I keep thinking about a Shadownilla AU where Pure Vanilla Cookie is still very much a sheep herder and doesn’t get his Soul Jam until way later.
Like, Pure Vanilla doesn’t go to the Blueberry Academy in his youth because something holds him back. He lives as a shepherd but his extraordinary healing potential remains the same, it’s just used on his sheep which kind of alters them? The rest of the five heros get their soul jams on time and with similar story lines to canon, yet they know there’s supposed to be a fifth member and go to look for them.
But since PV never travels the “Sugar Free Road,” the Soul Jam’s requirements aren’t met until after he’s in adulthood. So we just get cream sheep herder PV milling about, half blind with a shepherd’s crook, taking his sheep on adventures cause they don’t want to be left behind. You can tell he’s coming a mile away because of all the bells on the sheeps’ collars.
At least he has a large mutant cream sheep that kind of looks like a long legged cake hound/wolf** to help keep him and the flock safe! Or his slightly blue neighbor that decided to tag along. Such a nice girl! Not sure what she sees in a plain serf like himself. Lady Blueberry Cream Cookie has really good eye sight tho and the sheep seem to like her. Animals are great indicators of character.
Meanwhile, Shadow Milk Cookie is foaming at the mouth because PV dodged yet another death flag by bending down to tie his shoes or something equally ridiculous (even though PV doesn’t ware shoes… It’s a nice view for SM at least hehe) He layed claim to the blind little idiot a while ago and has been fending cookies off using an illusory female form.
In the beginning it was fun watching all sorts of mishaps befall the man but now SM has fallen become possessive and turned into damage control. Being down bad for your puppet is truly frustrating but strangely rewarding. He’ll make Pure Vanilla fall into despare eventually. On top of that the cake beast he’d sent to mess with PV’s sheep ends up making friends instead!
OR
Shadow Milk is the large ‘mutant cream sheep’ and is quite unhappy with the other Ancients finding PV at his backwater village.
And Pure Vanilla eventually makes friends with Cotton Cookie.
———
** Think Ethiopian Wolf but it’s the Sheep’s Clothing Cake Hound everyone likes so much.
I said I can’t write but if felt nice getting that other idea out of my head. So I wrote this and will post. Technically I started trying to write this like a month ago… Please ignore the constant switching between past and present tense. It’s something I never seem to notice until someone else points out where it is.
Prompt: Professionals hate him but he was right! [Adam] Heaven and Hell come to the realization that The First Man played a larger part in the three realms’ political/social ecosystem than they thought. His absence leaves a vacuum that Lute is unable to fill but she may not need to because Hell is solving the problem themselves… The Morningstar Family can’t run from this.
No ABetaO we expire like Adam~
Imagine that Adam dies, the hotel has never looked better, the residents have healed up and Charlie gets another TV appearance. Lucifer is even more depressed than before but hides it. Adam is gone She’s going to reveal Sir Pentious’ redemption with evidence that is NOT childishly scribbled on key cards. Instead of the interview taking place in the 666News studio it’s held outside the hotel. She will take questions, live, right after the interview. Katie Killjoy wants to give the public a chance to cause chaos for ratings, so she puts Charlie in a vulnerable position.
Things go great… for the first 20 minutes. The interview isn’t even half way done when someone from the crowd interjects after Charlie says ‘The Sinners have a better life now that the Exterminations are permanently canceled.’
That person’s voice is calm but still pissed as Hell. They fire back that no, Sinners don’t have an easier life now that the Exterminations are over. It’s worse! Charlie and the crowd perk up.
The voice moves to the front. They’re short with plain street clothes, hood up. It’s obvious they’re poor and at the bottom of Hell’s pecking order. A couple of Imps are with them equally disheveled and tired looking. The man goes on to point out some rather hard truths.
Thanks to the last Extermination, angelic steel has become a hot commodity. While uncommon right now, there’s a pipeline to obtain an angelic weapon. All you need is enough money. Carmilla Carmine doesn’t care about how her product is used after purchase.
