alternative to the fake dating: accidentally in a secret relationship.
Hax and Infume who were circling around each other for a while, but now finally got their shit together and figured out that they are both in fact into each other. They start dating, but they're scared to tell anyone at first because it's so new and maybe it's not even a thing, maybe they both got it wrong. And it's not like how they act with each other changes at all, they don't call each other nicknames, and unless they're alone neither are that physically touchy, sure, they have given each other a pat on the back but that's nothing even remotely romantic in other people's eyes.
So now they're half a year into dating and a convention is coming up. HBG is planning to get airbnb again for everyone who wants, and infume has asked if hax could come too. Which is a bit out of character but HBG knows that infume and hax are friends so surely hax just needed a place to stay. And somehow everything that could hint at them being more than platonic either goes unnoticed. On top of which infume and hax are just both so awkward that they still don't tell anyone. They hope that it will be obvious once they're irl at the airbnb but nope. apparently the things they find extremely romantic and personal? to other people just means "well, they're friends i guess".
(+ this one from a different Anon?)
Hii Anon(s)!! I'm really sorry for not responding to some of my asks for a while. I may have gotten burnt out on answering asks, which is not something I was aware could happen, but I did not want to make these great asks sit in my askbox collecting dust for longer. So thanks to my friend @amberwaddle for helping me and writing this masterpiece:
The reality of being in a secret relationship was that Infume was constantly operating under the assumption that they were about to be caught.
They had been dating for four months. Four months of quiet, late-night voice calls that stretched into dawn, of unspoken understandings, and a terrifyingly mutual realization that they were actually, unequivocally into each other. They were both awkward and afraid of somehow ruining the fragile thing they had built, so they hadn't told a single person. Infume had half-expected their friends to just know the moment they arrived at the HBG Airbnb, but reality was proving to be a stark contrast to his internal panic.
Apparently, what Infume considered to be clear, flagrant displays of romantic affection were, to the rest of the world, just standard behavior for two guys who were friends.
Take their first meeting at the house yesterday: Infume had stepped forward and firmly patted Hax on the back. It had felt monumental—his palm against the soft fabric of Hax’s sweatshirt, the brief, grounding warmth of physical contact after months of separation. Infume’s heart was thumping so hard that he thought everyone could hear it, but Fulham had just yelled something about the wifi password not working, completely unbothered.
Then there was lunch earlier today. They had been crowded around a long table at a diner, and Hax had reached over, entirely unprompted, and stolen a french fry directly off Infume’s plate. Infume had frozen, his cheeks burning, while Doogile gave Hax a weird, slightly furrowed look from across the table. Infume had panicked—this is it, Doog knows—only for Doogile to mutter "dude," before returning to Geometry Dash on his phone.
Even the fistbump they had shared right before Infume sat down for his practice games felt like a confession. Their knuckles had brushed, lingering for a fraction of a second longer than necessary. Infume had been hyperaware of the subtle friction, convinced that the sheer intensity of the gesture would give them away. Silverr looked at their hands—at their hands, directly at where they had touched! Instead of any teasing comments though, Silverr had simply offered a casual "good luck," before strolling off to find Doogile.
They were being really obvious. They had to be. That was exactly why Infume was currently paralyzed with a weird mix of disbelief and comfort as he stared at the ceiling of their shared bedroom.
The door was securely locked. They had told the rest of the house that they were heading upstairs to vod review their recent games. It was their second day together in person, and they had quickly discovered during the first day that they were… kind of clingy actually, but only when no one was looking.
Right now, Hax was entirely pressed against his side on one of the twin beds. Infume, sitting back against the headboard, had his legs stretched out, while Hax had tucked himself into the space right beneath Infume's shoulder. Hax had murmured something about Infume being a "perfectly optimized armrest" earlier, and he had his face half-buried in the cotton of Infume's oversized hoodie, one hand loosely grasping the fabric near Infume's ribs.
Originally, Infume’s phone had been open to a video of a Ranked match, but his phone was currently lying face-down on the mattress, completely forgotten.
