And now, presenting...a RetJ 2010 crack vid to "Last Christmas!" by WHAM! which absolutely should not be taken seriously (and can also be watched here on YouTube), featuring as many relationships as I could fit in four and a half minutes while retaining some semblance of sense. Here is a description of what I think happened in its ludicrously complicated ship web:
Mercutio is in a relationship with one of the Montague dancers when she catches him hitting on another Montague dancer (who spurns his advances). The first dancer breaks up with him and starts dating a Capulet dancer, leaving Mercutio single (for a moment).
Benvolio tries to confess his love to Mercutio, who is into Tybalt and doesn't realize that Benvolio is in love with him, then feels betrayed when he sees Mercutio and Tybalt together. Morte's boyfriend, Friar Lawrence, recently dumped her to become a monk. Mercutio sees his old flame Tybalt, who he still has feelings for, but Tybalt claims not to recognize him, and he consoles himself by having a brief fling with Morte, then leaving her for Romeo. Mutually heartbroken, Benvolio and Morte get together, but it doesn't last.
Meanwhile, Romeo falls in love with Juliet, who won't kiss him after she finds out that he's in a relationship, so he dumps Mercutio. Mercutio and Tybalt get back together, and Benvolio thinks back gloomily on Mercutio's betrayal.
Mercutio and Tybalt get in a fight and Tybalt stabs him, which in Mercutio's mind ends the relationship. At long last, Mercutio realizes that while Tybalt was toxic, Benvolio had loved him all along, and he finally reciprocates Benvolio's advances. Tybalt is now heartbroken over Mercutio and rebounds with a guy from the ensemble, and Morte rebounds from Benvolio with Romeo. (Whether Juliet rejected him or whether Romeo is two-timing them is unclear).