‘Permanent Murder’ is a new trend on HellTube netting ridiculous profits. The main targets are vulnerable Sinners, usually the scared and alone new arrivals, Imps and Hellhounds. All killed by beautifully glowing angelic weapons.
Overlords are more formidable with these weapons so the chance of contractees escaping, like Angeldust, has become damn near impossible even if they destroyed their contract. Some desperate souls were happy with their messed up immortality. It gave them some hope, ‘at least I have a chance to turn things around eventually,’ but that pathetic security is gone.
The Exterminations kept said Overlords in check to a degree. They were more inclined to take care of their underlings because that guaranteed their safety. Now? Just get an angelic gun for all your troubles. Valentino is having a fucking field day.
The ‘permadeath’ toll for one year will be ten times the amount of one Extermination Day considering how much Hell’s citizens like to kill Sinners…
Not to mention, whole industries in Hell, from top to bottom, are starting to crash. Their purpose or sales revolved around the Exterminations. Some workers cannot afford to lose their job and have to sell their soul against their will.
Etcetcetc
As the man speaks Charlie is surprised to see heads nodding in agreement! Someone comments that they hadn’t seen their Sinner friend in a few days and tries not to panic while another face falls in the crowd and wrings their hands together. An Imp with curved horns standing beside a young Hellhound sweats profusely and starts to leave. Tension moves through the public. Not just the ones in front of the stage but also those watching TV.
Despite her best efforts Charlie cannot lift the crowd’s mood. She realizes prematurely revealing Sir Pentious’ redemption is the only way to salvage this growing disaster. Unfortunately the man’s timing is perfect because the second she opens her mouth he turns his anger on the Morningstars.
He calls out how much her family misrepresents themselves as rulers. They don’t do anything for Hell anymore. They spend most of their time fucking around while the Sinners suffer. The other Sins manage their rings and hellborn, not Lucifer or Lilith. All three of the Morningstars can’t truly understand human suffering yet they profess to know how to best handle it. With no idea what it means to be human yet they pass judgement on them.
The crowd becomes agitated and the Imps beside the man move closer to him. They aren’t trying to draw safety from the Sinner but are taking defensive positions. Charlie realizes this isn’t someone speaking up in the heat of the moment. This is a planned speech. He’s highjacking her broadcast!
She sees the Sinner clench his fists and feels herself start to sweat. Why was he saying any of that? Yes, life will be a bit hard at first but now everyone can come together and rebuild! There are so many possibilities available to The Pride Ring. It would improve lives. Change was always good they just had to be careful. Yet the stranger goes on.
He claims that Lucifer is a washed up angel that can’t comprehend mortality because of his maladaptive dreaming and pride, Lilith is apathetic to Sinners and wishes to aggravate Heaven no matter how much Hell will suffer and Charlie is so sheltered that she thinks PTSD can be solved by clapping and saying positive affirmations.
Little is known about the royal family but the stranger’s comments sway the crowd. The hotel’s original commercials got the time of day because of Charlie’s status, not because the facility had managed to accomplish anything. Lucifer barely appears at all even when large fights break out leveling half of Pentagram City. And Lilith? Missing for 7 years after riling up all of Hell multiple times, causing Heaven to start the Exterminations.
The stranger calls the hotel a disgusting joke. Calls out how Charlie is trying to ‘pass the buck’ over to Heaven. The Pride Ring’s actual rulers are Overlords and they make sure Sinners suffer and continue to act depraved whether they like it or not. Her family has the power to take control and lessen the city’s suffering but they don’t. Instead they play with their little pet project .
Why are they focusing on shipping problems elsewhere? There’s a better way to solve the pain and suffering at the source than waiting! Fix Pentagram City! Show Heaven that the current number of Sinners isn’t a threat!
‘For all the crying and sniveling you do Princess Charlotte, you sure don’t actually help where it counts! I’m sure you care about Sinners but only on the same level as someone cares about cute public park ducks.’
