Why I want to be a rule breaker—clean streaks & couch surfing
For as long as I can remember, I've liked the idea of "clean streaks": long periods, or maybe whole lifetimes, of uninterrupted good behavior. The behavior might be an attempt at moral reform ("I haven't cheated on homework for 3 semesters now") or more of a preferred lifestyle choice ("I've gone to bed early for the last 10 days").
My classic example, which I find myself sharing almost every other week, regards soda consumption. Someone makes a comment about Pepsi & I immediately pipe up, "Oh, I haven't had soda in...8 years." It's silly, but I take a lot of pride in it—enough pride that maintaining my streak is way more important to me than the occasional drink. In this example, the clean streak works in my favor.
But it doesn't always. Case in point, I'm one of those people who can't begin healthy eating on a Thursday. Or Saturday. Or Wednesday. Or any day but Monday. All because of a compulsive need to start, continue & finish cleanly. If you've known me for any period of time, you know this makes sense, because Alma follows the rules & colors within the lines. Pretty much always. More & more, though, I'm realizing that while being extremely well-oriented towards rules has its benefits, making rules your guiding life principles can be destructive; more often than you'd think, the letter of a law actually stands in direct opposition to the spirit of that same law.
Example: a few weeks ago, I was having a terrible day, feeling unwell physically & emotionally. It was my longest school day, so staying home wasn't in the cards, but I skipped one class (giving my teacher notice, of course—don't get carried away) to lay down on one of the couches in the lobby. A few minutes later, a faculty member tapped me on the shoulder & told me to leave; there's no sleeping allowed on the couches. I sat up, (burst into tears, but they didn't see that part) & left school altogether.
The spirit of the no-sleeping on the couches law, I imagine, is to maintain the quality of the furniture & a nice feng shui, which in turn contributes to a great college experience that makes students want to be on campus. But enforcing the law in this particular instance had the opposite effect; it drove me away. Of course, this is where we recite the renowned mantra, "If they let you do it, they have to let everyone do it." And that makes sense, yes; but what does it say about the structure of our system? That instead of trying to do what's right for each person, we just wrap everyone in the same blanket because it'll work for most people?
I get it. As a rule follower & occasional authority figure, I completely understand the rationale. But I don't want to. I want to live in a world so personal that blanket rules don't even make sense because we're all looking out for everyone else's best interest on a one-on-one level. It's hard to imagine & harder to carry out, given how large a college campus (& how much more so the world!) is. But even if it goes against every clean streaking bone in my body, I want to be a rule breaker.