synopsis: he’s never there, and you’re sick of it. ⌙ 1.0k
pairing: bf!shiroiwa ruki x fem!reader
genre: angst
warnings/tags: ruki’s pretty toxic, lashing out, language, hurt and no comfort, guys idk [ignore typos]
a/n: haven’t written angst in a while so here y’all go….user kimakento angst return soon perhaps??
it happened again.
it was the fourth time in a row. despite that, here you were, waiting in your shared apartment; akin to a kicked puppy. a shaky breath escaped your lips as you leaned into the soft couch.
your thoughts were scattered, making your head reel. but that wasn’t the only thing you fought. slumber called your name — and of course it would, it was half-past three in the morning — yet you had seemed to escape it.
‘where was he?’ was the question that filled your thoughts. your living room was dark, the bright lights being turned off only a couple minutes ago; perhaps because you’d always felt like you could face anything in the dark ever since childhood. it shielded you. from what exactly, you weren’t entirely sure.
interrupting your thoughts, a loud jingle echoed from outside only moments later — a bunch of keys rattling while one turned in the lock. your breath hitched slightly, anticipating the man you’d waited so long for, but the usual excitement you felt whenever he stepped in never came.
you froze in your spot when the door closed shut again.
all you could decipher were the negative emotions: fatigue, frustration and sadness. his light footsteps moved closer, padding through the hallway.
were you really such an insignificant part of his life? who were you to him? did he even value you as his girlfriend?
the sound of the switch being flipped echoed through the room, and in an instant, the sudden brightness of the lights flooded the space, overwhelming your senses. it felt as though the light was piercing through the darkness, momentarily blinding you and forcing you to squint as your eyes adjusted.
but the expression clouding ruki’s face was all too familiar; a mix of surprise but firmness.
“why’re you up?” the sentence was sharp, cutting through your senses immediately. he stood in-front of you, clad in casual clothes; sweatpants and a black hoodie. “it’s late.”
you could imagine where the conversation was headed. you could’ve somehow avoid it by acting complacent and shutting your mouth. but no, you were so tired. tired of being the one disregarded and never getting a say. tired of the one he never even gave a slightest damn about.
“i was waiting for you.” you said. “you know, like how a normal girlfriend would do.”
two fingers pinched the bridge of his nose. “what are you getting at?”
”you’ve been coming home late.”
“so? you know i’m an idol. i have things to do. i work late sometimes.”
he didn’t get it. and he wasn’t trying to.
you insisted once again. “but it’s not just that, ruki. you missed our second anniversary last week and you were a no-show for our date night, with no explanation, i might add.”
ruki watched as you stood up, with hands on hips.
“this again?”
“huh?” you looked up at him in confusion.
“you being needy.” the man’s voice was cold. “i just said i’m a fucking idol. this kinda stuff just happens. you knew that before we started dating, [name].”
“wow.” you blinked once, then twice in utter disbelief. “just wow. why is it whenever i talk about what i’m feeling that it’s made out to be nothing? i’m a person too. fucking hell, ruki.” when you stepped closer to him, that absent look only served your exasperation.
“stop this. why do you always do this? it’s always me being painted out as the bad guy, you’re just unbearable at this point. do you want me to throw everything away for you? well, i'm sorry, but it's not my fault that you're acting so goddamn crazy over something so stupid.” he snapped.
in that moment, you came to a huge realisation. shiroiwa ruki had never cared enough to put you first; he never would. there was no use in still attempting to help your boyfriend see what he refused to and stayed blissfully ignorant to, but the lump in your throat persisted, reminding you of one thing; detaching yourself from someone that you held love towards pained you. however was it ever worth it if you were being hurt in the process?
‘was love worth it anymore?’ seemed like the right question. yet, you didn’t know.
“that’s not what this is about, and you know it.” there was a bitter taste in your mouth that you tried to swallow back thickly. “there’s only so much i can take.” your voice dwindled with every word.
ruki groaned, visibly frustrated. with his brows knit, he stood his ground.
“why do you always have to be so emotional, huh? i don’t owe you my life just cause we’re together. you’re just being unreasonable! i have a job and i also have duties to fulfil towards it.”
“so do i? but you don’t even do the bare minimum anymore. you never— i’m the one keeping this relationship afloat even when it feels like i’m sinking.” you paused and met his eyes, reading the crazed look that painted them. “i will not do that to myself anymore— putting you or the relationship you clearly don’t want above myself.”
“what?” the man’s tone had softened now.
“i’m done, ruki.” your voice broke. “i can’t deal with all this— you anymore.”
you walked away from him, grabbing a coat, awkwardly moving to put it on with one hand. your returned to pocket your phone and look at him.
but once ruki’s lips part, struggling to find the words. “[name]—“
“don’t bother.” you cut him off harshly. “i’ll come back to get all my stuff back when i’ve calmed down.”
“you can’t just leave. can’t we just handle this like adults?”
“believe me, i’ve tried one too many times.”
he was turned towards you now, frantically watching as you moved to leave. “but—“
“please don’t.” a whispered plead.
trudging your feet towards the door, you slip on your shoes, and collect your car keys from the hanger near it.
and with one last glance around, you stepped foot outside, the harsh breeze wisping your way.