Vaggie, who had been standing to the side of the stage leaps forward, places herself in between the stranger and her girlfriend. Everyone’s raised emotions have put her on edge. She ignores the harsh gasps when her angelic spear slides free and into her hands. ‘Back up! Now!’
Charlie’s heart sank at the escalation. She understood her girlfriend was still tense from the extermination but all their hard work was starting to fray around the edges! She just hoped her dad didn’t-
The King of Hell himself appears through a portal shortly after gathering himself together. The opening looked angrier in color, matching his mood. Sickly green lines run throughout the glow, radiating blistering heat. Parts of the stage began to melt and the forgotten camera crew swivel to their ruler. Lucifer’s face is set in stone but his bright flickering eyes give him away.
‘Who the fuck are you?’ He snarls, apple topped cane slamming onto the stage causing some of it to splatter. ‘How dare you speak to my daughter that way.’ Lucifer’s face morphs into a more demonic grimace. Katie Killjoy scrambles from her chair and off the stage at the same time as Charlie vaulting up to place a hand on Lucifer’s shoulder whispering ‘dad no!’ She doesn’t want the hotel’s improved reputation to evaporate. A confrontation with someone on live TV would scare people away!
Lucifer growls in the back of his throat, looking at where he assumes the bastard’s eyes are under his hood. Smoke and embers sizzle out from the corner of his mouth and inbetween teeth. He hated acting this way but he had an image to uphold. ‘Answer your King you wretch. Don’t confuse my inaction with benevolence. You’re testing my patience!’
After a beat or two of staring each other down the stranger has the gall to ‘tsk’ off to the side as if spitting. ‘As you with your majesty. It’s all fine by me.’ A small, scared hand reaches up and whips off the dirty hood exposing his face to all of Hell.
People instantly whip out their phones. His face is shockingly similar to Lucifer’s, in fact a basic carbon copy sans a few attributes.
Cameras catch alabaster skin and soft, blond, curly hair, short, wiry build, vivid green eyes, pale coral cheek markings, pointed ears and four demon wings the same color as his skin.
Leaf green eyes stair directly into Charlie’s while electing to ignore both fallen angels. He stands ramrod straight. Cutting a regal silhouette despite the filth on his body and clothes.
‘My name is Cain Adamson, The Wandering Star.’ He bows in a fashion Charlie hadn’t seen in all her galas. ‘Lucifer Morningstar’s first born and bastard son. It’s nice to finally meet you sister mine… I’ll be taking your family’s crown for my father.’
[So in this AU Cain rescued Adam’s body and resuscitated it. They had a familial bond even when Cain got banished for murdering Able and found out his bio dad was Lucifer. Eve didn’t pay much attention to her first born out of guilt so Adam stepped up. No one shamed her. Adam never felt like Cain was separate from his other kids even though he looked nothing like him. Now Cain wants to provide for his father who’s trapped in hell and in really bad condition by booting the Morningstars out of power in the Pride Ring.] Dunno about pairing but Adamsapple or Guitarhero would be a safe bet. Either way Lucifer will suffer lol
[wtf do I call this? Family Feud AU? Chessboard AU? Secret Brother AU? Idk h e l p ]
Note: I started writing this AU the second the costumes dropped but I took too long so there’s nothing particularly new here lol You can see where my brain betrayed me in the end.
Edit: I’ve put off posting 7 different times. I’m done fiddling with this, sheesh!
Truthless Recluse Cookie gets sent to another dimension/time just before he Awakens due to the struggle over the Soul Jam with Shadow Milk Cookie. He ends up in a decrepit version of the Spire of Decite but it has TR’s motifs. He finds out that the top of this ‘tower’ has a large set of iron doors similar to a baker’s oven.
Confused at the change in scenery and in need of answers, he takes out a large pillar that kept the doors closed and finds a Witch’s Banquet in full swing. It scars him due to his unstable mind. Unlike White Lilly Cookie, his shadow doesn’t split but reflects his true emotions at random. TR resolves to keep innocent cookies away from the portal while finding a way back home.
