𝟎𝟎𝟑 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐂 𝟏 — 𝐆𝐄𝐇𝐄𝐍𝐍𝐀
Song: Gehenna (wotaku ft. Hatsune Miku)
Key: Lyrics in blue, romaji in bold, descriptions in black
CWS: Sui ideation, visuals of drowning, choking, pregnancy, blood, death, child death, implied attempted suicide.
[ During the instrumental intro, we see Ryuko sitting up in bed, holding her head. She turns and looks at a photo of a black-haired man sitting on the bedside table as the camera focuses on it. ]
Hey, how are you? How's it going? naa genki? choushi wa dou dai?
Yeah, well, I've quit that kind of thing already aa mou ne sou iu no yametan da
Yeah, well, I hear there's no prospect of recovery anymore un nanka mou kaifuku no mikomi wa nai sou nanda
Don't ask me anything nani mo kikanaide kure
[ Ryuko is on the phone with someone, talking away during these lyrics. On the second line, her smile turns to a frown. She moves from a sitting position to a lying-down position as she’s talking, crossing one leg over the other on the sofa. ]
Regret, estimation, a friendly talk koukai nebumi danshoukai
Caregiving, joy, sharing? I surrender all kaigo etsu kyouyuu mo sarendaa da
Yes, that's right, 100% it was my fault hai sou desu shoushinshoumei boku no sei datta
The typical story yoku aru hanashi
[ Ryuko looks down at her child, who is sitting on the floor, playing with dolls and not paying attention. During the final line, her expression darkens as she stares down at the ground, the background flashing red for a few seconds. ]
I wanted to realize plain and simple tanjunmeikai o mono ni shitakute
Killing the ideal of what it's supposed to be kaku arubeki to iu risou o koroshite
[ A shot of Ryuko and the man from the picture walking together, arms interlocked, with smiles on their faces. The sunlight quickly turns to night, and the man’s expression switches to a rather sinister one as he turns to look at Ryuko. ]
I've had it enough. I don't have the courage to leave mou sanzan datte nigeru yuuki mo nai
Hurry, deeper, falling hayaku motto ochite
[ We flash to present Ryuko, who is shaking her head aggressively. In the second line, she’s shown drowning in dark water, images of happy memories with the man playing in the background as the drowning woman hides her face in shame. ]
"I want to stay alive" "ikite itai yo"
Evеry night, transparent summary suffocates my throat maiyo nodo o fusagu toumei no gaiyou
[ The scenes in the background flash to darker imagery, bad memories Ryuko had with the man. The background begins to flash red as if splattered with blood. Ryuko’s hands move from her face to her throat as if choking herself. ]
The rеality that caves in my lungs hai o mushibamu jitsuzai mo
Irrationality and loneliness, you don't have to hate them rifujin mo kodoku mo uramanakute ii
[ The floating, drowning Ryuko rotates counterclockwise as she curls in on herself, the memories in the background alternating between good and bad memories. ]
They all mean nothing sorera subete imi wa nain da
We all have to live bokura wa ikiru shikanain da
[ We go back to reality, with Ryuko sitting up in bed once more, repeating the scene from the very start of the MV. This time, instead of looking at the picture, she looks straight at the camera with a determined expression. ]
Hey you, how are things? oi omae socchi wa dou dai?
Oh, still, you are doing that aa mada sonna koto yatten da
By the way, what happened to the one you were dating? sou iya tsukiatteta ko to wa dou nattan da?
Don't say anything anymore nani mo iwanaide kure
[ Ryuko is sitting across from a faceless blonde woman at a café, holding an infant in her arms. She’s smiling and chatting away with the other woman. On the third line, her expression darkens and her eyes widen, and on the final line, in a flash of red, the blonde woman is facing a now empty chair, dumbfounded. Where Ryuko once was now lies a puff of vanishing smoke. ]
The future, jealousy, the sense of failure shourai netami haibokukan
Wireless, I can't even hang myself up waiyaresu kubi mo tsurenai na
Yes, delightful, what a profound story hai kyouetsu taihen mi ni shimiru ohanashi deshita
Are you satisfied now? mitasareta kai?
[ Ryuko cradles the child in her arms close to her chest in a black background, red eyes watching her every move. ]
Pitch dark, clouded and broken heart makkuroku nigotte wareta kokoro o
I disinfect with alcohol to sleep arukooru de shoudoku shite nemuru
I become the gloomy water of the big ocean mou antan taru taiga no mizu ni natte
Deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper, falling motto motto motto motto ochite
[ Ryuko falls back into the water, only this time, it’s red. She’s less worried about drowning this time, seemingly apathetic to the situation. She’s still cradling her child close to her. Memories flash in the background, except this time, it’s memories of who she was before meeting the man. ]
"I want to stay alive" "ikite itai yo"
Every night, the air and the future grab my throat maiyo nodo o tsukamu kuuki mo mirai mo
[ One of her hands reaches up to grab at her throat while the other holds her child. The memories in the background are replaced by memories of Ryuko trying to find the man after he disappears. ]
Flesh that deceives to be the organs naizou o kataru nikukai mo
Happiness, the space, you don't have to be skeptical shiawase mo uchuu mo utagawanakute ii
[ The memories in the background show clips of Ryuko’s pregnancy up until the birth of her daughter. Ryuko is rotating counterclockwise like before. Her arm returns to its place of holding her daughter. ]
They all don't change sorera subete kawaranain da
We all don't have to know bokura wa shiranakute iin da
[ We see the Ryuko in reality holding a paper and looking over at her child. ]
"I want to stay alive" "ikite itai yo"
I don't know why, but "I want to stay alive" nande ka wakaranai kedo "ikite itai yo"
[ The drowning Ryuko switches the direction she’s rotating in. ]
The Bible called DNA DNA to iu seisho
You don't have to hate on your instinct and fears honnou mo kyoufu mo uramanakute ii
Nothing will ever change douse nani mo kawaranain da
[ The memories change to one singular image of the man’s grinning face in every bubble as the child disappears in a puff of smoke from Ryuko’s arms as the background turns black. As the child disappears, all movement freezes on the final line, Ryuko becoming a white silhouette reminiscent of a crime scene outline for a moment. ]
"I want to stay alive" "ikite itai yo"
There's no hope ahead, but "I want to stay alive" nan no kibou mo nai kedo "ikite itai yo"
My instinct thumps in red honnou wa akaku myakuutsu no
"I want to stay alive," "I don't want to stay alive" "ikite itai yo" "ikitetakunai yo"
It's so unfortunate hontou ni zannen dakedo
But we all have to live bokura wa ikiru shikanain da
[ Throughout these lines, the background flashes between red and black in time with the music. The memories in the back switch to a dark bedroom with red blood splatters, then switch to a lone window with billowing red curtains, and then back and forth until the end of the stanza. ]
I'm sorry I deceived you damashite gomen yo
[ We flash back to reality, where Ryuko lies on the floor, hugging her knees, tears streaming down her face. ]
I'm sorry I couldn't tell you ienakute gomen yo
[ The scene flashes to her sleeping child in the bed, but the child doesn’t seem to be moving anymore. ]
And this is so sad soshite hontou ni kanashii keredo
[ The camera switches back to Ryuko, who is still crying, but smiling now. ]
But only suffering is the bond kurushimi dake ga kizuna nanda
[ The scene zooms out to a now-empty room, with the same open window and billowing red curtains as shown in one of the earlier memories. ]