#ryan spear

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Young Man, Rumble, Ryan Spear (M, 20s, SUNY Canton hat, white sneakers, tee and gym shorts, A train)

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Random Absurdities June 30, 2011

Another round of absurdities…

So I saw a very sad story in the news this week where an eighteen year old kid was walking to a friend’s house and got jumped by a group of teenagers who nearly beat him to death.  Thankfully, the kid that was jumped survived and should recover, and his assailants were identified and taken into custody.  Now, here’s where I have a problem; in one of the news pieces I saw on this story the comment was made that the teenage thugs who attacked the kid just taking a walk are basically, “good kids.”  No, they are not basically just good kids.  They are criminals who should spend the rest of their lives (or at least most of their many remaining years) behind bars.  I’m tired of hearing how every misbehaving youth in this country was basically a good kid right up until they went out and performed their criminal act.  Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were basically good kids, right up until they decided to go to school and shoot up the lunchroom.  Think about that last sentence and then decide if you still want to argue with me that every kid in America is wholesome and good.

This is how my little mind works, but follow me on this one.  In another story that I heard in the news this week (and this one received a lot more national coverage), the flood waters in Nebraska are threatening a nuclear power plant.  You know what that means.  Yep, we’re just one nuclear meltdown away from turning the entire state of Nebraska into a giant bowl of popcorn.

Okay kids, the tell all book we’ve all been waiting for is almost here.  I’m talking about the one that Hulk Hogan’s ex-wife wrote.  Wow, three hundred pages of admissions that the Hulkster did steroids.  You know, on second thought, I did not need to be told that.  Hulk Hogan did steroids, duh.

Surfing the web the other day, I came across an editorial article featuring a picture of Heidi Montag with the word “INTELLIGENT?” over the picture as a headline.  I didn’t bother reading the article.  I already know the answer to the implied question, and it’s, no.  Her choice of spouse alone disqualifies Heidi from ever being accused of having an IQ higher than that of a large almost ripe tomato.  Seriously, Spencer is a strong contender for biggest douche bag in the universe, and with his odd and unhealthy fascination with firearms, I don’t see how these two don’t eventually provide us with a new and tragic episode of E! True Hollywood Story.

And it’s been awhile since we’ve had a chance to critique the cesspool of stupidity known as the TSA, but this week we have a story that’s brought that long drought to an end.  I’m talking about the one in which a group of TSA screeners made a ninety-five year old cancer patient remove her adult diaper before letting her pass through security.  Of course with news of this nonsense, many folks have asked why airport security and common sense cannot simply co-exist.  Well, it probably has something to do with the fact that the TSA basically consists of an army of high school dropouts, who just barely got their GED’s, and are now reaping the benefits of a government salary and benefits.  That’s right; our first line of defense in regards to airline security is a group of morons who are barely qualified to scrub toilets, flip burgers, and sit behind the counter at 3 AM at 7-11.  I don’t know about you guys, but I feel safer already.  And yes, I know that I’m never making it through airport security hassle free ever again, but I really feel like this needed to be said.

Finally, I took another round of personality tests the other day and found that if there were ever a zombie apocalypse, I’d outlive the zombies, and I’d be able to kill a Predator (the movie monster alien hunter) if I was willing to sacrifice myself in the process.  

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The Somewhat Infamous Sarah Palin Rant

This article was originally posted on Facebook on June 8, 2011 in response to the growing number of mainstream media stories discussing Sarah Palin’s views of Paul Revere’s contributions to history.  As one might imagine, this article earned an enormous amount of feedback and comments from both sides of the spectrum.

Please note, that I’ve been told some of my rants are rather long.  This will most certainly be a long(er) one.  Alternatively, perhaps my perspective and how I choose to express it isn’t quite so long, but rather your attention span is simply too short.  Note, I’m not mentioning names here, hence sparing you of any public humiliation.  However, if you are the kind of individual who requires your daily doses of news, entertainment, and information in general be spoon fed to you in 140 characters or less, then please go and be a sheeple somewhere else, and let the grown ups have our conversation in peace.

With that being said, I’ve been keeping an eye on a number of “Sarah Palin” debates over the past couple of days, and even offered up a comment here and there.  A person or two has asked why I have not gone terribly in depth on the subject on my own, and one or two more have requested that I really chime in in full in that way that only I can.  Now, I know that a certain liberal friend has a policy of not encouraging conservatives to comment on things such as this on her page.  To each their own, but I welcome the conservative response and warn the right wingers that there are enough lefties on my friends list to take them to task if they choose self identify (particularly as a Palin-inian) in a way that ruffles too many feathers. 

So here it goes.  I am speaking only for myself in this matter, but believe it or not I do not wish Sarah Palin or her family any great life tragedy or sudden disappearance from this world.  I would like to see her, Todd, and the kids take a break from the public eye, but I think the Palin family is too in love with seeing themselves on the television on a regular basis to voluntarily do that any time soon.  For this I have to place at least some of the blame (but not all) on our national media outlets, both those with left or right slants, for continuing to give them way too much attention.  Fox News is never going to ignore the Palin clan, and unless Sarah and Co. start asking for stronger gun control laws, green energy initiatives, and stronger funding for the arts, education, and birth control (those last three items are not exactly running rampant at the Palin dinner table), fifteen minutes on Fox will always be just a quick phone call away.  But the rest of the media; well, it’s probably time to find a new idiot to roast.  Her total disregard for fact and logic, her shortcomings in geography and history class, and her inability to tell us the title or author of the last thing she read were shocking when the woman was first introduced to the public.  Those things are not shocking any longer.  They’re commonplace.  And if they’re commonplace, then they’re not really news.  We don’t need to be told about them on a bi-weekly basis.

