Arrogance & Ignorance Has Built My Confidence.
Something everyone needs to have at the end of the day.
For some, it's almost handed to them. Everyday, everyone is always boasting their confidence.. Telling them how good looking, smart, wonderful, ect.. they are.
For others.. They have to build it up within themselves. Tell themselves and KNOW within themselves that they are amazing.
Which category do I place myself in? I don't-- I think I am right smack dab in the middle. I don't want to sound cocky, but I am fed compliments almost daily and I don't EVER get "put down" per say... Unless it was when I was growing up meeting people with my sister. And I haven't had any problems recently.. up until about a week ago..
I went out with my sister, Erin and her boyfriend, Tom. We went to a bar and met up with a couple that Tom and Erin have talked about a million and times and wanted to introduce me..
So after awhile I am just having a little conversation with the girl, when she turns and says/ almost asked, "It must have been so hard growing up with such a gorgeous sister.." And then continued on and on about how perfect she is that asked how I did it..?
Exuuuse me? How did I do what?! Grow up? Live? Not wear a garbage bag over my head? NO. I did it by having confidence... in myself.
And I get it. She is drop dead gorgeous. She is. She lights up a room when she walks in. But if you have the nerve to tell me that it's difficult to be compared to it, then go F YOURSELF.
Yes. It used to destroy my confidence; always hearing how wonderful my sister is.. up until I found my own confidence. And this confidence is something that no one can take away. I earned it.
I know who I am.. well, to a certain extent-- still ironing out somethings. Who isn't?!
And I am pretty fucking cool.
Took me awhile, but I got here. It was mixture of having people tell me this my whole life/ me looking at myself and believing it. But I feel that I am finally here. I know the majority of my flaws and I try my best to improve them as well as focus on my strong points.
I can be a very quiet person, though & people often take that as being unconfident, but that's not the case for me.. Honestly, I just have nothing to say to you- or I do & just don't want to come off as rude. HA
Where I drop the ball is trust and commitment. I don't trust that I am enough to not be lied to. And this has been a recent discovery I have had on myself this past year. Because I know I can walk up to any dude.. talk to them, get their number.. blah blah. BUT when it comes to commitment.. NO. I don't believe I am capable of that. Yes, I lack confidence in commitment. But that's in anything I do. I can barely commit to wanting to buy a pair of jeans or what major to choose. Then I am "supposed" to commit to something that can actually talk back to me?! Have controls over my emotions and what I do?!
Yeah.. I say that's what I am avoiding, but at the end of the day I do it anyways. Just with the wrong people. Yes, there is no real commitment with these guys, but they still have control over my emotions and what I do. So why not bite the bullet and actually be with someone who won't mess with my head at the end of the day?
Last night a guy told me all he wanted to do was treat me "like a princess."
I am starting to think I should try that route out.. But who knows; I could run far in the other direction.
