“When’d you know?” Daryl asked suddenly, breaking the silence.
Rick looked over at Daryl, confused by the vague question.
Daryl wasn’t meeting his eyes. He looked - strangely shy, for some reason, and it made Rick’s heart ache.
Daryl leaned back against the wall, clearly trying to look casual but missing it by a long shot.
“When’d you know how you felt about me?”
Rick barely had to think about it. He hadn’t forgotten.
“Depends,” he said, mimicking Daryl’s position. “When did I know I was attracted to you, or when did I know I was in love with you?”
Daryl finally glanced over at him, seeming taken aback by the question.
“Both?” he said after a beat, looking even more hesitant than before.
Rick pretended that he was thinking for a moment, despite remembering both times vividly.
“I’ll start with the ladder first, since it’s less - embarrassing.”
That definitely caught Daryl’s attention, and he looked intrigued for a brief second before he steeled his expression.
Rick focused on the warmth of Daryl pressed against his side, and he took a steadying breath before he answered. Putting aside the realization, the memory wasn’t a pleasant one for either of them.
He looked down at his feet. “It was that first day with Negan. When you’d gotten taken away by the Saviors.” He could feel Daryl stiffen beside him, and Rick immediately felt guilty for bringing up, but he couldn’t stop now.
“It’s not exactly something I like rememberin’, but - I can’t forget. I still think about it sometimes.” He ran his hands across his face, shoving away the feelings of pain and fear that the memory always brought back.
“The second they dragged you onto that truck, I thought to myself, ‘I can’t do this without him.’ It felt like a part of me was getting ripped away.” He swallowed, trying to keep his emotions in check.
“And I just - I knew, right then. I knew that I felt much more than just - attraction, or companionship. I loved you long before that moment, but I hadn’t truly realized it ‘till then.”
A heavy silence settled between them, and Rick pretended not to notice the emotions passing over Daryl’s face. He was sure his own expression was the same.
For a moment, Rick wondered if he shouldn’t have told Daryl. He could’ve come up with something else instead, a memory that was less painful. It would’ve been easy enough.
But he couldn’t lie to Daryl. Especially about this.
About a minute went by, and Daryl seemed to compose himself, clearing his throat.
“And the embarrassin’ one?” His voice was slightly hoarse, but Rick didn’t point it out.
He sighed quietly, relieved to be on a lighter subject.
He finally looked over at Daryl, trying to figure out how to tell him in a way that wouldn’t make himself seem completely ridiculous.
“Alright. You might’ve forgotten about this, because it wasn’t exactly memorable, but...” he trailed off, preparing himself for the slight humiliation he was bound to feel.
“We were fighting one time, at the prison. Well, not really fighting, but we were bickering about somethin’ stupid. Can’t remember why.” He shrugged, feigning nonchalance. He wasn’t sure why he bothered— Daryl could always see right through him.
“I said something that you didn’t like. Not sure what. You said something back, and, uh...” Rick hesitated, glancing away.
“You called me sunshine?” And there it was. “Not in a nice way, but...” He shrugged again, smiling sheepishly.
He risked a glance at Daryl. He looked bemused, seeming like he was trying to remember.
His expression cleared a moment later. “Yeah. I remember that. You said somethin’ that pissed me off, ‘nd I said to ‘Fuck off, sunshine.’” Daryl frowned. “The hell’s that got to do with-“ He cut off as it dawned on him, and Rick mentally braced himself.
“Wait.” Daryl turned to face Rick fully, his expression a mixture of incredulousness and genuine amusement. “Sunshine? Really?” His eyebrows were raised high enough to be hidden by his bangs.
Rick’s smile widened at the reaction, and he could feel his face heating up, which he was certain that Daryl would notice. Damn it.
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Rick replied, rolling his eyes. “Go ahead and make fun of me. I have it comin’.”
Daryl shook his head, looking like he was holding back a smile.
“Damn right you do. Should’ve known it’d be somethin’ like that.” Daryl leaned back against the wall again and casually wrapped an arm around Rick’s waist, pulling him against his side, and Rick laid his own arm across Daryl’s shoulders without thinking. He felt the familiar sensation of warmth in his chest that he always got when Daryl actually initiated physical contact.
They stood in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, feeling the breeze against their skin and listening to the birds sing, a rare sound of life that couldn’t be taken for granted. Rick let all of his worries drift away for a moment, allowing them both to relax. He could never be sure when they’d get another chance to, in this world.
“Sunshine, huh?” Daryl said eventually, his voice teasing. His lips quirked up into a small smile. “That what you want me to call you now?”
Rick was about to reply, but he paused, getting an absolutely fantastic idea.
“Nah. I’m no sunshine.” He shrugged with fake casualness. He waited a moment, before looking over at Daryl with a grin.
“That might fit you better than it would me, now that I think about it.”
Daryl froze, and his expression morphed into something surprised and almost fearful. Rick had to hold back a laugh.
“No.” Daryl attempted to pull away, but Rick held him closer, having expected this reaction. “Not a chance. Don’t even think about it.”
Rick blinked at him innocently. “Why not?”
Daryl glared at him halfheartedly. “I ain’t into that - sappy nicknamin’ bullshit. That ain’t me.”
Rick put on a show of looking a bit disappointed at the response, as if he’d expected anything different.
He pretended to think for a moment, and nodded solemnly. “Okay.”
Daryl narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the easy acceptance, clearly having expected Rick to put up a fight. Rick simply smiled, leaning in to briefly kiss him before pulling away.
He squeezed his shoulder once before stepping past him, not bothering to look back. He’d promised Carol that he’d pick up Judith before nightfall to relieve her of her babysitting duties, and the sun was already low on the horizon.
He made sure that he was still within hearing distance of Daryl, and his smile didn’t falter.
“Whatever you say, Sunshine.”
