[26.10.20] HEARTZ 1/3 LIVE NOW :
CHOI YENA PRESENTING: IDOL GAMERS #1
At first people only see her face. Headphones in and the set up a lot more professional than for her first vlive, it’s still clear she’s not sitting at home but in a room that looks suspiciously alike to the place she used to live at when still living with her cousin jieun. Not having the space to set up her gaming pc in the dorm, she resulted to keeping it here. Her manager chilling in the background as Yuzu invited them to stay with her and just catch a breather while she streamed this vlive, the girl is more focused on getting everything set up and working.
“Does everything work,” she asks the chat as soon as some people start posting comments, asking where she is and where the other members are. It’s a common question that Yuzu doesn’t mind being asked. She really should nudge the others more into appearing on vlive as well.
“The others aren’t here. As you can hopefully see when I do this-,” she moves the settings, having the game screen pop up in full screen instead and herself in a tiny window at the bottom. Bless technology. “-we’re about to hop into a coop farming squad! I don’t got heartz girls for ya but I got other idols. Let’s see if we can make them appear if I do this-” With a snap of her finger she unmutes the others, a grin on her lips as she chirps a quick hello into the microphone.
“Why don’t you guys introduce yourself real quick~,” the ex-streamer chirps, grinning at the reaction in the chat as one after another @rkkaeun , @rkyena and then @jacerk introduce themselves. “Yo, pleople are going nuts in my chat,” yuzu eventually informs the others, laughing as the rest of the gang chuckles along with her.
“Now that we got the introductions out of the way- let me explain why we’ve all gathered here today!” Completely in her element, Yuzu claps her hands together, eyes straight at the camera. “This... is ... well not a series but definitely something reoccurring. Sometimes we may stream from Androma’s Vlive channel or LUXE’s or Convex’ channels or potentially other idol groups’ channels if one of their members joins our little... gamer squad- I guess you could call it that. The principle is simple: we just all like to play games and so we play them together! Since I just finished promoting with Heartz 1/3 and Yena eonni is in the middle of promoting with LUXE and of course ISAC just finished- we could all use a bit of time to unwind and just chill down in a really relaxed and laid back game. So~ we’re going back to our coop farm in stardew valley and went live to invite you to join us and watch how we take care of our lovely samsung farm!”
Eyes crinkled into a happy eye-smile, it’s clear that she’s excited to find these tiny windows in which she can still do a thing she enjoys while also connecting her old and new world with one another.
With the roles quickly explained and distributed, Yuzu guides them all through the streaming adventure as if she never stopped, the switch from English to Korean making things a little harder for her to land some jokes and figure out what to say and what to not say but in the end she gets a few laughs out of the others and the chat, so she’s content.
It really helps that Jace has been an old friend, who’s dynamics she can rely on and that gives her a sense of comfort to have with her.
It also helps that her friends are frigging hilarious at times. When Kaeun begins cackling suddenly and mentions how she got a trashcan lit as a hat from rumaging around in the trashcans, Yuzu nyooms down to where she was just to show the stream. Needless to say they all double over in laughter as soon as the fishing kaeun comes into view, wearing a very chic trashcan lit.
She only hopes the viewers will enjoy these vlive streams as much as she enjoys doing them. Not only because of the games but because it was a nice way to show some interaction between the groups as well.
『 Relieve 』
⇢ NSG 127 October 2K20 | +5 D ; +3 DB
⇢ Jeongguk having a bit of a mental breakdown
“ At last. He was home. ”
Learning the choreography and hearing the song, Jeongguk was more than excited. He loved both and the fact he had actual lines to contribute to the song himself was amazing to him. Confident in his skills he still remained aware the others had a lot more time to sharpen their skills and harness the extend of their potential compared to him. He was just raw sauce and passion.
Passion to the point he almost couldn’t handle himself.
They had been practicing all together, dancing and learning the choreography. It was a day like just any other since he had moved into the dorm as they gathered together to reflect upon their performance and execution of the dance. The others were just going over a step, the rest of the dance line showing the others how to execute it properly when a wave of emotion came over him.
Jeongguk isn’t sure if it was the sense of belonging, the feeling of being home, in place, finally right between where he felt most at ease or if he was just tired from practice. He strongly leaned towards the first however when tears welled up in his eyes and just lowered his head before squatting down into a pile of relief. With his shoulders sagged and tiny sniffles, he cries silently, out of happiness for the most part. He had never considered himself a cry baby but when 10 months of constant spite and tension fell from his shoulders to get replaced by the wholesomeness of being part of nsg, he couldn’t keep himself together anymore.