"Hax, we're supposed to be reviewing," Infume murmured, his voice a soft, vibrating rumble in the quiet room. He made no actual effort to move, his arm remaining securely draped over Hax's shoulders.
"But we are reviewing," Hax protested, his voice muffled by the hoodie. He let out a lazy, giggly snort, shifting closer until his shoulder lightly pressed against Infume's chest. "Just not vod reviewing. We're reviewing... we're reviewing your posture. Which is awful, by the way. Look at you. You're shaped kinda like a shrimp or whatever."
"You—my posture is only bad because a certain someone is actively using me as a pillow," Infume countered, a smile tugging at his lips as he nudged Hax with his elbow.
"Sure, but still," Hax laughed, his dark eyes crinkling as he looked up. "Your posture is usually bad regardless of whether I'm here. I'm actually providing structural support if you think about it. You should be thanking me."
Infume let out a breathless, quiet giggle, his fingers absentmindedly twisting a loose thread on Hax’s sleeve. "Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night."
"It does help me sleep, actually! You're very warm. Like a giant radiator, or something." Hax bickered right back, but his grip on Infume's hoodie tightened slightly, a comfortable, sleepy quiet settling over them. It baffled Infume that their friends downstairs genuinely thought they were up here analyzing seeds. They were practically broadcasting that there was something up, yet downstairs, the house somehow remained oblivious.
Down in the kitchen, the reality of their "locked in practice" was being discussed over a glaringly green can of soda.
Feinberg cracked open a fresh Mountain Dew, the sharp hiss of carbonation cutting through the hum of the refrigerator. He took a long sip, leaning back against the counter as he glanced toward the stairs. "Honestly, it’s kind of impressive how locked in those two are. They’ve been up there for over an hour just grinding through vods."
Couriway looked up with a sigh, gesturing pointedly at the soda can. "The only green thing I've seen you touch in these past couple of days is your Mountain Dew, which is a problem."
"It has caffeine, so it’s fuel, and it tastes good," Feinberg dismissed easily.
"It looks like uranium," Couri retorted, shaking his head. He looked toward the stairs as well, a fond smile touching his face. "But yeah, it’s cool to see them hanging out in person. They’re really good friends online, and you can tell they just synergize well. They’re probably having a blast finally breaking down strategies face-to-face."
"Yeah. As long as their practice pays off tomorrow," Feinberg muttered. He eyed the bowl of fresh bell pepper slices that Couriway had just pushed toward him across the counter, his expression immediately twisting into one of disgust. "Ew. Get that away from me."
im joining in on the fun now, imagine infume doesn't, actually explain anything and later just goes up to hax like
infume, sounding the most horrified he's ever been: hax i think hbg might be homophobic
hax: yo, what the fuck? so what the fuck is soog then?
kdfhsşdkhgshdgishadfa thank you for joining in on the fun :D
@amberwaddle wrote some more, a continuation to this one (also wanted me to share this note "i swear im writing the fic")
"Hax," Infume choked out, his voice a tight, frantic whisper as he urgently tapped Hax on the shoulder. "Hax, look at this. I think—dude, I think HBG might be homophobic."
Hax, who had just finished neatly zipping his keyboard case, stopped and looked up. "What? Why would you think that?"
"Look at the group chat!" Infume hissed, shoving his phone into Hax’s face. "Danny and Fein are literally trying to set me up on a matchmaking tournament. They're acting like I'm single. After everything we've done this weekend? It doesn't make sense unless they’re purposely ignoring you. Like—like they're trying to suppress it or something."
Hax took the phone, his brow furrowing as he read through the messages. For a long, tense moment, he stared at the screen, analyzing the data as if he was vod reviewing. Finally, he looked back up at Infume, shaking his head with a baffled expression.
"No, wait, that actually makes no sense," Hax reasoned, his voice dropping into a hushed, intense yap. "Because if they’re homophobic, then what the fuck is going on with Soog?"
Infume blinked. "Soog?"