Unfortunately, the tower already has a sordid history of adventurers trying to climb 100 floors for the One Truth (ONE PIECE!) and never returning. Que poor Truthless Recluse becoming a roaming dungeon boss, beating the sugar snot out of brats and cocky adults so they go home alive and leave shit well enough alone.
At some point, an adventurer catches sight of TR in the tower but completely misunderstands what they’re seeing. The tale spun from the sighting travels from tavern to tavern, warping as it goes. One version describes TR as a lonely, delicate creature wrapped in deep benthic blues, trapped forever, walking around silently crying, ready to crumble anyone that trespasses upon the tower in a fit of rage. Devastatingly beautiful but you won’t see that until TR is crumbling you. If you defeat TR, he’s forced to obey the victor. Or something like that.
Enter Clarified Milk Cookie (Smilk)! He’d been happy to let cookies explore the tower and come back to him with information. It’s something he can look forward to. However he can’t sit idle now that the Tower of Despair might have an owner!
TR completely captivates him on the same level as Shadow Milk Cookie’s obsession with Pure Vanilla Cookie. He purposefully teaches in a nearby village every day for a few hours in hopes he’ll lure out TR. The other male is an enigma that he wants to sink his teeth into! His very dough demands it! CR is the Fount of Knowledge after all.
And now he’s TR’s f*cking problem.
TR is exhausted from constantly kicking cookies out of the tower and has little time to research a way home and permanently seal the witch’s portal. Plus, the more heavy handed he is with adventures the more show up to fight him next time. But he can’t let anyone open those oven doors.
The knowledge of a Witch’s Banquet is like a memetic hazard. Just knowing it exists causes degradation of weaker minds, emotional swings, body integrity dysphoria and the intense desire to ‘fullfill one’s original purpose.’ Driving cookies to enter the doors. If left unchecked then it could spread and wipe out a good chunk of the cookie population.
In this case ignorance is the only way to survive. Under no circumstances is CR allowed to see the gate since he and the other Virtues are cornerstones for cookie kind. Things are going ok until CR decides to climb the tower with his friends in a bid to reach TR’s ‘tormented heart.’ The Truth is a bonus.
TR becomes frantic trying to keep the Virtues away and goes nuts in the battle at the top of the tower. His emotions become so unstable that he loses the final 1v1 against CR. He ends up crumpled on the floor, begging and gross sobbing. I’m talking wide eyes, snot, drool, tears, desperate crawling on the floor. It’s pure, ugly desperation. CR heart breaks at seeing the proud man so hurt. That isn’t what he wanted at all. The Sage tries to comfort TR while one of the Virtues opens the portal door guessing that CR will want to take TR out of the tower soon, so they might as well see the The Truth now.
BIG MISTAKE.
See, when the oven doors open it’s guaranteed to show a Witch’s Banquet happening at some point in the timeline. The Virtues and TR see cookies being created, eaten and playfully mutilated by witches. The Virtues misunderstand that the witches they’re looking at are not their creator(s). Unfortunately, one of the witches sees the oven doors open and starts to move towards Mystic Flower Cookie, mentioning how pretty she looks. They’re all frozen at this point and don’t move.
TR gets free from CM and throws himself in front of all of the Virtues, bowing and scraping like a boot licking slave, amusing all the witches who now notice the open oven doors. One witch reaches around and picks him up. They all ooo and aaa over his craftsmanship, laughing at his platitudes.
CM is paralyzed by what he sees, the memetic nature is already starting to corrupt him and his fellow Virtues.
Thankfully there were measures put in place by cookie kind’s actual witch creators. ie One of them makes their way to the banquet. But before that witch can get there the banquet witch that’s holding PV snaps off his legs, eats them and then flicks him back through the portal as a reward because he tasted good, closing the doors.
Burning Spice Cookie is the first to snap out of shock and rams the pillar back in place, locking the oven doors again. They all run out of the tower, TR in CR’s arms still mumbling and generally mind broken.