Everyone around him, Aron tugging him straight into a protective hug, the question to what was wrong could only be answered with one tearful response.
“I’m just happy... I’m just so happy to finally be with you guys...”
Things weren’t perfect without Jimin here and Jeongguk would never forgive KT for that. But this was the closest to perfect it could get and to finally have this, most of his friends around him, debuting together with them, just drove tears to his eyes.
『 Make a M O V E 』
⇢ MI Mini Event (+2 P)
⇢ the sparkle of the jewels resembled the sparkle of joy in her eyes
“ The thrill, the danger, the feeling of superiority when getting away safely; she loved it all . ”
The opportunity was too good to pass up. Even if she had been given little time to prepare for this mission, Bella was a master at improvising and thus found herself walking that fine line between danger and plain insanity as she sipped away on her glass of champagne.
The piece of evidence sat heavy in her pocket, a priced gift she had been eternally grateful for. It had been Janitor’s idea to take a tape and document the fingerprints of not only a registered Hydrus member who had been in prison before but a registered member of Phoenix too.
Her mission from there on was simple: take the jewels, place down fingerprints of both the members and let the MPD fuel up the rest. Both gangs would fall under suspicion, blaming one another to be framed. In such a web of lies and treason one would not believe the other. With the previous execution and the on-going tension it would only be another drop added to the barrel filled to the brim.
Another step closer to the war that was inevitable to come.
Her pupils dilated at the excitement the thought alone made her feel. Teeth biting down slightly on the glass she was almost too eager to go about her mission right then and there but the female had to play her cards right. Wait for the right moment till the whole place would be buzzing with life, people left and right disappearing and reappearing without much notice.
It was in a moment like that when she made her move.
Slithering into the shadows the female made her way towards one of the many rooms filled to the brims with treasure. Picking out the one with the least security was just another thing Janitor was great at.
“Open Sesame, dear Janitor~,” she sang sung into the nothingness and heard a faint chuckle from the small button in her ear.
“Don’t you feel somewhat bad doing this under the nose of your old co-workers? They did invite you to set a statement that they believed in your innocence...”
Bella merely scuffed as the security lock clicked opened and the sound of her heels clicking across the ground sounded through the room. Security camera buzzing away with a loop of nothingness hacked into the system she walked comfortably up towards her treasure, smirk widened across her face when the red of the ruby staring back at her almost coloured her own dark orbs a shade of crimson.
“Please. I have no room for such sentiments any longer,” she muttered in a sinister voice, tone cold and void of emotions. A sigh met her but no other word was said aside from the information that she had 60 seconds. Doing quick work of sliding her gloves on, taking the priced necklace and adding the fine touch of the fingerprints to the crime-scene she hummed beneath her breath, letting the door fall shut just in time for the security lock to click back into place.
“Keep the loop running Janitor. Gimme ten minutes to engage some folks into conversation and secure an alibi. Think y’can do that for me, darlin’?” Already sliding back into her speech pattern as good ol’ Bella, the bar lady who could harm no fly unless threatened, she sent the necklace along with her gloves and the used tape for the fingerprints soaring out a window where one of her bar workers was waiting to catch the fine bounty and make off into the night with it. Everything went perfectly according to plan and she loved it.
The smug grin on her lips disappeared as soon as she stepped back into the light of the party, grabbing a glass of champagne to down half of it and make it look even more like she had been here the whole time. After all- who would leave their half finished glass unattended?
And just as predicted, not even ten minutes after she had been laughing and joking with old co-workers did a sudden alarm ring. Channeling her inner actress the bar-owner looked to her old co-workers with wide, confused eyes while internally her heart did a tiny leap of joy.
A staff member leads you down KT’s winding hallways to Katie Lee’s office, then opens the door and leads you inside, where the CEO awaits, sitting at her desk. She observes you as you’re instructed by the staff member to take a seat. Next to your chair, is a company lawyer whom you recognize from before; he’d been present when you signed your initial company contract. The staff member then leaves the room. You hear the door close and the latch click back into place just as your CEO finally decides to speak up.
“I’m very glad you are here today because it means you have finally achieved our goal, haven’t you? Trainees come here and sign away their two-year contracts with hope of one day making to where you are right now, but not everybody makes it.” She says it all with a serene smile. “Your years of training are what got you here.”
