Fractions & Interventions Chapter 2 : Delicate Transitions
Disclaimer : Please don't be offended by any characterization in this story. It is not based on anything. It's going to be a bumpy road, but everything will work out in the end. Enjoy, and thank you for your support.
Beginning is slightly NSFW
The room is warm, dark but comforting. Completely silent save from the sound of their lips pressing against each other. Their first kiss turned into another, and another. The thought of ever stopping makes her head spin and she digs her fingers deeper into his back, anchoring herself to him.
‘’ Sam. ‘’ Sam’s hands found their way on her neck, delicately caressing the skin there. It’s a small gesture, but he touches her with such wonderment and gentleness, she can feel the tears burning her eyes.
‘’ Ye’re so beautiful. ‘’ His hands trace the outline of her body, and she trembles. ‘’ How are ye so beautiful? ‘’
A part of her wants to tell him that she isn’t, that he is the most beautiful thing she ever saw. But all she can do is moan into his mouth, unable to do anything else. She feels her heart beat faster when his fingers fumble with the buttons of her jeans.
She wants him inside her, that much she knows. But she is overwhelmed with all kinds of feelings, in a way she never was before. Not being in control is at the top of the things she hates the most. Before she can even try to calm herself, the moment is over. Words are whispered against her ear, but she doesn’t understand them.
Don’t let yourself be vulnerable, don’t let yourself be vulnerable. An old personal mantra. Almost like an old and comforting friendship.
‘’ Are you ok? Did I do something wrong? ‘’
She wants to burst into tears at the thought that she might have just creeped him out forever. Or that she might have ruined her chance of ever having a normal relationship with him.
‘’ No, no it’s me. ‘’ Behind her quaking voice, he can hear the frustration.
‘’ You haven’t done anything, it’s ok if you are not ready Cait. “
He can see the deception on her face, something resembling guilt. She is quiet for a long moment, her eyes searching his for reassurance. For any sign that he won’t make her leave, that she did not just lost her only chance.
‘’ Is it ok if we – if we wait a little? ‘’
‘’ Of course it’s ok baby. ‘’
Sam’s answer comes so quickly, and so naturally, she can only believe him. The way he looks at her and the constant movement from his hand on her side, reassures her. She is not alone; he’s not going anywhere.
Not tonight anyways.
She nods fiercely, suddenly overcome by an emotion she can’t exactly name. How did she ever come to deserve his presence in her life?
She is not used to such understanding, to such tenderness. She almost wants to tell him that, but it might be revealing too much of herself.
In a mutual agreement, they end up laying side to side, forehead pressed together. She knows that she does not have to say anything, that she could fall asleep right there and then and he would not mind. He just gets her. Maybe even more then she gets herself.
But because the fear of losing him is simply overwhelming, she feels like she must.
‘’ I came here tonight because I needed you. ‘’ She presses a tender kiss on neck. ‘’ Because I trust you to make things better. I hope that’s enough for now.‘’
‘’ Don’t ever worry about being enough Caitriona.‘’
She gives him a small smile, and the next words are out before she can even think about it.
‘’ Tá mo chroí istigh ionat.’’
A language she has not spoken in ages, something that is close to home, that she buried years ago when that home was left behind. But Sam feels like home.
‘’ That sounded beautiful. What does it mean? ‘’
‘’ Nothing, maybe I’ll tell you one day. ‘’
She falls asleep to the beating of his heart, her own full of hope.
She wakes up to fingers dancing on her cheek and playing with her hair.
She does not want to open her eyes, afraid to break the spell of last night. When she does, she is greeted by his beautiful smile awakening butterflies in her stomach.
Is this what love feels like?
‘’ For such a beautiful wee thing ye do snore quite loudly ‘’
‘’ Shut up, I don’t snore. ‘’
She could get used to this she thinks. Waking in his arms, laughter all around.
This is a dangerous game you’re playing Caitriona.
