So, it's been a bit with some insanity behind the scenes, but I'm able to actually sit down and form some thoughts and feelings surrounding these things. But first; a scenario!
You're going around and you're roleplaying in groups, you're making connections and plans. Things are going good! But then you start to notice some little things that seem off. One of them seems very possessive of your time. Yet another tends to ignore plans they've made as well as hooks. What do you do?
Here's where the standards come in. But before I go further, I should note; YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO ROLEPLAY WITH OTHERS. But I will also stress that if you give dates, or tell someone you're 'going to', that implies that said obligation will be met.
I'm someone who doesn't expect much out of others aside from the bare minimum. Being good to one another, open communication in regards to potential triggers so I know what to stay away from, etc. Very basic things that help us gauge whether or not we're a 'fit' in terms of collaborative writing and how well our energy bounces.
But then you run into two types of people who abuse that. You have the person who will demand EVERY ounce of your time, which is bad... Then you have people who will set a time and day, flake, then set another time and day.
When you find yourself the object of obsession to the point they want you to have a certain face credit/claim, or that your character in a video game isn't to their expectations all the while obsessing over scenes that have yet to happen? Drop, block, and run. This is one of the very few instances where I find ghosting absolutely necessary. These are the type of people that you should have standards against because 1) they're suck the energy right out of you and 2) use narcissistic or dark empath traits to keep you there. More times than not, these people are why BadRPerStories exist.
Likewise, when you find yourself being flaked out on over and over on specific dates with frequent communication over an obligation? Don't waste your time on them, especially if they're very active in other circles. Hold your standards and quietly drop them. If they ask why -- be honest if you tell them, but don't be a jerk about it. Though, this is another situation where I feel ghosting is very valid because they're not valuing your time enough.
And sure, there's nuance to every situation. Maybe IRL came up or the muse isn't there -- in which case it's easier to be honest, that way time isn't invested unnecessarily. Speaking from personal experience, it takes a while to rebuild that momentum back if you're an avid storyteller and you let people walk all over you.
Have reasonable standards. Communicate them often. If they cannot meet expectations of either posting cadence deadlines, or just meet a very simple obligation after they said they would?
Get rid of them. They're not worth it.
If they're obsessing over you, your character to the point you're drained? Get rid of them. If you're in a group RP (discord or video games) and they're always needing to know who you're roleplaying with?
Get rid of them. These are, and should be if they aren't, red flags. Block them, block their alts.
Having standards will help protect your mental health, help you garner the right people that fit your writing styles best, and generally it helps keep you safe on the internet. We live in a time where this hobby has often turned into a different form of escapism. Where instead it was just a fun thing that we could do, people are using it to completely substitute things in real life and will try to use you to do that.
Don't fall for it. If you've found yourself in situations like these, or even going through them currently and you stumble onto this -- it doesn't hurt to re-evaluate your standards. If you feel trapped or stuck? Maybe raise the bar of entry just a little bit. <3