“You stood out from the others, even if you also had your ups and downs. What’s important is that you managed to get yourself back on your in feet and kept on improving.” She pauses, and diverts her attention to her desk, where she shuffles paperwork until she sets one singular sheet of paper in front of her. “I’ve been proud of your growth here, and I trust you to do your best to continue to improve, even after debut. This, here,” she says, motioning towards the document, “is a contract exclusive to Eclipse and will tie you to this group, and to KT Entertainment, for the next six years.”
There is no sign of regret on her features as she slides the contract toward you and hands you a pen. “If we share the same vision of making Eclipse the next girl group of Korea, as I’ve already done with a group before, and you wish to be a part of this journey, you know what to do.”
When Audrey is guided to Katie Lee’s office, the first thoughts that run through her head are ones revolving around getting kicked out of the company. They heard about her fight with Inho, or how she argued with Sungho months ago. The instagram post was the nail in the coffin. She’s doomed. The girls must not have been active because Katie Lee was disappointed with them, and took the month deciding which girls to cut- Audrey must first on the list.
Those thoughts settle in the pit of her stomach as she sits down in front of the CEO’s desk, next to a lawyer. The dread and fear of losing her career must be evident on her face, because Ms. Lee finally speaks to her. Very glad, she says, and it finally pierces the dullness in her hearing because it’s not bad news.
She lets out the breath that she had been holding as the words continue, and they sound like praises- ones she hadn’t realized she needed until she heard them. Katie Lee is proud of her, and doesn’t want to get rid of her. She wants to keep her even longer- through even more ups and downs. (If they had survived this, couldn’t they survive more now?) It’s a promise of good fortune to come to KT for them both, and Audrey remembers why she signed her contract again last year anyway.
There’s no hesitation on her part; As soon as the pen is offered to Audrey’s shaking hand she signs, with decorative flourishing and a heart, because her heart will always be with KT, just as she mentioned last year when she sat here with their CEO signing on for another two years. There’s no doubt about it, and Audrey has to fight to hold back the tears of relief and joy that threaten to escape. “Thank you.”
OOC NOTE: First of all, congratulations to arriving at the final step before debut! I know it’s been a long and crazy journey, and I’m so glad you’ve stuck through it. When you are ready, feel free to post this prompt with Suji’s response to it.
Should Suji choose to SIGN the Eclipse contract, she will be employed by KT Entertainment without a need to renew a contract until the duration of this one has concluded. As a reward for making it this far, she will receive THREE WEEKENDS unpaid vacation time to use any time between now and the start of July, so long as it doesn’t clash with any special debut activities (such as music show appearances, meaning she can’t actually use her vacation time until after her music show performances have finished.)
Should she choose to REJECT this contract with KT and Eclipse, she will leave the company, effective immediately upon rejection. She will be able to keep all of her debut points, but will not be able to take any trainee workshops or earn any more debut points/workshop points until she becomes a trainee again. She will not have any special advantage over newer characters when she auditions for other companies in the future, and should she become a trainee at a new company she will be considered a junior trainee all over again, even though she will still have her debut points and would be eligible for debut right away. She WILL have the right to audition for KT again, but the fact that she gave up a contract renewal, especially a debut one, WILL be taken into account in final casting decisions.
She will have up to two weeks to make her decision IC, meaning that if she does not make a decision by February 13th, she will automatically be cut from the company. Exceptions can be made for those on hiatus.
he’d be an idiot to think this simulation wasn’t designed to see most of them fail, that’s his first thought when he sees another candidate wheeled past him. why they make it so each candidate can feel the pain, can leave writhing in pain, or die in the simulation is pure entertainment. that he learned early on too. his brother had tried to shield him from this line of thinking, from the moment he made it through initiation, from the moment they could first crawl. but being without his twin taught him the most important lesson of all: he’s pessimism, narcissism, and hedonism personified without a moral compass. the game gave him one more: pride.
it gets him through these trials and tribulations, through the hoops and holes the collection tosses them all into without hesitation, without remorse. it teaches him to do the same. syringes don’t bother him, drugs don’t bother him, it’s the darkness that he still isn’t used to despite how much he pretends to belong to it. not knowing, confusion, and that was why he used to lash out at iris so often. she confused him most, she still does, and when the simulation starts, when he learns it’s a team mission, he’s almost glad his mind won’t be muddled with unnecessary concern.
