Getting back on my feet! Current time 8:46 somewhere over Utah I believe. I am returning from a wonderful weekend at Disneyland. I took listeners and a good friend for a much needed mental retreat. I began this blog last month and I started with my guns blazing, ready to move and get my life back in order with my fitness. I was doing really well, then something personally happened that took me for an emotional roller coaster ride and then there was a dear friend of mine that passed. I have been experiencing the whole gamut of emotions lately, some of which I'm not proud of. Sometimes I would quietly deal with them so no one would notice. I busied myself to escape what was going on in my head, this is something that I have found has helped me in the past. Picking up extra work shifts, catering to make money for my trip finding all ways to lose myself. In the mean time I got angry with myself, I felt once again I am a failure at something as easy as keeping a blog and staying fit and keeping with a reasonable diet. I felt a bit alone and lost. I was frustrated that no one is reading my blog. "Who is going to read a blog by a fat lazy guy who eats too much". After a mental checkup and a much needed vacation this weekend, I feel better. I had a fun weekend, making new memories and enjoying life! I also realized I need to be better to myself. I need to say "no" more often, I need to sleep more, take more me moments. I also have to deal with my terrible self confidence issue and deal with the crippling fear of being alone. I need to stop telling myself I'm not good enough to be in a relationship. Sorry for the long post, I needed to write what was on my mind. To new beginnings and the road to recovery and training for my love of running.