#russell's notes

[scr1b3-rustl3]

A List of Names: Distinguishable Reoccurring Voices Simon Can Hear

Clarification - 'Reoccurring' meaning interacting with Simon three or more times.

In order of appearance :

lions-lanternwood - First distinguishable voice, and first to conjure anything. Don't know their perspective on if they're dead or alive. Recently gave themselves the callsign 🌱. An artist.

💫🎭 - The very first voice with a call-sign. I think switched their call-sign later to 🎭☄️, calls themself Theatrical Starfall originally, now calls themself Memory. @memoryofavoice

🌌 - showed Simon the stars. Compared the situation to that of The Magnus Archives. I'm gonna call them Galaxy. Quiet but crazy. Has an oral fixation...?

🩸 - Was the one who instructed Simon on how to use the IV to keep his gills moist. Heavily implies that the voices are from the blood ocean. Has knowledge of what happened to the other subs. Seems to have a thing for Grace. Most medically aware. Blind.

❄️ - First voice with a name (Eira). Dead, from Eden. Sent down into the ocean in SM-2. Friends with the light. In a relationship with Dr. Eve. @eirasnowanon

chromatic-fate - Believes they're alive. Experiences this as 'dreams' while sleeping on Earth.

🥧 - at first without a call-sign. Later introduced herself as Angie. She was the first voice I consciously heard before waking up. Very protective of Simon. Seems to have the unique ability to do damage to other voices, and from her perspective she is still alive. @southern-sweet-pie

📕 - I wish I still didn't know if I was dead or not.

🧿 - toxic tsundere-in-denial who's slowly becoming less antagonistic, and is sometimes now actively friendly. Or was, except now he seems to be hiding himself away and forcing guilt onto himself in an attempt to draw any hungry gods to him instead of anyone else. @y0u-cann0t-h1de

🃏 - Jess. Equally as interested as me in figuring out what the hell is going on. Has come up with multiple interesting theories. Was a teacher on Filament Station, also a tattoo artist. Sensible. @th30r1st-j3ss

🦋 - Freedom. Hates being trapped in Simon's mind. Recently got their own mindscape. Intent on pressuring Simon and Grace to be together.

🌺 - Dali, also known as Petal. Recently learned she was dead, is handling it as well as can be expected. SENSIBLE. @practical-hibiscus

🌠 - protective, but not as active as others. Living status is unknown.

⭐ - Comforting. A sentient... star...? Either that or someone going through some extreme psychosis.

dearestdeerdear - mostly shows up to show Simon images of Earth.

🎹 - shows up mainly to calm Simon down by playing piano. They've never spoken.

🦌 - showed up around the same time as the chickens. Helped out with them a bit.

Or - Was the light Simon saw in the sub. Was gifted to Simon by someone named Vergil. Has done terrible things, now seems quite traumatised and subdued. Wants to make up for causing the Quiet Rapture. Recently adopted by Simon. @l1l-l1ght

🩵🪽 - another voice that seems to enjoy pushing Simon. What a waste of energy...

🎇 - Firework, or Sky. Therapist, probably my closest friend here. SENSIBLE. @fireworks-and-therapy

🗡️😵‍💫 - Very... internet-pilled. If that's the right terminology. Chaotic more than helpful or harmful, so far. @dizzmann

📼 - Teenager. Has no filter. Was stuck inside their mindscape until recently. @bloody-cassette-anon

🐍 - SENSIBLE. We don't interact much, but they're nice. @bloody-python-anon

🫘 - Pretty chill. Friendly to everyone. Likes making pastries and treats. Pretty young. @beanboy247

🗡️ - Was a scientist aboard the SM-6. Her name is Dr. Eve. She struggles with addiction to various substances. Prone to apology letters. Was childhood friends with Simon, along with her brother. In a relationship with Eira. @sm-6-sc13nt1st

🜲 - Hasn't taken part in the drama yet. Seems reasonable so far.

📜 - Another Eve. Calm and collected. She's godly, and immortal. She likes mythology. I'd be interested in hearing more of her stories. @fadedwithstars

🧭 - North by Down East, or North. Knows what's going on in the mindscapes, but never sticks around long enough to learn more about them. @north-by-down-east

Convict 6 - In incredible pain from the mutations that resulted from being experimented on. Has a hivemind sort of situation going on with the other convicts. @c0nvict-006

Zinnia - Formerly known as James, and before that convict 7. Quiet. She seems to keep to herself, and doesn't want to harm anyone. She's staying in Sky's mindscape. @c0nv1ct-007

Kuro - Convict 8. She holds a real grudge against Dr. Eve, which is fair, but was basically shouted down by Simon. She's a bit prickly, but she's not a bad person. @c0nv1ct008

There is apparently another convict, 9, but I haven't seen any evidence of them at all.