he can’t breathe, he’s light-headed, and he feels nauseous enough to pass out right then and there but if the collective wanted to drown him, they’d have to try harder than that. ares has been trying to drown himself in everything for years. if only it were so easy. there’s a kick to his stomach from the side and what little air he had in his lungs almost all escapes as he collapses into himself from the surprise alone. what the fuck — he can’t talk but oh if he could. his glare has to suffice and he’s lunging forward, legs and arms bent to chase the culprit. riot, who thinks he’s god’s gift on earth, who thinks he’s hilarious, but ares has his own opinion.
closing in, there’s mere feet between them when ares sees the blood. body slumping, sinking in front of him and he has to grab pixie who comes up beside him to stop her from reaching out, from pathetically holding on because of attachment. this is why he didn’t want iris in the mission team with him. he didn’t want to see her die .
riot sinks and ares can still feel the dig in his side from the kick. it doesn’t mean he wants to see the lifeless look in riot’s eyes as he sinks. it doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand why pixie feels like she’s about to fall apart, as if she’ll fall with riot, if he let go of his vice grip. a fool in love, he calls it. a fool at all, he thinks, for thinking love is allowed in a place like this.
reaching the surface is nothing. it’s taming the aftermath of just one death that’s annoying. “ we could’ve saved him, ” without looking, ares knows pixie is glaring at him, ready and raring to charge at him. “ and more of us would be dead, ” he says plain and simply, still hearing the mocking tone of the simulation’s instructions. “ he was shot in the head. dex only made it to shore because he was shot in the shoulder and spyro helped him. you didn’t die because we need your speed. if you want to fucking go back and drown with him, by all means. ” by now, spryo and dex have to hold her back, have to hold her up.
he was right. she wanted to hold on, to cling to a simulation — but ares is the cruel one to think death here doesn’t mean death outside. riot could be dead and he let it happen. “ fuck you, ares. ” what little pity he has for her makes him bite his tongue, convinces him not to tell her that he could now that she’s single. but he refuses to fuck up this mission, simulation or not, because he couldn’t control himself.
spyro and dex let go, but ares takes hold of her forearm, doesn’t let her move, doesn’t let her cry. “ use this. you think the collective cares that he’s dead? they don’t. but you care. use it, get back at them. ” it’s clear dex doesn’t approve of ares’ methods but it doesn’t bother ares. all he wants is to win.
a plan set in place but morals get in the way. a reoccurring theme in the plot and ares is exhausted by it. “ the kids are still soldiers. unless you’re going to open up a school for gifted children and roll around in a wheelchair while reforming them, shoot or be shot. ” nothing he says makes dex budge.
ares has half a mind to kill dex and rid them of the dead weight but they need him too. without him, they have no distraction while the shipment is stolen. disarming won’t work, not when they’re trained to kill with or without a weapon. “ fine. pixie, talk to me about your darts. ” because while she’s the quickest, she’s also the less lethal if they work fast enough. for ares, it’s a waste of time but if it means they have a higher chance, he’ll do whatever it takes even if it means something as frustrating as compromise.
“ who has a problem killing children but not adult mercenaries? a terrorist is fine but let’s spare the child with an ak-47 in my face. ” spyro complains and sehun actually chuckles before telling him to focus. the children are taken care of by pixie but the rest are theirs. the grip of his revolves feel burning hot in his palms and he exhales sharply with the drop of a body. they might as well sound the alarm if they don’t time this right. shells drop and the muffled sound of each shot practically rings in his ear with how sensitive his head feels but he can’t stop now. he can’t falter or show weakness. instead, he’s ruthless and he makes sure to hide the body of the one child pixie didn’t manage to temporarily poison.
sorry kid, don’t make the rules. just gotta play to survive.
accessing the shipment almost feels too easy. he should’ve known. he should’ve seen it coming but all he sees is dust when the decoy explodes on them and dex’s body comes shooting back towards them. weight is holding him down, pinning him to the ground, and when he can finally open his eyes, the smoke and dust still enough to hinder his vision, he sees dex. half of him anyway and, instead of sympathy, what he feels is arrogance. this is what morals get you here. with a violent shove, he looks around for any sign of being caught. a glint throws him off and there stands pixie with a knife to her neck. to think they wanted to spare the children.
the antidote must’ve worked too fast or pixie gave it to them too early. whatever it is, he thinks the fear in her eyes is her own fault too. he’s barely reached for his holster when a dagger is shot through the air, right through pixie’s shoulder to the child.
