Hey so I've been thinking about the gray ace identity a lot and i've been struggling to find if it fits. I used to be really into the idea of sex, but once i had it i was kinda :/ about it... I've been w two different people, multiple times, and now I just kinda avoid any sexual situation and used to have to tell people to stop bc it stopped doing anything for me... I'm just not sure how to tell if i'm on the spectrum or if they were just bad at sex? or maybe i just wasn't that into them?
Full disclosure: I have a migraine and it’s approaching midnight in my time zone, so coherency might not be The Most Present Thing, but I’ll do my best to smooth out the transitions.
The impression I’m gathering from your before and after story is that you were told one thing and experienced another. People, especially people who haven’t had sex yet (because puberty and new sex drive can be real assholes), like to build sex up into Something That’s Always Awesome Ever when the truth is that it’s really not. I say this as someone who’s had a fair amount of it: sometimes it’s pretty cool, yeah; but sometimes it feels more like just a Thing that Exists.
And that’s normal. Humans aren’t robots. We don’t have to be at the peak of experience all the time. We’re allowed opinions, and we’re allowed to change them in response to new information. (Actually, robots are logically required to do that, so humans are double-allowed. Yay, logic!)
Maybe you weren’t a fan because, like you said, you weren’t really into the people you were having sex with, or maybe it’s because none of you had experience. The cause doesn’t really matter way, except in self-understanding, because you don’t need a reason to not want to have sex if you don’t want one, and you’re never required to justify your decision to another person. You don’t need more data if you don’t want to gather it. Actually, not wanting more data is, in itself, more data, so go ahead and trust your instincts.
I’d like to share two concepts that I think might help you understand yourself: sex-neutral and sex-repulsed. Sex-neutral means that you don’t really care either way about having sex. Sex-repulsed means that you’re not into it, and that your reactions to the idea range anywhere from mild disgust to full-on revulsion.
It sounds to me like you’re sex-neutral, but I’m including sex-repulsed just in case it resonates with you more. Both feelings are very common on the spectrum, so it’s very possible that you fall somewhere on it.
You didn’t mention anything about the urge to have sex with a specific person, which I believe is the most basic definition of “attraction,” but I think it’s important to remember that sexual history does not an orientation make. Sexuality is fluid, like all things, and can change at any time, especially in frequency-based orientations like those on the asexual spectrum.
Ultimately, what you call yourself should be something you’re comfortable with. I spent a while as demisexual before I decided that “asexual” fit my experience better. It’s okay to take your time and change your mind if you feel you need to, because only you really know what’s happening inside your head. I’m just here to help interpret.
sorry if youve answered this before, but what do you use for refs to draw your pics? do you use specific anatomy refs and photos for each drawing or do you wing it
cooooool question. it’s really a more either/or situation when it comes to each drawing.for example, this study, this drawing, and this gif were all done using specific reference images from photoshoots or using periscope screenshots. but this drawing, this drawing, and this drawing were all more drawn from scratch or had little reference usage. when im not using a specific reference image, im usually using a quick and sketchy framework technique that most artists use and that i posted briefly about here.if youre looking for some advice, all i can really say is to just practice your ever-loving ass off. and that TRACING IS YOUR BEST FRIEND WHEN LEARNING. DO NOT SHY AWAY FROM TRACING, IT IS A VALUABLE LEARNING TECHNIQUE. tracing gives you the ability to teach your hand the basic shapes of any character or person youre trying to get good at. you trace a character over and over enough, do studies, and teach yourself different facial manipulations, youll be able to draw them from scratch in no time. also, search google for “drawing poses”, learn how anatomy and bodies are broken up into basic shapes and how main joints are basically just pivoting circles. work from shapes, to outlines, to rough sketches.manga tutorials are actually a really good way to learn body shapes and get the orientation of facial features down. cant tell you how many triangle noses i drew before it slowly evolved into something more defined since i was aware of its placement after getting the hang of it.hope i helped. pretty sure i didnt.-xxoo
11: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
probably yea, i dont drink very much to begin with aside from special occasions
14: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
Nicola, or s-onnenblumen, has always made me smile, no matter how shitty i felt. she’s one of my closest friends and i am so happy to have met her! i love her so much