Now some of you may have noted above that I called Sarah Palin an idiot.  Some of you may even take offence to such a comment, but let’s examine that statement.  Sarah Palin has been called a lot of things, many of them on par with idiot, but she’s also been referred to as a bimbo, a stewardess, a hockey mom, and a beauty pageant contestant just to name a few.  With the exception of bimbo, there’s nothing terribly offensive about any of the names (or professions is what they really are) on the previous list.  Sarah Palin most certainly is not a stewardess, but the hockey mom and beauty queen labels do sort of fit.  We get it; she’s from Alaska and has on occasion had to haul the kids around town to various winter sport activities.  It’s like a soccer mom driving in the snow.  As for the beauty pageant contestant label, again, she’s done that as well in her life.  Not all beauty queens are less than smart in the ways of the world, however, there have been some cringe worthy responses in the question and answer category at various beauty shows over the years, and often times the women who compete in these contests don’t do much to offer up any sort of argument that they should be looked at and admired just as much if not more so for their intellectual capacity rather than their physical appearance.  Now, I know that there are some Palin defenders out there who are going to try to say, “But, Sarah Palin has a college degree, she can’t really be that stupid.”  Yes, she most certainly does have a college degree.  Sarah went to five colleges in six years, and after all her hard work in the classroom, she ended up with a four year degree in communications, which is one of the most poorly regarded and least respected fields of study in all of academia.  Communications majors might as well just be called “College for Dummies.”  Anyone who shows up to class on a semi-regular basis and forks over the required tuition money can walk away with a degree in the field.  Here’s an exercise to prove that last point; the next time you’re watching a college football game, keep track of how many of the student athletes are majoring in communications.  Communications almost sounds important, it certainly sounds better than majoring in underwater basket weaving, and it makes the people sitting at home temporarily think that Bubba the Linebacker might actually be able to get a real job if he blows out a knee and has to find something to do other than play football.    

Despite her intellectual shortcomings, or perhaps because of them, Sarah Palin has amassed an impressive following.  I have noted on more than one occasion that Palin is a rather dangerous individual, and not just because of her lack of classroom achievements or her unhealthy fascination with firearms.  To the point, there are two groups in particular that should be very concerned with the long term consequences of Palin’s political career.  The first group is the Republican Party, in particular, the old guard within the GOP who see their own influence slipping as Palin’s stock rises.  The Republicans have themselves to blame for this, as they thrust the woman into the national spotlight during the summer of 2008 as a political stunt, which in the end influenced the election of that year only in that John McCain didn’t have to suffer through an embarrassing and historical landslide of a defeat.  As for Palin and the election of 2008, she was a puppet.  It turns out she was a puppet who decided she absolutely loved the spotlight, and escaped from her political handlers to run off on her own, to which she has profited quite nicely.  In one small discussion I’ve kept track of over the past couple days, one individual observed that it seemed Palin isn’t running for President as much as she’s campaigning to be a billionaire.  I agree.  Sarah Palin has figured out a way to use her own intellectual shortcomings, utter lack of shame and modesty, and her questionable grasp of responsibility to make herself millions of dollars.  She’s like the Wasilla, Alaska version of Snookie 

The next group that should look at Sarah Palin’s career with some concern is the whole of the American people.  There was a time in this country, at least I’m told there was as I am not old enough to remember it, when the average voter went into the voting booth and realized, “Hey, I’m not smart enough to run this country, but I can at least vote for a person who is smart enough to do so.”  That is not the mentality of at least fifty percent of the American voting population today, who would much rather vote for the candidate who is just as dumb as they are and hope for the best.  It was a little before her political career truly took off, but during the Presidential campaign season of 2004 there was a now somewhat famous poll question asking voters which candidate they would rather have a beer with, as if the answer to that question offered any true insight into just who could lead the country best.  You don’t have to be a great historian to know how that poll question translated in the final election results of that year with W. winning a second term, and it’s a sneaking suspicion of mine that Sarah Palin would also fare extremely well if her name were mentioned in a similar question today.  There was a time when many of us couldn’t imagine longing for the days of goofiness that only George W. Bush could provide, but Sarah Palin has managed to do just that.  If there is some sort of imaginary line that conservatives have drawn in the sand, marking the point at which they can only stand so much stupidity and craziness, we should all hope that it’s Sarah Palin.  I don’t think the country could really survive a higher level of insanity at this point.  

In closing, allow me to answer a question that I have been asked many times (by one individual in particular), and that is, “Why do liberals hate Sarah Palin so much?”  It should be noted here that I do not identify myself as a liberal, or a conservative for that matter.  For those who must know, I’m a nihilist, but that is a discussion for another day.  To the question at hand however, I personally do not hate Sarah Palin.  To be fair, I’m not a raving fan of the woman either, but I don’t hate her.  As a standup comic and satirist, Sarah Palin has provided a plethora of material for me in recent years.  She might not be good for the country, but she is good for business.  Like many people I am tired of her.  There are other things I would rather talk about and write about, like the Stanley Cup, Guinness, Hooters, and the Yankees, just to name a few, but the former Governor of Alaska keeps elbowing her way to the front of many public discussions.  Hate, in my opinion, is far too strong of a word.  There are many people in this country though, who are what I can only call offended at the idea that this woman from Alaska was ever presented to us in the first place as a viable candidate for any sort of major political office.  Based on all of the points made above, as well as her numerous, almost countless gaffes in the public forum, one cannot help but feel their intelligence has been insulted whenever Sarah Palin or one of her followers tries to argue for her as some kind of great world leader of the future.