“ you missed, ” ares murmurs, because he wants pixie to know he would’ve been fine with killing her too.
he played too many video games as a child to not recognize the true boss battle and it comes in the final moments before reaching the rendezvous point. but they don’t have to all fight, and all ares tells pixie is “ run ” as the color of his eyes changes. he’d been waiting for this, he thinks as the guns transform in his hands, as he almost feels the weight and the heat of the bullets beneath his fingers. imagination is all he needs to know each shot will feel like hell the way he has for months now. but there’s something he didn’t account for once his time is up, once god mode cannot be sustained any longer.
the speed of the children soldiers, of how they have agility and the element of surprise over him and there’s a knife lodged in his calf. a yell of anguish and he’s on the ground, muzzle pointed at the child’s skull. “ fucking little shit, ” he curses, on the edge of death from pushing himself too far in his alternate form but pixie knocks him over, a kick to his shoulder and he’s flat on his back, groaning loudly when he hears the kid fall too, a dart lodged in his neck.
when he looks up, pixie stands above him with a grin. “ you missed. ” he swears he tastes blood when he laughs, taking her hand to sit up. the knife is still embedded in his leg and he pulls it out with another yell, ripping his shirt to cover it for now. “ why’d you come back? ” his voice is gruff as he asks, veiled as he tries to make sense of why she’s here.
“ because you didn’t let go. ”
spyro is rolling his eyes from a few feet away, steel toed boot tapping. “ enough of the after-school special, it’s right there. ”
〈 ★ 〉LUXE - DEBUT SHOWCASE - JULY 30TH, 2018
↳ with luxe ( xayah, ella, cheri, celine, yena )
↳ songs: luv game - line distributions
her heart feels as though it might beat out of her chest at any given moment. this is it, she thinks to herself. the moment i’ve dreamt of for years. it still feels all too surreal, the idea that she’s standing on stage about to actually debut still feeling like a far away dream. only this is her reality, something that she’s worked so hard to achieve — it’s everything that she’s wanted for so long. she draws in a deep breath, unable to resist as her lips form a radiant smile, knowing that her dreams are about to come true. this is it.
I’m feelin’ it. And I feel good~
5pm.
the first thing she notices is just how beautiful each of them look. personally, she’s a big fan of their outfits, reveling in just how pretty she feels. she spends time appreciating each member’s appearance, though her gaze lingers on eunae in particular. she isn’t used to seeing her dressed this way; maybe that’s why she finds herself fixated on her, finding it almost impossible to look away for even a moment — she just isn’t used to it, she supposes.
she manages to make it through the press conference without saying anything particularly damning — meaning she’s off to a good start (thanks, refresher courses). if it’s any indication of how the rest of her day is going to play out, dawon knows that everything is going to work out perfectly. now isn’t the time for mistakes; it’s time to show all of korea just how powerful of a group luxe has grown to be, that they’re a force to be reckoned with.
6pm-7pm.
she absentmindedly allows her eyes to flicker shut as the stylist works on her hair, something that’s become a habit of hers in recent months. it helps her thoughts to slow down, allowing dawon to feel something that resembles peace before their big moment. she tries not to worry about what lays ahead, instead focusing on just how much they’ve practiced, attempting to reassure herself that everything’s going to be perfect.
once again, she’s impressed with what has to be one of her favorite hairstyles. “aah, you’re so good at this...” she compliments the stylist as she admires herself in the mirror, unable to resist the excited smile that takes over her lips. her outfit is just as beautiful, and she’s overjoyed by the way it compliments her — it feels like the perfect debut look, and it’s impossible not to feel beautiful as she gazes at herself in the mirror. sona’s much prettier than dawon ever was, she thinks to herself, a subtle chuckle escaping her.
she grows increasingly anxious as each second passes by, heart racing each time she dwells on the fact that their debut is less than an hour away. for as long as she can remember, it’s been something to look forward to — something distant that never felt all too real. but this is as real as it gets, and she’s going to have to face it head on — she still hasn’t wrapped her mind around it yet, but, with enough time, she thinks it’s something she can adjust to.
only a few minutes now.
8pm.
the vcr comes to a close, and, after a brief introduction, it’s finally time to perform.
i was born for this, she thinks, praying that she’ll be able to hold onto her confidence.
after xayah finishes her first rap in dangerous, it’s finally dawon’s turn to sing. it’s her first chance since royal survival to show her voice to the world, a feeling that she’ll never get tired of.
