legacies of grief || a & w
It had happened in the early hours of the morning, just before the sun rose again over Roseville. And in a way, that was a good thing. With the coven consolidated in the estate, confined by the promise of terrible pain and a swift death in the light outside, they had the day to work through what had happened. In another way, it was deeply frustrating. They couldn’t try to track down who- what- had done this while the trail was still fresh, nor could they go out and see if anyone had seen anything, or if anyone else had been attacked during the dark hours of that night and early morning. They couldn’t easily breach the estate walls. And that was all Aurelius wanted to do.
The air was thick with shock and horror and deep, deep sorrow, and Aurelius’ mind seemed intent on replaying the scenes of the past day in some dark, masochistic loop. Hadrian covered in blood, Freyja with haunted eyes and tear tracks down her face, the other Elders grim-faced and red-eyed, the horrible ruin of Thalia’s body.
And then the sun had set again and Aurelius had slipped away, not even bothering to throw a coat on over his shirt because the pretense of feeling cold hardly mattered when he was just going to pace the grounds around the estate, searching fruitlessly for quiet, isolation to think in. Shoes leaving marks in the snow, Auri left the building behind him with a long exhale. The burden of the heavy weight of the hearts inside didn’t lessen, even as the distance between him and his family and coven grew. Hands in his pockets, Aurelius let his eyes roam the area as he walked, looking at trees and the ground and up to the sky but not really seeing.
The attack wasn’t even a surprise, if he were honest with himself. The pattern had already been determined, something- someone- was taking lives from each of the factions with seeming intent, and they were just next on the list. And somewhere deep within him, a place that Aurelius rarely acknowledged, whispered with quiet certainty that this was in some way his fault. There was a pattern to the murders and a pattern to his life, and both of them were littered with bodies. If he hadn’t let himself touch Thalia and Brandyn they’d still be alive, and home. Freyja would still have parents. They’d joined the ranks of so many- too many- others, the people Aurelius had loved and lost, had failed to save. This was why he’d tried to keep Arran, and later, Eva, at arm’s length. This was why he’d panicked after turning Ronan. It was why he tried- and failed far, far too often, in his selfish desire for companionship- to keep his distance from others, to tuck himself in corners far away from others where he couldn’t hurt them.
Aurelius, hands balled up into fists inside his pockets, had begun walking faster, as if he could leave his thoughts behind him if only he outpaced them, and when he teleported mid-step he kept going for a pace before his actions caught up with his mind. Stilling abruptly, Auri’s eyes darted around him- taking in Willow’s apartment in one sweeping glance before alighting upon the witch herself. The surprise melted into understanding quickly enough, but it did nothing to ease the tension in his jaw, or the rawness of his features.
“I’m sorry.” The apology was for more than turning up in her home unannounced and uninvited, it was for endangering her, befriending her, dragging her into seemingly inevitable danger. He didn’t approach her, didn’t even bother pulling his hands from his pockets, or unballing the fists they were in. “I just- wherever I go, death follows.” And he knew, in a sort of abstract sense, that he was being irrational, and was somewhat panicked, and all the compartmentalizing he’d been doing all day to try to keep the coven safe and together after a hit to their ranks meant that he’d never had time to really touch his own grief. And he knew it was unfair of him to have ended up here, with Willow, intentionally or not, as it was all spilling over, but his pain had galvanized into protective determination as it was wont to do and he couldn’t stop the words as they came, “I refuse to let you become another victim.” But he didn’t know how to ensure that, how to save Willow after condemning her for decades.
Aurelius blinked, and took a step back vaguely in the direction of where he knew the door to be, “I shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry, Willow, I-” he cut himself off abruptly, turning to make for the door. She was best off if he left and didn’t come back.