It had been another wasted day he could have spent training and instead found himself spending in bed, half-curled into a ball, his entire body aching with the pain focused in his gut and draining him of his energy to the point where he dozes off more than once.
Habit told him to text Danchiku and ask him if he wants to come over and spend the day with him, maybe hang out until the cramps back off and then they can go riding together. He stops himself at the last minute, switching to mindless videos in an attempt to pass the time.
Having Danchiku come and spend time with him is far from a bad way to spend the time, but he knows all too well that he does this almost every month and doing it over and over only makes it clear to him how horrible he is at holding himself together. He needs to learn restraint and he needs to stop butting his way into Danchiku’s life just because he can, because the option is there and because Danchiku has never known how to say no to him about this.
He texts Teshima instead to let him know why he has to miss practice and he feels awful for it.
Teshima only reassures him that he can rest for as long as he needs and to take care of himself.
He had been more understanding than most people Issa had encountered over the years and for that he is more than grateful; he feels like Teshima actually cares about him and what he goes through, and not just because Teshima has gone through his fair share of pain, too.
Morning drags into an afternoon that is hotter than it has any right to be and Issa turns up the air conditioning in his bedroom; his mother had told him to adjust it as need be during this time of the month and Issa had taken her at her word. Plenty of parents would probably have tossed him out on the street rather than try to understand him and help him through this, but his parents had been awesome and had been there for him every single step of the way.
Around two o’clock, the bedroom door swings open, a familiar voice startling him. “Hey, Issa.”
Tangled up in his duvet and sheets, it takes Issa a few minutes to roll all the way over to match the face with the voice he knows all too well; Danchiku closes the door behind him to keep the precious cool air inside and hooks his foot under one of the legs of Issa’s desk chair, rolling it across the floor so he can sit beside the bed. A plastic bag is balanced on his lap.
“Teshima said you weren’t doing too well today,” he says before Issa can ask him how he knew to come out here anyway, but Issa only ends up mad at himself for saying anything to Teshima at all. Of course he told Danchiku why Issa ended up not coming to practice, especially when he would have been worried. The pros and cons to having a great captain. “I thought I’d pick up a few things and swing by to see how you’re feeling. How are you, by the way?”
Issa sits up slowly and runs a hand through his hair, pushing sweaty strands off of his forehead before flashing Danchiku what he hopes is a reassuring smile even though he can feel the grimace start to tug at his lips a moment later. Truth be told, his cramps have a high probability of putting him on his ass every time his period rolls around and Danchiku knows that just as well as Issa does so it isn’t like he can lie to him about it. Even if he never told Teshima why he was going to skip practice today, Danchiku would have put the pieces together himself.
“I feel like death,” he says, making grabby hands for the bag Danchiku brought with him. “I know you brought me something. Please tell me it’s chocolate. Lots of chocolate.”
Danchiku smiles softly as he hands the bag over and Issa immediately dumps the contents all over his bed, making an appreciative noise at the hoard. “One of each of your favorites and two of your very favorites. Try not to eat it all at once or you’re going to hurt your stomach on top of everything else. How bad was this one on a scale of one to ten, anyway?”
“Seven, maybe.” Issa makes grabby hands for Danchiku this time. “Get over here.”
“Bossy. Seven is better than usual, at least.” Danchiku sits on the edge of the bed and Issa immediately presses up against his side, worming his way under his boyfriend’s arm so he can sit as close to him as physically possible, nuzzling his face against the side of his neck. “You should have told me it was like this. If Teshima hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t have known.”
Issa frowns at his and shrugs, letting his forehead rest against the side of Danchiku’s neck, matching their breathing to the best of his ability. “It’s not that I didn’t want you to know. You just had things to do. Besides, you totally would have known. You always know.”
Danchiku laughs softly at that one and he slides his arm more firmly around Issa’s shoulders, stroking his thumb over the roundest part of Issa’s shoulder left bare by the fact his room had been too stifling for anything more than a tank top today. “You might be right there. Still, let me know next time. I worry about you and I want to be in the loop as much as possible.”
He had always been in the loop; Issa relied on him more than he relied on anyone else, even his parents, because Danchiku was not family. He was not someone who had grown up with Issa, had been there every single second of his life and therefore had a very real and vested interest in his happiness and growth. Not in the same way. He was someone who had seen Issa cocky and obnoxious and childish and had loved him for it all the same, someone worth keeping.
“I’ll text you first next time, but really, you don’t have to worry so much,” Issa tells him.