너는 늘 이렇게 떠날 듯 말듯해
날 한걸음 또 한걸음 밀어내
이렇게 점점 날 더 어지럽게 해
이 미로 미로 미로 미로 속에 갇힌 난
it’s easily her favorite song on the album — not only does she enjoy just how much she gets to sing, but she also appreciates how well the song suits her. it’s a song that she fell in love with from the moment she heard it, instantly making its way into her heart. she only hopes that the public will love it just as much.
너는 아니라고 하지만
내게 보이는 너의 모습들이
너는 나를 쉽게 흔들리게 해
가까워진듯 더 멀어지게 해
또 난 아슬아슬하게
the bridge she shares with jihyun is unquestionably the most powerful part of the song — deep down, she knows it’ll be enough to leave a considerable impression on anyone listening. there’s no denying that the two main vocalists sound great together.
너는 늘 이렇게 떠날 듯 말듯해
날 한걸음 또 한걸음 밀어내
이렇게 점점 날 더 어지럽게 해
이 미로 미로 미로 미로 속에 갇힌 난
as the last chorus brings the song to a close, sona tries her best to savor the moment. it’s hard to believe that she’s actually standing here performing in front of three-thousand people. even now, it feels like more of a dream than anything else. she scans the crowd, trying to spot whatever family and friends have shown up to support her, but it’s almost impossible to see anyone due to the lighting. at least i’ll seem them after the showcase.
luv me soon begins to play, and, while it isn’t dawon’s favorite song on the album, she still feels nothing but love towards it.
Oh do you love me love me love me boy
Do you love me love me love me boy
나 얼마나 사랑해 어서 빨리 말해 머리 굴리지 말고
for dawon, the song passes by rather quickly, perhaps due to just how much she enjoyed performing it. this already feels like the best night of her life, and it’s not even close to being over yet.
over these last few weeks, she’s given a lot of thought towards how she wants to be seen by the public — sona wants her title to be something that represents her, a word that's synonymous with her identity. she wants to choose something that means something to her, something that’s always meant something to her. and, after thinking for what felt like a lifetime, she had finally settled on just what she was looking for. to them, she isn’t just dawon anymore. no, she’s finally grown into something more. “i’m sona, goddess of song!” she greets the crowd, a radiant smile still glued to her features.
“i love each of the songs on the album, but if i had to pick a favorite..." she pauses, acting as if she’s thinking for a moment so that the decision doesn’t seem too easy. “i think it’d have to be dangerous! it’s a song that i really love to listen to, and i think it suits us as a group well. it just has such a pretty sound to it, you know? i just love it.”
as the first mc portion comes to an end, they prepare to perform once more. this time they’re showcasing still falls the rain, another of sona’s favorite tracks from the album. it’s a song that suits her voice well, she thinks, and she’s grateful that they’re able to show many different sides of luxe as a whole throughout the album.
비가 내린 후엔 슬퍼지는 밤엔
널 부르다 혼자 아프죠
as they prepare to perform without u, sona begins to notice a pattern: she considers every song on the album to be one of her favorite songs from the album — it’s a far cry groups that actually go so far as to dislike their debut albums and songs. for that, sona’s grateful, having never been a fan of performing songs that she isn’t passionate about.
I’m OK baby I’m freakin’ good good without you
I’m gonna good good good without you boy
Without you boy without you oh~ oh~
[insert emo paragraph of the second mc portion ft. any story involving eunae here bc i don’t have time to finish writing it before midnight in like ten minutes]
she watches in awe as the music video plays, the final product revealing itself to be more than she could have dreamed of. everything about it just seems so perfect, though maybe she is a little biased. once again, time seems to fly by, and the music video soon draws to a close. now it’s time for them to gear up for the most important performance of the night.
her heart feels as though it might beat out of her chest at any given moment. this is it, she thinks to herself. the moment i’ve dreamt of for years. it still feels all too surreal, the idea that she’s standing on stage about to actually debut still feeling like a far away dream. only this is her reality, something that she’s worked so hard to achieve — it’s everything that she’s wanted for so long. she draws in a deep breath, unable to resist as her lips form a radiant smile, knowing that her dreams are about to come true. this is it.