David - the only Eridian voice. Was one of Rocky's crewmembers who died of radiation. Recently rescued. @v01ce-0f-er1d

📣 - Atlas. A child, ten years old or so? Has been adopted by Eira and Dr. Eve. They talk like an Eridian, but they're not. @th3-v0ic3s

Joseph - Dr. Eve's brother. Made a deal with the Guy, which. On one hand, I understand anger at the person who killed you. I really do. But it's over and done with. We're relying on Simon to keep our personhood. If he's gone, we're all gone. @j0s3ph-schr0d3r

Devin - A former student of Grace's who just appeared recently. Doesn't seem to want to know what's going on, but otherwise seems like a good kid. @ihave-terriblepenmanship

Not Voices:

Simon - The big guy. Turning into a god. Traumatised. A bridge between the phyical world and the spirit world, through which the voices can talk and interact with things. @s1m0n-th3-butch3r

Grace - Amazing cool guy. Seems very stressed out right now, understandably. Working on figuring out what's going on. @ryl4nd-gr4c3

Elli - The blood eel from the blood ocean?? She's chilled out massively, and is working with Grace to figure out how Simon is changing and if anything can be done about it. @the-blood-eel

Rocky - Eridian crewmember. Engineer, super-smart but also kind of a dumb-ass. Made me a robot! @r0cky-er1d1an

Jack - One of the last people Simon interacted with before descending through the light. Understandably unhappy. Apparently a real person, but also has connection to the voices. Doesn't need to eat or drink. @j4ck-th3-3ng1n33r

[scr1b3-rustl3]

Entry - Holy Fuck

I figured out the title.

'Regarding the Potential Use of Interplanar Travel as a Method for Solving the Quiet Rapture.'

Holy fuck.

[scr1b3-rustl3]

Entry - Regarding Divinity, and it's Mechanisms

Divinity isn't priceless. The price is just outsourced to the souls of other people. Being a god requires energy, but gods are heretotrophs - they can't create their own. So they feed off the energy, and seemingly only negative energy, that souls give off. This is a concern when it comes to Simon and his growing divinity, but it's possible to skim off what souls are already creating rather than creating more guilt and fear, and dead souls can still be fed off of.

I would be curious to know if they really can only feed on negative energy, or if it just satiates them more. People used to pray to gods. Maybe back then so many people were feeding them that it didn't matter what kind of energy it was.

It's likely that the connection between Simon and the spirit realm isn't merely a consequence of becoming a god, but rather a requirement to begin and continue the process of it - if full godhood requires energy, how much more energy is necessary to grow new divinity? The Blood Eye tied him to the nominal realm at the same time as they started him on the journey to godhood. It's something that should have been considered.

Regarding stopping the process... I'm not hasty to trust the knowledge god at his word about it not being reversible, but I do think most attempts would lead to Simon's death. At this point, the divinity is deeply rooted in him. The only way I can think to stop it growing is essentially starving it of what it needs to grow, and I don't know if that's possible without Simon starving as well. It would be up to him if possibly dying is worth the attempt, and even then we would need to figure out how to cut the connection between him and the spirit realm. Which would render all of us voiceless.

I don't believe divinity changes people. I do believe that hunger can change people. Starving humans have killed people over scraps of food before. Starving deities have the ability and motivation to do much worse, if it means sating that hunger. If Simon does ascend fully, he needs to find a stable source of energy, or he's not going to like what his new impulses lead him to do.

We don't know for sure what kind of god Simon is turning into. Avvvvvery implied that he could be the new god of Death, but it's not for sure. All the other gods we know also have access to the spirit realm, but they don't seem to have exactly the same sort of connection as Simon does. The Blood God called him a bridge.

I wonder if he might be a God of Lost Souls, instead.

As for killing gods... we already know gods can die. The previous God of Death died. Out of any god, you would think that position would grant some safety from dying, but it didn't. However - I don't think anything other than a full god can kill another full god. The difference in level between Or and the Blood God is incredibly obvious, and Or is already capable of incredible feats of power.

Simon could kill Avvvery, if he decides to ascend fully. The energy that would take would probably require him hurting all of us greatly, but he could probably do it.

If the God of Knowledge does die, he will have to be replaced. I don't like him, but I know him. I don't know who would take his place.

[scr1b3-rustl3]

Entry - Updated Theories

It's not contamination, it's proximity to godhood?

Think of divinity as a type of radiation. It subtly changes things around it to benefit the god, whether it's conscious or subconscious. Since we're linked directly to Simon, we get much bigger concentrations of godhood radiation, leading us to develop these powers and become more stable as spirits, to the point where we can also influence matter to some degree.

This could explain Eira, who's also being influenced by Or. It could be that her 'dying' is just the divinity of Or and Simon trying to find a balance in her?

I guess this would make us demi-gods? If demi-gods were dead. Maybe more like warlocks, then. Simon is our patron and we generally need to do things to his benefit, and as a payoff we get abilities.

It being like radiation would also explain how Grace and Rocky can hear voices now when they couldn't before. Simon wanted evidence that we weren't just hallucinations, so he made it possible for Grace and Rocky to hear and interact with us, too. And it would also explain why Grace can't hear the Guy. Guy's radiation is much more powerful than Simon's, being a fully fledged god, so it cancels the effects of Simon's radiation out.