They sit in the quiet for a few minutes until Issa starts digging through his new chocolate hoard, picking out a candybar to start on, ripping the wrapper open with his teeth and spitting the pieces on his bedspread so he can get right to the food. Ever patient, Danchiku picks up the pieces and deposits them in the trash can between Issa’s bed and nightstand.
Danchiku was someone who liked him just the way he was, which was a lot for Issa to deal with.
“Okay, so, it’s like,” he says, talking around a mouthful of chocolate, swallowing down about half of it to make his words a little more audible and obvious instead of the jumble it sounded to his ears. “I know you care about me, I really do. You’ve always been there for me. Remember, you’ve gone to like three hospital visits about this alone with me. I know that, and I really do appreciate it, but I can’t like… Keep leaning on you all the time even if I want to.”
“You sound like my mother,” Danchiku sighs into his hair, and he sounds so amused that Issa bites down on how annoyed that makes him to hear. “Talking about how I’m always here for you.”
The thought makes Issa a little uneasy and he licks chocolate off of the ends of his fingers before he smears it all over his bedspread. “Right, like, but she isn’t wrong? You come to my rescue all the time and it feels wrong to keep asking you to come spend time with me when I’m like this. I mean, we can’t even do anything without me almost passing out sometimes.”
Danchiku picks the chocolate bars up and dumps them all in Issa’s lap, crawling away from him— Issa just barely bites back a pitiful whine at the loss of contact and the only acceptable warmth he had felt all day— to sit cross-legged in front of him. The expression on his face is serious and no-bullshit, which tells Issa this conversation is about to go somewhere he maybe was not expecting it to go. Maybe did not even want it to go, for that matter.
“You know I come to help you because I want to, right? Not because I feel like I have to or because you’re my boyfriend. I come to take care of you because it makes me happy to get a chance to take care of you when you’re in pain like this,” Danchiku says, totally calm and even.
Issa splays a hand over his face and whines. “I don’t want to talk like a grown-up right now.”
The way Danchiku laughs makes him feel lighter than air and he peeks through his fingers hopefully, dashed when Danchiku holds up a finger. “Just a minute. Like I said, my mom and I talked about it. I told her, you know, this is just who I am, and who I like to be. Know what she said?”
Issa wonders if his boyfriend’s mother is going to show up to smack him. “No, I can’t guess.”
“Be you. No one else can.” Danchiku spreads his hands out, as if that explains everything, then sighs when Issa just blinks at him. “If I like helping you and being there for you, then I should be.”
Issa bites down on his lip at those words and this time hides his face behind both hands, and his hormones are so stupid, making him tear up over something like this. Wrappers crumple in his lap when Danchiku leans over to hug him, strong and reassuring and there in a way that he always has been, that Issa has come to depend on maybe too much but as long as he wants to be here and likes to help, Issa isn’t going to try to force space on him anymore.
Eventually he just shoves the chocolate out of the way, ignoring the bars that fall on the floor so he can push himself the rest of the way into Danchiku’s arms, half crawling into his lap in the process and not caring. Danchiku smothers laughter in his hair and holds him close, lets Issa curl into him in the only position that has been comfortable for him all day long. He probably tastes like trash and chocolate right now but when he pecks Danchiku on the lips, Danchiku slides a hand into his hair and kisses him properly, keeping him close and warm and feeling safer and better than he has since he woke up this morning.
He’s lucky, in this respect, to have a team who cares about him and a captain who understands him and a boyfriend who knows how to hold him while keeping his hands in all the right places and who kisses him without hesitation or thought. Issa runs a hand up the side of his face into his hair and pulls out it just a little, and he yelps when Danchiku bites down on his lower lip in answer, not hard enough to break the skin but enough to make him jump a little.
“You should eat some more of this chocolate before it ends up melting,” Danchiku tells him, and Issa grins at him. “Though it might freeze in here. Why is your room a refrigerator?”
“You try dealing with hot flashes all day and tell me if you’d want to sit in a hot room,” Issa says.
Danchiku looks thoughtful, playing with the ends of Issa’s hair. “That’s fair. I didn’t think of that.”
He helps Issa back into bed and picks the chocolate off of the floor without having to be asked, though he does sit it all on the nightstand when Issa asks him to before joining him in the bed. He sits up, probably a little too sore to lie down right now, but he lets Issa lay in his lap, using his toned stomach as a pillow and no one would think this is as comfortable as it is, but Issa knows better. He nuzzles his face into the fabric, the familiar scent of fabric softener filling his nose, before he pokes Danchiku in the ribs and asks him to hand him chocolate.
If Danchiku is happy to be here, Issa would be wrong not to enjoy his company to the fullest.
