dawon sighs, reaching for her bottle of water after yet another misstep. she hopes her annoyance isn’t too noticeable or, at the very least, that her teammates don’t try to strike up a conversation about it. she’s not too stubborn to accept help if it comes down to it, but, at the moment, there’s a part of her that wants to overcome these struggles herself, without the additional guidance of others.
with debut just around the corner, dawon finds herself unable to stop herself from feeling nervous. even now, there’s a part of her that wonders whether or not she’s really earned this—which is the main reason she’s so determined to get this right on her own. one of her final ways of showing that she’s capable, that she was the right pick. even if she has no one else to convince, she still finds that she desperately wants to convince herself that she’s worthy.
the choreography to 아슬해 is perhaps the one that she most desires to master, the song already holding a special place in her heart. it’s easily her favorite of luxe’s songs, there isn’t a doubt in her mind. she focuses intently on her reflection in the mirror as she continues to go over the steps, determination in no short supply. though frustration kicks in every now and then, she’s mostly able to keep a level head, not allowing her annoyance to get the best of her.
each correct movement feels like an accomplishment, a proud smile now resting on her lips. while it’s not perfect, she’s grateful to have at least managed to accomplish something. “you got this,” she whispers to herself, taking another sip of her water before placing it back down. now that she has the moves down (for the most part), it’s time to work on perfecting them. she makes her way over to one of her friends, gently nudging them on the shoulder to get their attention.
“do you want to... i don’t know, practice together?”
dawon bites down on her lower lip, doing her best to remain focused on herself, but her current surroundings made it quite easy for her to become distracted. every so often (perhaps more often than she’d like to admit), her eyes would wander over to her roommate, who she was lucky enough to be sharing the gym with. it’s not like she’s purposefully staring or anything like that; maybe then it could be seen as a little... odd. she tries not to dwell on it, though, not wanting to make it seem like anything more than it actually is.
“just so you know, i’m really glad you’re here. working out alone sometimes gets kind of... i don’t know, lonely?” she’s mostly trying to clear the air at this point, opting to blame the brief silence that had settled in on her becoming distracted. the two events are most likely unrelated, but that hardly matters much. still, it is comforting to have someone else there with her, especially when that someone is as close to her as eunae. “and, it probably sounds super lame, but i just don’t really feel like being alone right now? if that makes sense?” she hesitates, taking a quick sip of water to stay hydrated while simultaneously stopping herself from talking—two birds, one stone.
as she preps herself for the interview, dawon can’t help but feel a twinge of excitement. even if it isn’t a real interview, she’s always found a good amount of enjoyment in anything resembling one—or at least, she feels like she has. maybe things only seem that way looking back to her time on royal survival, but she tries not to think too much into it.
who are your major influences?
“oh, are all the questions this easy? the first group that comes to mind is brave girls! but i also really like h.a.m’s music, too. mm, and there’s also beyoncé, ariana grande... i like to think i’m influenced by singers with powerful voices,” she finishes, a soft chuckle passing her lips.
how long have you spent preparing for debut?
“ooh, that’s a good question. on one hand, you could say i’ve spent many years preparing? since i’ve always had a big interest in music. but i didn’t start preparing with the company that long ago, obviously.” another soft laugh escapes her. “so i’ll just say that i’ve been preparing long enough that i’m really eager to debut!”
are you excited about debut?
dawon smiles, excitement taking over her features despite the nervousness she continues to feel as their debut date steadily approaches. “yes, i am,” she confirms, eagerly nodding her head. “it’s like... a dream that’s finally coming true. i’ll admit, i’m a little bit nervous, since i think that’s kind of natural, but... i think i’m way more excited, so it’s okay.”
do you regret getting involved in the survival show?
“not at all, no,” she answers honestly, not having to think twice. there isn’t a single part of her that thinks that she’d do anything different if given the chance. “it’s been so life-changing for me, and i think i’m really lucky to have been a part of it at all. i’m... so grateful that so jisub was willing to let me be a part of it. i can’t imagine where i’d be without it, honestly.”
are you currently dating anyone?
“no, i’m not.”
what is your ideal type in a guy?
in a guy. it’s almost enough to make her laugh, but she refrains, not wanting to seem the least bit suspicious. “mm... a good sense of humor? someone that makes me laugh.”
half excitement, half fear. that’s the only way she can think of to describe her current feelings towards luxe’s steadily approaching debut, something that she hasn’t fully come to terms with yet. it feels all too surreal; in fact, she’d argue that it was impossible to believe if she wasn’t experiencing it for herself. each day feels like a dream, and she’s unable to shake the uneasy feeling that she could wake up at any moment—it’s only a matter of time.
april 13th, 2018.
it’s the first day of filming, and although she doesn’t know it yet, it’s likely to be the most challenging. the atmosphere is drastically different from the filming for her individual teaser, which she mostly attributes to the presence of the other luxe members. they’re filming together, as a team, and it’s enough to fill her with a sense of companionship. for a moment, she smiles at jihyun, proud to have someone like her as a leader.
the filming goes on for hours, and it’s only natural to assume that the girls are growing tired with each passing hour. she's praying that it won’t show in her performance, relying on her stamina to get her through the day—she owes her team that much. they run through the choreography again and again, desperate to create an end product that’s nothing less than perfect. a fair share of mistakes are made amongst the girls, but dawon believes that it’s only natural; this is their first time filming for a music video, after all.
