever capacity he can, Hitihiro-san." She is the widow of one of the civilian lords that used to sit on the council, and has never heard him sound like that. Even Obito, seated next to him, has sat up a little straighter-- and Obito is one of the very few people who has never been afraid of him at all. "I asked him to come tonight, because I value his insight, and thought the council might benefit from hearing it."

He can sense, more than hear, Shikamaru sighing somewhere behind him. The corner of his mouth twitches, but he doesn't care about committing political suicide here-- half of these people already think him and Obito are fucking, if only because of how hard he'd fought to make sure he survived his imprisonment.

Hitihiro Misuki hadn't been fortunate enough to witness the drama, having taken over her unfortunate husband's seat only in the last few months. She doesn't splutter, because she comes from a political family and has far too much training and poise to ever do something so uncouth and inarticulate, but the corner of her mouth twitches with displeasure when she replies, "Lord Hokage, you have more than demonstrated your compassion for the fallen, but I contend that Uchiha Obito is no more a citizen of this village than the Raikage might be, considering--"

"All Uchiha are citizens of the village by birthright," Kakashi contends flatly, palms folded neatly in front of him. He's starting to get annoyed, because this argument is just going to make this stupid meeting last even longer, and he's been fantasizing about eating the leftover eggplant in his fridge without bothering to heat it up since about eight this morning. "As the Uchiha are a foundational clan, the same any Senju, or Hyuuga, or Yamanaka."

"There are no more Uchiha--" She snaps, trying to entreat others to her side by glancing around the table. It pisses him off more that some council members-- not close to a majority, but enough to actually piss him off-- seem to be agreeing with her. The reason there are no more Uchiha is, in part, sitting directly next to him, and the rest are rotting in jail after an arduous, public trial and conviction.

"Of course there are. Uchiha Sasuke is--" He's starting to get tense, but he's careful not to show it.

"Another traitor--" she crosses her arms, as if this is a 'gotcha'. It might be, but Kakashi was not chosen as Hokage because of his sharp political instincts.

He shrugs one shoulder, and replies flatly: "And irrelevant, since Obito is no longer Uchiha Obito."

In the ringing silence following that declaration, Kakashi actually does hear Shikamaru's weary sigh, as well as his hang-dog "Damn it."

"Because," Kakashi continues, ignoring him and ignoring the incredulous look Obito is giving him. "He and I have been married. So you see, Hitihiro-san, he has every right to be here as my ssssspouse." He almost laughed and gave away the game there. Time to seal the deal. "Isn't that right, baby?" He asks, as he turns to gaze lovingly at Obito, reaching out and taking his hand, and then leaning over to plant a lingering kiss on his cheek, without pulling down his mask.

Hitihiro gasps audibly, which is almost as sweet as the cold eggplant waiting for him in his refrigerator, and his anticipation that she will petition to have him recalled.

Small chambers shrinking 'till they vanish / Wolves in the hallway gaining ground / Reach down to the moment when I should have said something true / Shadows and their sources now stealing away with you

[copycaat]

@nikushiimi / x

Sasuke slowly places a whole raw onion in his hand. He wants to see what happens next. Gracefully, he has peeled the dry layer off already just for him. :)

Kakashi examines this new offering intensely, like he thinks Sasuke might have done something to it. Appears to be a normal onion.

"I'm kind of allergic to these, you know," he informs Sasuke as he once again pulls down his mask to take a bite out of it like it's an apple. Mmm, tingly. "I mean, I don't think it'll kill me, but usually when I eat onion it's... you know... cut up in a dish."

[copycaat]

          Kakashi as the Sixth Hokage is interesting. 

     It’s expected that he will continue to be a good little soldier-puppet just like he’s always been. Easily guided by elders, a staunch supporter of the systems that have been in place, a war hero turned reluctant leader that makes for a glamorous public image despite his lack of people skills. A shit diplomat, perhaps, but that can always be spun as him just being a straight shooter. 

          Unfortunately for the powers that be, Hatake Kakashi is truly the most contrarian bitch alive. 

     At the end of the war he is put into a position of power he has never desired or considered. Dreaming of revolution and change in his youth was all well and good but he’s never really been the ideas guy-- he always truly believed in a better future but he never saw the path to get there because this life was all he had ever known, and he never knew where to start. Kakashi was the foot soldier, a pillar of support. Perhaps he was even a leader of men, but he was never cut out to be a leader of a nation and he knew it. War doesn’t count. War is easy, he knows war. He’s never really been able to picture peace. 

     So when he first gets placed into the position he accepts it with extreme reluctance, knowing damn well that he’s loved and lost a dozen friends that were more qualified and more passionate, people that actually wanted to wear the hat that deserved it too. People that were smarter and braver than him. He stands in his office and he thinks to himself, what would minato do, what would kushina do, what would shisui do what would itachi do what would-- and he comes up empty, because he has no idea where to start. 

     So he starts here: against the wishes of the council, he executes Orochimaru. Against the wishes of the council, he pardons Uchiha Sasuke. And against the wishes of the council, he releases the classified files detailing the real reason behind the Uchiha Massacre (this one is technically a leak and as you can imagine he deals with the political fallout from this with his usual poise and grace, which is to say when asked for comment he just goes, ‘yeah that was fucked up, huh? almost enough to make a teenager go batshit insane’). 

     Then he decides, you know what? Perhaps it’s time for the council to retire. They annoy him. They are old and out of touch with the world the new generations are trying to build-- so he says, retire or get tried for conspiracy to eliminate a founding clan of Konoha. So they retire. 

     Shinobi clan heads are given a committee, and instead of merchants being the only civilians sitting in on policy decisions there are elections held for variety of positions and seats. Shinobi clans still have power because it’s a shinobi village, but civilians now have a larger say in policy making. 

     Kakashi doesn’t know where to start with the shinobi system itself, so he turns to Umino Iruka ( @scnsei ) and Haruno Sakura ( @formerfool ) and Yamanaka Ino, as well as a few others. Some of their policies that end up getting passed (occasionally by the skin of their teeth and a LOT of Kakashi outright bullying old people into agreeing):

minimum age for ninja academy graduation: 13

minimum age for chunin promotion: 15

minimum age for jounin promotion: 18

mandatory psych evaluations and therapy

mandatory paid medical leave

mandatory verification of a clean bill of health from two different medics before resuming active duty

maximum service in ANBU 2 full years, 1 full year out of the program, reentry for another 2 years granted after passing a psych eval, and so on

a lot of general health and education reform

one medic (or person with medical training) on every three man cell

     Kakashi is not and never will be a diplomat. He doesn’t have people skills, he isn’t really a nice person. Honestly, he tells people to go fuck themselves and tends to use people’s lingering fear of him to get what he wants. But he definitely goes down in history as one of the most radical Hokage. 

     Also, he fucking retires after ten years at most because he loathes every second of being in charge. Hasn’t he done enough? You motherfuckers made him your ninja president. The man can barely fucking read. He wants to be a farmer.