rereading Saving Raphael Santiago made me weep. Magnus having to physically restrain Raphael so he won't kill himself. Raphael closing his fingers over his Mother's cross even if it's burning his skin. Raphael praying over and over to a god he believes himself damned by, blood running from his mouth because it hurts him to utter the words. Raphael running over sacred ground until he can't hold himself up any longer. Raphael starving himself because he needs to make sure beyond a shadow of doubt that he can control himself around his family.
Raphael putting himself through all of this for months, just so he can stand in front of his Mother convincing her that he's anything but exactly what he is, because he knows it would hurt her too much to know the truth.
Raphael who likes to be so awfully cynical yet wounds himself over and over for the people he loves. Raphael who made sure to bring Simon to the Institute when he was on the verge of death. Raphael who would not turn on Magnus even if it cost him his own life. Raphael who started a war over Lily in Thule. what I love most about Raphael is that he is fucking there. he may insult you relentessly, but he will absolutely never fail you.