‘’ Aye ye do. ‘’
In a second, her lips are against his. She can feel his smile against her lips, and the happiness radiating from him.
‘’ Well, I sure hope my wee noises don’t bother you too much. ‘’
From the look on his face, she knows where his mind went and briefly pretends to be offended.
‘’ You child. ‘’
He holds her tighter against him, humming against her ear. The constant movement on her back almost puts her back to sleep, but his next words remind that there is ( sadly ) a world outside of his apartment.
‘’ I have to leave in an hour. ‘’
Right. He has a life. She has life. Parts of her life he would probably never want to know about. Others, she hopes she will be able to share with him. Whether she eventually manages to do it or not, she still has to go back to her apartment. Back to the façade she has worked so hard to build, and that she now wishes could go away.
He tilts her chin up.
‘’ I’ll be back in a few days, ok? ‘’ She seems unsure. ‘’ You’ll be so busy filming, you won’t even notice I am gone. ‘’
If only he knew.
She caresses his chin ‘’ I’ll miss you. ‘’
‘’ I’ll miss you too. ‘’
The drive back to her apartment, is filled with reflections and a urge to continue driving all the way to London. She need to tell Sam about Tony. If she ever wants this to work, there simply is not another option.
She does not want to think of her reaction, but she hopes he can find it in his heart to forgive her. Although she would understand if he could not. She knows how betrayal feels like.
But he has to understand.
The first thing she sees when she turns the corner of her street is his car. She grips the steering wheel tighter, her knuckles turning white. She has no strength, and no desire to deal with him right now.
They used to be friends. Tony and her. Now, she can only resent him. There is an overwhelming anger associated to his name, and sometimes even anxiousness. She does not like the person she is with him. He brings a side of her that she despises, but can’t control.
She misses their friendship, what they used to have. But she can’t stand what it has become.
When she unlocks her door, she sees him sitting at her kitchen table. The sight of him in her apartment makes makes her anxious and uncomfortable. Like he does not belong there.
‘’ That was a long phone call. ‘’
She rolls her eyes and hopes he notices.
‘’ Believe it or not, some people are actually interested in what I have to say. ‘’
She hates herself when she is with him.
‘’ Well I hope last night’s fuck helped you feel more important. ‘’ It hurts because nothing about last night was casual, and it certainly was not just a fuck. She would rather die, then to see this night being ruined.
‘’ You bloody bastard. ‘’
She makes her way to the kitchen, not bothering to look at him. If she does, she will lose it. She is in the middle of intently searching for something in thatdrawer when she hears him getting up.
‘’ Do you think I am enjoying this Caitriona? ‘’ His presence makes her feel dizzy ‘’ Do you think it’s fair that I had to leave everything behind for this shit? ‘’
‘’ I cannot – I am suffocating here. I can’t breathe. ‘’
In a rush of sudden anger, he kicks the counter making her jump in her place.
‘’ Don’t be so bloody dramatic. ‘’
For a moment, the only noise that can be heard is of her rummaging through her drawer.
‘’ Where are my fucking cigarettes? ‘’
‘’ I threw them out. ‘’
Her hands tremble with the effort of staying silent, not wanting to give him another reason to criticize her. Eventually he leaves the kitchen, and walks towards the front door.
He probably knows that there is nothing left to say anymore.
‘’ I am going back to LA. One of my friend needs help on a contract and I offered to help. I won’t be back for about two months. ‘’
She wants to say something like good, but knows that she is in no state to speak without either screaming or crying. She would rather stay quiet.
‘’ Hopefully by then we’ll know what to do with this. ‘’
The door closes behind him and she tries to calm herself. She tries all of the tricks she has and have been given. Think of quiet and happy places, count to 10, take deep breaths, close your eyes, find a focus object…But nothing works.
Her phone buzzes, and she quickly grabs it. Anything to distract her.
Sam: I had an amazing night with you. Don’t ever doubt yourself my love, you are way more than enough. I can’t wait to see you and hold you in my arms again xx
She burst into tears.