After that’s it’s just CR doing his best to put TR back together, completely misunderstanding the other cookie and his past. Basically it tuns into an AU of misunderstandings and subterfuge on TR’s part - trying to keep CR from realizing he’s from an alternate reality and catching feelings while CR believes TR is a cookie who discovered The Truth and elected to sacrifice himself so nobody else got hurt. Also, romance obviously.
Adam escapes death and disguises himself as a Sinner. He fumbles his way into opening up a hole-in-the-wall restaurant that specializes in ribs. It also only serves hellborn. Why? Because Adam hates Sinners and doesn't want to attract the Hotel's attention so why would he let them in?
Problem is he's literally the only business in Pentagram City that does this. So his little restraunt gets plastered all over Sinstagram which gets Angel Dust's attention. That food doesn't look half bad while hung over damn it! And he convinces the rest of the hotel gang they need to try some.
Lucifer says he’ll get the food for his darling daughter and pops on down to Adam's Rib (our boi doesn't care how obvious that name is). The owner should be more than happy to give him free food cause he's the King. One of the only perks to the job! Unlucky for him Adam is more pissed than scared and unleashes an unholy tirade on Lucifer for disrespecting his rules! As the rant goes on Lucifer slowly turns more demonic as a threat but this Sinner couldn’t give a flying fuck.
*The Devil gets the food anyways.*
Now Adam's little hole in the wall has even MORE undesirable attention, please see the Vs. He can't catch a break at all. All he wanted was a cover story while he finds a way to contact Heaven.
The Devil is intrigued by this ratchet ass Sinner that looks and sounds familiar, so much so that it turns into an obsession. This means Adam has a harder time moving around secretly because the clown fucker keeps showing up unexpectedly. It’s only after the smaller man brutally kills Sinners trying to rob Adam’s Rib that the First Man realize he may be literally and figuratively ‘fucked.’
Adam tried to watch as the three Sinners were brutalized but his vision was too poor in the dark. The damned temporary transformation had dulled his angelic senses. But Adam could feel Lucifer’s eyes on him even though the screams continued. He was eye fucking him while taking out the trash! Creep! But a warmth was spreading in the pit of his stomach.
No Adam! Remember everything he’s done to you! Lilith! Eve! The apple! The garden! Cain! We’re not falling for this shit again…
‘It’s all right now Steve’ the devil’s hushed voice tickled Adam’s nerves in the dark. ‘Be. not. afraid.’ Long forked tongue dragged along the shell of his ear.
WAIT! OH FUCK! HIS EAR -
Sinners don’t have human ears.
Lucifer’s eyes widen and goes quiet. The first man tenses up for another fight of his life but the transfiguration spell is still in place. He has to get it off and fast. How is he going to do that with Lucifer near his neck?!
A deep purring chirp starts up against his back. Multiple detached arms slowly appear out of the dark and latch onto Adam. Some hands go to uh, interesting places. He has to bit his lip to not make a sound.
2AM thoughts (I should be asleep). I just want an AU where Lucifer goes back in time instead of Adam.
His frantic reaction and subsequent depression would scare the ever loving shit out of his brothers and sisters. To them he was Heaven's joy maker just a second ago, the laugher they heard all day and night, but now he's latching onto them like they'll permanently disappear. On top of that he's avoiding GOD, which is impossible, and GOD is letting him??? Then when they mention the first human's progression in Eden Lucifer ditches everyone and flies down to latch onto Adam like a koala. Refuses to let go or leave Eden and once again GOD is letting him do as he pleases!?
GOD knows 100% what's happened and he's responsible. Hazbin Hotel was literally just a dream. GOD was teaching Lucifer a lesson in restraint before things got out of hand. He plans on training Lucifer to take his place as GOD so he can go create another universe. It's the kind of creature HE is (etc). The 'lesson' went well but now there's a new problem! Lucifer is obsessed and in love with Adam. Takes the human everywhere and personally brings him food and clothing. The smaller male is doing his best to court Adam like he's an angel.
