"I wish you'd stop trying to destroy yourself in some misguided effort to feel worthy. "
some angst idk y’all i like crying
Her hands twitched, nearly crushing the box she was storing away in the supply room, marker-labelled 'lightbulbs' in her neat writing. As it was, she heard multiple pops as they did not survive the pressure that had blown out of her fingers. She swore, giving the box a violent look before it flew across the room, slamming into the wall to his right and dropping into the trash bin with a crunch of glass.
Finally, she spun on her heel, staring him down, fully aware the eyes they shared and that anger. Constantly boiling under her skin like a sickness, and because he was half right, she was destroying herself, but not to feel worthy. Why would she want to feel worthy for them. The ones who had hurt her? She was on edge because she didn't want more people to die. Destroying herself was the sacrifice.
"Last I checked, we're in the middle of a war, Roger."
She wasn't sure how the words came out so calmly, she wanted to scream them at him. He who should understand the most-- since he helped start the god damn thing before she was even out of diapers!
"An' last I checked, I'm the only one of us who knows how to run supplies... without gettin' shot at." The southern drawl was thick, her tone dangerous, forewarning her uncle of her imminent explosion. Oh, she was not like his family in that, she was from way down south with the cottonmouths and gators. Hurricanes and swamp lights. The violence of the ocean. The ghosts that hung in the spanish moss on the breeze.
The anger in her mind came from his side, but the heat in her blood was all her, and her raising... where she was regularly told she was not worthy and useless.
Nature vs Nurture, indeed.
"So yeah, I'm gonna keep doin' what I do. I have been burnin' my entire candle for years and I haven't died yet. But I promise you, it's not cause I want to feel worthy. I don't give a damn about that. It's 'cause if I don't do it, we all fuckin' die down here or out topside. Because that's what used to happen once John started bringin' more in. This war y'all started... that's why I do it. Except now I get the distinct pleasure of bein' the pariah 'cause whoop-de-doo, my father was the one tryin' to hunt us down like animals."
"And you let that happen with this bullshit plan of y'all's." Her finger pointed right at him, her head tipping to the side, directly accusing him with her words. "Why the fuck would I want to 'feel worthy' to anyone. At this point none of y'all even deserve it."
