He was a ferocious man. He had been ill-made in the making. He had not been born right, and he had not been helped any by the molding he had received at the hands of society. The hands of society are harsh, and this man was a striking sample of its handiwork. He was a beast - a human beast, it is true, but nevertheless so terrible a beast that he can best be characterized as carnivorous.
Nothing was ever my fault. Behind me lay a trail of dead men. But I wasn’t responsible for the death of even one, was I? No, of course not. indie, private, written by sybil.
not doomed by the narrative but saved by the narrative. yeah i know you'd rather die than keep suffering but the story doesn't actually care what you want. you have to keep going, even when it hurts. even being erased from existence won't stop you from being salvaged from the wreckage of un-being. get up. keep pushing. keep bleeding. keep living.
It's almost like he can't quite decide what to do with his hands. One moment, his fingers are curled under Kakashi's jaw as his thumb caresses the skin over his cheekbone down to his ear, while the other hand is slid under his rucked up shirt, pressed up against his ribs.
The next, he's scratching gently against the white fuzz on the top of his head, playing with the strands, short enough to almost be prickly, long enough to run his fingers over them and feel them bounce up in the wake of his touch. Then both hands are under his jaw as he pulls Kakashi into him, his breath heavy against Kakashi's lips as the heat of him straddled over Gai clouds his mind.
They are blind to time, oblivious to the minutes -- hours? -- that have passed.
And still his hands wander. They wrap around Kakashi's waist and urge his hips down against Gai's, they clutch at his thighs with a grip that's almost possessive, and Gai breathes a low sigh into Kakashi's neck when the thought comes that this feels like a dream.
It feels like a delirious dream, that for as much as Gai always lets Kakashi have his way, Kakashi is letting him do so much, too. That he would let Gai touch him this way, a far cry from the time he'd flinched against his touch and put a kunai to his throat. That they could take their time hidden away like this, with no other priorities, no work, no superiors, no grief, just Kakashi on his lap, and the subtlest hint of delight in his lone eye whenever Gai's excitement stuttered beneath his weight. Gai loves that he can bury his nose into Kakashi's collarbone and groan into his chest at the heady sensation of---
No, it's not enough. He needs skin against skin, now. Gai surges forward, pulling Kakashi's shirt up, clumsy and rough in his sudden desire for them to be laid bare.
"--Gai," Kakashi's tone is somewhere between protest, rebuke, and exasperation, but he lends a hand, and Gai smiles eagerly, tenderly, up at him.
"I want you," Gai says, pressing kisses on his chin, up his jaw. "Please," he adds, before he's tugging, less insistently now, but firmly nevertheless, on the waistband of his trousers.
Due to the spandex situation, it takes a little more than a minute before they're finally both naked, and Kakashi settles atop him again. And even though he's fully hard between them now, Gai sighs like an itch has been scratched, hands wandering again up and down the bare expanse of Kakashi's body.
Kakashi clears his throat. "Gai."
When Gai looks up at him, there's a mutedness in Kakashi's gaze that makes Gai falter. Maybe it's because of the way Gai looks at him -- he's heard that protest before. Stop looking at me like that. Maybe he pushed too hard; Kakashi's never mentioned it, but Gai can tell he doesn't like it when Gai pays too much attention to his body. It's the way he shrinks back -- not squirming -- just the slightest, and the foggy look he gets in his eye. Gai can't always understand Kakashi, but his movements rarely escape Gai's keen eye, and he can try -- try to pick up what his body lays down on behalf of his words.
"Oh," Gai says. He slows, hands falling down to either side of them where he tangles his fingers into Kakashi's. "Are you-are you okay?"
But he's not shrinking back. No, he's leaning forward, untangling a hand from Gai's to snake up between them and wrap his fingers around him, pumping slowly once, twice. Gai breath shudders, so sensitive with how long they've been drawing this moment out, but he holds Kakashi's eye, his gaze darting to the tongue that peeks out to lick his lips.
Kakashi swallows, like he's thinking hard about what to say, like he's still forming his words sound by sound, hand moving slowly over his cock, and Gai, gracious and obedient, waits with shallow breaths.
Finally, Kakashi's lips part. "Do you want to have sex?"
His cock twitches in Kakashi's hand. Gai blinks once. "Yes."
He must have replied too quickly, because Kakashi's eyebrow quirks, as if he didn't expect Gai's eager assent. "Yes. Of course. Are you-- do you--" Gai groans as words fail. He grabs Kakashi's wrist, pulling his hand away, partially so that he can think clearly, partially so he doesn't spontaneously find himself spilling early in Kakashi's hand in nervous excitement and ruining the night.
"If you're sure, I'm, um, I'm prepared."
"What do you mean?" Kakashi asks, the flatness of his tone making him sound a little as if he doesn't really want to know. Gai is pushing him over, turning them around so he can settle atop Kakashi, his cock resting on his thigh, and slide a finger over his folds.
"I did research," Gai explains with bright eyes.
What he means is that he's anticipated the day that their fumbling exchanges could escalate into, hmm, intercourse, and performed due diligence by diving into those romance novels and perusing a self-help book, or two. And, this he won't admit unprovoked, but he's even called upon a friend.
Because what else would an earnest lover do when he lacks sufficient experience to please his lover? Gai is proud of the effort he's put in, and he's beyond eager to put his theoretical understanding into practice. Eager to please. Everyone starts somewhere, right?
Gai watches Kakashi's face attentively as he continues tracing his fingers lightly over his clit and his outer folds. And when Kakashi's hand settles on his cheek and turns his face down and away, Gai obediently breaks his gaze to kiss his way down Kakashi's torso instead and shift his weight down between Kakashi's legs.
He's about to lick his fingers when he suddenly remembers. "Oh." Gai props himself up on a hand. "I also bought the lube you mentioned, we can try it. And--and condoms," Gai flushes a little. "We should use one, right? To be safe?"
"Oh, um. We ... won't need the condom. Pretty sure I'm infertile. Lube--lube's good, yeah."
Gai smiles brightly at him, before reaching across to his nightstand.
"IT WOULD HAVE FIXED HIM!!! HE'S LITERALLY A MOTHER LION TO HIS CUBS HE WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH MORE SUITED TO IT THAN LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE HE EVER DID."
[Might Guy]
"thinking about him as a dad makes me genuinely emotional. also i think he would find pregnancy a novel and interesting experience."
last entry for the eternal rivals creators challenge @kkgiweek :')
back to the unhinged cringe, this time about gai's fruity fitness book that would turn every man gay for him, i'm 100000% sure. kakashi's always been gay for gai though, he doesn't count.
had to label as mature content because kakashi can't keep it in his pants, sorry