thinking about my initial reaction to rcbg 32 rupali again. Like I initially categorized her reaction, like Kathy's, as "understandable but not right." Which in retrospect is kinda crazy, right? Like categorizing her frustrated and upset reaction after trying to reach out to someone who hurt her partner only to be lashed out at despite trying to deescalate repeatedly, with Kathy's racist crash out.
(for context im indian) so my reaction was very much rooted in internalized racism, but I wonder to a degree if like. Like I'm mad at her because I too am a brown woman often made to handle the emotional labor of my friends even when they're lashing out at me, and I don't like that she *didn't* just take it, be Kathy's punching bag so she could work out her emotions, that she was able to be like "no you're being shitty" and I'm like "no we can't do that we have to be emotionally available even when it hurts us." Which is to say I'm doing the same thing Kathy is doing, projecting my own resentment and inadequacies onto this other, fictional, brown woman who was able to do what I couldn't, because it's easier to do that than accept that what I'm actively doing is hurting me.
