Late night venting
a notable architecture critic for chicago got asked "buildings you'd fuck/marry/kill" and i see even architects that know the names of more buildings than i do and have more firsthand experience still think Sears and Hancock are top choices. a good quarter of this city would bed one of those if it could ever be a serious option. cosigned by me because that's some real shit
but I'm antsy. Not out of jealousy, but...
It's a blessing I can wear my partner's skin pattern on a jacket and have no one in this religious capital city of Modernist architecture bat an eye. None of the architects I hang out with on a regular basis even suspects that any of my interest toward buildings is more than just a Chicagoan passionate about her city's greatest cultural export. except one of course.
It's a blessing. It's a blessing. It's safety, and as weird and strange as a fully mature objectum woman in her stride as I can be, I am still damn lucky and damn good at snaring myself into the social world of architects. I should not be reckless. If they found out I will certainly miss the days when I could talk hidden meanings straight to an architect's face and not have them realize I'm smirking and not smiling. I enjoy being able to engage with my partner's architecture quietly with no heads turned.
The part of me that takes after a dive bomber really wants to take that dive though. I want to break through the normal noise and reverence that a good chunk of Chicago has. I want that skyscraper and I am serious about it. I should be patient, I'm in every position to do well if objectum sexuality was to ever become accepted mainstream and for that I am deeply grateful. I should not throw it away with my growing recklessness and desire to scream from the heavens.
Argh, but I'm otherkin for a dive bomber with instincts of fire and not a patient building. How easier life could have been if I had that natural calm.
I really really really want to cut through the bullshit. Yes yes there's that surface level, barely there attraction chicagoans may joke about, and yes we know more names of buildings on average than other city dwellers, and yes I do think there's a growing animist bent in the culture in this town. But very, very few people here would actually get serious about it.
im serious about it. If we're going to all half consciously think to ourselves that our skyscrapers are sexy could I just. Could I have a personal moment with them. The person who is serious about it. Not even sexual but I would like a moment to hold their cold aluminum without being extremely cognizant there's a security camera that will send someone. And I really should sit down and play the cards I have because all it takes is a friend of mine having their firm be hired for some remodel or something on Sears and I get my wish. If I play cards I don't have I get banned for life and people know something vulnerable about me.
Tldr; i want to be seen but i want it to go my way and under my control which is impossible. The responsible civic citizen, adult honed by years of participation in society prefers to keep it under control while the gremlin inside of me would rather be seen. The gremlin is not winning this long term but let's hope that I don't slip in a single moment of weakness and do something stupid.