"Silverr and Doogile!" Hax explained rapidly, leaning in close and waving a hand for emphasis. "They’ve been pining for literally months, Infume. They keep doing that thing where they flirt as a 'joke', but every single time I watch Doog’s stream and he mentions Silverr, it’s really, really gay. Like, undeniably gay. There is no heterosexual explanation for the tone of voice he uses, or the heart-shaped brookie or whatever."
Infume stared at him, his mouth slightly open. He had been completely unaware of this. "Wait. Silverr and Doogile are...?"
"Yes! Exactly!" Hax whispered fiercely. "So HBG can't be homophobic, because if they were, then Soog makes no sense. Which means..." Hax paused, something passing over his expression. "...there's a really, really odd conspiracy happening right now."
"They're ignoring all of us," Infume whispered, a cold sweat breaking out on his neck as he looked across the tournament venue. He recalled the lingering friction of their fistbump from yesterday. It had been so intense. How could anyone look at that and see platonic friends? "It’s a collective denial. They know we're together, Hax. They have to know. We practically broadcasted it at lunch. They're just playing some kind of twisted mental game with us."
"It's a psychological optimization tactic," Hax agreed solemnly, nodding his head. "They're waiting for us to crack first. But we won't. We're going to hold the line, Infume."
Hbg teasing Infume about not having a partner, and Infume is mostly confused. Are they being homophobic to him?
jsdoşjgsjgisjgoisj You're funny as fuck Anon and so is @amberwaddle who wrote some more:
President Poundcake: So, Infume
President Poundcake: Tournament is over. Lan is winding down
President Poundcake: When are you getting a partner. When are you getting a real life e-kitten
feinberg: its hopeless hes going to be single until the ranked servers get permanently shut down
dannyboy: we need to setup a matchmaking bracket for him next
feinberg: the infume redemption arc
Infume blinked at his screen, his brain coming to a halt. He looked up, glancing across the venue to where Hax was currently packing up his keyboard. A partner? Matchmaking? Infume’s throat went dry. His chest tightened with a sudden, horrifying thought. Wait. Do they know? No, they clearly don't know. Then why are—could—are they... are they homophobic? Is that why they're pretending my boyfriend doesn't exist? Are they denying our relationship? He felt a cold sweat break out. They had fistbumped yesterday! Hax had stolen a fry! Surely his friends were just pretending to be blind and ignoring his glaringly obvious relationship for his sake, politely waiting for Infume to explain himself. Surely they weren't actually homophobic.
i was inspired by your "infume thinks hes straight and gives max a migraine" post so now i have to make the scenario for hax and his weird dislike of the evbaby bit.
evbo, after noticing the unusual amount of fidgeting and complaining from hax after he finishes talking to infume: yo hax have done something to offend you? i feel like you've been weirdly standoffish recently
hax: no, its nothing. i think you're perfectly fine as a person evbo. i just—i dunno, it's like, it's kind of weird, y'know?
evbo: what are you talking about
hax: well, like—the evbaby thing. why does he call you that????
evbo: that's what this is about? i mean, it's mostly just a bit we have going on. do you think it's cringe or something?
hax: i guess i've seen people flirt for content before... something about this specifically makes me feel weird though. it's kind of like—it's like... you know when a random cat starts sitting on your porch? it’s not your cat. you haven't named it. but you look out the window every morning, and it’s your porch cat. then you look out one day, and then like, your neighbor from down the street is throwing kibble at it, trying to pet it. like, excuse me? that cat chose MY concrete. go find a raccoon to feed, leave me and my cat alone
evbo:
evbo, trying not to laugh (he knows): you can't be serious
Explaining his jealousy through a haxology is SO GOOD
rewatching the rowl stream where he and hax attempted a blindfolded run and i wanna say this was the first stream where we had extended facecam of hax since lfi (correct me if im wrong) but unlike lfi it's clear he was a lot more himself in this stream (since there wasn't any pressure of competing or face revealing) so he's smiling a lot more
and ive noticed a lot of comments on the youtube vids/clips of this stream talking about how pretty hax is or how people thought it was a baddie next to rowl at first and it got me thinking like
imagine infume and hax being good friends and infume knows he likes talking to hax and watchpartying with him and playing events like bwob with hax, but infume has never really seen hax's face. then one day they meet irl and infume thinks hax is a girl and gets nervous lmfaooo but then realizes it's hax and they start chatting and the chemistry is all there and its even better than talking over discord
but infume cant help shake the fluttery feeling in his stomach because this is hax the guy he loves talking to and now he's here in front of infume and he's so so pretty, infume doesn't know what to do with himself. and then hax laughs and it's so over for infume because his smile is gorgeous and how the hell is infume supposed to go back to faceless vcs after this?