I... think the reason Simon mutates is that when his idea of himself as a person begins to weaken, the godhood sees its chance to root itself further into him? Physically, at least. It doesn't seem to come with a mentality, which I think we can all be grateful for.

Would Grace be more or less pleased with the realisation that he's possibly the first person to study the biology of divinity? Come to think of it, how much does he know about the supposedly divine aspects of all this?

Should I talk to him about it? It relates pretty directly to the work he's doing...? But also, he might not appreciate the implications that this is past anyone's ability to 'cure'... and I don't know any of this for sure, anyway. It's just the most recent theory.

God, I hate not knowing what's going on.

[OOC - III think it would be extremely funny if this was one of the notes that materialised on Grace's desk, soooo @ryl4nd-gr4c3 if you also think that would be funny........ but also feel free to ignore :P ]

[scr1b3-rustl3]

Entry - Self?

I've been putting this off.

Things that might be hints to what my life was like before I was this? Or maybe they're just random things that don't mean anything:

I have no idea what I look like. I don't have a concept of self. I barely grasp what it means to have a body. It feels so awkward to move around in it.

The few medical supplies I've materialised are all half-used.

I'm self-aware enough to know that Gilbert's mobility seems magical to me. He can go so fast! It's fun in a way that makes me wonder if I've never gone that fast before?

I hate when people don't tell me why they do things. Not telling me things is annoying, but if they have a good reason I can bear it. Not telling me why pisses me off way more than maybe is normal?

I... really like peaches.

I like making lists.

I haven't made a bed yet, despite sleeping semi-regularly and now having something of an avatar. The idea of it... makes me panic. I think.

I can write with both hands, even though I don't think I'm naturally ambidextrous.

Eating is not a thing I think of doing.

I don't think I'm used to strong emotions?

I don't like when people ignore what I have to say. It feels a bit like I stop existing if people don't acknowledge that I've said something. Which is really annoying, because in a group setting that's inevitable, so I'd really like to stop feeling like that.

In conclusion - I... don't know? I'm not sure. Maybe I should show this to Sky and see what he has to think about it. Some sort of medical accident, maybe?

Or maybe half the things I've listed just come from the transition between existing as a bodiless voice and then gaining a body.

[scr1b3-rustl3]

A Note: To Dr. Grace

[Found on Dr. Grace's desk.]

@ryl4nd-gr4c3. Do you remember when I said that your research wasn't as urgent as sometimes it feels? I'm restating that. You haven't had time away from researching since before Simon got onto the Hail Mary, and while it is important it isn't at an emergency level. You have time for other things.

I and the rest of the science team are officially asking you to put yourself first, for a night. To destress a bit, and just... treat yourself with some grace. Pun absolutely intended. We're aware as voices that we're kind of a lot to deal with, so we've rounded ourselves up and chipped in to make it up to you and Simon.

Head over to the Don't-Go-Crazy Room for dinner, please?

-From Russell

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Entry - How Many Gods Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

Too many, apparently. And then they forget what they came here for and start arguing with each other.

The book is decoded. A book that was apparently co-written by Eira's uncle, who is also the god of knowledge. And facts. Who can apparently rewrite reality.

Why a god of knowledge and facts would be able to change reality, I have no idea. That seems like a different divine realm to be, but then, what do I know about divinity?

Question - if the god of knowledge is capable of rewriting reality, why didn't he bring the stars back after Or took them away? Can he not interfere with things other gods do?

In any case... the book. I looked through it to see if there really were solutions to the Quiet Rapture. It's really interesting, all the hypotheses and theories they came up with, but... their 'solutions' were only ever to travel back in time to when the stars were still there or to find an alternate universe where the Quiet Rapture never happened.

So. No dice on this, guys. And it's decoded now, so... I guess I'm just done with this book. Until I get curious about their previous studies.

You'd think a god of knowledge would understand the thrill of uncovering it, and the dissatisfaction of having answers handed to you after putting in so much effort. *This last part is hatched over enough to make it illegible.*

[scr1b3-rustl3]

Entry - Life After Death

Existing was easier without an anchor tying me to my life. I'm trying to act like normal, but I don't know how well it's been working.

Everything feels tender. I have to take an extra breath before I can respond to things I would have had no problem responding to a day ago. The tendencies in my behaviour that I pointed out to Sky are magnified. The worst part of it is just how...inconvenient it is. I can get distracted from the problems around us just from someone saying something that reminds me of Avvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvery. Avery. Which reminds me offff of everything, including myself.

All the small things I noticed about myself have actual answers behind them. I guess to some degree that's satisfying, knowing that I could correctly identify potential clues. Even the peaches make sense.

Fucking... hospital food.

It's not that I want problems to keep cropping up, because it's causing stress for everyone. But once there are no more big problems, there will be enough time and energy for little problems to occur instead. And I'm not good at little problems. Which means I can't help people with them, which means I won't be needed, which means etc. etc. etc.

This is what I mean by inconvenient. Look how stupid that sounds. Really?

I guess the point of this entry is that while I can help figure out goals and solutions for the group, I have no idea what to do with myself outside of that.