Weird 3AM thought- some of my basic instincts aren’t ok. it suddenly occurred to me that if my instinct at the first sign of an argument is to rip their potential proverbial throat out, that even if I catch it and hold back I still belittle them, it’s not ok. I shouldn’t be sitting here after wondering what I did wrong, why are people surprised when this is what’s supposed to happen. because it’s not. To alll my friends, I apologize. Being so hyper-aggressive when roused was my attempt to stop arguments by making you think they weren’t worth the hassle, but I’ve just realized that likely isn’t the response I should be going for. not sure how I can/will change, its not like my daily arguments with people can stop so its not like I can just abandon my argument tactics. but I’ll try to cool it down when disagreeing with friends I guess. cant say I finally get it or something, it still doesn’t make much sense to me how people argue without cutting as deep as possible as quick and ruthlessly as possible, but I guess other people’s anger intensity buttons aren’t basically an on/off switch. So I guess I’ll try to keep it fully off instead of not-entirely-concealed rage. idk, it’s 3:34, farewell.