april 14, 2018.
on the second day of filming, she’s able to feel herself physically relaxing as the fear begins to dwindle, excitement steadily building within her as her confidence thrives. it makes it that much easier to present acceptable facial expressions; expressions that show off her confident and carefree emotions, showing that she was genuinely having a good time. it’s a welcome change from the nervousness that has plagued several of her last evaluations—she hopes that this change of attitude will last, though she isn’t going to place too much faith in it.
april 15, 2018.
the final day of filming is bittersweet. a sense of jealousy eats at her the entire time, knowing that she’s the only girl not to have a story scene to herself. she tries not to let it weigh her down, mentioning it to no one as she meets the cameras with an expected smile. it’s best to keep it to myself, she thinks. they’d just think i was ungrateful. she tries not to feel too down about it, remembering that she’s probably the member that needs to work on her charisma the most—if anything, she wants to use this as motivation, as it reminds her that she still has room to improve. maybe this could be another push in the right direction.
her feelings are mended partially as she films her scenes with the other members, the club scene serving as a much-needed boost to her spirits. not only is she more than pleased with her outfit (which does well to show off the abs she’s worked hard to maintain), but she’s also in love with her hairstyle—she makes a mental note to show her appreciation to the stylists later on. as she and the other girls are dancing around, they all seem to be having a good time—she just hopes that none of them are faking it. on several occasions, it’s already been made clear that some of them get through things like this better than others.
when the filming finally draws to a close, dawon lets out a sigh of relief, heart racing as she thinks of how close they’re becoming to actually debuting. filming for the music video was a major step in that direction, and she can only imagine what the next month has in store for the six of them.
she was becoming increasingly familiar with royal’s building with each passing day, and it was beginning to feel more and more like a home to her. dawon spent a lot of her time in royal’s building as opposed to the seocho complex, though she wasn’t sure if that had to do with the fact that she wanted to familiarize herself with the building or if it was just because she actually enjoyed spending her time there. she found that she was rather fond of most of the other trainees there, which helped her to feel content.
with her bag slung over her shoulder, dawon made her way to a practice room, hoping to get a few minutes of training in before heading home to spend time with meeko. she cracked the door open, peeking inside to check if the room was empty—which it wasn’t. for a moment, she couldn’t think of anything to say, resulting in her silence as she just stared at the kid (she’d be amazed if he didn’t find her creepy). a moment later, embarrassed laughter sounded from within her as she opened the door just a bit more, and she finally spoke up. “hey, uh... mind if i come in?” not that she needed to ask permission, it just felt polite.
it was hard not to get lost in her emotions for what was to come, whirlwinds of excitement and anxiety engulfing her all at once. their debut preparations were well underway, though dawon wasn’t sure if it was passing by too fast or too slow. there was a part of her that felt nothing but joy knowing that she was so close to achieving her lifelong dream, though there was another part of her that doubted whether or not she was ready for such a thing. what if she would somehow manage to find a way to mess everything up so close to the finish line?
learning the choreography had been something to take her mind off of things, though she wasn’t making as much progress as she would have liked. dawon thought that she was doing okay, though she knew that she’d have to be better than just okay—she’d have to be perfect, lest she risks jeopardizing just about everything that she’d worked for (in other words, she was ‘overthinking it’). she caught up with seolhyun one day after practice, hoping that she wouldn’t be too busy. “hey, seolhyun? i, uh, well... i feel really nervous right now, about all of this, and... i don’t know, i guess i was wondering if you might have time to help me with the choreo a little? not if you’re busy, of course! it can wait, i was just... yeah!”
following their warm-ups, dawon awaited her turn with a quickening heartbeat. just a day ago she had taken notice of just how comfortable she felt, yet, now that the day was finally here, she couldn’t help but feel nervous. while they were provided more than enough time to get their lines right, dawon couldn’t help but wonder if she’d somehow manage to mess everything up. it was an irrational thing to worry about, she knew—but that didn’t make it any easier on her. she was nervous, just as she had felt so many times before, and she knew it couldn’t be helped.
when it was her turn to record, she knew that she could waste no time. she had a good amount of vocals to cover, after all; if she wanted to get everything right within two hours, she’d most certainly need to utilize her time correctly. she went over her lines multiple times, as it was safe to say that with the unfamiliarity of the entire situation, her first recording was far from perfect. there were mistakes, that much she was sure of; though she took comfort in knowing that everyone must have been bound to make mistakes.
after her first few times of running through the song, dawon began to feel less nervous all over again, which made for a much welcome change. once she felt more comfortable, she was able to sing to the best of her ability, though there were still mistakes every now and then (though she tried not to let them discourage her). persistence was key, and, despite the fact that dawon was not a perfect vocalist, she wanted to at least give them a recording that came somewhere close. this was going to be luxe’s debut song, after all; she needed to do a good job (and, in the end, she was pleased with what she had brought to the table, despite the few insecurities that remained).
once it was all over, dawon let out a deep breath, smiling as she gave herself a short (and quiet) round of applause (praying that no one saw her; that’d be embarrassing).