idk something abt infume losing his mind over how pretty hax is just makes sense to me ykwim. like who wouldn't be smitten:
(also thinking about how when infume had to call his mother on mother's day, he put on the bluest pikmin video of this stream on screen to keep chat occupied. he was watching it while calling his mom... bro turned facecam off but i just know his ass was blushing the whole time)
Am I even really gay if the guy I have a crush on is hax? -ınfume, probably
Did you know that your writing is FIRE? Like omg suuuuuuch a good concept. I think there is a manga that's about like "the guy she was interested in was actually a girl" and this is kinda the inverse of that. ınfume's thought process is basically: that girl is really pretty -> that girl is a guy -> that guy is my good friend hax hackıngnoıses -> god hax is really pretty. As someone who is also smitten for hax believe me man I get you
(I remember that lmao do you think he ended the call with his mom but kept watching for a while afterwards? Maybe he sat there silently, just staring at hax, not even realising he was doing so until thoughts of how pretty he was popped into his head, snapping out of it and trying to ignore it, to not think about it, to hold off on the urge to open the video back up and just stare at hax some more..)
Actually more thoughts, ınfume becoming obsessed with wanting to see more of hax but there is only so much content with facecam of him out there (hashtag relatable) he doesn't have it in him to just ask to facetime with him or whatever, and also that would make him sound like a weirdo, when all he wants to do is stare at his friend's pretty face some more normal style, so then he tries to "subtly" convince hax to get a facecam "it's really good for content man, trust me"
imagine how it must feel to be maxggs and have infume frequently preventing all your attempts at getting closer with hax. and then when you ask infume about it he says hes straight and theres Nothing there 😭😭😭
I love this dumbass scenario SO MUCH you have no idea
"Are you homophobic?"
"What- NO! I just don't like you and hax together!"
"Why though!?"
"I- I just don't!"
God must have a personal vendetta against max for his romantic rival who is somehow puling ahead to be this dumbass, whom he now has to explain to like a toddler that he has a big fat gay crush on his friend
"Ok, imagine somebody else flirting with me"
"Why?"
"Just- just do it, how does it make you feel?"
"Uh, confused as to what the fuck you're getting at"
infume is obviously incredibly single and also too awkward to get a girlfriend. this has lead to various members of hbg trying to set him up/make him a tinder profile, etc multiple times, so it gave me an idea.
hbg is messing around with infume once again, teasing him for being single. infume doesn't particularly enjoy when people bring up his relationship status, but he isn't deeply bothered by it either. however, his friends take it a little too far and do actually try to set up a tinder profile this time. panicking, infume claims that he's already seeing someone. of course, no one believes him (because why would they) and ask for proof/ask who he's dating.
infume stops responding to them to pause and think because WHY did he say that?? it's clearly a lie, but he's too stubborn to back down. plus, if he admitted to lying, he'd look more pathetic than he already is, and his friends would have even more reason to try and get him a date. after a few minutes of (over)thinking, he comes up with a plan. he'll get someone to fake date him for a while, and then they can "break up." he'll be single once again, but at least that he's sufficiently proved that he can date someone, so his friends shouldn't feel compelled to keep teasing him and trying to set him up. he sends hbg a message saying that he's not sure if the person is comfortable sharing yet before returning to brainstorming.