I’m feelin’ it. And I feel good~
the first note is possibly her most important line in the song — sona puts as much passion into as she possibly can, hoping to put on the most unforgettable show of the night. no one will think of her as ‘unforgettable’ after this.
she loses herself in the performance, cherishing every second of it. they’re each doing so well, and she can tell just by looking at them that they deserve to be here. she feels nothing but pride for her teammates, overjoyed that they’ve each made it this far.
Now I feel good 기분 좋아
오늘은 다시 오지 않아 baby
나와 지금 기분 좋아 지금이
아니면 안돼
I feel good good good tonight
다시 한번 더 I feel good
as the song finally draws to a close, sona finds herself overwhelmed with emotions — visibly vulnerable for the first time on stage as her eyes fill up with tears. they’re tears of joy, she thinks, the subtle smile that graces her lips hopefully doing enough to show it.
When you arrive at KT Entertainment, one of your trainers immediately directs you to Katie Lee’s office. As expected, CEO Lee is seated behind her desk. She directs you to the empty chair across from her, and when you take the seat you recognize the man next to you as the lawyer who was present on the day you auditioned for the company.
“It’s been two years now, right, Sooyoung-ssi?” Ms. Lee says, glancing down at her paperwork as if to make sure it was true. “From where you started to where you are now- well, the fact you’re preparing for debut should say enough.” She closes the beige folder and sets it to one side, revealing a different set of paperwork underneath. “We have another contract for you to sign today and I hope you won’t back out now that we’re so close to your dreams. You know what to do.” She pushes the paperwork toward you, turning it to face you; it’s just as you remember, even down to the colored Post-It flags sticking out from between the pages, showing you exactly where to sign.
may 30th, the day that she’s unintentionally been counting down to from the moment she signed her first contract, still surrounded by a whirlwind of emotions from the mgas and more than overwhelmed by a future ahead of her. there have been ups and downs, that’s for sure- and quite a few moments where sooyoung was pretty sure she wouldn’t even make it to this point.
yet here she is, sitting in front of katie lee, with another two years being offered, and a debut practically guaranteed.
and she chokes.
“thank you, sajangnim. i’m honored to be offered two more years here.”
she’s thankful that they’re allowed time to think on resigning, though she’s not sure that anyone in the room appreciates when she quietly thanks them and leaves without signing right away. (truth be told, she’s not sure why she wouldn’t.) but she goes about her day as if nothing happened, all the while holding the thought in the back of her head that in a roundabout way, katie lee must be proud of her somehow- she wouldn’t be in the lineup for debut if she weren’t, right?
but still, she takes the time to reflect on two years spent, with the better part being unsure of just where she stood in the company. part of her wants to leave now, while the contract terms are filled and there won’t be any debt to worry about; to go back to living live more freely, and doing what she wanted. the other half thinks of tiffany, of yeri, of taeyeon and sunyoung and even taemin and the other boys. she couldn’t let them down so easily, right? yet hyeri comes to mind, who so soon after being put into debut let go of her dreams, and the hurt that she left in her wake was only just starting to go away.
would she even have that impact?
tied up in her own thoughts and makeshift wants and pros and cons of leaving or staying with kt, she goes through the motions of training, observing everyone else more intensely than she would on a normal day. would they stay again too?
even the lightened schedule of the weekend does little to turn her thoughts from renewal. it should be an obvious answer- and the fact that it feels like it isn’t worries her and she’s not sure why. she’s always been quick to make decisions, and why shouldn’t this one be an easy yes?
if she didn’t renew, there would be no debut, and the rest of the girls would either have to downsize the group or have no group at all, and sooyoung would be responsible for tanking everyones’ dreams just because she wanted a break. if she did sign on for another two years, who was to say it wouldn’t still take months to move ahead in the debut plans? or that things wouldn’t change and the little freedom she had would be taken away?
she feels guilty for something that should be such an obvious and simple answer not being that. if her heart were with kt, and in training, wouldn’t she have signed the moment she sat down?
monday morning, with only two days left before they’ll consider her terminated, she requests to be seen, although it seems like everyone expects it already. she sits down in the seat across from the ceo, and with (still, because she can never not be a nervous wreck in front of katie lee) shaking hands she signs her name on the dotted line once again, praying that things go right.
“thank you, sajangnim. i’m sorry for having taken so long to decide. please know that my heart is with kt, it just took reflecting to realize that.” she stands carefully and bows deeply, before making her way out of the room and back to training- like always.