Adam would be ecstatic he's got a buddy! Cuddling whenever he wants? Amazing! Sharing the excitement of naming in that exact moment? Perfect! Learning how to preen angel wings? Awesome and now his number one favorite thing to do (poor Lucifer is vibrating on the ground.)
All kinds of shenanigans happen like Hell gets made anyways because of Lilith or Adam preening any angel that visits the garden. Lucifer stealing Adam to his house/room and placing him down in an angel nest. GOD eventually rescuing Adam from Lucifer's overbearing affection and realizing his lovesick son is fucking hopeless. I want to see yandere Lucifer get created ok?
Your au is amazing, like WOW, Cain just loving his father so much he's willing fight for the crown of Hell to give it to him, just yes!
Also, since Cain resuscitated Adam, does that mean he hasn't fallen? because, honestly, a holy angel on the throne of Hell would be such a look
I would like to also throw in my two cent that guitarhero would probaly be a safe bet since with amdasapple you kind of have to navigate the how Lucifer cuck him twice and then taunt him about it, the whole forbidden fruit thing, also Cain has reasons to hate him and Adam would care a lot about that
Cain is 100% willing to throw hands over his father! He fiercely guards close relationships and Adam is the most important one. That boy came out of hiding after 10,000 years of lying low. All to save his father. The Morningstar’s crown is the best protection he can give to his dad.
But yes, Adam is still a holy angel and Lucifer is malding in a corner! I imagine Adam sitting on a thrown made of swords (spears?) like in Game of Thrones. He’s still sickly but can lift his head and gives off a heavenly glow. Cain is in the background watching to make sure people stay in their lane. Pray for the impudent fools who try to attack haha.
As for the pairing for Adam. Yeah, Adamsapple is harder to work with than Guitarhero in this AU. Adam’s health is the reason why Lucifer is an option at all. It involves how angels can stand being in hell. If you know Made in Abyss you can kind of get an idea. I don’t want to say alot because I’m still not completely sure.
(I have an idea on how Lucifer can make up for what he’s done to Adam in a more cannon setting but I think that has to be in another AU. Or I can give it to the world to play with.)
Guitarhero works because I imagine Michael has interacted with Adam as the Angel of Protection (War?). In this AU Adam would have taken Michael’s place as the head Executioner due to a contract. This contract is extremely important and is the reason why humans even get to go to Hell or Heaven. Michael would be the only angel who understands Adam’s emotional pain in Heaven and does his best to fix the problem. He gains Adam’s respect for that.
Also, did Lucifer knows that Cain's his son or is he just realized it with the rest of Hell?
Another thing, I get the feeling that if Charlie reveal the fact Sir Pentious is redeemed and is now an angel, Cain would fire back the to be redeem, he got obliterated by holy light so if a sinner want to prove themself 'redeem', they would have to willingly subject themself to potential permanent death
Lucifer didn’t know he had another child but he did know Cain existed through word of mouth. So he finds out Cain is his son with the rest of hell on live TV. He’s in denial for a while before confirming that Cain isn’t some sort of shapeshifter. Also, he may or may not have sent out spies to see where Cain has been hiding.
Cain is stunned that Sir Pentious is in Heaven. The announcement makes him look like a fool after confronting his half sister, dirtied and with his Imp friends. The public's opinion turns in Charlie's favor and she tries to capitalize on this. That's when Cain points out that ‘redemption’ is just another game played by the Morningstars. Probably likens it to Russian Roulette or the Knife Game. 'Was it actually redemption or a consequence unrelated to removing sin?' Unfortunately this mystery drives people towards the Hazbin Hotel instead of away from it. Everyone wants to know the truth and Charlie is easier to get ahold of than Cain.
So Cain takes a risk. He gives a press statement stating there's proof his father is the reason why Sir Pentious got into Heaven and that The Lead Exterminator is alive. News stations devolve into Redeemed Sinner vs Living Adam content. However, Cain has to be careful because Adam is in a really weak state so too much attention could backfire. But he can't let Charlie gain public sympathy considering what he plans to do.