now he has a new problem: who exactly is he supposed to fake date? he's too socially anxious to ask anyone he knows in real life (he doesn't know too many people anyways, since he spends all his free time playing minecraft), and most of his online friends are already dating someone. he definitely can't ask anyone in hbg, because they were 1) the people trying to set him up and 2) they're all good friends, and it would be obviously fake, even if he got one of the very few people who would agree onboard. oh, and god forbid he asks a woman—he thinks he would rather just admit to his lie before he does that. so then... would he have to ask a man? it's not something he's put much thought into before (he's always just assumed that he's straight) but since none of this is real anyways, he finds that he doesn't really mind the thought. infume desperately goes through his discord friends list—once again, most people are taken. he scrolls until one name gives him pause: hax. he wouldn't be a bad candidate for this at all, actually.
hax is currently single. the two of them get along pretty well, and they're close enough that infume wouldn't feel completely uncomfortable asking. in addition, hax is known for his commitment to stupid bits, and the chances that he would agree to this—well, they aren't the highest, but his odds with hax are probably much better than his odds with someone else. they've known each other for a while now too, and there are definitely less believable people he could be dating. this is especially true since the rest of hbg doesn't really talk to hax all that often, so the lie is easier to pass off. they're friends, sure, but not to the same extent to which hax is friends with rowl and mongey, or the extent to which hbg are friends with each other. his options are limited, and hax sticks out among them as an excellent fake-date, so he opens up his dms.
infume: ok so i have a really big favor t
infume: long story but i kind of need you to fake bein
infume: hax im really sorry to ask but can yo
he deletes every draft of his message. what if hax thinks he's weird for this? what if hax hates him and doesn't want to be his friend anymore? he really, really doesn't want to think about the possibility of that. what would he do instead though? maybe he should just admit to lying... no, he has to at least try. hax was a nice person anyways, surely he'd understand (even if he didn't agree to the plan).
infume: hax i have a really big favor to ask of you. don't feel pressured to agree though
infume: would you be fine with being my fake boyfriend for a while?? i have to get one within like the next hour or i'm cooked
infume: LOOK i know it sounds really bad but its a long story and i really need this and i think it would be a good prank anyways. i'll explain if you ask me to
infume: please
hax is typing...
oh god—oh god maybe he should just call the whole thing off right now and be honest with his friends and go back to—
hax: sure why not, i guess it could be a funny bit
hax: how did you even end up in this situation LOL
infume lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. hax didn't hate him, and his friends would finally stop trying to get him a girlfriend. did he count as an e-dater now? he realizes he has to deal with fake dating at the lan now too— he didn't really think that far. still though, he's mostly just relieved that hax agreed to his plan, and that hax didn't block him on the spot. for now, that's enough.
anyways i think theyd be dumb and stupid and things would be sooo much worse after they meet up in person
Hi Anon how does it feel to have written PEAK?
First of all this is so wonderfully written, I LOVE the nervousness that oozes out of the narration <3
Secondly this au has such a great concept I don't know which idea to even focus on. Like thinking about other people's reaction to it... When ınfume tells hbg that day, after coordinating a little with hax, everybody's first reaction is to think that he is obviously joking and not even trying to be convincing, and ınfume is in the verge of giving up thinking he can't sell the lie only for hax to buzz in to the conversation and use his max charisma stats to somehow convience most of the people in the call that they are indeed dating (some people have not bought it yet, but are not about to throw a fuss in that moment)
Things get a bit suspicious when some of the more speculative people's questions are answered inconsistently by Hax and ınfume though, and while those weren't instant give-aways, they decide that the best course of action is to spend hours the next day planning out their fake relationship, if they're going to do it they are going to commit to the bit you know? And if they were to enjoy what is basically "writing fanfiction of a relationship they don't have" more than they should've it's not like the other will judge them.
Them not actually struggling that much when it comes to fake-dating, to a point it's weird how natural it is, only it's time for twitchcon now and the lie is about to get a lot harder to maintain in real life. Them talking about all the coupley stuff they have to do like hold hands, and being really awkward with it at first but then getting used to it so much that they start doing it when they don't even have to.
Also thinking about the hax pov in all of this but that could be it's own post entirely
